The Answers to Life’s Persistent Questions
Or, The World According to Bob
President Bruininks spammed us recently with an infomercial. Everyone on campus apparently got a link.
A sample is posted above.
One might naively expect from the clip's introduction that it would be devoted to answering some of life’s persistent questions. Au contraire, the usual nothing burgers are served up lukewarm:
1. Indoor Entertainment?
2. Going Green?
3. New Facilities?
Green Bob smugly addresses these issues a la Nixon, complete with a gas-fired fireplace in the background. He is wearing a tasteful maroon/gold tie and stylish glasses. No Walter Mondale specs for OurPrez, he could be the CEO of Twin City Federal, or an elderly anchor.
Burning questions? Welcome to the new semester? Bob, in case you haven't heard, we have been in session for nearly a month. These kinds of semester kick-offs usually are served up at the beginning of the ah, er, semester…
Next time you do this, get some real students asking real questions. One question of great interest to our students is: How much is tuition going to go up next year?
Another question from a faculty member is: How are we going to pay for being the third greatest public university on the planet?
Relax, Bob, you seem to be in pain. Have some ketchup... It contains natural mellowing agents and goes well with both spam and burgers. Richard Nixon used to like it with cottage cheese.