(i have a strange feeling something bad is going to happen in the next seven days...maybe six, even. i don't ever have feelings like this, so that is why i say "strange". who knows. maybe i need to lay off the valium. or maybe i need to lay on the valium. maybe i need to sleep less and get more sun. maybe i need to quit my job. maybe i need to smile more at strangers--take more of their candy. maybe i need to listen less, talk more. spit less, drink more. maybe i need to find a new friend. one with black hair who likes to talk about sex--not like in an erotic way, but just in a really fucking frank way that i can relate to. really fucking crude like me. maybe i need to start working out again, get into shape like back when i was loading trucks at UPS four hours a night. maybe i need to start going to classes more, sit in the front row, ask questions when i don't know what the fuck is going on, be the teachers pet like high school. maybe i'm just being melodramatic, but i really think a bad thing is waiting, and i'm waiting, too.)
Once there was a King--King Jerry, I think he was called. King Jerry had grown up all sheltered and stuff--you know, he didn't know what hard work was, or how all his peasant people lived, and all--stuff like that. He had maids to do everything for him--clean his clothes, cook his meals, wash his face, and everything. The King was "blinded" by his "privilege".
Now let it be known: the King wasn't at all very mean, considering everything. He could have been a real asshole, you know--like had his servants killed because they said or did something the King didn't approve of (like look at him in a suspicious sort of way, or spill his food or something), or tortured little kids cause he hated their parents or they didn't give him enough money or something--but he appreciated his maids and minions, and he thanked them usually, unless, of course, he was busy with Kingly duties and such (like sometimes he had to start wars).
Well one day King Jerry set off on an epic journey, out to the far reaches of his kingdom, to find out just what it was really like being one of his peasants. He got the idea from a reality television show in which two seemingly different people switched lives for a week to see how the other person lived. (This was all against his family's wishes, by the way; they all told him not to go, etc, said he would be killed, etc.)
So the King finds his way to the poorest place in his kingdom somehow, by pure happenstance. There are small children sleeping in their own feces, playing in their piss and shit for entertainment. Having shit eating contests for fun, et cetera. Real nasty shit like that. There is one guy eating a dog and another guy eating a cat. The King is shocked, fucking horrified and he asks these peasants why they live like this and they all look embarrassed-like, and finally after a few silent moments the village elder approaches the King and solemnly says, "The King has done this to us, sir. Our once proud families have been driven to a life of poverty and squalor because of King Jerry." The elder didn't know he was talking to King Jerry, by the way. No one knew what King Jerry looked like, by the way, because King Jerry thought himself very ugly (which he was) and never allowed himself to be seen in public.
So anyway, all this messes King Jerry's head up pretty well. He can't believe that his people have to live like this, in this vile wretchedness, all because of him--him and his greed and decadence. Had he known his privilege came at this horrible, horrible expense, he never would have allowed any of it. The King is torn apart. The King can't sleep. The King can't hold down food. And when he does sleep he has nightmares of these children, the children eating their feces and playing in their feces.
Finally, after a few soul-searching weeks, King Jerry made it back to his kingdom and he resumed his rightful throne. Later that night he forgot about those shit eating kids, and he ordered the sheriff to raise taxes because he needed some new shoes (he had worn out a pair on his long journey).
Buzzcocks -- Orgasm Addict (opener)
Nirvana -- Lounge Act (fourteen times)
The Pixies -- Monkey Gone To Heaven
Pavement -- Range Life
R.E.M -- Sidewinder Sleeps Tonight (second to last)
Modest Mouse -- Lives (start lowering as the last coda kicks in... and maybe somehow cut out the "my mom she is a witch" part)
That's it, I suppose.
There are railroad tracks behind my apartment, right outside my window. They scream at me loud, and I can see the tracks from where I'm sitting, and I wonder if anyone has ever ended it all, right here outside my window.
And do these ghosts haunt those tracks at night, right here outside my window?
I want to think something no one has thinked before. I want to step on a part of the ground that has never been walked on. I want to not know the back of my hands like I know the back of my hands--their little veins and scars and little hairs and creases. How do you go about forgetting?