June 1, 2005

nut jobs

My mom has three cats: one boy, two girls. I happened to call the day the boy got fixed. "Colby got his nuggets chopped off," she told me.

As it turns out, Colby could've kept his nuggets.

Do you know what a Neuticle is? Would you like to take a guess?

I'll give you a hint: It's just like how it sounds. It's a new testicle. But the important little detail the name doesn't tell you is that it's FOR YOUR PET!

Yes, they sell testicle implants for your beloved animals. They come in all shapes and sizes... even a horse or a bull can get Neuticles! Not sure what size to get yours?... check out the sizing chart! You can even choose the firmness of your pet's new testicles.

from left to right: NeuticlesORIGINAL, NeuticlesNATURAL, and NeuticlesULTRA with ScarRetard

What? ScarRetard? The only thing retarded here is the idea to give your pets new testicles. Has the world gone completely mad? Have they gone nuts for nuts? Yeah, it's too bad that Colby lost his nuggets, but it's just a part of life. We can't have him running around impregnating all the girls... and we certainly will not put silicone into his ass.

As if the Neuticles weren't ridiculous enough, these days your pets can get a number of cosmetic surgeries done: facelifts, breast reductions, eyelifts, and even liposuction. A former vet (and now dog breeder) in Brazil is taking pet plastic surgery a little too far if you ask me. He has used Botox to make dogs' eyelashes look nicer and has even "tightened" the nipples of a few dogs.

Posted by ause0007 at June 1, 2005 3:23 PM