Posted by Birthdays without Pressure on January 9, 2007 08:00 AM|Permalink
Comments
although i see how these parties are getting way out of hand, i also feel that in some way they might be a positive element in our society where very few people understand or partake in gift giving apart from christmas. i come from a culture where it is rude to show up to someone's house for the first time empty handed. yet, here in this country people never think of bringing something, whether it is food or flowers or any small token gesture of thoughtfulness. in this american culture of materialism it is okay to spend money on yourself but when it comes to giving to others we are at a loss. perhaps the goody bag idea at least attempts to acknowledge the concept that you receive but need to also give something back in exchange. i think that our materialist focus generates a manic need to go overboard on the party.
I am interested in pitching a story about parents who are trying to go against this tide of expensive childrens' parties.
I'm looking for parents willing to share their stories or experience in standing up to party pressure. I am specifically looking for parents who live in the following areas: the District of Columbia, Virginia, West Virginia, Maryland and Delaware.
The topic is interesting and not much has been written about it. The story also appeals to our demographic.
I gather folks here would find a Hummer H2 is an unreasonable gift for my sweet 16 daughter. I had to do without as a child. I am fortunate that my children do not.
I think a distinction ought to be drawn between the big, one-time "life passage" parties, and over-the-top birthday parties.
I live in an area with a large population of Pacific Islanders. It is customary to hold a large celebration around the child's first birthday. It is not so much a birthday party per se, but a family party -- hooray! The child made it through the perilous first year. Yes, the parties tend to be large, but it's not for the kid, but for the family and to cement the family's bonds with the community.
There are also a lot of Hispanics in my neck of the woods, and the Quinceañera, which you can read about here, if you are unfamiliar with the celebration:
There is also a significant Jewish population who hold b'nai mitzvah (bar mitzvah for boys, bat mitzvah for girls) religious observances and receptions following.
Individual examples of each of these celebrations can be over the top (for example, the excess perpetrated by David H. Brooks on the occasion of his daughter Elizabeth's Bat Mitzvah). However, the celebration itself, or a large guest list isn't necessarily excessive.
To Cecilia
You obviously have some issues to work with.
I do not have to justify myself but I wanted to let you know that there are some people out there with wonderful careers that DO get to spend time with their children.
I do not need to post here my career here but let me tell you that we fund a home for abused children and that I am a child psychologist myself.
Fortunately I can do a lot of my work from home so I get to take my children to school and pick them up, go to every after school program and PTO meeting. I take them myself to birthday parties which they ENJOY whether big or small.
We do use a party planner because we really like the way one of our friends organizes events.
It seems to me that you are trying to project what you may be feeling about yourself. Maybe you should look into the fact that you may not be spending enough time with your kids youself.
The issue here is that it really doesn't matter whether you can spend $100 or $100,000 on a birthday party because we may be able to do it today and not tomorrow. We should start educating our children so that what other do or what they see on tv should not have control on how they feel about anything in life.
It is sad when we find out that this country is full of people feeling sorry for themselves because they can't give their kids in a birthday party what others are getting!!
If you teach yourt kids the right way there should be a reason why your child will love you less if you can't give them what they see on tv or anywhere else!!! If someone invites your child to an extravagant party, it really does nto matter what size gift you bring. If it does, then think twice about letting your child spend time with that family in the first place!!!!
"It is sad when we find out that this country is full of people feeling sorry for themselves because they can't give their kids in a birthday party what others are getting!!"
Ms. Child Psychologist: you are the one with issues.
I agree fully with what Cecilia said: I don't think people are trying to eliminate birthday parties, or gifts...It's the idea that many communities are facilitating a competitive atmosphere when it comes to our kids and their parties, and creating something stressful out of something fun and wonderful.
I too have the financial capacity to provide my daughter with elaborate parties, and I choose not to. It does not square with our family values. I think it is a bad example for my child.
Our birthday celebrations are modest and family - centered.
Does that mean I don't spend money on my daughter? Of course not. For example, I've included my daughter's friends in family vacations, such as ski trips and adventure travel.
But these trips weren't for or about my child, or celebrating something about my child. Including friends on trips enlarge the circle of our family, and to have a shared experience.
Advice:
Don't let your child miss out on experiences.
With good communication you child will learn to differentiate from what is important.
For a gift, buy a book. It is always a great gift and doesn't cost much.
There will always be wealthy brats and there will always be lovely, wealthy children. I don't think over the top parties make a brat, it just brings out the ugly in them more, lol! If you have the money, no one should judge you for spending it the way you want. I have never attended an extravagant b'day party as defined in this website. I have attended 1st b'day parties that have cost thousands of dollars. They're big in my culture and they're sit down restaurant parties with lots and lots of food. We have been to 1 Sweet 16 party at a beautiful Italian restaurant with a DJ, open bar and buffet. I am thrilled to accept these types of invitations where possible! I wish we were invited to an over the top party. It would be great to attend one as we could never experience or afford to do one ourselves. It does not bring out the envy in me or my family.
We have done parties outside the home for our kids every year up until last year. It made sense to us considering the amount of kids and work it would entail to host it at home. We would do the typical Gymnastics, Make Your Own Pizza, skating, Chuckie Cheese parties. We were lucky at Chuckie Cheese that year as it was pouring out and we held it on a Thursday late afternoon. They had the whole place to themselves and they were like a little gang running throughout the place and singing on stage/camera. I do agree it would've been inpersonable had it been crowded. My kids attended subsequent parties there and as another poster said, they go off on their own and then wolf down pizza and cake together.
My daughter's last party was held at home. She invited 8 girls for her 10th b'day. We made/stuffed bears; I bought the kits for half price! We played musical chairs, pass the present, freeze dance, karoake, ate pizza and cake and the grand finale was a dance line dance off that never ended. My daughter said it was the BEST party ever and it took her 2 days to calm down. For party favors, I bought Smacker Lip gloss sets. I had little glitter powder sets that we used as prizes. She told me all her friends were bringing their lip gloss to school and she got a card from a girl thanking her for inviting her! All the girls had a terrific time.
Birthday parties are special. I do not think it an appropriate time to fund raise or to use it as a charitable event via "presents". No one should be judged for spending or doing what they want to. At this young age, my kids don't know or care to comment on who's party was more expensive, with a better goody bag, at home, dull, etc.
In our neck of the woods, I don't think there's any pressure but I see the same kids are the ones having a party year after year. These parties are modest in cost meaning 1-300 dollars usually at a party place.
I love planning and throwing parties. I know the few kids who won't come and won't RSVP. This has made planning much easier. I am horrified to hear of the rudeness of some guests/parents. I would stop having parties if I had to experience that.
My daughters would be THRILLED to attend an AG Place party! We spent close to $1000 taking them there for Christmas! You would not have to worry about me thinking 1 upmanship or not letting them attend.
I am saddened by what parents have done to kids these days. Sure I am guilty of spoiling my kids, but my kids are absolutely thrilled by old fashioned home parties. My 7 year old son actually prefers them. His birthday is around Halloween, so we invite his friends over, in costume. The boys are very excited to be able to wear their costumes, plain and simple. We picked up some frozen pizzas, cup cakes, had some games planned, and the next thing you know, they were just playing, together and I just stood back and enjoyed my view! 17 boys just playing on their hands and knees with cars, Legos, and whatever else spurred their imagination. My son said it was the best party "EVER!" and a couple of the boys who were at this party begged their parents for an at-home party as well. They don't get downtime to just play together anymore.
My 5 year old daughter's party wasn't much different. The girls came dressed in their favorite party dress, some Halloween costumes, others had Easter dresses. We had a tea party. I picked up some foam tiaras and some self adhesive "jewels" and they decorated their own crowns. Then we had some beads, some plastic twine and strung necklaces and bracelets. I had each girl bring a stuffed friend and had ribbons and barrets that they could "make over" themselves or their little furry friend. I had pb&j "finger sandwiches" and cupcakes for 13 girls. Another successful super sized playdate. No fighting, no crying, just playing. Both parties were done for around $100 each! The best feeling for us was the kids want the same type of thing next year and their friends are starting to follow suit! Dollar stores and online catalog stores where you can purchase things by the gross really can spark your imagination as well!
At both parties the parents did NOT stay. I have to admit, given the option in our area, if you don't have to stay, you dump and run and thank the host at drop off and pick up. The kids behave better, too.
Why can't we just let kids be kids? Save all those happy meal toys and stuff them in a pinata! It all ends up in the trash anyway, but you would think the kids found gold when it showers down on their head!
I am saddened by what parents have done to kids these days. Sure I am guilty of spoiling my kids, but my kids are absolutely thrilled by old fashioned home parties. My 7 year old son actually prefers them. His birthday is around Halloween, so we invite his friends over, in costume. The boys are very excited to be able to wear their costumes, plain and simple. We picked up some frozen pizzas, cup cakes, had some games planned, and the next thing you know, they were just playing, together and I just stood back and enjoyed my view! 17 boys just playing on their hands and knees with cars, Legos, and whatever else spurred their imagination. My son said it was the best party "EVER!" and a couple of the boys who were at this party begged their parents for an at-home party as well. They don't get downtime to just play together anymore.
My 5 year old daughter's party wasn't much different. The girls came dressed in their favorite party dress, some Halloween costumes, others had Easter dresses. We had a tea party. I picked up some foam tiaras and some self adhesive "jewels" and they decorated their own crowns. Then we had some beads, some plastic twine and strung necklaces and bracelets. I had each girl bring a stuffed friend and had ribbons and barrets that they could "make over" themselves or their little furry friend. I had pb&j "finger sandwiches" and cupcakes for 13 girls. Another successful super sized playdate. No fighting, no crying, just playing. Both parties were done for around $100 each! The best feeling for us was the kids want the same type of thing next year and their friends are starting to follow suit! Dollar stores and online catalog stores where you can purchase things by the gross really can spark your imagination as well!
At both parties the parents did NOT stay. I have to admit, given the option in our area, if you don't have to stay, you dump and run and thank the host at drop off and pick up. The kids behave better, too.
Why can't we just let kids be kids? Save all those happy meal toys and stuff them in a pinata! It all ends up in the trash anyway, but you would think the kids found gold when it showers down on their head!
I once threw a party together for my young child that included hiking through the woods and sitting on big rocks while eating lunch that I had wrapped up in napsacks and tied to sticks. I don't think the party cost anything and every kid there said it was the most fun they ever had - some kids told their Moms they wanted the same kind of party. That party was a wake up call for me and from that day forward I gave up on Chuckie Cheese, Ice Skating, Movies, Horseback Riding, etc., etc.,
This is a good party: When my daughter turned 5 I purchased a bunch of straw garden hats and cowboy hats, tons of (off season)ribbon, and some feathers. (I planned ahead so everything was on clearance) We went to a park with a community room and the kids, boys and girls made the hats with the help of my glue gun. They wore them all afternoon; that was their gift. After the craft we went to the playground sporting our new hats and played. Great CHEAP party. Everyone loved it. Some of the kids still have thier hats.
The expectaion of the "party bag" has GOT to stop. Why can't it be good enough to plan a little art project (like star wars magnets that we made at my 6 y.o. party) and THAT is what you get to bring home. We give our children too much. What is there to look forward to if they get everything they want now??
My son turned 4 this year and his nursery school forced me to invite every child in the class. We don't have the room here for all those kids. I had to pay a small fortune at Chucky Cheese for this party that he won't even remember.
Don't you think the schools are at fault for this madness by forcing us to invite every kid in the class? Now if they forced me only to invite the boys in his class, I would have invited all 14 of them into my home and saved a bundle of cash.
When I am invited to a non-home birthday party, I feel like I have to get a more expensive gift to cover the cost of having the expensive birthday party. I think other people feel the same. There is no way a price limit on presents is going to work with non-home birtday parties!!
We have to start having parties at home again! The schools have to stop forcing us to invite every child in the class!!!
Who put the "(you may use HTML tags for style)" comment above the post box. Are we posting or doing a web page. By the time I get done with this post you all will be glad I didn't use any HTML tags. Now, about the birthday parties. I came from a dysfunctional family formed in the 50's and 60's and had very few and attended very few birthday parties. Yet, from the few that I did have I was able to grasp that some important people in my life were celebrating my continued existence. When I had my own children I decided I wasn't going to go for the lack of or same type of birthday parties I had. They would have a birthday party every year and better than the ones I had. They would be real birthday parties. I'm married to a Filipina. Like all cultures, their's is very family oriented. And, like most other cultures, they also suffer from PCS (party competition syndrome - psych/soc. PHd's don't try to steal that acronym/terminology for any pubs or other use without my consent - I'll be watching). Consequently, we have a lot of video/pics for the first few birthdays of our oldest child, and started to do the same thing for our other two kids. You're talking a week of preparation - food, jumpers, clowns, goodie bags, huge theme cake, cleaning the house, arranging the garage, extra batteries, and all the cleanup afterwards. Our kids were born April, May, and June. One year we decided to lump all the birthdays together for a party in June. It was a blowout - more work than I'll ever do for any party again. We had about 50 to 60 kids and probably 100 adults at the house. The cul-de-sac was jammed. We spent all our time tending to the guests and none enjoying the birthday kids. When it came time to open the gifts our living room was literally filled/stacked half full with gifts for the three of them. Talk about extreme. My wife and I were embarassed. To this day we still refer to it as the "blowout". Most of the gifts went in the top of their closets and stayed there until they outgrew them or we gave them to other kids for their birthdays. Needless to say that party changed everything for us. Since then we've never had another birthday party at our house - or anywhere - that was more than just us and maybe a few other family members or friends of the kids, and, we celebrate on their birthday. Once or twice our son has had a couple of self chosen friends stay over when his birthday came on a weekend. No more big stuff. Very few gifts, usually one that is much more carefully chosen. No jumpers, catered food, special house cleaning or arranging the garage, no designer cakes, no clowns or goodie bags - Ok, I do keep some extra batteries on hand because I still take pictures, but, theraputically speaking, only the ones I want - I use the KCC format - Kid with big smile in front of Cake with Candle (once again, psych/soc. PHd's don't try to steal that acronym/terminology for any pubs or other use without my consent - I'll be watching). Our kids have never asked for any big parties. Whenever I've asked them what they wanted to do on their birthday it's almost always been something simple involving just our family. I know the "blowout" was about my wife and I, not about the kids. If your kids don't appreciate the goodie bags or the big party, maybe that's not what they really wanted. My feeling from my kids is that while the parties and goodies might be fun, what they really want (best gift) is me. And, when the KCC is done and I hug them real tight (and hold on for awhile) and tell them how much I love them and kiss them all over their face and let them know this day is really special because of them (anybody crying yet) - well, they feel exactly the way I do at that moment...incredible!!! It sure is a lot less work and a lot less expensive. We've talked about having a big birthday party for one of the so called important years but we haven't done it yet. I guess the "blowout" was strong medicine for us. We don't struggle with PCS anymore. We don't mind going to other peoples "blowouts" but we don't rush off to them as much as we used to. Also, we never buy another child a gift. We give money in a card $20-$30 max. Why should I spend time at Toys'r'us trying to figure out what someone else's kid wants (it's like buying clothes for my wife - it never works out). I don't want to become part of their BPSC (birthday party stress cycle - once again, psych/soc. PHd's don't try to steal that acronym/terminology for any pubs or other use without my consent - I'll be watching). Our format is pretty simple now - first, it's our family, our kids, and their birthday. We're not concerned about what other family or friends do or think we should do - we don't try to keep up with anyone, second, we celebrate the birthday on the day that it is and the only for sure thing is the KCC, everything else is optional - dinner, park, movie, friends, whatever we feel like doing that day. I realize that in this day and age not only do many of us suffer from PCS and BPSC, but also OOA (over-optioned addiction - once again, psych/soc. PHd's don't try to steal that acronym/terminology for any pubs or other use without my consent - I'll be watching). Not only do we have the desire to make it bigger and better, we have so many options for doing it. Anyway, I'm sure everyone is glad I didn't use any HTML tags (an option) in this post. Have fun, and Happy Birthday. PS - Take a walk around the lakes (Calhoun, Harriet, Lake of the Isles - the Twin Cities are Beautiful) and forget about the jumpers and clowns. Tom
What's up with collecting all the lovely, wrapped packages, loading them in the car, and opening them at home - in private???!!! This is a relatively new practice. Birthday party after birthday party, my son says, "Mom why aren't they opening the presents?" I want to say, "Because they're self-focused morons honey." We take the time to pick out 'just the right gift' only to have our gift seized upon arrival, and tucked away, opening it during a more convenient time for the hosts. If it's not convenient to open the presents AT the birthday party...then why have a birthday party?????
Sometimes it seems these parties are more about the mom trying to get attention for herself, instead of for her little boy or girl. Parties where all the relatives are invited, etc etc.
For my daughter's 9th bday party I brought her and 3 friends to a chinese food restaurant - they all got a little more dressed up than usual and we had a wonderful dinner... like a girl's night out! I told the parents ahead of time to make the presents small and they did, and my kids are learning to appreciate their friends and not the gifts. For my son's 7th, I brought him and 3 friends to Chuck E. Cheese - no, not a party-party, but we had a pizza and I got them some tokens. Again, gifts were not extravagant, and my son had the time of his life. As far as party favors, I usually stop at the dollar store and pick up one small thing for each kid - I can't be bothered with all the junk that comes in the bags. Or better yet, I sometimes get the balloons for the party and use them for the favors - kids love them!
For my daughter's 9th birthday party I brought her and 3 friends to a Chinese food restaurant - they all got a little more dressed up than usual and we had a wonderful dinner... like a girl's night out! I told the parents ahead of time to keep the presents small and they did, and my kids truly appreciate their friends more than the gifts. For my son's 7th, I brought him and 3 friends to Chuck E. Cheese - no, not a full-blown party, we just had a pizza and I got them some tokens. Again, gifts were not extravagant, and my son had the time of his life. As far as party favors, I usually stop at the dollar store and pick up one small thing for each kid - I can't be bothered with all the junk that comes in the bags. Or better yet, when I get the helium balloons at the dollar store I use them for the favors - kids love them! Here's another good one - my daughter's best friend also turned 9, and her mom brought just the two of them to the circus. So simple, but the memories will last forever.
For me it is not so much about the actual party, which admittedly can become quite costly, it is more so about the gifts. My son turned five at the end of last month and for the first time I held a "kid" party in the early afternoon and a family party following soon after.
Both of my children (ages five and soon to be three) get way too many gifts between Christmas and birthdays.
My son received so many new things for both Christmas and his birthday that there are still unopened gifts in his closet.
This madness needs to stop or at least lessen. Without alienating family and friends; how do I convince them that it's out of control and that gifts are not that important?
I even mentioned to a friend of mine, who I knew was on a tighter budget than usual this year, just to worry about her own family for Christmas. She got offended.
What is wrong with just spending time together with family and friends. Isn't that gift enough? When I say things like that I told that I am being a scrooge or a cheapskate.
I go through this every year and it only seems to get worse with each passing year. It can't continue like this.
For me it is not so much about the actual party, which can become costly it is more so about the gifts. My son turned five at the end of last month and for the first time I held a "kid" party in the early afternoon and a family party following right after that. Between Christmas and birthdays both of my children (ages five and soon to be three) get way too many gifts and we end up gift giving to way too many people for both birthdays and Christmas. I go through this every year and it seems to get worse and makes me more miserable than the last year. How do I make my family and friends see that my kids do not need all of that stuff and their kids don't need it either. I would really like this madness to stop, or at least lessen, without alienating family and friends; however I am at a loss of what to do next. I really don't want this to continue. I'd also like to mention because my son received so much new stuff there are still unopened gifts in his closet.
Thank Goodness for this site! The first out of control birthday party I attended was for a six year old girl. It took her two hours to open her presents and it took two pickup trucks to haul them home. I was so disgusted by that that I promised myself my daughter would never have a party like that. Now we do small family parties where she gets maybe five small gifts, and then we have cake and ice cream and play. These extravagant parties make me sick. The kid was just looking around for more presents and couldn't even tell you what she had received so far. It was ridiculous.
We have a couple friends who had their first child as they rounded 40. The first b-day party was crazy. They had a couple of blow up activity things, like the indoor trampoline. A Giant blow up Barney, a pool, the hot tub had to be installed b-4 the party, presents out the wazoo, maybe 60 people coming and going at all times, most not even acknowledging the baby. This was his first b-day! His second was even worse, twice as big, and now after seeing this site I realize how we even inadvertantly contributed. See, my wife and I raise quarter horses, and teach riding lessons from our ranch. We didn't have much money that year, so we thought we would show up with 2 of our lesson horses. We did have fun handwalking the kids around the cul-de-sac for a couple hours, but when we decided it was time to go, well you'd have thought we were the worst people on the planet to some of these kids. They got mean to us, and we just said if you want to ride some more than you'll have to have your parents pay for riding lessons from us. Besides it was August there was no shade for the horses and they had done their job. The kids didn't care, they would've rode those horses to exhaustion because it's all about them in their minds. I won't even go into the third b-day. We don't plan on going to the fourth.
We have a couple friends who had their first child as they rounded 40. The first b-day party was crazy. They had a couple of blow up activity things, like the indoor trampoline. A Giant blow up Barney, a pool, the hot tub had to be installed b-4 the party, presents out the wazoo, maybe 60 people coming and going at all times, most not even acknowledging the baby. This was his first b-day! His second was even worse, twice as big, and now after seeing this site I realize how we even inadvertantly contributed. See, my wife and I raise quarter horses, and teach riding lessons from our ranch. We didn't have much money that year, so we thought we would show up with 2 of our lesson horses. We did have fun handwalking the kids around the cul-de-sac for a couple hours, but when we decided it was time to go, well you'd have thought we were the worst people on the planet to some of these kids. They got mean to us, and we just said if you want to ride some more than you'll have to have your parents pay for riding lessons from us. Besides it was August there was no shade for the horses and they had done their job. The kids didn't care, they would've rode those horses to exhaustion because it's all about them in their minds. I won't even go into the third b-day. We don't plan on going to the fourth.
I have one child who is 17. We tried to make his birthday special for him each year, this meant that we would always ask what he wanted to do at his party and most importantly, who would he like to see. As he was born right after Christmas, we would usually pick a day for him to have his party sometime in the summer and on his actual birthdate, friends and family were asked to send cards only. Reading these post comments makes me feel blessed that our son just wanted to go out to dinner with his two set of grandparents when he turned 16 and that for his 17th birthday, he went to see a movie with a few of his friends. Possibly the best birthday present he ever received was when he turned 5 and some friends brought along the boxes that their new, (large) appliances came in. The kids had a blast and the presents were recycled afterwards. The only thing that mattered was that my son knew that he was important on that day to all of the people who came.
I am the proud aunt of an eight year old girl, almost nine now that I think about it. After a girl scouting trip to a nonprofit organization called Feed My Starving Children, she decided she wanted to do something different for her birthday. For her eighth birthday, she had her friends and family get together at Feed My Starving Children, a site where meals are packaged for starving children throughout the world. FMSC works with relief organizations throughout the world to distribute these packaged meals. She asked that her friends and family make a donation rather than buy her birthday presents. Our family enjoyed this experience so much that our family also volunteered over Thanksgiving weekend. It was such an amazing experience for our family. Now that her birthday is rolling around again, she has decided to have her party at the site and has asked again for donations instead of presents. It’s really uplifting to see a young girl realize the difference she is making by taking time on her special day to help others.
My children are grown. But I look at these extreme parties and am just amazed at the unwise lengths these parents are going to for their child's parties. First of all...their kids don't care! Kids want a few things for a party to be successful, in THEIR eyes: they want their best friend there, they want something fun to eat (not a buffet...pizza & ice cream & cake is enough)...they want their family around (Mom. Dad, siblings, grandparents), balloons are a nice touch...and they want some presents! Period! $100 from start to finish. That includes the pizza and the presents! I don't know who the parents are trying to impress...maybe other parents. But the days of birthday parties at hotels and being catered are so unwise and so unnecessary. My kids remember some of their fondest birthday memories as the birthdays with the simpliest celebration, and the people they love in attendance.
Coming from a wealthy family, my sister Anna-Maria and I were most always treated like princesses; however, I decided that things would be different for my children. First off, Nadia and Clarice, my seventeen-month-old twins, did not have a birthday party when they turned one. Instead, I invited my sister, best friend and her then fourteen-month-old daughter, and in-laws over for some cake because I knew that they wouldn't remember it, and would discard any toys that they got. So, instead of presents, I asked for donations to charities in the girls' names. Of course, I took pictures, and I also have put all of the certificates for donations into the girls' scrapbooks. I have the same planned for my nine-month-old daughter, Corianna.
Children these days are raised in ways that make them self centered. Everything is geared toward teaching children about how "special and unique" they are. Why is anybody surprised at what's going on with these birthday parties? The little monsters are given the world on a plate as it is. Sports, dancing, singing lessons galore, their own cars the second they get a license (no, not the hand me down beater car, but new cars, it's EXPECTED), and the parents gladly do it so they can show off to their adult friends.
These are also the parents who hover around their children and shield them from disappointment and failure. When I was growing up, if I got a bad grade, my parents blamed ME. They didn't call the teacher and demand to know why I didn't get a higher mark. Or, when I saw less playing time on sports teams than others, I knew it was because I was not as good as the other players. My parents didn't threaten to sue the coach. See what is happening here? The parents just can't BEAR the thought of little Kym, Kylie, Karyn (yes, the "unique" names that some parents give their kids, another bad trend) not being perfect in every way. And instead of using these moments as opportunities to learn a lesson and to improve skills (be they math, english, baseball, cheerleading), the parents take great offense and try to cram their "vision" of their child down the throats of others.
I feel bad for these kids because they are being set up to be crippled as adults. I already see it with some of the recent 22 year old college grads that my firm hires each year. They are "book smart" but most of them have very little common sense. Many of them get defensive if you criticize them in any way (i'm talking constructive criticism related to work matters). They whine. They can't handle having downtime because they were so overscheduled growing up. They have a hard time with tasks that require abstract thinking, probably due to all the battery powered toys and coma inducing "educational" video tapes their parents had them watch. Big on brains, but no creativity.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the number of young Americans in therapy is on the rise. And as the current glut of children enter adulthood, it will only get worse since they will probably be even worse off in terms of having the skills to cope with the stress and anxiety of living in the real world.
Sorry for the long rant - it's just that these out of control birthday parties are really symptom of the sickness plaguing this country right now. We're ruining our children and setting them up to be miserable adults. This has to stop.
When I was a kid my mom had a great rule: you host a birthday party with a number of guests equal to the age of the child. So two year old has two friends over, a three year old has three friends, a four year old has four...and so on. It's much less overwhelming and more fun for the child.
I have found the Family Fun magazine as well as the on line info from Family Fun to be very easy to use and full of user friendly birthday ideas that are not over the top but are lots of fun.
when my brother in law was a kid his dad would put all the toys in the attic after Christmas except for a couple for each child. Then every month it was like going to the store. The father would bring down a couple more toys and pass on or put up the toys that they had lost interest in. It worked well for them and the kids were use to it so they didn't argue the point.
This experience did not happen to me personally, but to my sister in law a few years ago. Her 6 year old son had recently started school and made some new friends. They were then invited to an old fashioned traditional birthday party for my nephew in November. First the kids played, then some organized games were introduced, then hot dogs were served, then cake, candles, singing, making a wish, blowing out candles, etc. After about an hour and a half one kid looked at my sister in law, rolled his eyeballs at her and said in a very annoyed voice: "Well, aren't we GOING anywhere or DOING anything??"
This is a great site! Too bad every parent doesn't get to read it! Our children are now 30 & 32 but we recall sometime during their last formal parties (before their teens) that other kids actually asked "Where are our goodie bags?" When did this all start & who was the dumby that did it? Our 2 birthdays were in late May so hopefully it was warm enough for games on the lawn or putting out the Slippery Slider, then cake & a ride home in the convertible. Hopefully the sanity returns!
This is a great site! Too bad every parent doesn't get to read it! Our children are now 30 & 32 but we recall sometime during their last formal parties (before their teens) that other kids actually asked "Where are our goodie bags?" When did this all start & who was the dumby that did it? Our 2 birthdays were in late May so hopefully it was warm enough for games on the lawn or putting out the Slippery Slider, then cake & a ride home in the convertible. Hopefully the sanity returns!
Thanks so much. I actually got some really good suggestions for my daughter's 3rd b-day coming up. My first son was in Kindergarten and I planned a huge party at the park next to the school and I was going to go big! I was so excited!! Then no one RSVP'd so luckily I saved money on booking things and buying stuff. Then we ended up having a hurricane come through our city that day anyway. Now I'm on my 3rd child and ever since that first fiasco it's been the simpler the better. I do like to do the parties at other locations though because that is a lot less stressful for me. I think the Gymboree Play and Music sounds fun for my daughter's birthday next month and the campout sounds fun for the boys' next birthdays. Thanks for the helpful info!
In my own family I have begun to see the trend of over the top birthdays. For instance my very best friend set up a decorated moving trailer for gifts(six or 8 feet long spent over 500 dollars on gifts for her then six year old child,had games where her child was bound to be the winner because she was older then all of the other kids invited, let only her child hit the 35 dollar pinata, spent $40 on cake and ice cream alone,and more than 100 dollars on food and drinks. While that may not seem over the top to some people it is to me. This child actually scoffed and tossed my children's very thoughtful gift of a journal($3)bought so she might record her experiences spent in another country and some dress up items ($5). My friend did not correct her child for such behavior, only handed her a "better" gift. She invited 40 people, mostly adults and she spent nearly an hour and a half opening her gifts. This is the same child who actually throws massive fits at resturants, almost refuses to share her many toys with my children when we come to visit and the same child that my three year old ask me why she was so mean. If that in itself does not show these "butt out" parents that you are rasing self centered,materalistic,
greedy children I don't know what will wake you up. This sight is not intended to tell you how to spend your precious money but to help you raise an adult who wants to spend time with you because you spent TIME with them when they were children. Yes we want you to celebrate their birthday and yes we want you to show them they are special but do it within reason. To those of you who are making a joke of this sight with your bragging about over the top parties: grow up. This really is a serious matter in our society. We live near a staunch Amish community and frequently see the commonplace horse and buggy go by and I can't help think how simple and fulfilled their lives are and often say so to my children. I do celebrate my childrens birthday with parties that are simple. We don't have " goody bags" but a simple craft project that the children made themselves and can take home. We do have gifts but with in reason and the birthday girl of the day sits in a chair and the the gift giver sits acroos from her while she opens her gift. That way both children feel special. Games? Marshmellow relay and homemade pin the tail on the donkey, sack races. Our guests love coming to our homemade parties. It's like nothing they have ever done before. Yes it takes almost two months to plan and prepare, simply because my husband and I hand make everything from the invites, games,and our other children make their gifts that they give and the birthday child helps in ways that aren't too revealing of what the suprise will be. I even made the pinata for our last party. It's so much fun to see thier faces when they make thier own party favors because it is something they created on thier own not something that was handed to them. The cost? MAYBE $20. if that. Another case in point: At christmas one year we were really strapped for cash, barely making ends meet just getting by, so I handmade christmas ornaments for the nieces and nephews, and my children and I made chocolate candy and put them in decorative bags. For the adults I spent three days planning and making pinecone and acorn ornaments and candy. This was really too much money spent for what we had to work with. When the gifts were exchanged(all store bought except for ours) our gifts actually called for silence from everyone and then they proceeded to make fun of them in front of us in very subtle undertones "oh these are cute and aww". This year the ornaments were in the very back of the tree so they wouldn't be seen. This year my husband and I didn't recieve anything from anyone on his side of the family and were told that the adults wouldn't be exchanging gifts because they would rather recieve something with value. WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEEOPLE? These people hurt me beyond words and didn't seem to care. To Christine Sacco: keep trying to change, one day it will make a difference. This year we are staying in our newly purchased home, just our small family, gathering around the fireplace and sharing what the true meaning of christmas is all about. we'll have a few gifts and stockings but at least MY kids will know that I love them and the fact that they are number one in our lives, not the Joneses. My advice Christine? STOP WORRYING SO MUCH ABOUT WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK IT ONLY MATTERS WHAT YOUR KIDS THINK AMD I hope they think and know that you love them no matter what. sorry to have gone on so long but I have needed to talk about this for so long. Thanks for this chance. JM
In my own family I have begun to see the trend of over the top birthdays. For instance my very best friend set up a decorated moving trailer for gifts(six or 8 feet long spent over 500 dollars on gifts for her then six year old child,had games where her child was bound to be the winner because she was older then all of the other kids invited, let only her child hit the 35 dollar pinata, spent $40 on cake and ice cream alone,and more than 100 dollars on food and drinks. While that may not seem over the top to some people it is to me. This child actually scoffed and tossed my children's very thoughtful gift of a journal($3)bought so she might record her experiences spent in another country and some dress up items ($5). My friend did not correct her child for such behavior, only handed her a "better" gift. She invited 40 people, mostly adults and she spent nearly an hour and a half opening her gifts. This is the same child who actually throws massive fits at resturants, almost refuses to share her many toys with my children when we come to visit and the same child that my three year old ask me why she was so mean. If that in itself does not show these "butt out" parents that you are rasing self centered,materalistic,
greedy children I don't know what will wake you up. This sight is not intended to tell you how to spend your precious money but to help you raise an adult who wants to spend time with you because you spent TIME with them when they were children. Yes we want you to celebrate their birthday and yes we want you to show them they are special but do it within reason. To those of you who are making a joke of this sight with your bragging about over the top parties: grow up. This really is a serious matter in our society. We live near a staunch Amish community and frequently see the commonplace horse and buggy go by and I can't help think how simple and fulfilled their lives are and often say so to my children. I do celebrate my childrens birthday with parties that are simple. We don't have " goody bags" but a simple craft project that the children made themselves and can take home. We do have gifts but with in reason and the birthday girl of the day sits in a chair and the the gift giver sits acroos from her while she opens her gift. That way both children feel special. Games? Marshmellow relay and homemade pin the tail on the donkey, sack races. Our guests love coming to our homemade parties. It's like nothing they have ever done before. Yes it takes almost two months to plan and prepare, simply because my husband and I hand make everything from the invites, games,and our other children make their gifts that they give and the birthday child helps in ways that aren't too revealing of what the suprise will be. I even made the pinata for our last party. It's so much fun to see thier faces when they make thier own party favors because it is something they created on thier own not something that was handed to them. The cost? MAYBE $20. if that. Another case in point: At christmas one year we were really strapped for cash, barely making ends meet just getting by, so I handmade christmas ornaments for the nieces and nephews, and my children and I made chocolate candy and put them in decorative bags. For the adults I spent three days planning and making pinecone and acorn ornaments and candy. This was really too much money spent for what we had to work with. When the gifts were exchanged(all store bought except for ours) our gifts actually called for silence from everyone and then they proceeded to make fun of them in front of us in very subtle undertones "oh these are cute and aww". This year the ornaments were in the very back of the tree so they wouldn't be seen. This year my husband and I didn't recieve anything from anyone on his side of the family and were told that the adults wouldn't be exchanging gifts because they would rather recieve something with value. WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEEOPLE? These people hurt me beyond words and didn't seem to care. To Christine Sacco: keep trying to change, one day it will make a difference. This year we are staying in our newly purchased home, just our small family, gathering around the fireplace and sharing what the true meaning of christmas is all about. we'll have a few gifts and stockings but at least MY kids will know that I love them and the fact that they are number one in our lives, not the Joneses. My advice Christine? STOP WORRYING SO MUCH ABOUT WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK IT ONLY MATTERS WHAT YOUR KIDS THINK AMD I hope they think and know that you love them no matter what.
Birthday parties are a lot like angagement rings. Just because they are bigger or more expensive doesn't mean you love the person more. My son averages one birthday party invitation a month. So in his 4 short years we have attended over 40 birthday parties. I have seen over the top parties and I have seen simple parties.
There are a few things I have observed from them:
1) Treat bags are a waste. How long has your child played with anything they have got in a treat bag? I usually give each child a small book, a coloring book, or one small gift that fits the theme of the party. Like a plastic ball and bat for a baseball party. It's at least something they can use.
2) Don't hand out invitations in front of others. It sounds old fashioned but manners never go out of style. My son goes to preschool and the going thing for most is only girls are invited to girl parties. That is fine but my son was hurt when he saw his freinds and classmates recently be invited to a party and he and the other boys weren't. It's sad when a 4 year old says "Will I get to go too Mommy?"
3)Don't spend a lot on the gift. But be thoughtful about it. Find out what the child is into. My limit is $15 per gift. There are a lot of nice tings out there for that price if you use your imagination. I also buy one large roll of non-themed unisex birtday paper and use it all year long.
4) Keep it simple. Your child and your wallet and the other parents will thank you. For my son's 4th birthday in November we used our church's fellowship center which has a foosball table and a small Little Tikes swingset (which we brought inside for the party) We brought along some our son's toys for the kids to play with. Legos, a crawl tunnell, his sit and spin, a play tent, and a small blow up bounce toy. We served pizza, soft drinks in cans, and a cupcake birthday cake from the bakery. There were probably 50 people there including grandparents, kids and their parents. The whole thing cost around $100 including plates, napkins etc. and everyone had a blast! Our son got to play with all his friends all the parents got to socialize and the grandparents and great-grandparents loved watchig the kids play. They even got into the action themselves.
And isn't what it's all about.
The views and opinions expressed in this page are strictly those of the page author. The contents of this page have not been reviewed or approved by the University of Minnesota.
Comments
although i see how these parties are getting way out of hand, i also feel that in some way they might be a positive element in our society where very few people understand or partake in gift giving apart from christmas. i come from a culture where it is rude to show up to someone's house for the first time empty handed. yet, here in this country people never think of bringing something, whether it is food or flowers or any small token gesture of thoughtfulness. in this american culture of materialism it is okay to spend money on yourself but when it comes to giving to others we are at a loss. perhaps the goody bag idea at least attempts to acknowledge the concept that you receive but need to also give something back in exchange. i think that our materialist focus generates a manic need to go overboard on the party.
Posted by: anonymous | February 1, 2007 10:40 PM
I am interested in pitching a story about parents who are trying to go against this tide of expensive childrens' parties.
I'm looking for parents willing to share their stories or experience in standing up to party pressure. I am specifically looking for parents who live in the following areas: the District of Columbia, Virginia, West Virginia, Maryland and Delaware.
The topic is interesting and not much has been written about it. The story also appeals to our demographic.
Thanks in advance for any help you can offer.
Posted by: Story Query | February 2, 2007 12:16 PM
I gather folks here would find a Hummer H2 is an unreasonable gift for my sweet 16 daughter. I had to do without as a child. I am fortunate that my children do not.
Posted by: Eric | February 2, 2007 03:34 PM
I think a distinction ought to be drawn between the big, one-time "life passage" parties, and over-the-top birthday parties.
I live in an area with a large population of Pacific Islanders. It is customary to hold a large celebration around the child's first birthday. It is not so much a birthday party per se, but a family party -- hooray! The child made it through the perilous first year. Yes, the parties tend to be large, but it's not for the kid, but for the family and to cement the family's bonds with the community.
There are also a lot of Hispanics in my neck of the woods, and the Quinceañera, which you can read about here, if you are unfamiliar with the celebration:
http://www.mexconnect.com/mex_/travel/dpalfrey/dpquince.html
There is also a significant Jewish population who hold b'nai mitzvah (bar mitzvah for boys, bat mitzvah for girls) religious observances and receptions following.
Individual examples of each of these celebrations can be over the top (for example, the excess perpetrated by David H. Brooks on the occasion of his daughter Elizabeth's Bat Mitzvah). However, the celebration itself, or a large guest list isn't necessarily excessive.
Posted by: AnnieG | February 4, 2007 12:44 PM
To Cecilia
You obviously have some issues to work with.
I do not have to justify myself but I wanted to let you know that there are some people out there with wonderful careers that DO get to spend time with their children.
I do not need to post here my career here but let me tell you that we fund a home for abused children and that I am a child psychologist myself.
Fortunately I can do a lot of my work from home so I get to take my children to school and pick them up, go to every after school program and PTO meeting. I take them myself to birthday parties which they ENJOY whether big or small.
We do use a party planner because we really like the way one of our friends organizes events.
It seems to me that you are trying to project what you may be feeling about yourself. Maybe you should look into the fact that you may not be spending enough time with your kids youself.
The issue here is that it really doesn't matter whether you can spend $100 or $100,000 on a birthday party because we may be able to do it today and not tomorrow. We should start educating our children so that what other do or what they see on tv should not have control on how they feel about anything in life.
It is sad when we find out that this country is full of people feeling sorry for themselves because they can't give their kids in a birthday party what others are getting!!
If you teach yourt kids the right way there should be a reason why your child will love you less if you can't give them what they see on tv or anywhere else!!! If someone invites your child to an extravagant party, it really does nto matter what size gift you bring. If it does, then think twice about letting your child spend time with that family in the first place!!!!
Posted by: Anonymous Sister | February 4, 2007 12:59 PM
Anonymous Sister said,
"It is sad when we find out that this country is full of people feeling sorry for themselves because they can't give their kids in a birthday party what others are getting!!"
Ms. Child Psychologist: you are the one with issues.
I agree fully with what Cecilia said: I don't think people are trying to eliminate birthday parties, or gifts...It's the idea that many communities are facilitating a competitive atmosphere when it comes to our kids and their parties, and creating something stressful out of something fun and wonderful.
I too have the financial capacity to provide my daughter with elaborate parties, and I choose not to. It does not square with our family values. I think it is a bad example for my child.
Our birthday celebrations are modest and family - centered.
Does that mean I don't spend money on my daughter? Of course not. For example, I've included my daughter's friends in family vacations, such as ski trips and adventure travel.
But these trips weren't for or about my child, or celebrating something about my child. Including friends on trips enlarge the circle of our family, and to have a shared experience.
Posted by: Anonymous mother | February 4, 2007 03:17 PM
Advice:
Don't let your child miss out on experiences.
With good communication you child will learn to differentiate from what is important.
For a gift, buy a book. It is always a great gift and doesn't cost much.
Posted by: Anonymous | February 4, 2007 03:53 PM
There will always be wealthy brats and there will always be lovely, wealthy children. I don't think over the top parties make a brat, it just brings out the ugly in them more, lol! If you have the money, no one should judge you for spending it the way you want. I have never attended an extravagant b'day party as defined in this website. I have attended 1st b'day parties that have cost thousands of dollars. They're big in my culture and they're sit down restaurant parties with lots and lots of food. We have been to 1 Sweet 16 party at a beautiful Italian restaurant with a DJ, open bar and buffet. I am thrilled to accept these types of invitations where possible! I wish we were invited to an over the top party. It would be great to attend one as we could never experience or afford to do one ourselves. It does not bring out the envy in me or my family.
We have done parties outside the home for our kids every year up until last year. It made sense to us considering the amount of kids and work it would entail to host it at home. We would do the typical Gymnastics, Make Your Own Pizza, skating, Chuckie Cheese parties. We were lucky at Chuckie Cheese that year as it was pouring out and we held it on a Thursday late afternoon. They had the whole place to themselves and they were like a little gang running throughout the place and singing on stage/camera. I do agree it would've been inpersonable had it been crowded. My kids attended subsequent parties there and as another poster said, they go off on their own and then wolf down pizza and cake together.
My daughter's last party was held at home. She invited 8 girls for her 10th b'day. We made/stuffed bears; I bought the kits for half price! We played musical chairs, pass the present, freeze dance, karoake, ate pizza and cake and the grand finale was a dance line dance off that never ended. My daughter said it was the BEST party ever and it took her 2 days to calm down. For party favors, I bought Smacker Lip gloss sets. I had little glitter powder sets that we used as prizes. She told me all her friends were bringing their lip gloss to school and she got a card from a girl thanking her for inviting her! All the girls had a terrific time.
Birthday parties are special. I do not think it an appropriate time to fund raise or to use it as a charitable event via "presents". No one should be judged for spending or doing what they want to. At this young age, my kids don't know or care to comment on who's party was more expensive, with a better goody bag, at home, dull, etc.
Posted by: Anonymous | February 5, 2007 12:11 AM
In our neck of the woods, I don't think there's any pressure but I see the same kids are the ones having a party year after year. These parties are modest in cost meaning 1-300 dollars usually at a party place.
I love planning and throwing parties. I know the few kids who won't come and won't RSVP. This has made planning much easier. I am horrified to hear of the rudeness of some guests/parents. I would stop having parties if I had to experience that.
My daughters would be THRILLED to attend an AG Place party! We spent close to $1000 taking them there for Christmas! You would not have to worry about me thinking 1 upmanship or not letting them attend.
Posted by: anonymous | February 5, 2007 12:29 AM
I am saddened by what parents have done to kids these days. Sure I am guilty of spoiling my kids, but my kids are absolutely thrilled by old fashioned home parties. My 7 year old son actually prefers them. His birthday is around Halloween, so we invite his friends over, in costume. The boys are very excited to be able to wear their costumes, plain and simple. We picked up some frozen pizzas, cup cakes, had some games planned, and the next thing you know, they were just playing, together and I just stood back and enjoyed my view! 17 boys just playing on their hands and knees with cars, Legos, and whatever else spurred their imagination. My son said it was the best party "EVER!" and a couple of the boys who were at this party begged their parents for an at-home party as well. They don't get downtime to just play together anymore.
My 5 year old daughter's party wasn't much different. The girls came dressed in their favorite party dress, some Halloween costumes, others had Easter dresses. We had a tea party. I picked up some foam tiaras and some self adhesive "jewels" and they decorated their own crowns. Then we had some beads, some plastic twine and strung necklaces and bracelets. I had each girl bring a stuffed friend and had ribbons and barrets that they could "make over" themselves or their little furry friend. I had pb&j "finger sandwiches" and cupcakes for 13 girls. Another successful super sized playdate. No fighting, no crying, just playing. Both parties were done for around $100 each! The best feeling for us was the kids want the same type of thing next year and their friends are starting to follow suit! Dollar stores and online catalog stores where you can purchase things by the gross really can spark your imagination as well!
At both parties the parents did NOT stay. I have to admit, given the option in our area, if you don't have to stay, you dump and run and thank the host at drop off and pick up. The kids behave better, too.
Why can't we just let kids be kids? Save all those happy meal toys and stuff them in a pinata! It all ends up in the trash anyway, but you would think the kids found gold when it showers down on their head!
Posted by: Carole | February 5, 2007 12:51 PM
I am saddened by what parents have done to kids these days. Sure I am guilty of spoiling my kids, but my kids are absolutely thrilled by old fashioned home parties. My 7 year old son actually prefers them. His birthday is around Halloween, so we invite his friends over, in costume. The boys are very excited to be able to wear their costumes, plain and simple. We picked up some frozen pizzas, cup cakes, had some games planned, and the next thing you know, they were just playing, together and I just stood back and enjoyed my view! 17 boys just playing on their hands and knees with cars, Legos, and whatever else spurred their imagination. My son said it was the best party "EVER!" and a couple of the boys who were at this party begged their parents for an at-home party as well. They don't get downtime to just play together anymore.
My 5 year old daughter's party wasn't much different. The girls came dressed in their favorite party dress, some Halloween costumes, others had Easter dresses. We had a tea party. I picked up some foam tiaras and some self adhesive "jewels" and they decorated their own crowns. Then we had some beads, some plastic twine and strung necklaces and bracelets. I had each girl bring a stuffed friend and had ribbons and barrets that they could "make over" themselves or their little furry friend. I had pb&j "finger sandwiches" and cupcakes for 13 girls. Another successful super sized playdate. No fighting, no crying, just playing. Both parties were done for around $100 each! The best feeling for us was the kids want the same type of thing next year and their friends are starting to follow suit! Dollar stores and online catalog stores where you can purchase things by the gross really can spark your imagination as well!
At both parties the parents did NOT stay. I have to admit, given the option in our area, if you don't have to stay, you dump and run and thank the host at drop off and pick up. The kids behave better, too.
Why can't we just let kids be kids? Save all those happy meal toys and stuff them in a pinata! It all ends up in the trash anyway, but you would think the kids found gold when it showers down on their head!
Posted by: Carole | February 5, 2007 12:51 PM
I once threw a party together for my young child that included hiking through the woods and sitting on big rocks while eating lunch that I had wrapped up in napsacks and tied to sticks. I don't think the party cost anything and every kid there said it was the most fun they ever had - some kids told their Moms they wanted the same kind of party. That party was a wake up call for me and from that day forward I gave up on Chuckie Cheese, Ice Skating, Movies, Horseback Riding, etc., etc.,
Posted by: Lori | February 5, 2007 01:15 PM
This is a good party: When my daughter turned 5 I purchased a bunch of straw garden hats and cowboy hats, tons of (off season)ribbon, and some feathers. (I planned ahead so everything was on clearance) We went to a park with a community room and the kids, boys and girls made the hats with the help of my glue gun. They wore them all afternoon; that was their gift. After the craft we went to the playground sporting our new hats and played. Great CHEAP party. Everyone loved it. Some of the kids still have thier hats.
Posted by: Karen | February 5, 2007 01:39 PM
I enjoy taking my kids clubbing. My nannie can watch them in the vip area and when I am in the mood I can stroll over and say hi!
This is the way more parents should spend time with there kids. You get to have your cake and eat it too...
Posted by: Britney Spears | February 5, 2007 01:46 PM
I enjoy taking my kids clubbing. My nannie can watch them in the vip area and when I am in the mood I can stroll over and say hi!
This is the way more parents should spend time with there kids. You get to have your cake and eat it too...
Posted by: Britney Spears | February 5, 2007 01:46 PM
The expectaion of the "party bag" has GOT to stop. Why can't it be good enough to plan a little art project (like star wars magnets that we made at my 6 y.o. party) and THAT is what you get to bring home. We give our children too much. What is there to look forward to if they get everything they want now??
Posted by: Mary | February 8, 2007 07:46 AM
My son turned 4 this year and his nursery school forced me to invite every child in the class. We don't have the room here for all those kids. I had to pay a small fortune at Chucky Cheese for this party that he won't even remember.
Don't you think the schools are at fault for this madness by forcing us to invite every kid in the class? Now if they forced me only to invite the boys in his class, I would have invited all 14 of them into my home and saved a bundle of cash.
When I am invited to a non-home birthday party, I feel like I have to get a more expensive gift to cover the cost of having the expensive birthday party. I think other people feel the same. There is no way a price limit on presents is going to work with non-home birtday parties!!
We have to start having parties at home again! The schools have to stop forcing us to invite every child in the class!!!
Posted by: Kathy | February 8, 2007 09:02 AM
Who put the "(you may use HTML tags for style)" comment above the post box. Are we posting or doing a web page. By the time I get done with this post you all will be glad I didn't use any HTML tags. Now, about the birthday parties. I came from a dysfunctional family formed in the 50's and 60's and had very few and attended very few birthday parties. Yet, from the few that I did have I was able to grasp that some important people in my life were celebrating my continued existence. When I had my own children I decided I wasn't going to go for the lack of or same type of birthday parties I had. They would have a birthday party every year and better than the ones I had. They would be real birthday parties. I'm married to a Filipina. Like all cultures, their's is very family oriented. And, like most other cultures, they also suffer from PCS (party competition syndrome - psych/soc. PHd's don't try to steal that acronym/terminology for any pubs or other use without my consent - I'll be watching). Consequently, we have a lot of video/pics for the first few birthdays of our oldest child, and started to do the same thing for our other two kids. You're talking a week of preparation - food, jumpers, clowns, goodie bags, huge theme cake, cleaning the house, arranging the garage, extra batteries, and all the cleanup afterwards. Our kids were born April, May, and June. One year we decided to lump all the birthdays together for a party in June. It was a blowout - more work than I'll ever do for any party again. We had about 50 to 60 kids and probably 100 adults at the house. The cul-de-sac was jammed. We spent all our time tending to the guests and none enjoying the birthday kids. When it came time to open the gifts our living room was literally filled/stacked half full with gifts for the three of them. Talk about extreme. My wife and I were embarassed. To this day we still refer to it as the "blowout". Most of the gifts went in the top of their closets and stayed there until they outgrew them or we gave them to other kids for their birthdays. Needless to say that party changed everything for us. Since then we've never had another birthday party at our house - or anywhere - that was more than just us and maybe a few other family members or friends of the kids, and, we celebrate on their birthday. Once or twice our son has had a couple of self chosen friends stay over when his birthday came on a weekend. No more big stuff. Very few gifts, usually one that is much more carefully chosen. No jumpers, catered food, special house cleaning or arranging the garage, no designer cakes, no clowns or goodie bags - Ok, I do keep some extra batteries on hand because I still take pictures, but, theraputically speaking, only the ones I want - I use the KCC format - Kid with big smile in front of Cake with Candle (once again, psych/soc. PHd's don't try to steal that acronym/terminology for any pubs or other use without my consent - I'll be watching). Our kids have never asked for any big parties. Whenever I've asked them what they wanted to do on their birthday it's almost always been something simple involving just our family. I know the "blowout" was about my wife and I, not about the kids. If your kids don't appreciate the goodie bags or the big party, maybe that's not what they really wanted. My feeling from my kids is that while the parties and goodies might be fun, what they really want (best gift) is me. And, when the KCC is done and I hug them real tight (and hold on for awhile) and tell them how much I love them and kiss them all over their face and let them know this day is really special because of them (anybody crying yet) - well, they feel exactly the way I do at that moment...incredible!!! It sure is a lot less work and a lot less expensive. We've talked about having a big birthday party for one of the so called important years but we haven't done it yet. I guess the "blowout" was strong medicine for us. We don't struggle with PCS anymore. We don't mind going to other peoples "blowouts" but we don't rush off to them as much as we used to. Also, we never buy another child a gift. We give money in a card $20-$30 max. Why should I spend time at Toys'r'us trying to figure out what someone else's kid wants (it's like buying clothes for my wife - it never works out). I don't want to become part of their BPSC (birthday party stress cycle - once again, psych/soc. PHd's don't try to steal that acronym/terminology for any pubs or other use without my consent - I'll be watching). Our format is pretty simple now - first, it's our family, our kids, and their birthday. We're not concerned about what other family or friends do or think we should do - we don't try to keep up with anyone, second, we celebrate the birthday on the day that it is and the only for sure thing is the KCC, everything else is optional - dinner, park, movie, friends, whatever we feel like doing that day. I realize that in this day and age not only do many of us suffer from PCS and BPSC, but also OOA (over-optioned addiction - once again, psych/soc. PHd's don't try to steal that acronym/terminology for any pubs or other use without my consent - I'll be watching). Not only do we have the desire to make it bigger and better, we have so many options for doing it. Anyway, I'm sure everyone is glad I didn't use any HTML tags (an option) in this post. Have fun, and Happy Birthday. PS - Take a walk around the lakes (Calhoun, Harriet, Lake of the Isles - the Twin Cities are Beautiful) and forget about the jumpers and clowns. Tom
Posted by: Tom | February 10, 2007 07:47 AM
What's up with collecting all the lovely, wrapped packages, loading them in the car, and opening them at home - in private???!!! This is a relatively new practice. Birthday party after birthday party, my son says, "Mom why aren't they opening the presents?" I want to say, "Because they're self-focused morons honey." We take the time to pick out 'just the right gift' only to have our gift seized upon arrival, and tucked away, opening it during a more convenient time for the hosts. If it's not convenient to open the presents AT the birthday party...then why have a birthday party?????
Posted by: Mystified in Rochester, NY | February 10, 2007 12:08 PM
Sometimes it seems these parties are more about the mom trying to get attention for herself, instead of for her little boy or girl. Parties where all the relatives are invited, etc etc.
Posted by: Wilma | February 11, 2007 10:07 AM
For my daughter's 9th bday party I brought her and 3 friends to a chinese food restaurant - they all got a little more dressed up than usual and we had a wonderful dinner... like a girl's night out! I told the parents ahead of time to make the presents small and they did, and my kids are learning to appreciate their friends and not the gifts. For my son's 7th, I brought him and 3 friends to Chuck E. Cheese - no, not a party-party, but we had a pizza and I got them some tokens. Again, gifts were not extravagant, and my son had the time of his life. As far as party favors, I usually stop at the dollar store and pick up one small thing for each kid - I can't be bothered with all the junk that comes in the bags. Or better yet, I sometimes get the balloons for the party and use them for the favors - kids love them!
Posted by: Cindy | February 11, 2007 07:24 PM
For my daughter's 9th birthday party I brought her and 3 friends to a Chinese food restaurant - they all got a little more dressed up than usual and we had a wonderful dinner... like a girl's night out! I told the parents ahead of time to keep the presents small and they did, and my kids truly appreciate their friends more than the gifts. For my son's 7th, I brought him and 3 friends to Chuck E. Cheese - no, not a full-blown party, we just had a pizza and I got them some tokens. Again, gifts were not extravagant, and my son had the time of his life. As far as party favors, I usually stop at the dollar store and pick up one small thing for each kid - I can't be bothered with all the junk that comes in the bags. Or better yet, when I get the helium balloons at the dollar store I use them for the favors - kids love them! Here's another good one - my daughter's best friend also turned 9, and her mom brought just the two of them to the circus. So simple, but the memories will last forever.
Posted by: Cindy | February 11, 2007 07:33 PM
For me it is not so much about the actual party, which admittedly can become quite costly, it is more so about the gifts. My son turned five at the end of last month and for the first time I held a "kid" party in the early afternoon and a family party following soon after.
Both of my children (ages five and soon to be three) get way too many gifts between Christmas and birthdays.
My son received so many new things for both Christmas and his birthday that there are still unopened gifts in his closet.
This madness needs to stop or at least lessen. Without alienating family and friends; how do I convince them that it's out of control and that gifts are not that important?
I even mentioned to a friend of mine, who I knew was on a tighter budget than usual this year, just to worry about her own family for Christmas. She got offended.
What is wrong with just spending time together with family and friends. Isn't that gift enough? When I say things like that I told that I am being a scrooge or a cheapskate.
I go through this every year and it only seems to get worse with each passing year. It can't continue like this.
Any suggestions?
Posted by: Christine Sacco | February 13, 2007 10:54 AM
For me it is not so much about the actual party, which can become costly it is more so about the gifts. My son turned five at the end of last month and for the first time I held a "kid" party in the early afternoon and a family party following right after that. Between Christmas and birthdays both of my children (ages five and soon to be three) get way too many gifts and we end up gift giving to way too many people for both birthdays and Christmas. I go through this every year and it seems to get worse and makes me more miserable than the last year. How do I make my family and friends see that my kids do not need all of that stuff and their kids don't need it either. I would really like this madness to stop, or at least lessen, without alienating family and friends; however I am at a loss of what to do next. I really don't want this to continue. I'd also like to mention because my son received so much new stuff there are still unopened gifts in his closet.
Posted by: Christine | February 13, 2007 11:20 AM
Thank Goodness for this site! The first out of control birthday party I attended was for a six year old girl. It took her two hours to open her presents and it took two pickup trucks to haul them home. I was so disgusted by that that I promised myself my daughter would never have a party like that. Now we do small family parties where she gets maybe five small gifts, and then we have cake and ice cream and play. These extravagant parties make me sick. The kid was just looking around for more presents and couldn't even tell you what she had received so far. It was ridiculous.
Posted by: Angie | February 14, 2007 12:30 PM
We have a couple friends who had their first child as they rounded 40. The first b-day party was crazy. They had a couple of blow up activity things, like the indoor trampoline. A Giant blow up Barney, a pool, the hot tub had to be installed b-4 the party, presents out the wazoo, maybe 60 people coming and going at all times, most not even acknowledging the baby. This was his first b-day! His second was even worse, twice as big, and now after seeing this site I realize how we even inadvertantly contributed. See, my wife and I raise quarter horses, and teach riding lessons from our ranch. We didn't have much money that year, so we thought we would show up with 2 of our lesson horses. We did have fun handwalking the kids around the cul-de-sac for a couple hours, but when we decided it was time to go, well you'd have thought we were the worst people on the planet to some of these kids. They got mean to us, and we just said if you want to ride some more than you'll have to have your parents pay for riding lessons from us. Besides it was August there was no shade for the horses and they had done their job. The kids didn't care, they would've rode those horses to exhaustion because it's all about them in their minds. I won't even go into the third b-day. We don't plan on going to the fourth.
Posted by: Tap Duncan | February 15, 2007 10:08 AM
We have a couple friends who had their first child as they rounded 40. The first b-day party was crazy. They had a couple of blow up activity things, like the indoor trampoline. A Giant blow up Barney, a pool, the hot tub had to be installed b-4 the party, presents out the wazoo, maybe 60 people coming and going at all times, most not even acknowledging the baby. This was his first b-day! His second was even worse, twice as big, and now after seeing this site I realize how we even inadvertantly contributed. See, my wife and I raise quarter horses, and teach riding lessons from our ranch. We didn't have much money that year, so we thought we would show up with 2 of our lesson horses. We did have fun handwalking the kids around the cul-de-sac for a couple hours, but when we decided it was time to go, well you'd have thought we were the worst people on the planet to some of these kids. They got mean to us, and we just said if you want to ride some more than you'll have to have your parents pay for riding lessons from us. Besides it was August there was no shade for the horses and they had done their job. The kids didn't care, they would've rode those horses to exhaustion because it's all about them in their minds. I won't even go into the third b-day. We don't plan on going to the fourth.
Posted by: Tap Duncan | February 15, 2007 10:09 AM
I have one child who is 17. We tried to make his birthday special for him each year, this meant that we would always ask what he wanted to do at his party and most importantly, who would he like to see. As he was born right after Christmas, we would usually pick a day for him to have his party sometime in the summer and on his actual birthdate, friends and family were asked to send cards only. Reading these post comments makes me feel blessed that our son just wanted to go out to dinner with his two set of grandparents when he turned 16 and that for his 17th birthday, he went to see a movie with a few of his friends. Possibly the best birthday present he ever received was when he turned 5 and some friends brought along the boxes that their new, (large) appliances came in. The kids had a blast and the presents were recycled afterwards. The only thing that mattered was that my son knew that he was important on that day to all of the people who came.
Posted by: Jill Lane | February 20, 2007 12:53 PM
I am the proud aunt of an eight year old girl, almost nine now that I think about it. After a girl scouting trip to a nonprofit organization called Feed My Starving Children, she decided she wanted to do something different for her birthday. For her eighth birthday, she had her friends and family get together at Feed My Starving Children, a site where meals are packaged for starving children throughout the world. FMSC works with relief organizations throughout the world to distribute these packaged meals. She asked that her friends and family make a donation rather than buy her birthday presents. Our family enjoyed this experience so much that our family also volunteered over Thanksgiving weekend. It was such an amazing experience for our family. Now that her birthday is rolling around again, she has decided to have her party at the site and has asked again for donations instead of presents. It’s really uplifting to see a young girl realize the difference she is making by taking time on her special day to help others.
Posted by: Anonymous | February 20, 2007 10:26 PM
My children are grown. But I look at these extreme parties and am just amazed at the unwise lengths these parents are going to for their child's parties. First of all...their kids don't care! Kids want a few things for a party to be successful, in THEIR eyes: they want their best friend there, they want something fun to eat (not a buffet...pizza & ice cream & cake is enough)...they want their family around (Mom. Dad, siblings, grandparents), balloons are a nice touch...and they want some presents! Period! $100 from start to finish. That includes the pizza and the presents! I don't know who the parents are trying to impress...maybe other parents. But the days of birthday parties at hotels and being catered are so unwise and so unnecessary. My kids remember some of their fondest birthday memories as the birthdays with the simpliest celebration, and the people they love in attendance.
Posted by: Deb McKinney | February 21, 2007 05:52 AM
Coming from a wealthy family, my sister Anna-Maria and I were most always treated like princesses; however, I decided that things would be different for my children. First off, Nadia and Clarice, my seventeen-month-old twins, did not have a birthday party when they turned one. Instead, I invited my sister, best friend and her then fourteen-month-old daughter, and in-laws over for some cake because I knew that they wouldn't remember it, and would discard any toys that they got. So, instead of presents, I asked for donations to charities in the girls' names. Of course, I took pictures, and I also have put all of the certificates for donations into the girls' scrapbooks. I have the same planned for my nine-month-old daughter, Corianna.
Posted by: Charlynne | February 24, 2007 09:51 PM
Children these days are raised in ways that make them self centered. Everything is geared toward teaching children about how "special and unique" they are. Why is anybody surprised at what's going on with these birthday parties? The little monsters are given the world on a plate as it is. Sports, dancing, singing lessons galore, their own cars the second they get a license (no, not the hand me down beater car, but new cars, it's EXPECTED), and the parents gladly do it so they can show off to their adult friends.
These are also the parents who hover around their children and shield them from disappointment and failure. When I was growing up, if I got a bad grade, my parents blamed ME. They didn't call the teacher and demand to know why I didn't get a higher mark. Or, when I saw less playing time on sports teams than others, I knew it was because I was not as good as the other players. My parents didn't threaten to sue the coach. See what is happening here? The parents just can't BEAR the thought of little Kym, Kylie, Karyn (yes, the "unique" names that some parents give their kids, another bad trend) not being perfect in every way. And instead of using these moments as opportunities to learn a lesson and to improve skills (be they math, english, baseball, cheerleading), the parents take great offense and try to cram their "vision" of their child down the throats of others.
I feel bad for these kids because they are being set up to be crippled as adults. I already see it with some of the recent 22 year old college grads that my firm hires each year. They are "book smart" but most of them have very little common sense. Many of them get defensive if you criticize them in any way (i'm talking constructive criticism related to work matters). They whine. They can't handle having downtime because they were so overscheduled growing up. They have a hard time with tasks that require abstract thinking, probably due to all the battery powered toys and coma inducing "educational" video tapes their parents had them watch. Big on brains, but no creativity.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the number of young Americans in therapy is on the rise. And as the current glut of children enter adulthood, it will only get worse since they will probably be even worse off in terms of having the skills to cope with the stress and anxiety of living in the real world.
Sorry for the long rant - it's just that these out of control birthday parties are really symptom of the sickness plaguing this country right now. We're ruining our children and setting them up to be miserable adults. This has to stop.
Posted by: Tony Clifton | March 1, 2007 11:27 AM
When I was a kid my mom had a great rule: you host a birthday party with a number of guests equal to the age of the child. So two year old has two friends over, a three year old has three friends, a four year old has four...and so on. It's much less overwhelming and more fun for the child.
Posted by: Anonymous | March 1, 2007 02:36 PM
I have found the Family Fun magazine as well as the on line info from Family Fun to be very easy to use and full of user friendly birthday ideas that are not over the top but are lots of fun.
Posted by: laurie | March 1, 2007 09:27 PM
when my brother in law was a kid his dad would put all the toys in the attic after Christmas except for a couple for each child. Then every month it was like going to the store. The father would bring down a couple more toys and pass on or put up the toys that they had lost interest in. It worked well for them and the kids were use to it so they didn't argue the point.
Posted by: laurie | March 1, 2007 09:38 PM
This experience did not happen to me personally, but to my sister in law a few years ago. Her 6 year old son had recently started school and made some new friends. They were then invited to an old fashioned traditional birthday party for my nephew in November. First the kids played, then some organized games were introduced, then hot dogs were served, then cake, candles, singing, making a wish, blowing out candles, etc. After about an hour and a half one kid looked at my sister in law, rolled his eyeballs at her and said in a very annoyed voice: "Well, aren't we GOING anywhere or DOING anything??"
Posted by: Annie | March 2, 2007 02:21 PM
This is a great site! Too bad every parent doesn't get to read it! Our children are now 30 & 32 but we recall sometime during their last formal parties (before their teens) that other kids actually asked "Where are our goodie bags?" When did this all start & who was the dumby that did it? Our 2 birthdays were in late May so hopefully it was warm enough for games on the lawn or putting out the Slippery Slider, then cake & a ride home in the convertible. Hopefully the sanity returns!
Posted by: Brian Crump | March 2, 2007 02:26 PM
This is a great site! Too bad every parent doesn't get to read it! Our children are now 30 & 32 but we recall sometime during their last formal parties (before their teens) that other kids actually asked "Where are our goodie bags?" When did this all start & who was the dumby that did it? Our 2 birthdays were in late May so hopefully it was warm enough for games on the lawn or putting out the Slippery Slider, then cake & a ride home in the convertible. Hopefully the sanity returns!
Posted by: Brian Crump | March 2, 2007 02:30 PM
Thanks so much. I actually got some really good suggestions for my daughter's 3rd b-day coming up. My first son was in Kindergarten and I planned a huge party at the park next to the school and I was going to go big! I was so excited!! Then no one RSVP'd so luckily I saved money on booking things and buying stuff. Then we ended up having a hurricane come through our city that day anyway. Now I'm on my 3rd child and ever since that first fiasco it's been the simpler the better. I do like to do the parties at other locations though because that is a lot less stressful for me. I think the Gymboree Play and Music sounds fun for my daughter's birthday next month and the campout sounds fun for the boys' next birthdays. Thanks for the helpful info!
Posted by: Nicole | March 2, 2007 04:39 PM
In my own family I have begun to see the trend of over the top birthdays. For instance my very best friend set up a decorated moving trailer for gifts(six or 8 feet long spent over 500 dollars on gifts for her then six year old child,had games where her child was bound to be the winner because she was older then all of the other kids invited, let only her child hit the 35 dollar pinata, spent $40 on cake and ice cream alone,and more than 100 dollars on food and drinks. While that may not seem over the top to some people it is to me. This child actually scoffed and tossed my children's very thoughtful gift of a journal($3)bought so she might record her experiences spent in another country and some dress up items ($5). My friend did not correct her child for such behavior, only handed her a "better" gift. She invited 40 people, mostly adults and she spent nearly an hour and a half opening her gifts. This is the same child who actually throws massive fits at resturants, almost refuses to share her many toys with my children when we come to visit and the same child that my three year old ask me why she was so mean. If that in itself does not show these "butt out" parents that you are rasing self centered,materalistic,
greedy children I don't know what will wake you up. This sight is not intended to tell you how to spend your precious money but to help you raise an adult who wants to spend time with you because you spent TIME with them when they were children. Yes we want you to celebrate their birthday and yes we want you to show them they are special but do it within reason. To those of you who are making a joke of this sight with your bragging about over the top parties: grow up. This really is a serious matter in our society. We live near a staunch Amish community and frequently see the commonplace horse and buggy go by and I can't help think how simple and fulfilled their lives are and often say so to my children. I do celebrate my childrens birthday with parties that are simple. We don't have " goody bags" but a simple craft project that the children made themselves and can take home. We do have gifts but with in reason and the birthday girl of the day sits in a chair and the the gift giver sits acroos from her while she opens her gift. That way both children feel special. Games? Marshmellow relay and homemade pin the tail on the donkey, sack races. Our guests love coming to our homemade parties. It's like nothing they have ever done before. Yes it takes almost two months to plan and prepare, simply because my husband and I hand make everything from the invites, games,and our other children make their gifts that they give and the birthday child helps in ways that aren't too revealing of what the suprise will be. I even made the pinata for our last party. It's so much fun to see thier faces when they make thier own party favors because it is something they created on thier own not something that was handed to them. The cost? MAYBE $20. if that. Another case in point: At christmas one year we were really strapped for cash, barely making ends meet just getting by, so I handmade christmas ornaments for the nieces and nephews, and my children and I made chocolate candy and put them in decorative bags. For the adults I spent three days planning and making pinecone and acorn ornaments and candy. This was really too much money spent for what we had to work with. When the gifts were exchanged(all store bought except for ours) our gifts actually called for silence from everyone and then they proceeded to make fun of them in front of us in very subtle undertones "oh these are cute and aww". This year the ornaments were in the very back of the tree so they wouldn't be seen. This year my husband and I didn't recieve anything from anyone on his side of the family and were told that the adults wouldn't be exchanging gifts because they would rather recieve something with value. WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEEOPLE? These people hurt me beyond words and didn't seem to care. To Christine Sacco: keep trying to change, one day it will make a difference. This year we are staying in our newly purchased home, just our small family, gathering around the fireplace and sharing what the true meaning of christmas is all about. we'll have a few gifts and stockings but at least MY kids will know that I love them and the fact that they are number one in our lives, not the Joneses. My advice Christine? STOP WORRYING SO MUCH ABOUT WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK IT ONLY MATTERS WHAT YOUR KIDS THINK AMD I hope they think and know that you love them no matter what. sorry to have gone on so long but I have needed to talk about this for so long. Thanks for this chance. JM
Posted by: JB | March 7, 2007 01:22 AM
In my own family I have begun to see the trend of over the top birthdays. For instance my very best friend set up a decorated moving trailer for gifts(six or 8 feet long spent over 500 dollars on gifts for her then six year old child,had games where her child was bound to be the winner because she was older then all of the other kids invited, let only her child hit the 35 dollar pinata, spent $40 on cake and ice cream alone,and more than 100 dollars on food and drinks. While that may not seem over the top to some people it is to me. This child actually scoffed and tossed my children's very thoughtful gift of a journal($3)bought so she might record her experiences spent in another country and some dress up items ($5). My friend did not correct her child for such behavior, only handed her a "better" gift. She invited 40 people, mostly adults and she spent nearly an hour and a half opening her gifts. This is the same child who actually throws massive fits at resturants, almost refuses to share her many toys with my children when we come to visit and the same child that my three year old ask me why she was so mean. If that in itself does not show these "butt out" parents that you are rasing self centered,materalistic,
greedy children I don't know what will wake you up. This sight is not intended to tell you how to spend your precious money but to help you raise an adult who wants to spend time with you because you spent TIME with them when they were children. Yes we want you to celebrate their birthday and yes we want you to show them they are special but do it within reason. To those of you who are making a joke of this sight with your bragging about over the top parties: grow up. This really is a serious matter in our society. We live near a staunch Amish community and frequently see the commonplace horse and buggy go by and I can't help think how simple and fulfilled their lives are and often say so to my children. I do celebrate my childrens birthday with parties that are simple. We don't have " goody bags" but a simple craft project that the children made themselves and can take home. We do have gifts but with in reason and the birthday girl of the day sits in a chair and the the gift giver sits acroos from her while she opens her gift. That way both children feel special. Games? Marshmellow relay and homemade pin the tail on the donkey, sack races. Our guests love coming to our homemade parties. It's like nothing they have ever done before. Yes it takes almost two months to plan and prepare, simply because my husband and I hand make everything from the invites, games,and our other children make their gifts that they give and the birthday child helps in ways that aren't too revealing of what the suprise will be. I even made the pinata for our last party. It's so much fun to see thier faces when they make thier own party favors because it is something they created on thier own not something that was handed to them. The cost? MAYBE $20. if that. Another case in point: At christmas one year we were really strapped for cash, barely making ends meet just getting by, so I handmade christmas ornaments for the nieces and nephews, and my children and I made chocolate candy and put them in decorative bags. For the adults I spent three days planning and making pinecone and acorn ornaments and candy. This was really too much money spent for what we had to work with. When the gifts were exchanged(all store bought except for ours) our gifts actually called for silence from everyone and then they proceeded to make fun of them in front of us in very subtle undertones "oh these are cute and aww". This year the ornaments were in the very back of the tree so they wouldn't be seen. This year my husband and I didn't recieve anything from anyone on his side of the family and were told that the adults wouldn't be exchanging gifts because they would rather recieve something with value. WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEEOPLE? These people hurt me beyond words and didn't seem to care. To Christine Sacco: keep trying to change, one day it will make a difference. This year we are staying in our newly purchased home, just our small family, gathering around the fireplace and sharing what the true meaning of christmas is all about. we'll have a few gifts and stockings but at least MY kids will know that I love them and the fact that they are number one in our lives, not the Joneses. My advice Christine? STOP WORRYING SO MUCH ABOUT WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK IT ONLY MATTERS WHAT YOUR KIDS THINK AMD I hope they think and know that you love them no matter what.
Posted by: JB | March 7, 2007 01:22 AM
Birthday parties are a lot like angagement rings. Just because they are bigger or more expensive doesn't mean you love the person more. My son averages one birthday party invitation a month. So in his 4 short years we have attended over 40 birthday parties. I have seen over the top parties and I have seen simple parties.
There are a few things I have observed from them:
1) Treat bags are a waste. How long has your child played with anything they have got in a treat bag? I usually give each child a small book, a coloring book, or one small gift that fits the theme of the party. Like a plastic ball and bat for a baseball party. It's at least something they can use.
2) Don't hand out invitations in front of others. It sounds old fashioned but manners never go out of style. My son goes to preschool and the going thing for most is only girls are invited to girl parties. That is fine but my son was hurt when he saw his freinds and classmates recently be invited to a party and he and the other boys weren't. It's sad when a 4 year old says "Will I get to go too Mommy?"
3)Don't spend a lot on the gift. But be thoughtful about it. Find out what the child is into. My limit is $15 per gift. There are a lot of nice tings out there for that price if you use your imagination. I also buy one large roll of non-themed unisex birtday paper and use it all year long.
4) Keep it simple. Your child and your wallet and the other parents will thank you. For my son's 4th birthday in November we used our church's fellowship center which has a foosball table and a small Little Tikes swingset (which we brought inside for the party) We brought along some our son's toys for the kids to play with. Legos, a crawl tunnell, his sit and spin, a play tent, and a small blow up bounce toy. We served pizza, soft drinks in cans, and a cupcake birthday cake from the bakery. There were probably 50 people there including grandparents, kids and their parents. The whole thing cost around $100 including plates, napkins etc. and everyone had a blast! Our son got to play with all his friends all the parents got to socialize and the grandparents and great-grandparents loved watchig the kids play. They even got into the action themselves.
And isn't what it's all about.
Posted by: Amy | March 12, 2007 09:46 AM