Rewriting Comcast's Abuse Notifications [1-Up] | Posted at 9:32 PM
In my business communications class, which is actually quite fun, we had an assignment to rewrite a memo. We had to make it friendlier, easier to read, and more concise.
I chose to rewrite the actual Comcast abuse email that a student submitted to my professor in 2005. As far as I know, the emails are still just as horrid:
Before – Actual Email
It goes on for a whole 'nother page.
There is an abundance of FAIL in this email. Let me go over 3 key points:
- Can't understand purpose: It took me about a minute to finally understand exactly what this person did wrong.
- Unclear action steps: What the hell do I do with this? Ohhh, spread across the document are the steps I need to take…
- No headings: There's no way I could skim this document in 15 seconds, the average time I spend glancing at an email. Only because it seems important would I bother to read this.
So, I took it upon myself to make it… better. A lot better.
I detail the improvements I made at the end of the document but I think it speaks for itself:
After – My Improvements
I was able to condense the information into two and a half pages but I was able to tell all the important stuff in less than half a page.
Not only is it clearer and more friendly, the tone is personal and active rather than distant and passive.
Comcast, take a hint. Improve your damn communication.
Hire a business writer, please.
Comments
Ooooh grrrrl, it's on.
Posted by: Comcast Dan
On February 25, 2009 8:46 AM