February 24, 2005
I statyed up last night... all lat nightt and into this morning talking to a good friend of mine about life.
Yea, big subject I know. Mainly we talked about religon, all sorts, Buhiddism, Christianity, etc. I learned a lot. And, as discussions of these sort usually do, I came out more confused than I went in. And also in awe.
It's one of those discussions that makes you smile at the ulgy, overcast sky when you walk outside becasue it's beautiful in its own regaurd.
It was snowing when I left the apartment at 8am with a mere 20 minutes of sleep. I trudged crankily through the snow to my car feeling exhausted and incresingly nauseated with each step. I jumped off the retaining wall... something I'm sure will end up causing me to break some part of me one of these days... and climbed in my smelly hasn't-been-cleaned-in-weeks-because-I'm-too-lazy car. A layer of snow covered the back window and I had a fleeting thought of retreving my scrapper and doing the "safe thing" before I sighed 'screw it' and started the engine. As usual, the radio stations had nothing but weekday morning commentary which infuriated me more than it would under normal circumstances.
I pulled up to the road in front of the apartment complex and waited for a break in traffic. A black man was walking toward me. He pointed toward the next intersection as though asking if that's where I was going. I shook my head before I even had time to comphrend the gesture. It was like a reflex somehow. I'd said no before I'd even heard the question. Like when you expect something to hurt so you say 'ouch' before anything actually happens.
I instantly felt ashamed at my quick judgement. Granted, I wouldn't have given a person on the side of the road a ride anywhere, even if it was a girlscout, I felt as though I'd wronged him somehow. He continued to walk along the side of the road while I waited for traffic to clear and questioned my action. Traffic cleared, I pulled onto the road, drove by and haven't given the incident another thought until now.
Anyways, It doesn't really seem significant to me but for some reason I felt like sharing it... the rest of my morning in short... I went home, took the best shower of my life, got dressed, contemplated the socially constructed norm of "make-up", put some on even though I came to the conclussion that its a silly practice, went to caribou and bruggers and then drove to school singing Sarah McLachlan and other ultra-girly music the whole way.