Posted by Birthdays without Pressure on January 9, 2007 09:00 AM|Permalink
Comments
When my son Hans turned 4 (which I believe is the most perfect party age of all), I asked him who he wanted to invite to his party. At the time he had about 4 or 5 regular playmates besides his 3 brothers. I was expecting him to list these kids and that I could make a fun party for them. His response was "Grandpa." I didn't believe he really meant it and challenged him with the question again. Again, he said he just wanted Grandpa and it was okay if Grandma came along too. And he wanted a farm party. So I made a cake with a barn and a farm on it and we invited just Grandpa (and Grandma) to his farm party. And he was indeed very pleased with the results. He was so proud to have farmer Grandpa sitting right next to him as he blew out the candles and played games. I learned that we don't always know best for our kids...sometimes they know better.
The website is great. I am in awe that this particular problem is so widespread. It seems to be just another example of this culture's journey away from what is important.
We are the parents of 4 boys, all of whom have moved past the age when they want a birthday party. The oldest is 23 and the youngest is 14. By the age of 12, they had each decided on their own to not have a formal party. That said, I certainly gave birthday's my all when they were younger. I sometimes spent a considerable amount of energy preparing but most of it came from within me. I love birthdays. I love being creative. I love decorating cakes. I was lucky to not feel a lot of pressure from others to spend so much for the "perfect" party.
I have a few comments I just want to make as a way of helping others think about how they celebrate birthdays or any other holiday with their children.
1) Before anything, the parent(s) need to sit and think about what is the purpose of the celebration. Once the main purpose is decided, all other plans can be measured by that. For instance...I would say the purpose of the Birthday party is to celebarte the person whose birthday it is. That means, I want to know what this person likes, whether they like crowds or one on one, what their favortie music and books are, do they like board games or activie games or no games?, etc. I want the party to really show this person, that I like who they are and am glad to have them in my life.
2) Budget...how much money do we really have available for the party and presents. We need to stay inside the budget.
3) Ask for the child's ideas and invite both children and other adults who care for the child to pitch in with food or favors or respsonsiblities and even clean up. The more people help out, the better they feel about the party. Always have at least one other adult to direct the children while you have to focus on something else.
4) Keep things simple and at the child's age level of operation. Invite the number of people that you know your child can handle relating to or what you can handle relating to.
5) Be creative and be yourself...If your child's favorite thing to do is snuggle on the couch with popcorn and watch a movie, then do it..If your child loves looking at cars, take them to a car show or a car museum or make a track on the floor for them to drive matchbox cars on...if they love birds, go bird-watching or to the zoo...if they love coloring, then put art into the party...if they like science, do science experiments...
6) Plan more activities ( usually small, short-attention span things) than you have time for so if the group gets out of control, you have something else up your sleeve.
7) Never offer the option of something that you really can't give your heart and money to. Be honest about what is possible.
8) Never do it just because someone else is or because you have always done it...life changes and people are different.
You may have heard it all before but these are my suggestions.
I decided to have a small party, 4 other children and no adults present at the party except for my husband and I. I feel like when there were other adults there I had to "perform" at some level. When it was just the kids I felt free to be very silly with them. I had less food to prepare with just 4 kids and my son present, and that was just sticking some pizza in the oven and carrot sticks! I also did not give gift bags at the last party. We played traditional party games and everyone, including us seemed to enjoy that!
I have always hated the overdone birthday parties. For our son's 4th birthday party, we asked people to only bring gifts that they had made. Some brought baked goods, others brought cards with play date invitations inside. It took some of the pressure off. Now he's 9, and starting with his 7th birthday, we asked him to choose. He could have a small party with 3 or 4 kids and gifts, or we could host a bigger party with no gifts. He chose the latter. Now that's the way we do it. He can have more of his friends get together (this year we went bowling) and then we have cake and ice cream. No gifts. No party favors. Light decorations. My son loves it. And it's fun for us, too.
I am saddened how some people feel the pressure or need to "keep up with the Jones." I probably am one of those people that may have caused that. There has been years that I have thrown a rather larger party to celebrate the birthday of my child. My kids by no means ever expect it nor do they demand it. In fact, I let them know this is a way that we can be a blessing to our friends. So by doing this am I wrong!!! I guess I kind of feel like this is a cut on those of us that truly enjoy doing these things for our children and family and friends. We celebrate the blessing of thier birth and what they mean to us. We promote family and friends by doing this!! If you want to boycott something or have so much time and energy to talk out against something - take a look at the insanity of sports now a days - or there is probably so many other things to go against - just want you to know there are always two sides of every story.
One more thing - It just seems to me that there are going to be pressures in this world of many kinds - pressure for women to work out side the house, pressure to make more money, to live in a bigger house, to have a better school, a better education, nicer clothes and to be better at sports - it is not for us or anyone to cut done what others do but just to be content with what you yourself and your family does - I don't want to stop / boycott others from celebrating they way they want to but I do want my kids to know our values and how and why we believe in the way we do things!!!!
Thank-you for sharing your perspective. We are by NO means advocating a boycott of birthday parties. We will work harder to make sure our message doesn't convey that. I too plan birthday parties for my own children and love to celebrate with them. We are also aware that for many folks, this is not an issue. If you are comfortable with your celebrations, bravo! We're glad that you came to our site to tell us that. However, we have interviewed many parents over the past year for whom this is an issue. We went into this project with an open mind and did lots of talking with parents during an investigative phase. With our own busy lives we were very willing to bail on it if we found that it didn't resonate with parents. There are larger themes that we are concerned with too that kept coming up in our discussions (i.e. over-indulgence, competative parenting, raising children in an increasingly materialistic culture, filling our house with so much stuff) but we're not sure how to take those on so we started with something smaller.
It sounds to me like you've struck a balance that works for you and your family. That's fantastic!
(Incidentally, Dr. Doherty, a member of our group HAS taken on the insanity of kid's sports. See this article for more: http://www.stressfreeliving.org/articles/relationship-articles//relationship-articles/the-crusade-against-overscheduled-kids)
I wonder why it is that people believe that it is necessary to have a party each year for a child. One of the suggestions listed on this Website is for parents to have a party just every other year. Why that often? We had a party for our first child for his first birthday because I believed that it was so important to acknowledge this event. But when all was said and done, it was a lot of worry and work for me. I doubt that it was a memorable experience for most of the attendees. Since that time, we have had no parties for either of my children. My oldest will be six next week and he has made no mention of wanting to have a party. He loves trains and we have made a ritual of going to the Train Museum for his special day. Our yougest will be three in March and this year she will probably get a kick out of deciding what we will eat for her birthday dinner.
My neighbor has twin boys and they have given the boys a birthday party where they ask only for new or used books. Then the books get donated to a charity. They felt that their children already had too much, and that the party was enough. The donated books were intended to help teach the boys about sharing the wealth.
I think this website is a great idea! I used to have home parties for my children on their birthdays, but a few summers ago we moved and didn't have any family or friends with whom we could celebrate my son's 9th birthday. So we took the money I had set aside in the "party" budget and our family spent the day at Nascar Speedpark! We had such a great time having a family day, that we've been having special family celebrations since! We went to a children's/science museum for my older daughter's birthday, and my youngest chose Chuck E. Cheese for her day that year. We typically spend the day somewhere fun that they choose and maybe invite along a friend or two, but not always. This way, there is no stress for me, no pile of unnecessary presents, the whole family has fun, and the birthday child feels special!
I got tired, feeling like I had to keep up with the Jones, that I just stopped. This year, for my daughter's 8th birthday, I made dinner for a few of her friends and we watched a movie and had popcorn. I liked preparing dinner, finding out what she wanted.
I think the most important thing to remember is that birthday parties are NOT competitions! People who enjoy throwing big birthday parties should be able to do it without guilt, and as a blessing to their friends and their children's friends! People who prefer small parties (and are stressed out at the thought of something monumental) should be able to do that without feeling like they need to "keep up." Much of the pressure is put on us by ourselves... do what you and your child want to do!
I am discouraged when I hear parents frustrated by "competing" with others' parties and thus they do not host their own for this reason only. Birthday's hosted with the right attitude are a great celebration of a wonderful, unique person, of any age!
As for gifts... gifts are WONDERFUL! They are a shining example of celebration and generosity! They are part of tradition. They are fun! Most people ENJOY giving gifts (I know we do!) and hate to come empty handed (which can be difficult with a "no gift" policy, though this is personal choice too, and very understandable).
But for some of us, we already have too much, or our child will be getting gifts from family already, or we have no more storage space, or we just had Christmas, or whatever the reason, more gifts are overwhelming! If our child understands how blessed they are, this can be a chance to teach them something beyond themselves (if we want to take it), and teach them the joy of giving.
With our daughter, we have taken opportunities in the past (as she's been too young to care), to host a big celebration but have guests bring something to donate (it seems that no one wants to come empty handed, but we'd rather not ask people to donate cash to some charity either).
Now that she's old enough to understand (four), we've let her choose a charity to donate gifts of some sort to if she wants a friends party, and explained to her that she would still get family gifts (this was FINE with her). What could be better than having all of her friends over to play! And I LOVE hosting parties and being creative... this is part of my personal gifts/skills, so why not bless others with it! (And maybe next year we'll have kids bring gifts, maybe not... we're just going to BE FLEXIBLE and play it by ear).
SPECIFIC PRACTICAL IDEAS: This year we are having her friends bring yarn to donate to the Mother Bear Project, www.motherbearproject.org, which knits bears and sends them to kids with hiv/aids across the world. Last year we had people bring backpacks and school supplies that were handed out via Volunteers of America (www.voamn.org). Other ideas we've considered (after a fair amount of web research), is toys to our local childrens hospital (check for specific policies), or books to libraries, or toys for a city "toy shelf" (North Saint Paul has one). Maybe you can come up with some great ideas too (and please post them, as we've got many years of birthday parties ahead!)
But the biggest thing I want to communicate with this all said, is that we don't want anyone to feel guilty if they do it differently! We get excited to pick out gifts for other kids birthdays and look forward to it! As a child, birthday parties were a great chance to stock our "toy shelf" with not a lot of other toys coming our way (meaning our parents didn't buy us things unless it was Christmas). Gifts are great for teaching thankfulness and thank you notes. We are happy with no gift bags, but blessed when people put time and money into sharing their generosity with us (and teach our daughter to appreciate these things, big or small). We are all different, and as long as an attitude of sharing and giving is involved (rather than doing what is "expected" or "keeping up," than you can't go wrong!) So CELEBRATE! Kids are a beautiful creation of God worthy of celebrating in all different ways!
My children are grown, but as young children we started with simple yet well planned and fun old fashion home-style birthday parties at age 3. They invited 3 friends when they turned 3, 4 friends when they turned 4, and so on up to age 8. After age 8, we stopped with friends parties and the birthday child would decide how they would like to celebrate their birthday. Our oldest son, who's birthday falls at State Fair time, would always choose to spend the entire day of his birthday at the fair with his dad. Also, their birthday always started with their favorite breakfast and other meals throughout the day. We made birthdays a time to celebrate our children, not how much we could spend on them or others. Now, we continue to celebrate who they are on their birthdays with their choosing a home cooked meal or dinner out with the whole family. I have never seen a reason to make celebrating birthdays a high-pressure and costly event. I believe birthdays should be a time to celebrate life.
Wow, my friend Shannon told a group of us about this site, and i love it, and i love the idea of it. Its interesting to me to see that people struggle with parties, i havn't had a struggle like that, maybe it's becasue there is no part of me that feels the need to keep up with "The Jones'" its just not the way i was raised i guess. My two little girls are 2(almost 3), and just turned 4. Our parties have always been small, just the 4 of us, and sometimes their Grandma. I had one big party for my first on her first birthday, and it was fun! There were so many people, it was standing room only! With my second's first birthday, we just didn't have time or money! But, i didn't feel bad about it all, its actually kind of cute when i look back, and we bought those Little Debbie snack cakes, and stacked them on top of each other to look like a cake, she thought it was great (not too picky at that age :)) So anyway, i feel like i'm rambling, i just love what i've read and think this is a great place for parents to get new ideas for future parties. It's always fun to learn how other families celebrate, there are so many wonderful traditions out there! Hey, you all have a great day!
In the past I had really gone overboard for my daughter's birthday parties. However, last year we were really low on cash so I had to change that trend. I threw an under the sea party with 12 little girls and spent less than fifty dollars. Our living room is painted blue so I used that as the background. Then my daughter and I had a blast making fish, lobsters, and a giant octopus our of construction paper. We hung sea creatures all over the living room. We used a storage box and painted it gold to make a treasure chest and filled it with Easter grass (seaweed) and toys from the dollar store as prizes. For a game the girls had a limbo contest using a bamboo pole I bought for a few dollars at the craft store. They also went "fishing" with a pole made from a stick and some string with a magnet on the end. I made the fish out of construction paper and glued a metal paperclip to the back. Food was just pizza, chips, and soda. My daughter said it was the best party she ever had.
Sorry, I got so excited remembering the fun we had that I forgot to mention the point of my bulletin. The point is that the party is for the kids to have fun and most kids can do that without any assistance from adults. We just looked around the house and got creative to use what we already had. Turning the living room into an under water adventure is a memory my daughter and I will always share. As for the other kids, they didn't need anything but each other to have fun.
I just wanted to share an experience my husband and I enjoy at christmas time each yr with our girls. They are aged 12 and 14. We have our girls invite about 7 friends each over on a saturday and we spend the entire day with these children. First we bake dozensssss of christmas cookies together. Then we have a dollar store gift exchange. Then after that we go christmas caroling around our neighborhood. After that is all said and done we come back to our house and start a fire in the backyard firepit and roast marshmellows and have hot apple cider.. cocoa,, hot dogs and enjoy the cookies from the day. At the end of the evening.. all the children get a bag of cookies to take home and share with thier families. This whole day starts at around 10am and ends around 8pm. We have a blast with all these children and it is something we all do together and that myself and my husband are involved with as parents. Birthday parties are very much the same. Very parent interactive and we dont spend a lot of money on it.Just our time. Too many parents put a price tag on the quality of a party for thier children nowadays.. and it should be quality.. not quantity. All the fancy electronics are meant to be babysitters for these children. In our family we have family game night every saturday. It is important not to just the girls.. but to us as parents. It helps our children in so many ways. And my hubby and I look forward to this night. What I am saying is this.. we as parents need to get back to basics. Some of my fondest memories as a child was when my parents and I did things together. Not the big lavish bday parties. Children need parents attention and love and time.. not what money can buy. They are going to remember that long hike in the woods and having a picnic to celebrate a birthday just as much as they will remember a big lavish party, but the difference will be that the picnic was spent with parents sharing quality time. Im not perfect as a parent.. by no means. But my children are on loan from god to me.. and it is my job to deliver them back to him in the end in perfect condition. As a parent.. it is my responsibility to mold them to be the best adults I can. How can I do this if everything they want is lavished upon them whenever they want? No is not a bad word. It doesnt hurt them not to get that 400 dollar ipod or the newest playstation or Wii system. Back to basics is what I say....Thanks for reading this. I will get off my soapbox now lol
Lori Ontario Canada
My boy's birthdays are 2.5 weeks apart, so we often throw a joint party in late October. We love making them feel special by being surrounded by friends, but we HATE making others feel obligated to buy for us, we hate all the obligatory gift bags, and we hate seeing how many useless plastic items made in china that accumulate on the living room floor.
So this year, we said NO GIFTS, just bring the pleasure of your child's company.
WE LOVED THE RESULTS!!!!
We felt good in only GIVING a nice party, and not in the TAKING of other parent's timr or money.
One couple said to us: "P and L, you're the bees knees for throwing a no gifts party. You have set a trend and it's one we will diligently follow!"
It’s my opinion that it's the parents competing not the kids. I refuse to give in to parent peer pressure which dictates that "I must give my children what ever they want." Parents who fall into this trap have no backbone. You are the parent just say "NO". Since when do your neighbours dictate who, where, when, and how much. It seems to me that parents who fall into this trap of "My dog is better than yours" are teaching their kids to be materialistic and extremely shallow. Listen if you want to hold a grand party for your kids, go ahead BUT "DO NOT JUDGE EVERYONE ELSE BY YOUR STANDARDS!" I personally feel it is foolish for any one to spend $1,200.00 on a preschool party. As to peer pressure, well people, a 4 year old doesn't feel it. So let’s put the blame where it really belongs, on the parents. If you don't wish to keep up with the Jones’s then don't. HAVE A BACK BONE! If your child throws a harry canary then let them because No means NO and Don't we have enough kids out there who do not know or understand what this word means. So parents grow up!! Teach your kids what you are supposed to teach them...Respect, Self Determination, Courtesy, Politeness and to except that we are all different and MONEY is not everything, In fact it seems to me parents are teaching their kids how to be SPOILED BRATS. Now on that note lets now talk about the other real reason other than keeping up with the Jones’s that parents hold these lavish parties on the extreme side, its because they cannot be bothered to interact with their children, please do not tell me your are interacting with your child when you are chatting with other parents at the party and allowing some stranger to become excited and active with your child. So you see it’s not about lavish parties it’s about people who are shallow and insecure. Now you say "Oh No! Not me!" then answer this If it's not about your own ego and insecurities, why are you telling everyone how much it cost and at the same time knocking some other parent down who didn’t do the party as grandly and why are you participating in such a waste of money? No wonder our kids are financially out of control because we are letting them be. You know teaching children to be thrifty, generous, humble, gracious, compassionate, charitable and kind is not an odious thing it is the one thing we as parents can do for our children in a society that permits everything. We as the parents must teach our children control and that means telling little Suzy or Johnny "NO". We are the elders, the life experienced ones, and hopefully not as self oriented. So Wake-Up, Stop Whining about who has money and who doesn't, who had a ridiculously expensive birthday party for their child and who didn't and GROW-UP! Teach your kids not to bend to peer pressure by not doing it yourself. PUT UP OR SHUT UP! And for Goodness’ sake stop whining like spoiled brats, it’s repugnant.
I have 2 daughters, age 7 & 10. We celebrate their birthday every year with the family, dinner, cake and they also can do something special with 1 or 2 friends, movie or amusement partk . When they turn a significant age, 1, 5, 10 and so on, they are allowed a birthday party with a group of friends. I sometimes feel bad because most of their friends have a birthday party every year but I still stick to my guns and they understand and do not complain.
Hello from Canada! I know parties can be stressful but they honestly don't have to be. Although I live in the city (just outside of Toronto) I have an old country attitude. If I hand everything over to my children on a silver platter, how will they learn to fend for themselves when they grow? I ran my own home daycare for 5 years so when it came time for birthdays, no way was I paying for anything. I can make everything myself! I made my own games, my own food, etc. and had my kids help make it all. They were (and still are)given a limit on how many they can have attend (does not include family - they usually come to a separate party for family only) and how often they got a party. They could either get a really good gift (new bike, video games etc) or have a party. If they chose a party, that was their gift from mom & dad. My kids are now 13 and 10 and same rules apply - party or gift. Now, as they have grown parties are a little harder - especially for boys. House parties not the easiest thing for a bunch of boys (unless you're into headaches) as they usually only want to play video games (can't play outside - too cold). Girls are much easier for house parties - tea party, princess party, fashion party, etc - use your imagination and they have loads of fun. Not sure how the great USA works but here, if you want to have a party anywhere outside your home, you must have a min. of 10 -12 kids and the prices (depends on what you're doing) average 12 - 17.00 per child! And that does not include food/cake or grab bags. So, can get quite costly - hence, this is our gift to our children if they choose a party. Society where I live is very multi cultural and the majority don't have parties the way us 'Canadians' do. So, unfortunately, my kids don't go to many parties (because the other kids parents don't have them) but I am known as one of the best coolest mom's in town!(and I love every minute of it too). One year, for my daughters 7th?? birthday I made it a 'poka dot party'. I cut out big circles and placed in a circle on the floor - musical dots (instead of musical chairs). Pin the dot in the circle - more circles to be put into a larger circle (instead of pin the tail on the donkey). We decorated foam sun hats with dots. The grab bags were paper bags which we dotted with bingo dabbers! My daughter had a blast helping make everything and her friends thought it was the best party ever. And it cost me barely anything. So, it can be done but you need to plan ahead. You can't pull off a party 2 days before hand without being prepared - unless you want to spend a fortune and then yes, it can be done. It's not like we don't know 365 days in advance when their birthday is the next year! Birthdays and stress should not be used in the same sentence and again, as long as you prepare and plan - it's a piece of cake!
My oldest is just turned 5. I found the least pressure came from doing a macdonalds party. They included the food, cake, loot bags with NO Candy in & the play structure and it was cheaper then having a party at my home & less mess & organising. My daughter loved it.
Hello! This is the first time I've posted a comment before, but felt it was necessary to give an opinion. I would really like to know who decided it was a great idea to give out giftbags anyway. Isn't the entertainment, cake and fun good enough?! This is just an example of spending unnecessarily. My kids are 8 & 9 now and are into more expensive things. So, I have always given them the option of having a party or spending the money I would have spent on the party. I limit it to $250 per party. So, this gives them the option of getting something they really want instead of a bunch of little things they don't really need and ends up in the Goodwill pile in a year. We still have cake and their favorite meal on their special day if they choose the "no party" route. If not, we spend the $250 however they choose to celebrate their party. This also helps teach them how to save and spend their money. Also, limiting the spending to $250 forces us to make a lot of things and be creative. We have often had sleepovers with cake, pizza, games, crafts, a movie, dancing and donuts in the morning which turns out to be one of their favorite ways to celebrate. So, keeping it simple turns out to be the most fun. The only thing I wish for is a cleaning service the next day!
I love this site! I live in an affluent suburb and at the last birthday party we went to there were so many kids that the 9 year old birthday boy didn't even open his presents until he went home...and of course, we never got a thank you card!
Oh well, my husband and I aren't playing that game. My son will be 9 next month and when I asked him what he wanted he said he wanted to have a Yu-gi-oh tournament. We already have everything we need, it's just a matter of buying a cake and sending out the invites. So, we're going to have 6 boys who are going to have a blast and it'll cost us very little. And my son gets what he wants! It's a win for everyone..and no stress for us!
For our now teenage daughter, we have done very simple parties--one year each girl brought a pre-washed t-shirt and they painted them with puffy paints. Another year, when younger, we met at a local park wading pool to swim and play in the park. Another year, we roasted hotdogs in the firepit and slept in our tent--it stormed and we moved the tent in the living room--they still talk about that! Her parties have been smaller, at home and less than $50, but I heard from many parents how much their girls look foward to our parties.
For my son, we have gone bowling, sledding, snowball fights and swimming at the local Jr. High for $3.00 each. The last 2 years, my son decided instead of gifts, he wanted donations for the local animal shelter.
For the cake, I make a cookie crust, cover it with ice cream and my kids pick out the candy toppings. Inexpensive and always a hit.
I also don't do large group overnights--I can have great fun with the kids, but my patience ends at 10 PM! And I don't pay the price with a messy house and crabby kids the next day.
Get back to basics. After attending a birthday party for my daughter's friend when she was 4 years old they had a pony come to the party, that was it for me. I said back to good old birthday parties..After that for my daughter's birthday we would have barbeque hamburgers or hot dogs, chips, cut up watermelon and cake. We have a pool so the kids would swim. Lots of fun without the frills. We invited a few of her good friends. As she got older, we made the party a little later and had a slumber party. I hate slumber parties, but it only goes on for a few years. She is now 22.
For my two-year-old's birthday party, I had it at a toddler-gym playspace just because I didn't want to have to setup/cleanup. However, I included a note with each invite that requested (instead of a present) a picture of each child along with a picture of something they loved, and the reason why they loved it. Then I put everything together into a scrapbook for my daughter and she loves to page through it and see her friends/family and name them & their favorite things. She got a few gifts from us and her grandparents, but my friends were spared from having to spend money and we were spared the clutter of dozens more toys she doesn't need. And she has a special personalized scrapbook that she loves.
Every year for my sons party, we have him decide the theme, then we invite some friends and family over and have a great time. this past year i decided to have 6 different colored icings(white icing with food coloring), some sprinkles, and i had the kids(and adults)decorate cookies. everyone enjoyed it. we always have a at home party, so that we can save money. it works for us
Our kids range from 15 to 22. When the oldest (a boy) was younger we attended parties by his friends and they were all out of control. Kids would get too over wrought and really not have fun and the parents would be stressed from shelling out. I saw gifts get broken before they even got played with. So, I decided that for the most part birthdays were family celebrations. If they wanted to have a friend over later they could as part of their "present". From then on we would come up with three small family trips the child could pick one from and we would all go and celebrate together. Birthday child always got to pick a special souvenir and got their cake and goodies on location. They never saw it as a selfish time, but a sharing time with family. My daughter will be turning 16 next year and we are planning a three day trip to an island. She is allowed to invite up to three real friends. They have to pay for their accomodations (split). I'll pay for food and fun. We can afford to pay for it all, but I have found that when the children have to save up, they understand the investment. Instead of the huge sweet 16 party, I also booked a real life black tie event for us all to attend for the new year. She was thrilled. I believe birthdays are all about teaching them how to grow up and new experiences. I have to admit that the children get the compliments on their maturity and demeanor. The oldest drink responsibly, they are boys, and their first drink was with their dad as host at their favorite pub. They looked forward to it for years. Their dad said if they didn't wait to drink with him, he wouldn't celebrate with them. A man holds his word he says. So, what fun to see them share this moment, and to realize that they didn't have to drink to have fun as their teen years of sobriety taught them.
I think that birthday's are totally over done. for my son we celebrated 5 & 10 with a small party 2-3 friends. At 13 we took him to South America to visit family he visited a Rainforest reserve. Once we were out of interior he ate at a local brazilian restaurant. He celebrated his 15th birthday at a mission post in Guyana South America. What did he learn? just how lucky he is when he is back home in NA. He watchs the show My Sweet 16 these parents don't need to give there kids these parties they need to remove wealth by a generaion and teach kids value of giving to others. My son will be 16 this year - We have not discussed a party & I amsure he will gather with friends but he will give something back to the community locally or globally.
I decided to take the "birthday" out of the party. We still have a party, but no one brings gifts and we don't give out the party bags. I serve cupcakes so that all the children can serve themselves, and there is no waiting until the candles have been blown out for everyone to start eating. Now I don't have the underappreciated presents to sort through and give away at the end of the year, and I don't have to send out thank you letters after the party. It easily saves me $50 on the cost of the party, and many hours of time. I also feel like I have more time to enjoy the party itself.
My 4 year old's birthday lands just after Christmas on New Years Eve. I think birthday's are a special time and I have often worried she would feel her day is overshadowed by the "big" holiday. I have found this is not the case. It was tempting to have big extravaganza to try to make up for it. However my husband came up with an excellent idea. For the last 3 years we have rented the ice surface at our local arena, (they have a deal on during the holidays)We allow her to invite as many people as she wants, we include our whole extended family, uncles, cousins etc. everybody goes skating, our small family of 5 have a special meal and cake. It's like having a huge party without all the fuss and its not that expensive.
When she is older I imagine I will volunteer to be the babysitter for a sleepover while the other moms and Dad's Celebrate the New Year. For now skating and cake make her feel special.
My sister lives in Orange County and you would not believe the kinds of places they rent out, and what they pay, for kids' parties!
I was mildly obsessive until I went to a party of my daughter's best friend, a Mormon family. Guess what they did? They had cake, a craft, and they PLAYED. They got out the toys and they just PLAYED. The kids do NOT enjoy the party any better with all the bells and whistles and quite frankly, I don't want my kids bonding too deeply with kids who are that status-conscious. We're on a limited budget and can't possibly please a child with a lot of material expectations, so better not encourage that behavior!
Plain and simple: These Partyzillas are either a function of the dopey parents trying to one-up each other or the bratty kids doing the same.
My family does not have a lot of money, even compared to some of my high school classmates in the Bronx. No one I knew had a "Super" Sweet 16, but they were all pretty expensive : catering hall, DJ, big expensive cake, candle ceremony. I knew my family couldn't afford all that and I didn't want all that anyway. So, for my sweet 16 (4 years ago), we rented this old (unheated) mansion in Yonkers, NY for 100 dollars because my grandfather did the gardening there, and we had a "masquerade ball" (my birthday is october 28). All of my guests came in costume, we bought a wedge, and a lot of my family members chipped in with food and decoration, my uncle had DJ equipment and did the party with the help of a friend (the dance floor was in an empty second floor swimming pool that he filled with smoke from the fog machine) he also enlisted the help of some of his friends to dress up and hide around the house to scare my guests. My father wrote up a "haunted tour" of the mansion and scared everyone half to death. 4 years later, my friends still talk about it as the most memorable and most fun sweet 16 they've ever been to, and with the most delicious (homemade) cake. It's not about how much you spend, it's about creativity, uniqueness, and some teamwork.
When my sister and I were growing up, my mom had the rule that we could invite as many people we wanted, up to the number of years aged (so when I turned 9, I could invited 9 friends to a birthday party).
I think I may have lucked out on party ideas since my birthday is close to Halloween, so I generally had costume parties growing up. But even my sister, whose birthday is in the dead of winter, was always able to come up with ideas for what she wanted. Both of our sweet-16's were also low-key: I went to see a movie with friends and my sister simply had a family party with her boyfriend in attendance. It was what we wanted.
For my daughter's 5th birthday we took her and five friends to Libby Lu for a dress up party. We discussed beforehand how it would be nice that since she already has toys that it would be a good idea to help out a worthy organization. Since she absolutely loves animals, we decided to ask her friends to bring in cat food and cat toys to help out a local animal shelter instead of presents. I heard from the other mothers how the girls loved picking out the cat food and were really happy to participate. A couple days after the party I took my daughter to drop off the food and a week later she received a thank you note from the shelter. She was delighted and she told me she wanted to do a donation party again next year.
My daughter has a large party, but all the parents have agreed not to open the gifts at the party.
A friend only allows one guest per year of the birthday child's age, ie. at 5 years old, they can have 5 guests. The count does not include family, so you can't leave your brother out!
The best party we had was at the local park. I went early and laid claim to one of the gazabos w/ picnic tables. As the kids came I had a pile of "park things" ie: jumpropes, sidewalk chalk, balls, hulahoops etc. The kids were able to play on the playground most of the party and they had a BLAST !! After cake and snacks, we had soccer drills (bday girls loves soccer). Since it was at a public park, my girls were able to invite all thier friends and friend's siblings(thier bdays are 12 days apart, so we combine parties). The timing was after lunch, so we only needed to provide drinks and snacks for everyone so the costs were kept down. The park was free, no ponies, no extra expences and the kids remember it to this day, everytime we go to the park.
I love putting on big parties, I just love organizing it and making the kids happy.
For us the rule of thumb- number of guests equal to the age of the child- has been a great help. So at 7 years old, my son had 7 guests.
I am lucky that both of my son's were born in warm months. Alex's birthday is in the middle of June. For several years we'd grill at the lake and let the guests swim and play on the playground. Now that he's older we have bonfires and let him take a few friends to play Lazer Tag.
My younger son's party last year was a "knight" theme. Each child drew on a cardboard shield, and we gave them each a foam pipe insulation piece to use as a sword. Then they ran around our back yard, battleing the "troll" (my husband). I made the cake in the shape of a sword. Goodie bags were simple and inexpensive. Blake had a great time and so did the kids.
It's easy to forget that they are just kids. Too much is too much. They will never even notice a lot of the extras and even get too tired to enjoy them! I will add that Blake's teacher told me about a parent's comment that the party was so nice-because it did not do anything commercial, but was just a lot of fun for the kids.
I posted earlier about a large park party. I forgot to mention that I had the help of many moms to keep an eye on the kids and we had cut material that the kids wore as a bandana on thier head or tied on thier arm so the helper moms knew which kids were "ours". We had a nature treasure hunt (in shifts) to keep the kids busy. We also made simple crafts for the kids to take home (but the wind was a bit of a challange).
We keep the kids as the focus of the party and not the frills and everyone had a great time.
When my son was younger I was stressed out doing parties. So I told him I would take he and one friend to the city, stay overnight and go to a ball game. It was perfect. Turned out to be picture day at the ball park and the kids got their picture taken with the players.
My daughter's playmates all had birthdays (including hers & her sister) three weekends in a row. All of us parents got together and decided to do park parties. The kids enjoying playing on the playgrounds and refreshments (cake & drinks). Amazingly the parties with pizza and goodie bags vs the party with sandwiches and veggie trays were both as successful as the one with only cake.
I highly recommend doing parties at a park with a playground. Less stress on the parents and clean up is a breeze!
Luckily I have never felt much pressure to keep up with the Jone's so our children have had pretty simple Birthday parties. Our youngest just turned 17 this past week and had the same basic party that she has had for the last 7 years. 4-5 girlfriends spend the night staying up playing games and watching movies. My husband takes off work the next day and we serve a big breakfast with fun menus we have created on the computer. Last year it was the "Pigs for Pancakes" restaraunt. He is the waiter and I am the chef. The girls order what they want and he plays his role to the max. This year our daughter did not seem to care if we did the breakfast but her friends were so disappointed, I ran to the store while they were still sleeping and pulled it together. Some of the girls have changed over the years but the memories for all of them will remain. They truly look forward to coming to her birthdays.
I am so glad to see parents finally starting to come around. We have always requested no gifts at the partys, from friends that is, relatives are welcome to do so. I usually separate the two and have a family party and a friend party. My 3rd grader is offically done with the party thing. Last year we tried something different. I told her that she could have 3 friends over. We went out to a Tea House and had high tea, then got pedicures and manicures (at the local beauty collage) and went to the park. All in all it cost us around 100.00 for everything, cake, lunch, movie (at home), dinner, and the manicure and pedicure for 2 adults and 3 kids. It was the most fun that we have ever had. Our other treat that we do is on their birthday we let them go to the store and pick out their special gift. This way I don't have to "worry", as some say, about the perfect gift and disapointing their kids with the wrong gift. That is their gift. I have 3 kids within 4 years, they all play with each others toys, so we have plenty! They don't need a ton. They enjoy going to the store and out for dinner as a family for their special day more than opening their presents from grandparents, aunts and uncles. And I love to see what the pickout and where they want to go. They always suprise me with what it is. And that one toy always seams to get played with more throughout the year than any other one...
-some things we have done - not started outside the home parties until over the age of 5 years
-ask the kid what they want, sometimes it is very easy and low cost
-we ask each year for books to donate to the library at my son's school instead of gifts, and it has been a huge hit
-gift bags we usually find something small that goes along with the theme of the event, they do not have to break the bank
-this past weekend my son went to a birthday sleepover with his friend, they went sledding, ate waffles with ice cream and strawberries for breakfast (his friend does not like cake) and had the best time
-our local bowling alley offers bowling, shoes and pizza for about $5 a kid all you have to do is bring the cake.
-don't forget to ask the kid!
Instead of bringing a gift, my 5-yr old daughter's friends were asked on the invitation card to "bring a fun game that everyone can play together." There were many creative ideas. In this way, the kids were all involved in "designing" the party, and they all felt very much included.
I have 3 girls and this year we had one Halloween party, for all, three in lieu of 3 big blowout birthday parties -- which I agree are out of hand and ridiculous. Then we will just have family parties with cake and dinner for the birthdays.
The kids were fine with the one Halloween party. The Halloween party was fun for all the children in attendance, without focus one just one child.
And as for birthday parties for other children: we get a least on invite a week. Since weekends are some of the only non-rushed, non-scheduled time that we have together as family: we graciously decline the invite unless it is a special friend that the kids play with regularly.
Sometimes there are invites for 2 kids, in the same class, on the same day -- crazy to me. I've tried broaching the subject of combining parties by month (i.e., a group party), and just plain downsizing the whole kid party agenda with other mom's, but thus far I just get blank looks and the subject is immediately changed. Frustrating!
Thirteen years ago, I received excellent advice from a mother of five when I complained that my four-year-old son appeared overwhelmed by gifts and too many people when 15 guests showed up for his birthday party.
She said, "I tell my kids that the guest list must equal their age." From then on, I followed her wise advice with both our children. The parties became more enjoyable with less pressure.
Last year, for our daughter's third birthday, we "borrowed" an idea from a friend of hers. We asked her friends to bring, in lieu of gifts for the birthday girl, donations for the Ronald McDonald house, and we included a copy of the current "wish list" from the RMH. Our local Ronald McDonald house supports St Jude's Children's Research hospital (thank you, Danny Thomas) and LeBoneur Children's hospital. We made the donation in our daughter's name, and she was pleased as pie to receive her own personal thank you card. And, no, she did NOT miss the birthday gifts.
We plan to do the same thing for years to come and, at some point, get her in on the decision to choose a charity.
We have added to our family in the past year, and when our son's first birthday comes around this summer, we will do the same thing. And we'll serve the family's traditional first birthday cake: Hostess cupcakes.
I was looking at some of the suggestions for parents and some of them seem a little bit off, i am a firefighter i am all for giving and its great to see my child want to give he has taken money from his pocket and givin it to charity but his birthday is his day, im not saying to go completly out of control but im not going to make him give his birthday money to charity beacuse thats not what giving is about, this does not give him the feeling like he did something to help something it gives him a feeling like he is missing out. what i like to see and what lets me know that im doing things right is when he gives his birthday money to charity and its his choice, thats what giving is about.
The pressure to give your little kid a big party is definitely alive and well here in Duluth. We went elaborate only once for each of our two kids and that was enough. My son's summer party now consists of a sprinkler, water guns, balloons, shaving cream creation contest, egg toss and other fun, simple games plus cake & icecream and that's it...no gift bags. The boys love it! We even had them playing musical chairs up until age 11! My daughter's Dec 26th birthday is celebrated quietly with family. A few days later she's allowed to invite 2 or 3 friends over for a sleepover, cake icecream, a movie, popcorn and that's it...no gift bags, no big expenses. The girls love it! We believe kids nowadays just need to play and be kids without so much structure and materialism.
My neice recently turned six and since every other child in her class had had a birthday party and invited everyone, my sister too was under pressure to do the same. She had already given in a paid for the hall but I volunteered to host the party, as entertainers can cost fortune and do not really do much that can't be done by ourselves. We created a donkey for Pin the Tail on the Donkey, Musical Statues, Musical Bumps, Pass The Hat... and most of the kids were more interested in running around after a couple of balloons. A lesson learnt and a lot of money saved!
I decided very early on that when my daughter had a birthday party all guests would be told not to bring presents, and that we would not be giving presents if my daughter went to any parties. This was never queried by any parent, and my daughter has enjoyed many a party, and has never been ostracised from anyone else's party because she wouldn't be bring presents. In fact, one mother once told me she could be "so brave".
This little bit of saving has meant that we have been able to give our daughter reasonable parties, like bowling, ice skating, trampoling/swimming where we have restricted numbers to the amount we could actually afford.
As my daughter has now hit 13 and just wants small gatherings with only a handful of friends, the last party of ice skating cost us no more than about £60 - something in the region of $118 American dollars.
I was overwhelmed by the birthday party ordeal & although parties for my son were reasonable I always dreaded the chaos that goes along with parties. Last year I told him he could choose 1-3 friends and we would do something special. He loves going to the waterpark in Charleston, SC every summer and waits excitedly for the opening date. It fell on the weekend of his birthday so he chose to go to the waterpark & take one friend. They had a blast and I actually enjoyed his birthday celebration.
As a mother of five grown children, I did't have the pleasure of dealing with high pressure parties, but I did still get each of my children a small party consisting of mostly family and very few friends. At age five (for each of the kids) the parties were all but a thing of the past and we started having the children pick one or two of their friends and they were given a choise of one activity and dinner as their birthday party. The major birthdates are the only time that we plan a specila party and then it is still kept down to only very close friends and family. We also make sure that the invitees RSVP so we know who to expect on that day and don't over do ourselves.
This has never caused a hardship for us. Or to feel like we are tring to out do our friends and family.
I LOVE Paint Your Own Pottery places for parties. They are affordable, the kids keep the pottery they painted instead of getting junky gift bags, the atomsphere is fairly serene, not crazy. I can see doing a pottery party year after year since everyone has a good time and the kids are engaged in a positive and creative activity. Another great idea to curb the gift overload is to have each child bring a bag of dog or cat food so the birthday child can personally donate it to the Humane Society.
As our daughter started making more friends and wanted to invite more girls to her party each year, we decided that she could either invite all the friends she wanted (about 12 of them) and tell them NO gifts, OR she could invite just a few friends but still have them bring gifts. She really thought about it for a long time and finally decided she'd rather have all her friends there even if it meant no presents. We were so proud of her! We have done this for two birthdays now. The only problem is that there are some people (parents of guests) who just do NOT listen when we say "no gifts." They say they would "feel weird" not bringing a present, or that they "just wanted to get her a little something." This creates an awkward moment for other guests at the party when 2 or 3 of them show up with presents. I don't know how to stop people from doing this, other than to keep repeating every year to please NOT bring gifts!!
I have two kids with special needs who are usually not invited to parties at all. It seems to me that middle class parents with this kind of angst need to just say no to their kids, and move on to the more important issues of the day. There are many good causes to chose from.
We have now got to the point where our kids invite 2-4 of their good friends for a sleepover.
We go out for a movie/bowling/etc. After we come home the girls do extreme makeovers(Yipes!!) and crafts and that's what they take home. My daughter is 11
My son (15) has his friends over, they play video games all night long and eat tons of Pizza and lots of soda. His friends bring their game consoles and basically hang out togehter in game heaven! Again they go out to see a movie of their choice.
This works for us and the other parents, it is really stress free, other than being loud and noisy, but since it is only one or twice a year, that's fine!!!
When my daughter, who just turned sixteen, started getting invited to one or two parties a month, the cost of buying gifts got ridiculous. We told her (and the parents of the child whose party it was) that she would no longer be bringing gifts. In return, at her next birthday, no gifts sould be brought and any that were would be donated. I haven't had a problem since. She wanted to have a huge "Super Sweet 16" party, famed after that horrific TV show, but we said NO. That was 6 months ago and I haven't heard another thing about it. Obviously, no trauma.
We have 4 boys and early on decided that starting at age 6 they could have a party out of the home (like Chuck E Cheese)on even birthdays and at home on odd ones. This has been fine for them. What they really like is having fun with their friends, so anything from arcades games at Chuck's to hikes in the woods or swimming at the lake or neighborhood pool has been done. They don't really care about presents so much as sharing the day with their friends. They do like to pick out presents to give when friends have birthdays.
When I was a kid, my parents gave us a choice for our birthday, we either had a party or a "My Way" Day. We almost always chose "My Way" days where we could watch our favorite movies, eat favorite foods, have everyone play our favorite games, and go wherever we wanted for a day. My mom loved it. I always wanted to go to the pet store and book store and my mom thought it was a fair trade off to buy me some books as extra presents than to organize a huge birthday party.
These cut-throat parents are bringing their kids up to be cut-throats. They're cut-throats at work too, and so their kids will be. Yet another reason to be glad I didn't have kids. For this, and for so very very many other reasons; this is no world to bring a child into.
And I thought we were the only family who didn't engage in this birthday craziness! Good for you getting this group organized!
We quit throwing parties YEARS ago for our kids (now 11 and 8, and 1). On the actual birthday we have a nice family dinner with their aunt/uncle and grandma who live in town. They bring 1 present each, usually. After that, the child chooses a weekend outing for the family - nothing too far away, maybe a couple hour drive. For example, we have been camping at many State parks, visiting Rock City, canoeing, etc.... The kids have a great time, we create family memories and don't add more stuff to the house. The 2 -3 presents they get from family are more than enough.
We also do not attend other kids' parties unless we are really really good friends, which tend to not be overwhelming affairs. It was the multiple acquaintences/schoolmates who were going all out - we don't miss seeing those folks too much anyway!
I say to anyone who is just starting to shuck off this crazy b'day stuff - to stick with it. Before long you won't even think about it anymore and care even less.
Whatever happened to Pin the Tail on the Donkey, Bobbing for Apples, or The Memory Game? I refuse to bend to "Other Mother's Ideals" My kids got the Twister game out or they played the memory game where you put 15 household items a fork, a curler, a bar of soap and so on on a tray, covered with a towel. Each child gets 1 minute to look at the tray. Then with paper and pencil they write what they remember. The one(s) with the most items remembered, win a prize. I used to buy Golden books or other age appropriate books and sing along CD's as prizes. I'd pick them up while doing my regular grocery shopping every week and keep them in a bin in the closet until needed. For the older girls I would buy fancy hair accessories or hairspray. For the boys it was a whiffle ball set or some sports oriented thing. I did the whole THEME DAY too when they got in their early teens. I bought 15 tickets to the local AAA baseball team game and my daughters all had so much fun at the game and the party in the park after they requested the same thing for their birthdays. They had some friends, the game, soft drinks on the house, hot dogs, hamburgers and it cost me for 15 kids and 4 adults $125.00. All the kids had a blast and so did the adults. The birthday child had his/her face on the big board too for all the crowd to see. Another "party" we did was at a local campsite. We had a campfire smores, ghost stories and camped out over night. Again the kids were so happy. I bought a sheet cake on the way to the campsite, from the grocery store and kept it in a cooler on ice until that evening after we had supper cooked over the campfire. Those are the times the kids remember when they get older not how mommy spent her alimony check trying to out due the step mommy. (My neighbor) it was a nightmare! Her daughter came camping and she LOVED IT!
Whatever happened to Pin the Tail on the Donkey, Bobbing for Apples, or The Memory Game? I refuse to bend to "Other Mother's Ideals" My kids got the Twister game out or they played the memory game where you put 15 household items a fork, a curler, a bar of soap and so on on a tray, covered with a towel. Each child gets 1 minute to look at the tray. Then with paper and pencil they write what they remember. The one(s) with the most items remembered, win a prize. I used to buy Golden books or other age appropriate books and sing along CD's as prizes. I'd pick them up while doing my regular grocery shopping every week and keep them in a bin in the closet until needed. For the older girls I would buy fancy hair accessories or hairspray. For the boys it was a whiffle ball set or some sports oriented thing. I did the whole THEME DAY too when they got in their early teens. I bought 15 tickets to the local AAA baseball team game and my daughters all had so much fun at the game and the party in the park after they requested the same thing for their birthdays. They had some friends, the game, soft drinks on the house, hot dogs, hamburgers and it cost me for 15 kids and 4 adults $125.00. All the kids had a blast and so did the adults. The birthday child had his/her face on the big board too for all the crowd to see. Another "party" we did was at a local campsite. We had a campfire smores, ghost stories and camped out over night. Again the kids were so happy. I bought a sheet cake on the way to the campsite, from the grocery store and kept it in a cooler on ice until that evening after we had supper cooked over the campfire. Those are the times the kids remember when they get older not how mommy spent her alimony check trying to out due the step mommy. (My neighbor) it was a nightmare! Her daughter came camping and she LOVED IT!
I have two small children and we have always celebrated their parties in a fun style. I think, and it appears this website agrees, that it is the comfort level of the parent and their budget that warrants something as over the top. My children have cousins and friends that are close, and to be honest, to rent the pool at the hotel for $75 for all those people is alot less stressful for me then having a party at our home. Or going to the teddy bear connection for $60 for 7 kids was easily worth it. I think as long as you enjoy it, your child is having fun and celebrating with their friends and you can afford, you should go for it. It teaches our children how to be host, how to entertain their friends and how to be gracious. Life is short, our kids are only kids one...they should have fun!
For our kids birthdays, we let them pick a resturant, any resturant they want, we go there and let them order almost anything they want from the menu.then we hit the video game store or the toy store for a gift. They can pick one really big expensive gift or several smaller gifts. That is up to them. Then we go home and have cake and sometimes a friend will come over for the cake. Nothing fancy but thats what the kids want. we ask them every year, do you want a party? They get upset and say, Why cant we go to dinner at such and such a place and then go to where ever for a gift? One year our daughter cried because she thought we were taking her birthday dinner away from her.. Call me cheap, i dont think so. Dinner for four people at a nice resturant can be expensive.They get so excited when birthday dinner time comes around. One year, my daughter said lets stay home and have all my favorite dishes. So i cooked stuffing and chicken legs, green bean casserole and pineapple upside down cake. We had fun.. no pressure. We went camping for my sons last birthday and it was halloween at the campground so we went trick or treating for his birthday. Oh, we always get thanks yous and hugs from them and they say this was great mom and dad.
Nice does not have to be expensive.
Our child will be three years old in April. The first year we had a Noah's Ark themed party with giant animals all over the house. Last year we decide not to party, got the stroller and the three of headed to the Fort Worth Zoo. The grandparents visited the following weekend and we had b-day cake and ice cream. Many people thought we had a secret party and did not invite them. We only wanted to have a simple, old fashioned birthday experience for our son.
For my 3 kids' bday partys (held in July & Nov), we had 5 kids plus the bday child. We swam in the pool, got in the hot tub and just had them run around and be kids. My 8 year old's was the most fun (especially for my husband). We filled water balloons and had the kids hit them with a wooden baseball bat. We got cheap squirt guns and each boy took one home. But we filled them via the pool and since my husband didn't have a gun, he tossed the water balloons at the boys. You never heard so much squealing in your life!!! It was great.
I am the mother of a singleton and triplets. I'm also a Cub Scout leader. I have never felt like I had to give elaborate parties. I've always done cake and ice cream, something to drink (usually their only soda for a while!) and home made games and fun. I would get dollar store trinkets for prizes. I don't do goodie bags! When my triplets turned ten, I was ready to do their "decade" party -- but they decided they'd rather go to their favorite Mexican restaurant. No muss, no fuss, and our friends who own/work there had a blast with us!
We've also done the no gift route and asked party-comers to bring donations to the local food bank. That worked really well, too.
I'm tired of doing parties every year. No more! We can do big celebrations every few years, and when we don't, they can choose something special they would like to do, and one friend to do it with.
I have children whom are 10, 13 and 16. My oldest is a boy.
I realized this behavior in all areas, not just party planning, when my son was small. I refused to compete with other parents when it came to my children, I was happy to have them and felt blessed to be able to raise them.
When did child rearing turn into a competition? It's become ridiculous. I have a friend and when her first daughter was born, all she talked about was how smart her daughter was compared to other children, that even the pediatrician agreed that she was 'so smart!" Let's just say that I haven't seen a whole lot of her since she had kids.
I feel that a lot of these parents don't see their children's faults or strengths which can be detrimental to their children. These kids are going to grow up thinking that they have to be better than everyone else and then the cycle perpetuates.
We all love our children and can't expect others to think that our children are better than their own.
I said no way to big birthday parties when my kids were little also. Instead we would invite maybe two friends to go to McDonald's and a movie or invite one friend to go with us to Disneyland, etc. Also, when we did have kids over for a party (we always did it at home)I wouldn't give out gift bags, I would hand out a book or a package of clay, something useful that the kids could take home to play with. I also gave out gift dollars to fast food restaurants in our area. We always made our own cake. At one party when my daughter was 4 we invited her preschool class over and everyone made ice cream sundaes. It pretty much consumed the whole party but the kids thought it was great and it was cheap and easy for me!
This past Halloween I agreed to throw a Halloween party for my youngest daughter. We bobbed for apples (which kids know nothing about these days), I dressed up like a gypsy and read fortunes. The kids had a blast and it was all very down home and different than anything the kids were used to. They loved it!
So to parents that need to throw lavish parties or brag about their children, please realize that the kids just want to have fun and be together in a different environment. There is so much more out there to do and explore when you let go of what other people may think of you!
It was hard trying to fit in a birthday party for my younger son, who has a birthday in April around spring break time. A lot of people go on vacation etc, and he always felt a little sad that his brithday party with friends either was very early, or after the fact. So, we had an "good old fashion B-day party." 6, 2nd grade boys road the school bus to our house with my sons after school, which was a thrill in itself I later found out. We had a snack, played all kinds of games outside including basketball and baseball. At times I found just letting them letting them run and make up their own games was great. We then had pizza, a homemade cake, and back outside. It was a warm sunny day in April, and the kids are still talking about how much fun they had. Just kids, sun, and fun. The party started after school around 3:30 and we drove all the boys home around 6. Easy for all parents, also.
We've never really had a fancy party for our boys (ages 3 and 1). We basically just invite people over for a backyard cookout. No formal games. The kids are perfectly happy to just run around and play with what is there.
Our 3 year old just had his first party with gifts this year. (And we only had 3 other families come, so it was small.) Previously we always wrote on the invite, "no gifts please".
For our 1 year olds first birthday, we had about 5 families. It was in December, so we noted on the invite, "Instead of a gift, please bring a new, unwrapped toy to be donated to Toys for Tots." Two Marines even came to the party to pick them up.
The boys don't need anything more. I just want them to have an opportunity to have a nice cake, play with their friends, and go to sleep happy. They don't need a lot for that to happen!
This year is just a sleepover with movies and a couple of simple activities. As the kid's birthdays are within 6 weeks of Christmas we opted for a $5.00 "White Elephant" gift request for a pass the parcel game. I planned to buy two or three extra gifts just in case so there enough $5.00 parcels.
My two have written clues for a scavenger hunt and have movies chosen.
We do, however, have a family gathering seperately at my parents as my immediate family consists of 19 people and it's just easier that way.
Great site for a growing problem! We decided when our kids were born to try to take some of the pressure off ourselves! We made a couple rules. Only small family get-togethers until 5th birthday...then a nice party for friends. After that, alternating years... even years--small family party... odd years--party with friends. Fun sleepovers and McDonalds Playplace parties have been some of the "bigger" parties. The kids (now 11, 9, and 5), have never questioned it or seemed to mind. Most of the pressure for the elaborate comes from us parents, not our children.
Maybe it is because my birthday always occurred at the beginning of the school year (and was NEVER remembered by my friends), but birthdays have never been that big of a deal to me. I have never made them a huge deal for my daughter either.
For most of my life, family birthdays have consisted on a nice dinner at a favorite restaurant and a few gifts. Sometimes something more extravagant is planned (like a trip to the theater) but it is usually low key.
Has my child suffered because she has not had a series of large-scale birthday parties each year? Nope. She is a happy, well-adjusted child who knows that her family loves her and that birthdays are not a time to extort gifts out of your friends.
This week, my daughter turns 10. She has been asked where she wants to go for her birthday dinner (which, for a variety of reason will take place 6 days AFTER her actual birthday) and she is weighing her favorite restaurants. Hopefully she will decide in time to let other family members know :)
Anyway.... family birthday traditions do not need to involve huge parties. Everyone has a birthday every year. If you ALWAYS plan something HUGE, how will the child ever remember something extra special?
I am so pleased to see this website. Kids like simple - my son's favorite was his 6th birthday party. We had five boys, water balloons, water guns and super soakers!! Of coarse soaking Mom is what made it memorable!! He is now a sophomore in college and still talks about how much fun they had!!
I'm a single parent and I would love for my daughter to have a party the places the other kids do. When she turned 1 and 2 I had a party at the apartment. When she turned 3 I had her party at Chuck-E-Cheese. When she turned 4 I had a party for her and hired a man that guggled and made balloon animals and the everyone loved it. When she turned 5 she wanted to go to Pump-It-Up and I had to explain that mommy just couldn't afford that place. It cost over $200 and that didn't enclude cake or pizza. I asked her if she wanted to do a costume party and play pin the tail on the donkey. She got excited and said yes and she asked if she could have cup cakes. Those I could make myself. So the day of her party we played pin the tail on the donkey and made a marshmallow snowman. When it came time to blow out the candles I gave all the children a candle and told them that on the count of three that we would blow them out to help the birthday girl get her wish. One of the parents there said that was a really cool idea to get the children involed and they all had fun. I did fix a little goodie bag for each child and they each took a balloon that I had up for decorations. Which helped me to clean up. I told my daughter that we would start a can and put money in it and by her birthday next year we should have enough to have her party where she wants it. We have been saving since November.
Great site! We decided long ago that as parents of an only child that gathering kids together for birthdays is an important social ritual. But we are pro-environment and dislike the materialism and all the plastic that ends up in landfills associated with most kids' parties--esp. the dreaded goodie bags (more like baddie for the earth bags) and all the plastic packaging and plastic toys. So we do a simple pizza-making party at a local pizzeria with an art project ahead of time....decorating the pizza box, and parents are involved in both the art work and the making of the personal pizzas. A simple cake ends the event and the kids all take home an art project of their own making--pizza--in a decorated cardboard box that is easily recycled. Worked well for a group of 3 year olds and we'll keep at the same type of party as pizza and cake seem to be universal crowd pleasers varying the art project with the children's ages. We ask that folks bring only the gift "of their presence" and that if they wish to make a donation that they do so for a book at the local library's children's collection. The local librarian was thrilled with the idea and we hope to inspire more families to join us in this type of ritual.
We have 4 children 15-4 and have never had a birthday party that was out of had we usually have only family maybe 1 friend of the birthday child. We only have cake and ice cream. We have never fed guest anything other than cake & ice cream.
In our Seattle area, parties are almost always at a venue, with most (if not all) classmates invited and attending. We have chosen smaller, at home parties for our two boys, however, this year our older son (7) has been asking why we won't take him to Pump It Up, Funtasia, Chuck E Cheese, etc. At one point, he said if he couldn't have that kind of a party he didn't want to have one at all (we politely told him we would grant this request if he desired - he quickly changed his mind). We were recently at a birthday party where the mother asked for books in lieu of gifts (to be donated to a local charity) and almost all the parents brought books AND gifts for the child (us included). We're sticking to small and meaningful with just a few children this year. Hope it is as well received as others' on this website!
one of the ways i got the place cleaned up after opening presents was to give each kid a garbage bag and the 1 who had collected enough garbage (wrapping paper ribbons tissue paper etc.) won a prize the kids loved it
I can't believe this website or group is even necessary!
Parents need to start thinking about their kids and what their kids would enjoy at a party and get rid of the delusions of grandeur about what they're going to do for their kid's party.
COMMON SENSE, people!
I've NEVER had a problem throwing a party for my kids, no matter how cheap -- they've always enjoyed them.
Why? Because I was more involved with my children and knew what THEY would like and enjoy, and I didn't set them up for failure.
The best birthday party was when my oldest daughter turned 6 years old. The kids had a water balloon toss, they each got 3 tries to toss the waterballoons into a bowl. I was sure to have plenty of leftover ones, and they got to pelt them at me, which was the best part for them. Then I handed out popsickles and they enjoyed those for a while.
I've never made birthday cakes with flavors that kids don't generally enjoy (like peppermint?! ugh -- show me even ONE kid that will eat a cake with mint trim. What kind of parent does that to their kid's cake?! One who doesn't know their kid, that's what.)
I read about a 2 hour gift opening period in a party? How smart was that? Does a 1 year old have that kind of attention span? NO.
Come on, parents, THINK. Use the common sense that God gave you to think more like a child and consider what THEY want for a party, not what you daydream about. You don't have to buy lavish gifts, either. My kids enjoy the cheap stuff better than the expensive stuff, believe it or not. And so what if it didn't last more than a week? At least they enjoyed it for all it was worth, and that's better for the kid anyway.
This applies to all special days for your kids. Do what THEY want for their special days, not what YOU want. Your fantasies are not their life, and when parents figure that out, their kids will be a lot better off.
I realized that kids have more fun at the simplest parties when my daughter was 3. We had a backyard party with made-up circus themed games such as walk the tight rope (a board in the grass) and pin the nose on the clown. One of the older kids present (who had been to many elaborate parties) told me that she never had so much fun at a birthday party.
Both of my children have summer birthdays and we live by the beach so now we plan beach parties for the kids. A day at the beach with all of their friends offers built-in entertainment, especially since they haven't seen some of the kids all summer. We bring a couple coolers of juice boxes, some chips & pretzels to snack on & get pizza delivered to the beach. The biggest challenge is trying to light the candles on the cake/cupcakes with the ocean breezes.
This is obviously a hot button given the number of posts just in the past week.
I am grateful that my frugal nature prevented me from engaging in the "oneupmanship" that was prevalent even when my first was born in 1994. I don't have the time to read all the posts but here are some things that we do to keep things from getting out of hand.
1) We use the age/number of guests rule - the number of guests equals the age of the birthady celebrant except that we never have non-family at the first birthday party. After age seven or so, there are simply not enough true friends to exceed five or six anyway.
2) With rare exceptions, the birthday cake is always homemade. I have to admit that I enjoy the creative outlet this affords. :-) If I have any candy it is very minimal and small. I have plenty of carrot sticks, pretzels, cheese cubes, etc. Sometimes we have juice but usually water.
3) I'm not a big fan of the standard gift bag but I do like to send something home with the guests. So, I try to tie it into the party theme. One year the theme for my daughter's party was "art" so I bought very inexpensive picture frames into which I put the collages that the kids had done as an activity. The kids had something meaningful to hang on their wall and mom didn't have more junk to throw away. Another year my son had a pirate party so my husband made swords out of extra slats from wooden blinds we had installed; the guests were given their swords upon arrival as well as homemade eye patches and bandanas. They disappeared into the yard and I didn't see them again until we insisted they come in for cake and ice cream.
4) Both of my kids have birthdays close to Christmas so we have a family day on their actual birthday when we go to a movie (a treat as we NEVER go to the theater) for the matinee and then lunch out. We have a party for them on their half birthday which is when they get their gifts from family so it spaces things out through the year a bit more evenly.
5) We finally instituted the “no gift” request this year for my son’s 6(1/2) birthday and it went fine. I explained the situation to the parents and suggested that the kids bring a birthday card. Most of them were homemade. Yay!!
6) We try very hard to keep the birthday celebration family oriented rather than making the “friends” party the focus. We do things like decorate the house the night before, have a special breakfast, say “Happy Birthday!” all the time, etc.
I hope these posts are helpful to those who are trying to change course because I imagine it must be hard to buck the trend once you start down that path. Good Luck!
My daughter turned 4 in December. We went "all out" for her 3rd birthday inviting about 25 people, kids and adults. After the 3rd birthday party, I took the time to notice and evaluate the relationships that I had with these people and their children. For her 4th birthday we kept it within our immediate family. My husband took off of work to be home for her birthday. We surprised her with balloons and a gift when she woke up the morning of her birthday. We both drove her to preschool and she was so proud to take the cupcakes that she helped bake to her class. Then after preschool, my husband and I took her to Chuck E. Cheese with her cousin who is a year older and a friend from preschool. We didn't have a scheduled birthday, it was early afternoon, the restaurant was slow, the pizza was great and nobody felt rushed. She had as much if not more fun as any exhausting birthday party that we could have given her. The day was her own. She had a present from her sister and cousin and being that Christmas was only a few weeks away it worked out better that I could have ever imagined. I didn't go overboard with Christmas either. The year 2006 was quite a change for me because I finally realized how bad commercialism was affecting our children. You walk into any party store and you almost can't decide which Princess or Dora plates, napkins and favors to buy. The costs add up, the favors are usually junk and get thrown out a week later. I have witness children, that I know, telling, not asking, their parent that they want this and that for their birthday. My daughter told me that she had fun with her best cousin and best friend and she asked if they could go and have pizza together again. I felt like my daughter learned the value of friendship over greediness. Yeah it was her birthday and the fact that the people who matter to her the most was with her on her special day was the best gift that we could have given to her.
I have never been one to compete with other children's birthday parties, but I do believe in making a birthday special.
When my son turned 10, I allowed him to have, I believe it was ten, friends over for a camp out. They pitched their tents in the backyard and had a great night. On Saturday, I divided the kids into 2 teams and gave them seperate clues for a treasure hunt that led them, with neighbors approval, on a treasure hunt.
Both teams wound up at a "treasure chest" that held mask's, fins and snorkels. Perfect for a day at the spring's swimming and grilling.
It was my son's most favorite birthday, and the other "pirates" still talk about it today. My son by the way, is almost 20!!!
When I became a single mom 7 years ago I gave up on all of it! I thought it ALL was ridicules. I actually had parents who agreed and as a reuslt felt less pressure.I asked my kids to invite some friends if they wanted (usually including - no gifts) made burgers and let the kids play. Of course gifts did come but between a few gifts (no more than 3-5 friends)and everyone feeling less pressure it was a hit. I could not stand the gift bags and refused to provide those anymore. All in all Everyone seemed to have a great time. Now my kids are teenage years and they have friends over to play football or basket ball, eat and there are no gifts except from me, their mom. They always have a great time and there is NO pressure.
I agree that parties have gotten out of control, but I feel it's the parents that started the oneupsman on parties. I always made a nice party nothing over the top. I made sure the cake was done nicely, and then my daughter mention before he 10th birthday party, "Can we just have brownies and milk" and I was surprised and relieved at the same time. It goes to show you, kids will be happy as long as they have fun and eat. We haven't had a birthday party for a couple of years, but in New Jersey it's a "Big Deal" to have a full fleged "Sweet 16 Party" with all the trimmeings. It's like a mini wedding without the groom I heard some girls call it. One party tops the other but it's still a cookie cutter party. My daughter want's a Sweet 16 party but she want's it simple and different. Since her birthday falls in summer we are thinking of a beach party. It's still in the planning stages.
My 15 year old daughter was invited to a "sweet 16" swimming pool party for twins. She told me about it long before we got the invitaion in the mail. I was dreading saying no she couldn't go or spending $25 on each a gift. I was so happy when the invitation arrived it said the girls would appreciate no personal gifts but a non-perishable food item to donate to their church food pantry. Come to find out this was their idea, not the parents. I thouhgt it was a great and thoughtful idea.
Any suggestions for my daughter's 16th birtday? We were thinking of taking her and a few of her close friends out to a mongolian restaurant where you go up to a bar, pick your food, then take it up to a large disk and watch it be cooked. Very inexpensive. Making up some cute invitations on the computer. We were thinking either no gifts or note on the invite all gifts are going to be donated to a shelter, w/ possibly a list of suggested items (soap, shampoo,shavers, etc). Does anyone have any suggestions? BW in NC
It makes no sense for each birthday to be a blow out event. What I do is I bake a cake, have ice cream, blow up some balloons, and invite the neigborhood kids at the last minute. Whoever is around can attend. Parents in working class neighborhoods do not need the extra pressure of having to purchase presents for EVERY child in the area, so the last minute invitation takes the pressure off them. I've seen other parents in the area adopt this same approach, and it is working just fine for all.
A very memorable party for our daughter was one with an Italian dinner theme. We asked our guests to bring only an ingredient for spaghetti. Someone brought a tomato, a box of pasta, another an onion etc. We all made dinner together, an experience some of the children had never had. Checkered table cloth, candles and authentic music completed the scheme. Italian Ice for dessert! Fun and memorable! Games of Red Rover and Statue Maker to burn off the calories and energy after supper.
When my only daugher's 3rd Birthday came along, I started searching online for what the birthday protocol was. I had no idea what was the trend now-a-days. We had already been invited to a few out of control parties (McDonald's, bowling, farm, skating, etc) with other 3 year olds. I wasn't too keen on how these parties were held and when I checked out the price of these parties for 10 kids or more, I knew the kids party thing was spinning out of control in our area. I decided on a regular backyard party and my husband and I brainstormed for game ideas that could be done in cirles or taking turns. One of the websites I found most helpful was the PBS website. It explained that you should only invite 2 more children than the age of the birthday kid, extent of games and length of party time. EXCELLENT ADVICE all around. We had 5 children and invited their parents. We held the party from 10am to noon. Had lots of healthy finger food and hotdogs. My brother kept the hotdogs going from 11am until the cake was served which pleased all the parents. I made a homemade cake with fresh strawberries and bananas which was a hit for all. As my daughter has gotten older, we still do the home based theme parties and we get rave reviews from all the parents and many have followed suit. They only take a bit more planning than the package deals. They have personally saved me alot of money as well. I search for party favors all year round. One year I was able to get disney beach towels for $1.50 each which converted into backpacks w/ free shipping! I also pick up 16-24 ct. packs of Crayola brand crayons during early Sept for about .10. You just have to keep your eyes open all year round. My daughter is already planning to have a Luau party for this year. I am already thinking about making Leis as a craft and this will be their goodie item. Fresh fruit, hula lessons and maybe a race putting on a hula outfit are just a few ideas I've already come up with. Kids are very imaginative...you just have to give them the opportunity and they'll have a great time without all the hype! Fran, NJ
1 thing I don't understand is why people are so worried about this....just don't do it! Where is the pressure really coming from? We just refused to get into this. We have 3 boys (15-10) and NEVER held a birthday party that required any parent to drive their kids to some event-place, then pick them up again. The drives inevitably last longer than the party. These are a nightmare. Most parents are just thrilled not to drive all over town. We usually invite a few close friends and do a movie, pizza, sleepover, soccer game...our kids really do not mind if they don't get invited to 25 birthday parties as a result. They don't like going miles to a teddy-bear making/paint ball etc etc party anyways, especially if it is not a close friend. Our kids have lots of friends, so do we. But we don't do the big birthday party thing, never have, never will....
When my daughter started pre-school last year, I was overwhelmed with parties! Sixteen kids and every one of them had a party of some type- from bowling to you name it ( for 4 year olds!). It was exhausting, expensive and seriously cut in on our weekend family time- which is precious to us. I also felt pressure to buy a gift even if we didn't attend.
I even planned on having a party for my daughter but as her birthday approached I realized she did mention it, never asked for it and really didn't care. So we had our basic cake and ice cream with her grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins as we have always done. Perfect. I may have one "guest" party for her in her first 10 years but that's it. It's not going to be part of our family life.
I totally agree about the "stuff" issues. My children have plenty of stuff without gift bags or 20 presents from her classmates. SHe has been invited to 3 parties this year and we have declined all but one - her best friends. The rest of the parties are for kids' we don't know well- just classmates, parents I have never met. I don't even know why they feel obligated to invite everyone in their class. Personally I don't want everyone from class and their parents with intimate knowledge of our home and circumstances.
Most importantly- I want to enjoy my children on their birthdays, not be the caterer, nose wiper etc etc etc.
The number of friends you may invite to the party is equivalent to your age. When you turn 3, you may invite 3 friends. When you turn 8, you may invite 8 friends. When you turn ten, the rules change. Then you may invite HALF the number of friends. That way the group never gets too large to let you actually enjoy your friends.
Last year (and this year) we had a house party with 5 of my daughter's friends. We made them dinner and had no planned activities. They just hung out, listened to music and were kids (they were 9 last year and 10 this year). They all told me that was the best birthday party they had been to. I did do gift bags that only contained a $5.00 gift card to Claire's and 2 pieces of candy. (And they loved it!)
We hold all parties in the summer, regardless of birthdate. We have a pool, and we invite the whole class, or all members of the child's gender, and a few close non school friends. Each child gets a home made invitation, explaining that we are having a pool party, and that we are collecting food for the food pantry in lieu of gifts. Suggested donations are cereal, soup, peanut butter etc. The kids come in the late afternoon. Entertainment is the kids music, sometimes the kids playing in their own garage band. We serve hot dogs, hamburgers, chips, and soda, or pizza. Cake and ice cream, and we put out some snacks and candy.
We set out bubble stuff, sidewalk chalk, balloons and water toys. The kids are happy to make their own games and activities from about 5 years old and up. We have been doing these simple parties for over ten years, with kids from 5 to 18. As long as the weather cooperates, this is a cheap, enjoyable party with low stress. We bring several grocery bags to church the next morning to stock the food pantry, which makes the birthday child feel pretty good, too.
I am a single parent. I got my first eye-opening experience when I adopted a 6-year-old and he was invited to the birthday of his friend from church. I knew right then I would never be able to compete, so I don't even try. I now have 7 adopted children. Our family birthday rules are now:
1. All birthdays are celebrated at home, except for milestones (first one after they join the family, 13 years, 16 years.)
2. Attendees are family, and the group of special "aunts & uncles". They may invite one friend on their 13th and 16th.
3. No one shares a birthday. We have 5 of the birthdays in a period of 8 weeks. Each one is celebrated separately.
4. Cakes are specially made for the occasion. They don’t like birthday cake but they all love one of my chocolate creations or an Italian Cream Cake.
The boys’ favorite birthday “celebration” is to have hot dogs and a driveway movie. We set up the food in the garage and use a portable screen and a DVD projector to watch a movie right in the driveway. It’s simple to do and none of their friends have ever done one so it make them feel pretty special.
The best party that I gave my 11 year old daughter was one that I didn't spend any money at all. My mother had lived with us until her death four months before my daughter's fourth birthday. My daughter was really into ponies and there was a service that came to your house for $50. My mom had seen that and put $50 into an envelope and marked it "Alex's Birthday party money". Friends made her cake and we invited the whole neighborhood telling them no presents. My daughter rode the ponies for over an hour and a half and all the other children had their chance to ride. No gift bags, only a couple of games and over thirty children and parents had a wonderful time celebrating my daughter's fourth birthday and remembering grandma Sally. My mom loved all the children that played with my daughter so it was a present to all of them as well.
Thank you for this! I have three girls, and have always kept it simple. One of the most enjoyable parties I gave was for my 7 y.o. It was planned at the last minute, due to other busy schedule pressures -- she invited three friends (+ her younger and older sister) and they got to make their own ice cream creations. Three flavors of ice cream, some fruit selections, an array of toppings, and voila! They ate it all too! Very simple and fun. What kid doesn't like to get busy in the kitchen? I've also always included some time during the party to read a story to them (usually as part of the party "theme") - a good time to do this is just before parents are supposed to pick the dears up; it helps settle them down, and is a good wind-down at the end of the party.
I tried, one year, to walk the line. I held the birthday at a party place (kind of like a chuck e cheese's but better), and requested donations go to American Cancer Society in the name of my late mother.
Two people donated to ACS. One person donated to a children's shelter (which was TOTALLY fine by me). We had 50 people at that party. I heard through the grapevine that one mother complained that she wanted to buy a present for my child & couldn't BELIEVE I was soliciting donations instead. I didn't do goodie bags, and nI didn't hear any complaints.
The next year, it was down to 20, and the goodie bags were included at the party place.
The next year, it was down to 10, and we broke down & did goodie bags, but small ones. No candy. I groan when my child comes home from a party after Halloween and the goodie bag is nothing but candy. It's like "pu-leeze, nothing is a better choice then more sugar."
This past year, I put my foot down and only 3 other children came to a really nice time at an amusement park and a Beni-Hana style restaurant. (STILL expensive, but I'm hoping for smaller groups mean better memories).
This year, she wants all the girls in her grade. I have some time, we'll see waht happens. I try to get her beyond focusing on the presents. But it's not easy.
Listen to yourself. You act like you have to answer to children. ask them what they like and what they want yes but if they are unreasonable then you should tell them no the child is ruling you and you are stupid enough to let him/her do it. I am seeing more and more of it every day.
Hi,
What a great website! I completely understand the point you are trying to get across. With that said, I have a few comments. In the past few weeks I have taken my children (ages 3 & 4) to several birthday parties. My amazement is not with the lavish party, but with the number of children invited. I have sensory overload walking into some of these parties, I cannot imagine what my children must be going through. For my kids birthdays, I only invite those children they "actually" play with. It doesn't matter if I like the mom & dad, it's whether or not my child plays with their child (on a consistent basis). The guest list usually entails about 8 children so I separate the parties into 2 play dates. We have cupcakes and ice cream and play games. I get to enjoy the company of my friends while our kids play in the other room. It is a win-win situation and I have gotten nothing but compliments. I do admit that I do the goody bag thing, but it is never over $2 per child. (I am a bargain shopper and usually get something even the parents love! :) )
Thanks for letting me post my thoughts.
Probably about 5 or 6 years ago I to became tired of this oneupmanship. I got tired of trapesing back to Toys R US to return unwanted gifts from friends.
So I came up with the idea. Every year around their birthdays. They have a choice one to have a scaled down party or they can take the money that I would be spending on the party and buy whatever they want. They also get dinner out with the family and one friend and they get to choose where. My husband bakes them birthdays cake and grades permitting they can also have a day off from school.
Needless to say I have not had to throw a party in 5 years and my children are completley satisfied with their birthdays.
I make the entire day all about them starting with balloons snuck in their room or decorating their bedroom door and to them that is what is most important. They become the star for a day in the most important place to them - the family.
Both of my kids are old enough to make the decision on what they want to do. They don't stress nor regret it. I figure since its their option in what they want to do, I do not feel as if I am slighting them for lack of a party.
My kids are very easy to please they would rather have money. So they get a family get together and $10 for each year and they get to pick where or what they want for dinner on their special night..
I have 2 girls one is going to be 7 in June and the other 5 in august. I have always done their parties at the house and let them all play outside in the playhouse, sandbox and play on the swingset. they never invite to many friends, since it is summer i can get away with not inviting the whole class, I only buy plates and napkins to match the theme for the children and i do snack food depending on the time of day it is, nothing elaborate because i am the kind of mom that does not go all out and i buy lots of stuff on sale or clearance. My kids like to give goodie bags as a thank you for helping celebrate with them, again nothing big they get a few little things in there that they can use, for example bubbles, fruitsnacks, just little things nothing expensive and not a lot of it,just a thanks for helping. I am never stressed and I do 2 parties a day. i do one with friends and one with family (older cousins and all the family lives around us.) My kidos have always loved their parties and never once have said anything negative. they love having it at the house like one big playdate. This year we are getting a swimming pool so again dont have to go anywhere ever.
I grew up pretty poor, and now that i have kids, and my husband and i make a fair amount of money, i want my kids to have what i didn't, but i am not going to spoil them in any way. We got a book from the library and learned how to make baloon animals, I taught myself how to frost a cake decently. I know that they don't need this stuff, and i am not try to compete with anybody, so i am always upfront, I say i got this at the thrift store, or I learned this at the library. We like to have theme parties, but on the cheap. I always try to pick an ambiguous theme, like cars, building,space, etc. and this year, my 8 yr. old son is having a lego party. I have gathered up legos from thrift stores, and a few new ones, clearance, after Christmas. and we are just going to have a big pile, and let the kids have at them. I found some lego fruit snacks at target, and i have some small party bags that the kids can fill up with legos to take home. The cake is a breeze, a rectangle cake with oreos on top, then frost. easy. With all the money we save this way, we can get our son a better education in the future, because i don't know what a lifetime of fancy expensive parties contributes to having a good education and a good career. It's like weddings, my husband says, it's not the wedding that counts, it's the marriage. Think about all those people who spend thousands of dollars on weddings, start off their marriage with debt, and get divorced. thats dumb. but thats another story altogether. And another note that "My super sweet sixteen" show makes me nausea, all the money they have prob. spent in that show could have fed alot of starving children, locally even, food shelves, and stuff. BTW I am from minnesota, and i miss it there. hi minnesota, love ya
I was also feeling very pressured on what to do for my daughter's 10th birthday party, especially where we were moving and leaving the classmates she'd known for 5 years. We weren't looking to impress, but rather just leave everyone with memories of a "fun time that they once had together as classmates and friends". She was at a private school, and being one of the single-parent families receiving scholarship assistance, I just couldn't "keep up with the Joneses" nor did I want to feel I had to. I wanted my daughter to have some input, and at the time, most of the kids were really loving watching American Idol, as it was coming down to the finale and they were going to miss the final show with the school museum sleepover on the same night as the final show. My daughter already had a karaoke machine from Christmas last, so she made a list of the songs (about 8) and printed it off on the computer, which was simple and quick, and put numbers on some squares of paper. When the children arrived, they took a slip, wrote their name and circled the song they wanted to sing (15 out of 17 sang!). We gave them a paper "contestant" number when they came and pulled them out of a hat for the order. We gave the rules that "it takes courage just to come up and sing, so everyone deserves a round of applause, and if the comments aren't nice, keep it to yourself". The kids had a blast, singing alone and in pairs. They got a bit goofy, but everyone seemed to have fun. We declared that "everyone was a winner". Then to calm them down, they ate pizza while watching the very end of the finale I had taped, had cupcakes and went home. Though the party did have a theme (A.I.), we didn't go overboard buying lots of "stuff". My daughter had fun making a few posters or signs (on her own because she loves art and wanted to), and it was very inexpensive, but fun. The kids had a great time cheering each other on.
When my daughter (now 6) and my son (16 months)each turned one, we had a cookout at the house and invited all our close friends and family. We grilled out hot dogs and burgers, and everyone brought a side dish. The best part was that in lieu of gifts, everyone brought their favorite children's book which was later donated to a local children's charity. Both parties were simple, fun, and gave everyone a chance to commemorate an important day without all the frills.
When my daughter (now 6) and my son (16 months)each turned one, we had a cookout at the house and invited all our close friends and family. We grilled out hot dogs and burgers, and everyone brought a side dish. The best part was that in lieu of gifts, everyone brought their favorite children's book which was later donated to a local children's charity. Both parties were simple, fun, and gave everyone a chance to commemorate an important day without all the frills.
I was so tired getting goody bags done for almost 15 kids and varying age groups, that I just started visiting the closest dollar store. I would buy one thing per child depending on the age group and wrap it and give it. No candy - no trash.
Other tried out option, is to order the less than a dollar books from the kids scholastic book orders- this needs the guest planning way ahead of time , so that you cover everyone.
I am against putting candies or other junk food and call it a 'goody bag' and also party favors that are choking hazards to kids under 3.
Embarassing Moment: We were invited to a Little girl's first birthday party - and the there were about 100 adults and probably 15-20 kids of various ages.Our gift to the child - 2 Winnie the pooh themed boards books (numbers and A,B,C..'s )and a Disney dvd that went on sale at Target for 7.99(I bought a couple, so I could use them for birthday gifts)- The total cost of the gift including tax was 12$ tops.
As we were about to leave the party after enjoying the good food and entertainment(clown, balloon lady et al) our gracious hosts handed out the goody bags to our kids, and as we were still walking out, my daughter was thrilled to find a dvd in the goody bag and so it was in my son's.These were the same dvd's. I had bought at Target, and one of which was what I gave the lil' girl!!!!The cost of the goody bag gift was 16$ + for both my kids.Basically, not only were we entertained and fed but we were also "paid back" for the gift + an additional $4- can you beat this bargain?
When my 3rd child was turning five, I asked what he wanted to do for his 5th. He never had a party , besides family, so I thought I would splurge and have it at a gym. As I swiped my card, it did not register at first, then my son said "I just want a few friends over for lunch." I took my card and left the gym. I had the party on a Friday at Noon, while my older children were still in school. We had lunch played a few games, did puzzles and then watched Nemo. the kids had a great time. The parents had a few hours free, and since the party was over by 3:00, my weekend was free for sports and a family cake. Best party I ever had!
I have three children. One is graduated and out of the house now. Early on my husband and I were tight on extra funds for big parties for each child every year. Another friend told me how they had set up a system where every other year the child got to have a party (something low key, easy) and the next year they just had family time, if they wanted they could invite just one friend over. This plan has worked well for my family over the years. I do not enjoy planning big parties for myself or my children. Way too much stress. It is just supposed to be fun.
We felt we had to invite the whole class to my son's fifth birthday, but decided to have a simple treasure hunt, home-made "pin the horn on the unicorn," and to set up two "fun stations" - which consisted of simple beads and string on one table and bubbles on another. The kids absolutely loved it. At another recent party for adults and kids, we hid 24 small toy frogs around the yard and the kids spent almost 90 minutes hunting for them, collecting them, and talking about them. The adults were able to have a meal and some drinks in peace.
My daughters are 23 and 20 now, but I decided when they were small, to keep the parties within reason. Until they were 3, family only, and homemade, simple cakes. Later, except for grandparents, everyone was told that no presents were expected, but at the outcry, I amended this to "any gift must cost under $3 and must be something that disappears" This took a lot of pressure off the parents, as my daughters birthdays are right around Christmas and Halloween.
I stuck with simple games, racing teams to finish scarecrows or throwing beanbags at targets, etc. But the most memorable party to most of the friends, was the time we had 5 huge metal barrels on the back acerage, and I allowed them to go 'walk' the barrels. One Mom called and asked if we could get her a barrel, as her daughter "NEVER does anything physcial, and she hasn't stopped raving about the fun she had!"
Once I allowed the girls to go toilet paper the neighbors new pickup (not letting them know I had gotten permission ahead of time) even tho they had to clean it up, they still talk about that one. (After all, a MOM actually gave permission for that one, and even helped them climb out the window.)
Think outside "What everyone else is doing" and you'd be surprised what you can do!
We are the poor family among a group of affluent families, and do you know how much pressure I feel to keep up with the Jonses? NONE. I don't know if I have a different perspective than other people because we have always been poor, but I have no problem with the parties I throw. In my opinion, if the kids are together doing something fun and there's cake involved then it's a party. Some of my son's parties have invluded a few friends, some just had family. Some were spent at the beach, and once or twice at the bowling alley. My son is allowed to pick a theme but only so we know what cake to order from Albertson's. And none of our affluent friends seem to care, that's how we know they're our friends.
This has to be the greatest website..... It has become more about the one upmanship with parents than the kids. I just had a friend spend $8,000 for a 7 year old birthday.
Living in Los Angeles, local realtors are needed to flog the latest "Jumper-houses". I had a "tiki-themed" party for my daughters first birthday. My husband and I built her a perminant Tiki hut/play house, all of the invitations were hand made on burned-eged parchment, each child got their photo taken for a "life-time membership to the Piki-Tiki" (aka the "space-sucker" in the back yard). I had such a melt down that he didn't have a second birthday party. For her 3rd I got a case of spray canned whipped cream, 100 paper plates and the front yard. I invited 10 3 year olds to a "pie fight". more fun was had than a barrel of monkeys. And not a Bounce House in sight.
I keep it simple now. And ALWAYS keep whipped cream in the fridge. The whole party was about $100 including a pinata and 2 cakes, snacks, drinks,cups, plates,etc. and simple gift bags. The water bill to hose them off was TOTALLY worth it. (the photos are PRICELESS!)
I agree birthday partys are out of hand. The way I think of it is, what is this teaching my child. If they have it all now what are going to want when they are teenagers? Well, I have teenagers. Mine don't expect what most other teenagers expect. I maybe a mean mom but I won't do that to my child. It isn't fare to them. Learn to say no. Put limits on spending, teach them that money is earned and it takes work to earn it. Make them save and earn a few things. My daughter was watching a tv show yesturday about super sweet 16 partys. WOW, I was saddened to see how materialistic these children are. What they expect. It wild and its the parents falt. Think about what your teaching your child.
We have done two things to help keep our parties stress free. My oldest daughter's birthday is in April. There was a trend at her school to invite all the girls in her class to her party. The problem, my daughter didn't want that many kids, but didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings either, our solution. We waited and celebrated her birthday in the summer with only a few friends. For my youngest daughters birthday, instead of gift bags we give each guest a little "Farm Yard Tales" book. These are great books put out by Usborne. If you would like any more information on these please contact me comforthom@aol.com.
I feel children do not need nor want all the fuss. We just have our family come over for cake on the child's birthday. The child chooses a favorite meal that I will cook and they can help make. When children are older, maybe 5 or so, then perhaps a few friends can come over to play. To play, not to join in adult organized games. Just good old fashioned play! This is what we do and it works wonderfully.
Quite a few people have posted notes about how they have created "simple" parties, but unfortunately that does not address that fact that with three kids close in age, we have a birthday party obligation EVERY SINGLE WEEKEND. And so now, it is just that, an obligation. No matter how much I like the family or the birthday boy or girl, it is taking away from time that I would prefer to spend with my own kids. Soccer, baseball, and all of those after-school activities are bad enough, why add to it by insisting on having a party every year? We obviously don't throw our kids extravagant parties every year, we have family parties (just the 5 of us.) And we rsvp no to a lot of parties, and my kids get bummed out sometimes, because they can't go, but birthday parties have become worse than soccer and baseball combined. So just keep in mind, no matter how uncompetitive you party is, it still may be dreaded by other people.
When we lived in CA, everything was a theme party...or at a party place! Birthdays started to run around $200-$300 before you knew it and with three kids I just couldn't do it anymore. We moved to Texas 4 years ago to a small rural town and activities are at least a 20 mile commute into the city. So, we started scaling down. We were fortunate to get a house with a pool so now we have pool parties. My daughter will even put off her party for a few months till the weather warms up. She is allowed to invite a half dozen friends and we do simple foods like hot dogs, fruit and chips. No fancy paper goods and no need for decorations because the outside is beautiful. The girls just have a great time swimming and being with each other. My sons have opted for a trip to go see a movie with 2-3 of their friends (my husband makes the trip)while I get to stay home. We get a couple of pizzas and the kids come back to the house, eat and open y a couple of gifts. I no longer drive all over the city trying to find the matchy stuff, in fact I stock up on generic "Happy Birthday" plates, napkins etc as I find them on clearance. No more goodie bags, but my boys are really into hot wheels so we get each friend a hotwheel that my child has chosen. I think they enjoy giving the hotwheel more so than opening up their gifts. We have even gone back to old fashioned sleep overs as well. Just a couple of friends, we rent some movies, have popcorn and the kids just have a great time running around in their PJ's. All of this has taught my children that its a special birthday because of who you spend it with, not how big it is or what they get.
We have a very large family so the family and friends parties were always separate. Recieving gifts from 25+ different families or friends was a bit overwhelming and more often than not, my sons (who are now 14 & 15) would receive toys that they were not really interested in. I would usually take them back to the store and deposit the money in their bank accounts. Eventually I decided I needed a way to stop the toy invasion so I wrote a poem requesting books instead of gifts for the party with the friends. Instead of goodie bags we held a book exchange and each child went home with a book instead of a bag full of what I consider "useless junk" and candy. The poem read:
The house is bursting at the seams.
The toybox overflows.
Where did all this stuff come from?
Only God (and Grandma) knows.
The family room's a tornado zone,
With toys strewn across the floor.
Yet (child's name) claims there's nothing to do.
We're sure you've heard this before.
With this in mind we'd like to ask
You bring us no more toys.
Instead we'll have a book exchange
For all the girls and boys.
So buy a book and wrap it up.
Get ready for some fun.
And each child will take home a book
When all the games are done.
They still received gifts at the family party but the friends pary was only books. As my kids outgrew the books I donated some of them to their teachers at school. Others of them have outlasted just about every toy and are still here in the house, hopefully to be used to start a "library" for the next generation with fond memories of the party and (long lost) friends they came from.
One of my daughter's most memorable parties was probably the cheapest. She has a July birthday and we lived where it was HOT! We had it right after school got out for the summer so as to maximize the number of guests. It was simply a huge water gun and water balloon fight with about 12 to 15 kids. I asked people to wear a bathing suit and bring a super soaker if they owned one. We grilled hot dogs and hamburgers, etc. and spent a couple of hours filling water balloons and devising water-related games (we didn't have a pool) and other outdoor games. What a blast the kids had! Every child left with a smile on their face--and the yard got well-watered in the process! It doesn't have to be expensive to be fun.
Sick and tired of all of the useless trinkets and what not, I decided for my children's b-days that I wanted to make their treat bags different. Instead of filling them with candy an cheap toys, I fill them with bags of microwaveable popcorn (15 for @ $2.50), pacets of Flavor-aid (12 /$.79), Little Debbie snacks (12 / $1.00), and packages of snack crackers (8 / $.79). In the end, the bag is full of goodies the children like and appreciate, and they're things that don't go to waste. Plus, for a small price (@ $.48 / child), we've given a small token of appreciation for their sharing in our celebration.
I have a large family (6 kids to be exact). As I look around their rooms and see little knick-knacks and patty wacks all over the place from Christmas, I know they don't need another thing. Neither would they appreciate another thing. We only have parties at what we called the "big ones" - 5, 10, 13, 16, 18, 21 (then you're on your own). No gifts excepted, if they are maybe a can drive or donations to a charity. The other birthdays are of course celebrated by allowing the child to pick a friend to come over and hang out. I found out a long time ago, that adults have more peer pressure than the kids. I refuse to succome to it.
Last year trying to entertain "Tweens" seemed so overwhelming I was't sure what to do for my children's parties. Having worked with most of the children involved, I realized the activities they enjoyed the most were "unstructured" activities. Thinking about that and working along those lines, I decided to host my children's party at a state park. I knew there was a creek that ran along side of the picnic area. Included in the invitation were instructions for the children to come prepared to "Play in the creek". Most of the families were faimiliar with the park and the area in which we would be playing. I set up guidelines as to how far they were allowed to go up or down stream, requiring the children to remain in eye sight at all times. The children ended up spending a hot August afternoon cooling off in the creek and learning about geology and wildlife in the process.
Drinks and snacks were very inexpensive: Iced Tea, Flavor-aid, chips, cookies and a home made cake.
Most of the parents from my children's class at school decided to hang around and visit with each other for a while. Hosting the party at the park allowed for plenty of space for not only parking, but it also allowed for plenty of space for the parents to visit with each other.
In he end, one of the parents, who is an educator in the community, informed me that our party was a "great idea", and that it was one of the best parties they had been to.
I have three children, 20, 17 and 9. I got caught up in the theme party circuit when my youngest was small...and felt it was getting out of control. When I tried to remember back to my own birthdays as a child, I knew I always had celebrations, but I couldn't remember vivid memories. I did, however, have great memories of family vacations...it was about the time spent and placed we went. I started doing trips instead of birthday parties. We would have a small dinner with a birthday cake with family and then we would do one on one trips...my daughter and I and my son and his father on birthdays. My daughter would sometimes invite a friend and we would do an overnight shopping trip somewhere close. On 'big" birthdays, like 13 and 16 we planned something bigger. We actually did a mother/daughter cruise for those birthdays. Sounds extravagant, but for less than $500 we did a long weekend Carnival cruise and she had her hair braided in the Bahamas. She will never forget those birthdays! My sons usually do a fishing trip weekend with their Dad. My daughter will be 21 in March. She wants to do a weekend cruise again! How fun for her...and for ME!
I was also thinking that the whole grand smash party style was going a bit out of control and seeing how more and more parents did not get involved at all with their childrens birthday parties I decided to create a "party in a box", which is a box with absolutely everthing you need for a party for 8-12 children. This way the parents do not have spend time running around shopping material and decoration here and there, but instead being able to take time to plan the party together with the birthday child. Every child loves being INVOLVED and to SHARE their exitement - with the box being delivered there is a lot of time freed up to make the preparation fun instead of stressful! Choose a theme and get inspiration from the enclosed book - but mainly let the child be part, use their ideas and fantasy and involve them in the whole process including writing a nice thank you card afterwards...
Fun, stress free and down to Earth!
Usually we have Home birthday parties, a few kids, nothing big. When our children turn 7 or 8, in 2nd grade, as soon as they can understand the concept of money, we begin our community donation parties. We usually go to a movie of my child's choosing, they can invite a few frieinds, 3-5 kids, and then we go out for pizza with cake afterwward. they get a goody bag of pretzels and a bottle of water at the movies. BUT for the gift giving, we specify, ahead of time, on the invitation, a charity or organization that the birthday child will donate to IN LIEU of birthday gifts. this had worked out wonderfully, and we will continue to do tis for birthday parties of 2nd grade and older. my child also gets a big kick out of presenting the money or check to the chosen organization. MOst kids no a days are fortunate to have enough toys and other junk around the house, so i cannot see theneed to pile up more "STUFF" just for the sake of getting "stuff" for a birthday gift.
Su D , NY
My children were not allowed to have a birthday party until they were 10. By that time I was able to teach them that it is better to give than to receive and they had real friends to invite. I believe that parties for children younger than that age is a party for the parents, not the kids. They were restricted to the number of friends to invite (usually about 5) and a lot of birthdays were at the movies with tokens for games as their "gift bag." After a few years, they were happy with dinner out with parents and one or two close friends. I never bought into the elaborate theme parties and I don't believe they will, either.
I have 3 girls and my husband and I started from the first b-day we had for our children which was when they each turned 2 years old. We still have a theme, small gift bags, the cake, etc etc but the people that are invited bring a check which is a tax write off for a Charitable organization. My oldest gives money to the Ronald McDonald House, my second daughter gives her donations to Kathy Lee Glifford house in NY which helps AIDS babies and my younest donates to Duke's Children hospital in Durham. At the end off the day you as parents feel so good about the party because you have really helped someone else that really needs help, there isn't another stack off toys that needs to be put up, the parents of the children love you because they did not have to go out and find the perfect present, wrap the present etc. Plus my children now 13, 12, and 8 know they do not get gifts for their birthday. That may sound sad etc etc. Lets face it our children get something everytime we go to Wal Mart Target, and the list goes on and on and on. Your birthday is a celebration that you have your health and happiness!!!! There are so many families that don't have health and happiness. Can you imagine if we all did this how much better off we would all be????? Happy Birthday!!!!
Our four adopted Haitian children wanted big, fancy birthday parties like their friends at school. We suggested that they consider donating to SionFonds approximately what such a party might cost. SionFonds, sponsored by Foyer de Sion - the Haitian orphanage from which our children came, enables poor children in Haiti to attend school. Fortunately, our children agreed and will now have ties back to their "roots" and sweet memories from their charitable efforts to help children who likely never would have had any opportunity to attend school. They will be able to exchange letters with the students they sponsor.
Anyone wishing more information about the program can find it at: http://www.foyerdesion.org/sionFonds-Overview.php
For my youngest daughter's party(1st Grade), we had the guests bring canned goods to be given to a community crisis center that helps the homeless. The party itself was held at a 'kiddie park' with rides that is run by local organization. We rented the place for an hour for only $25. The money went to a good cause and we collected a decent amount of canned goods. The children played in the park afterwards and we had juice boxes and cookies available while they played. I truly believe that everyone had a good time.
What did I do to reduce the pressure? I quit offering the 'Birthday Party' special at my work place. I am a child/parent fitness instructor. My classes include balls, marching band, running, laughter, learning and love. But, when it came to a scheduled birthday party, a whole different scene appeared. I was crushed by the demand for fun and happiness that a party is supposed to have. I was the sole provider of it, and NOT THE PARENTS! The only way to stop the cycle, was to quit offering the Party. Parents submitted special requests, made personal calls, asked others to make the request too, thinking the more demand, the better the chances. No Thank You. Parenting is for parents, and that includes the love and hugs that are to come from them, stress free, on their little one's special day.
Here's how we solved the escalating birthday problem back in the 1990s, when our sons were 8 & 10.
A few weeks before our oldest son’s birthday, the family sat down at the kitchen table and discussed how things were going to be different. We showed our sons the money we typically spend on their birthday presents and party and told our oldest that he was going to get to decide how to spend all the money. We pointed out his options: one big present or several small presents of his choosing; a birthday party with gifts from only his friends, or some combination of self-chosen presents and a party. We reminded him that if he decided to have a party, he’d need to decide the budget for the food he’d serve, the activities everyone would enjoy, and the thank you gifts he’d provide for his guests.
The decision making process was overwhelming, at first. Our son decided on a sleep over party for 6 friends. He shopped for soda and snacks, cake mix and candles, thank you gifts and gift bags, and rental movies. Together, our sons baked and decorated a cake and prepared the snacks. When the guests arrived, they played Hide-And-Go-Seek and Lazer Tag. Pizza was delivered, birthday cake was served, and the all-night movies began. The following day, our sons cleaned up after the party and we went shopping for a few presents with the balance of his birthday money. That night, we enjoyed a relaxed family dinner and talked about the wonderful party, the gifts, the choices, and how my youngest son might make his next birthday even better.
My daughter loves flowers so when it was time for her 5th birthday party, we decided to have a garden party. She was allowed to invite her entire class. On the invitations we asked parents to dress their kids in "grubs" and send them with their favorite flowers. We spent the afternoon eating, playing and planting a gorgeous garden.
After several years of exhausting parties, we found a solution. The art teacher at my daughter's school is wonderful and my daughter loves art. Her teacher came to our house and led the kids in a craft. The completed craft was the "goodie." Best of all, the art teacher is talented not just artistically, but she had authority with the kids. When she said, "there will be no fighting over colors," magically, there was no fighting. I had a very enjoyable two hours, drinking coffee, and watching in awe. Everything was under control, and the teacher, who has kids heading off to college, was happy for the extra income.
I am so happy to know that I am not alone in this weird universe and others feel the same way about these crazy consumption fests. My son (then 6) actually managed to articulate his frustration at not being able to organize all the new "stuff" he had acquired as presents and then I had the "ah-ha" moment. The kids are great, the presents are not but we have hungry people in our community, so we started a new birthday program. Each kid could choose either the usual gift bonanza, or $50 to spend on anything he wanted and guests bring a donation to the local food pantry. This was a huge success. My boys love control, so they chose the $50, bought what they actually wanted, and to this day they carefully put it away when done playing (amazing!). They got huge Kudos from the food pantry when they delivered their donations, some parents thanked me for taking this approach and others even followed suit.
Parties are now unstructured backyard events (in January) with a supervised bonfire, cocoa and hot dogs to roast. No-one allowed in the house except for bathroom visits. Minimal prep and clean-up. Still haven't figured out the goodie bag thing except to reduce it to one unwrapped take home gift.
Let's make the horrible birthday traditions go away!
I just finished a no-frills party for my daughter and she never even noticed that the usual stuff was missing. I bought cheap-o walmart paper plates instead of the usual little mermaid crap. I made them drink out of tiny cans with straws, which they loved way better than the usual paper cups that spill all over the place. Also, instead of ordering an expensive cake, I let my daugher pick out a box cake to help me bake. She loved that. It turned out gross, but it was a fun memory and the other kids didn't care. Kids don't really eat the cake anyway, just the ice cream. The only real splurge was that she wanted to make treat bags for her friends (we had limited her party to inviting 4 friends only). Since Valentine's Day stuff is out, she picked out some Val. candy and lip gloss to put in a plain plastic bag for them. Also, my rule is that birthday girl DOES NOT get a treat bag. She gets all the presents, so she doesn't get a treat bag for herself. Sorry, kid, that's just the way it goes. When the other girl's moms had asked me what my daughter likes, I had told them earrings and coloring books, so that's exactly what she got for presents-- nothing big or over the top or hard to store. And she loved them all. It was the best party yet, and the cheapest. Oh, and we did not spend a dime on balloons, streamers, hats, horns or a pinata. And no one ever asked where those things were. Out of sight is out of mind. I'll never buy that crap again. Ever.
I have three sons who are 36 months from start to finish. As for birthday's, if our budget allows, my husband and I take the kids somewhere special, like the Circus, or Disney on Ice. Additionally, we have a party for the boys, and even though I think it is simple, we invite classmates and I spend at least $200.00. This year, in addition to each child's birthday party, we threw a halloween block party in our neighborhood. We had moonwalk, and made old fashioned games and served hotdogs. We spent another $200.00 on that party. We decided that NO MORE BIRTHDAY PARTIES starting 2007, but we would continue the tradition of a Halloween Block Party. Each family brought a bag of candy and we made Halloween bags for the kids. This limited the need for everyone buying gifts, and the boys had a blast wearing costumes, getting face painting, having a cup-cake walk, and bouncing in the moonwalk (oh and we bobbed for apples!)The neighbors enjoyed getting to know each other better and everyone had a great evening. So for families with multiple kids, this is a great budget alternative!
I think it's important to remember that we are grown-ups-- and we have choices. We make daily choices about the way we choose to live. Birthdays are not a 'do-over' of our own childhood fantasies. For our family, my husband & I talked about what is most important to us. We want our children to feel specially loved and valued and appreciated on their birthdays. For different members of our family this means different types of celebrations. My son loves it when he comes downstairs on the morning of his birthday and discovers that I have made his favorite pancakes with a "smiley face" on them. We usually offer him the choice of a party or sleep over with up to 6 friends or a special outing with just our family. At different stages of life children prefer differnet things. The day after birthdays in our house --we get to have the leftover birthday cake--for breakfast!! We have also made choices about consumer goods and "keeping up". We do what makes sense --for us, and that's it. This is the standard we set in our home. We also let children know that mom & dad are not the "money givers". That's not our role. If a child wants something expensive ---we help them brainstorm ways to earn money to buy what they want. Mom & dad provide for --needs. Wants-- are different. It's important for kids to know the difference between needs & wnats. Children should be encouraged to be self reliant to the extent they are able. It make sthem feel a greater sense of self worth & accomplishment. Children raised this way don't need to rely on others to validate their sense of self worth with elaborate parties and expensive gifts, because they know that with a little bit of ingenuity and plain old fashioned elbow grease, they can have/ earn what ever they want in life--and not just on their birthday... What I have noticed is that raising my son this way --he is able to make choices that make sense for- himself. He thinks independently and is not a follower in school. He sets goals for himself. Other students notice what he is doing and often emulate him. We are very proud of our son. Our daughter is much younger, but the same philosophy applies. She is a cheerful toddler and we love both of them very much. I think the bigger issue is resisting the urge to be overindulgent. "Buying & Spending" is not the best answer, or the right example for our kids.
I have had parties at parks, where the kids can play in the playground. But the best party ever, I rented a bouncy, jump room thingy, had cake and icecream and turned the kids loose. That was the best stress free party ever! The cost for the bounce room was about $100, but they delivered,setup, and picked it up.
This year, for my son's 10th birthday, I was as usual stressing about gift bags, but decided to take a digital picture of the guests, then print it off as a wallet sized picture. I had purchased small frames from Hobby Lobby at 50% off, and had some Mom's help me trim them and that's what they took home. I may do that every year from now on. I also gave one to each family, and not to each child as there were a few siblings. It was my first stand against the "traditional" gift bag.
My approach lately has been if my son wants to go to a party he has to pay for the present with his pocket money. That has seriously curtailed his attendance and its his decision. Surprisingly he hasn't shed a tear once in having to turn down an invitation. It honestly hasn't seemed to bother him and he still has gotten to his "best" friends parties. He is now 7 and is having his second arranged party for himself. We prefer to take him somewhere/do something special for his birthday and he has liked that a lot more. Sometimes your kids don't even want these big parties. Its worth talking to them about it.
Great website! Kids these days can be so captivated by material possession and owning the next big thing, or the next big party that they loose the perspective of just being a kid! Trust me as a teacher for 20 years I have seen a lot of this!!
My 2 kids ages 10, 12 have always had parties at home. I usually spend less then $20 per party and then giggle to myself when I see friend spend so much more!!
We always have a homemade cake. When my son was little we would have sport competitons in the house, and my daughter had theme parties like a flower party,( the girls picked wildflowers in our woods, simple but fun!Each girl took home a flower to plant as their "gift bag") a lady bug party(I got live lady bugs from the local green house, saved baby food jars and the girls took home lady bugs in baby food jars as their gift bags!), or we met at a local park. My kids usually always have parties since we don't have any relatives close by.
My thoughts have always been , keep is simple with lots of silly fun! It's really not that hard! :)
We have had lots of fun parties with out the craziness.
I have 6- and 8-year old girls and I about 5 years ago we started attending other children's parties that were given in museum, pizza places, recreation centers, etc. I looked around and noticed that at these places, the invitees and their parents were enjoying the museums and other attractions they were at. However, the birthday boy/girl was always by him/herself. The only time everyone got together was to eat. Then everyone left their own way. My girls didn't like the fact that they were not all playing together. So when I asked my children what type of party they wanted and where, they both opted for a party at home. All they wanted was to have friends over the house to play. Once at the house, the kids found their own entertainment.....playing outside, playing hide-and-seek in the house....I game them full reign of the house. All the kids were having a great time. When the parents came to pick them up, they made comments like, "I would never do this. All the mess that you have to clean up!" or "Oh you poor thing, they must have driven you nuts!" Then I realized what the problem was, parents did not want to bother with their children. And I don't consider it a bother. So to this day that is how our parties are. At home, with cupcakes, a pinata and ballons and that's all. And even when my children's friends are having parties at museums, aquariums, department stores, beauty shops.....my girls still want a good, old-fashion party at home where they can have fun with their friends. And my husband and I do give them the option to choose where they want their parties. I am glad I am not raising high-maitance children who feel that the next one has to be bigger and better.
As a teacher for 24 years I always had classroom parties without junk food. We played board games, card games and worked puzzles. Sometimes the children danced to classical music and we painted. Everyone would help blow up balloons and after we ate we went out side to bat them around in different spontaneous games. A very successful game was silent ball. Anyone who made a sound was "out". This enabled the children to concentrate on their skills, use facial expression and gestures to communicate, and learn to have fun without making a lot of noise. Other classes and administrators as well as other parents would gather around and watch the fun my children were having without loud and wild behavior and making the adults tired. Also, and very important, I asked parents for juice instead of soda, raw vegetables, chips and dips, and no candy or cookies but a banana bread or something of sorts was OK. Sometimes we had ice cream.
To see a few pictures of the fun they had go to my website at: www.artsimprovingacademics.org
When my daughter got more expensive gifts from her friends than her dad and I were planning for her that's when we drew the line.
We didn't need more stuff! As fun as it was for kids to get gifts, our kids already had plenty.
Instead we had the guests bring canned food to donate to the local food bank. Most parents were very supportive. Some parents I felt wondered if I was being mean not allowing gifts.
To remedy the desire for our guests to give to our child in celebrating their birthday, we bought a plain colored t-shirt and with fabric markers let all the guests sign it. For my teenage daughter I bought a cute denim pillow and her friends signed it with decorative puffy paint. They all - friends included - loved the idea. 4 years later it still sits on my daughters bed and is a sweet reminder of her friends.
No need to compete for the grandest party. Kids are simple. They just want to know they are special. I think the overboard parties are more for the parent's egos than they are for the kids.
We don't feel any pressure at all. We don't live the "keeping up with the Joneses" lifestyle or mentality. People that feel pressure in their kids' birthday parties, in my opinion, have bigger problems than just the birthday parties. In a way, I kind of feel sorry for these people, but not too much.
As the mother of three children,I must say that my stress came from not my children's birthdays, but the multitude of invitations to other kid's parties! I used to NEVER decline a party unless our child was ill. Now,we have a new *STRESS FREE* rule: Our children may attend only one party per weekend, and they must be good friends with the child in order to go. We have saved money on gifts, and have more quality family time together!
Our children have been invited to these over the top parties as well. The most telling thing for me as a mother was how sad my child was that so much was going on and so many children were there that she hardly got to talk to her friend the birthday girl. We left the party early and just sat in the car in complete silence for a few moments. Whoa, what was THAT? The answer is chaos. Organized chaos. We have really always said to our children that if they want a party they can invite only close friends, usually 4-5 or less. If they choose a sleepover, then they get a "eat-out" meal of their choosing but only one friend may be invited. Sometimes we have cake and ice cream and a few friends, sometimes we have only one visitor and a meal out. It is so much less stressful. We have no themes. I take them to the bakery with me and let them choose the cake they like from a book. It is sweet freedom.
I have never given into the birthday competition. When my daughters were three they spent the day at the zoo with a friend (and the friend's parent). Their first "official" party was at four. They invited 4 friends to the house for cake, ice cream, some sort of craft (i.e., bead necklaces) and just fun (dancing is a big hit). This past year, my youngest turned 5. I really didn't want to have a party at the house again, so I called a local apple orchard and asked if we could have it there. They reserved a table for us at no cost. The kids picked a small bag of apples (that became the "treat bag") and then played in the play area. I brought a cake. They all had a great time. The parents loved it because the "treats" were apples. Several of the families of my daughter's friends stayed at the orchard during the party to pick apples for themselves. It worked out really well.
I fought hosting birthday parties for my children for years. I dreaded the stress and all those presents that I knew would seldom (if ever) get played with. Several years ago we began asking for small ($1-2) donations to our local animal shelter instead of presents. My daughter loves taking the money to the shelter and we love NOT having all those gifts to deal with. It's a wonderful lesson of giving for the children. My daughter has chosen to continue this tradition and each year she choses the charity she wants to support with her "birthday money."
Honestly, I don't see anything wrong with having a nice party for your child.
I ENJOY making a really cool homemade cake, awesome invitations, cool activities, and coming up with ideas for favors - many of which I make myself.
I don't spend alot of money, but I do make it special. Parties are fun. I like to give gifts to a child - and I like to watch him or her open it. Call me crazy.
Do I think there are excesses? Sure. I personally would not hire entertainment for a children's party. My son is a July baby, so we are lucky that we can have a pool party or park party or other outdoor, game-oriented theme. But if he was born in December we might have a sledding party. October a Harvest Party. There's plenty of low cost-high fun things you can do to make a party great without being excessive.
It's up to us as parents to teach our children to be appropriately appreciative and polite, exercise mgodd mannersa nd good sense.
Just like everything else in life, moderation is key.
I have had to set limits for birthday parties. I only do coloring books and crayons along with a pez dispenser and I only spend between $12 and $15 on gifts unless I get the item on sale - then I get to keep the difference. I buy the crayons and coloring books in September when back to school supplies are on sale. I am also a great stocker of gifts when the after Christmas sales come. When someone needs as idea for my child's present, I already have inexpensive ideas to recommend.
My favorite party was at a movie theatre where I could bring in my own video and they served popcorn, drinks, and pizza for $6 a head. Because it was before the theatre opened, we had the theatre to ourselves. That way, I could stand guard at the door so no one could escape or come in and my husband and I could escort each child to the bathroom.
I have 2 daughters 18 mos apart. I got tired of the one upmanship of birthday parties. When my daughter turned 5, we only invited l the neighborhood kids and her two cousins. We played musical chairs, afterwards we all danced to 50's music (which the kids loved), pin the tail on the donkey and had a treasure hunt in the backyard then all the kids played on the swing set. The 3 winners to the games won a coloring book & crayons (and we very happy). We had cake & ice cream bars. No goody bags. Out of all the birthday parties the no-frill 50's/60's style party, was the most fun and stress free. My girls are 15 & 17 now and still remember playing musical chairs and how much fun we all had dancing in the living room!
Birthdays are about the birthday gal/guy. I see no problem fostering charity, selflessness and generosity, but I do have a problem saying no gifts or no gift bags. By all means do so, if you yourself do not accept gifts on your own adult birthdays. What does your child learn if they get nothing on their birthdays from their friends, yet they see you wearing a scarf or reading a book you received from a friend.
I think parents need to model good behaviour themselves. If you don't want gifts made in China, do not purchase those for other children.
If a birthday party at MacDonald's works for you, go for it. I don't agree with ponies, and bouncy castles and whatnot; however, planning something fun even if simple does cost a little. I find it amusing that people say have at home parties, and fail to factor in their own time in cleaning, cooking and cleaning again post party. Some foods are cheaper, but again, factor in the cost of making them.
The bottom line: As Eleanor Roosevelt said, "no one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
We never bought into the birthday party “event” craze. While our children attended the numerous birthday events that they were invited to, we never hosted one. Our children celebrated their birthdays with family (grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins) up until kindergarten. For kindergarten, they were allowed a “friends” party here at home (nothing elaborate). Since then, to celebrate their birthdays, each of our children have been allowed to chose one or two friends to invite to a fun activity of their choice. They have chosen activities such as ice skating, movie, miniture golf, and sleep overs. The friends are asked to not bring gifts. Our children have the wonderful memories of sharing time with their friends for their birthdays, but they do not accumulate all of the “junk” beads, Legos, Barbies that they do not need. Plus we do not have any stress!
When we think of our children, nothing is more near and dear to our hearts. We want to see them happy and honor them on their birthdays. I admit that I have gone overboard before in planning parties but I think the memories are worth all the effort.
My children are older now and birthday party celebrations have gotten simpler but in an effort to help all those stressed out moms in our community, I have started a business hosting tea parties for little girls. We do all the planning and provide all the food including the cake. It is in an elegant atmosphere, the little girls get to dress up, learn some simple etiquette and have a wonderful, memorable time.
It is quite affordable too considering all that we provide to make a special
one-of-a-kind birthday party.
When we think of our children, nothing is more near and dear to our hearts. We want to see them happy and honor them on their birthdays. I admit that I have gone overboard before in planning parties but I think the memories are worth all the effort.
My children are older now and birthday party celebrations have gotten simpler but in an effort to help all those stressed out moms in our community, I have started a business hosting tea parties for little girls. We do all the planning and provide all the food including the cake. It is in an elegant atmosphere, the little girls get to dress up, learn some simple etiquette and have a wonderful, memorable time.
It is quite affordable too considering all that we provide to make a special
one-of-a-kind birthday party.
I have two boys (10 and 2) and I'm so glad to see this website! I was starting to feel guilty about not preparing for my children's parties 6 months in advance, having custom-made invitations, a theme, a clown, a circus, etc..you get the point. For my boys, we bake a cake for the family share at home and bake a cake, cookies or brownies to take to school to share with his classmates-my older son has 26 kids in his class so there's no way to invite the class to a party! Then we have a party for kids in the family and close friends (usually up to 10) and do what he wants to do-he's done bowling 2 years in a row and skating 3 years in a row-and the kids have a blast!! It's his birthday party and it's about wearing them out, not the parents! Both of my boys' first birthdays were spent with immediate family (to include cousins, uncles, grandmother) over dinner to celebrate.
While I realize others may want something more festive, I ask who's it for? The toddler who's going to fall asleep in their cake or the show of just how much you "love your child" by spending tons of money and energy on something they won't remember. Celebrating the blessing of someone's life doesn't need to be a show and go on an American Express.
I have 3 teenage boys. 15,14 and 1 about to be 14. When they were younger I wanted them to have a party they would always remember. At first I strived to make it the best. My 2 oldest boys' birthdays are close together, 1 is Sep 9th and the others is Sep 15th. Since they are so close I throw them birthday parties together. Altough when they hit "thirteen, they did get a seperate birthday.
One year we had their party at a park, then at the skating rink and at the bowling alley. My only issue with that was we would pay for the party packages at the skating rink and the bowling alley and very rarley would I ever have any kids show up. So as years went by I quit paying for the packages and just had them invite a friend or 2. One year we didn't invite any kids but we did take the birthday boys to a theme park, so that was ok. My youngest son is really easy to please, he likes to go bowling every year for his birthday and he just wants his family there.
I have gotten smarter about birthday presents though. When they were younger it was really easy to get them presents, they were usually legos,cars or action figures, but as they got older and into their teen years, they wanted the really expensive electronics. So now I get them 1 nice present and then the rest is money, this way they can buy what they want.
Last year for my older sons birthdays I decided to make it a little easier on me. I got 2 cakes, made a few finger sandwhiches and koolaid and made a whole bunch of water balloons and we had a water party outside. All the kids in the neighborhood came over and it was a blast for all of them. I also didn't stress about having to clean up because when the party died down, I made all the kids pick up the trash.
I think this year will be the last for parties, with all of my kids being boys thankfully they are getting to that age were a party is just not cool, but you never know they may surprise me. One thing is for sure I try not to stress but I do try to make it nice for all involved.
for my son's 7th birthday I had him invite 3 friends over and they had a sleep over. The boys all got to make their own pizza for dinner and we had popcorn for snacks later on. I picked up a few glow sticks from the local dollar store and they played glow tag in the yard that night and had a great time. overall the party was not that expensive and the boys all had fun.
With my youngest child, I have had birthday parties for him each year immediately after school, inviting his entire class. We walk to the park which is only a few blocks from the school. I have my older children and my sister help supervise. We have hot dogs and chips, a pinata with candy a cup cake cake and dishes of ice cream with juice boxes. The cost for this type of party runs me around $100.00 including everything. I send invitations to school, each child in his class is invited. The best part of doing this at the park is there is plenty of room to run and play, plenty of things to play on and all I have for clean up is throw everything in the trash and go home. We have successfully managed this for the past 4 years with as many as 20 children attending our parties. The worst problem that we have had to encounter was a boy locking himself in the bathroom, with a little coaxing though all turned out well. I cannot think of a more spectacular birthday party. PS I always put on the invitations your presence is present enough (no gifts please) The best part of the whole thing is that every year I am told "Mom this was the best birthday ever"
My sister in law (who doesn't yet have kids, but is aunt to 8) sent me the link for this website. I was glad to hear there are other parents who believe the "less is more" philosophy of birthday parties. I homeschool 5 kids and most of our friends have similar values, but I still sometimes feel like my cute and themey, yet inexpensive and homey parties don't measure up to the ones to which my kids are invited. I want to celebrate our kids -- what fun would life be w/o celebrations? But we try to be creative and fun within a limited budget of time and money. I put together a Superhero party last year for my son where each kid received a felt and elastic eye mask (a la Incredibles) and a red cape (cut from clearance red vinyl tablecloths) and my husband led the kids in "superhuman" feats (running all over the backyard pretending to save the world). Then they had a storebought cake (the grocery store kind) on which I'd frosted a superman symbol. They had a ball!! To curb materalism, we've had parties where kids are asked to bring items for an orphanage (my daughter lived in one in Africa her first three years so this is close to our hearts). My kids loved that party, and my son felt so good when we packed up and sent socks and underwear to needy children. My other son attended a party where the dad led a bunch of 8 year old boys on a stream hike. He still raves about that! I don't mind spending time and creativity on my kids' parties, but overspending cash and stress is meaningless. For some of my friends, they'd rather spend a little more because the idea of hosting a party is more stressful...I say whatever feels comfortable for Mom and birthday child (and the bank account) is usually fine. Thanks for the ideas. :)
I have 4 children (two boys and two girls) and only 2 of them have ever had a formal birthday party. We decided long ago that we would only have a "friends" birthday party for special birthdays like 5 and 10. Children who are members of our church are baptized when 8 years old. We also considered this a special birthday and if they wanted a party we would do one then too.
My second child just turned 10 last week. She told me that she wanted a party, and she hadn't had one since she was 5. She decided she wanted a Harry Potter birthday party. I found some great ideas online and the kids had a great time. It did take a bit of planning, and I spent around $75. I had two friends and my sister in law come and be "professors" and they each prepared their own lesson, and even assigned "homework". We gave each of the children a wand (a stick from the trees in our yard) and a cauldron ($2.35 ea.) and a notebook and pen. The notebooks came in a package of 6 for $3.00 and the pens were $1.50 for 12. They used them during the party to write down the "spells" they were learning. At the end we served dinner of my daughters choice, pizza, lasagna, salad, garlic bread, strawberries and grapes. They drank grape juice and water as beverages. We also created "Honeydukes" the candy story in the Harry Potter books. I bought 7 or 8 bags of different kinds of candy and set them on a table in a separate room. We renamed them funny names like Yoblers and Baked Hearts of Lumpergills. My daughter cut out "coins" from yellow construction paper, and gave each guest 10. They used the "money" to go shopping at the end of the party. The bulk of my expense was spent on the dinner and the candy.
She invited 7 friends, but only 5 could come and so it was very manageable. My daughters birthday guests were mostly between the ages of 9-11 and enjoyed themselves very much. They were talking about how much fun they had at the party when she returned to school the following Monday.
This is the most elaborate party I have ever personally hosted. I grew up having simple games and maybe a treasure hunt, birthday cake with icecream and candles, open presents and that's it. I still think that those kinds of parties are the easiest and most fun for children.
We had a hard time cutting back on the party list for my daughters last BDay party. If you invite 30 people it just becomes to many gifts but if you leave someone out feelings get hurt. Our church as do many others has a gym and we could rent it for a small cost for 2 hours ($60). We invited her complete list of friends and asked everyone to bring a donated item for the local animal shelter. It worked out great. The kids ran around the gym and played and we took food toys and all kinds of things that helped the animal shelter out. And my daughter got a few presence from some close friends as well as the gift of giving something back.
I just posted anonymous comments starting "Wow! I'm not alone." After hitting post I realized I submitted this to the wrong section. It would be more appropriate under "Share your experience" section.
We homeschool and have found that eliminates 99% of the problem. Our kids don't ask for big parties. It is our immediate family, and relatives who give presents stop in around the kids birthdays, not necessarily the exact day. Our kids love spending time with each other, though they do have friends, they prefer the company of their family.
Hallelujah!!Amen!! I have been saying this for so long. When and how did birthdays get so out of control?! For my older son (who just turned 7) we usually invite 3 friends to our house and play a few games. This year I asked if he wanted to do something similar again or just have his best friend over for an overnight. That's what he chose. The night before his birthday we picked up his friend went out to dinner at a restaurant my son chose, rented a movie and had a mini "slumber party". The next day his friends siblings and 2 neighbor girls came over for lunch and cake. He had a great time. For my younger son (who is three) the past 2 years we have invited a couple neighborhood kids and our close friends kids over for an "impromptu" party of cake and ice cream and "free play". These have been the best, pressure free parties! My older son has been to many "fancy" birthday parties and while he does have a good time, when asked what he wants to do for his birthday he has never asked to have such a party for himself.
We live in Colorado and many of our family and friends live in Louisiana. Many of these people had never met our son and had given him gifts when he was born. We wanted these people to actually meet him. His 1st birthday party was held while we were visiting. The guest list was 70 people however, 36 were his grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. The rest were friends with small children who could not come alone. For those kids we had a playground and a station set up where they could decorate their own piece of cake. This was a huge hit with the kids and the mom's. They all got to chat and catch up while their kids decorated the cake. The whole event was great, stress free, and my son loved all of the attention he normally does not get from his relatives
I have two children, ages 2 and 5. When we plan our parties now, it envolves balancing stress with cost. Ideally, you would sacrafice one for the other. For my 5 year old's last party, we rented a "bounce house" room at a local party place for about $150, which included pizza for the kids. We picked up a cake on the way and I had some inexpensive goodie bags from Wal-Mart. All told, I probably spent about $210 - had no mess to clean, the kids had a great time, and we were able to relax and enjoy the party as well. Looking back, given the fact that the party itself turned out so well, we could have gone with a cheaper cake and no goodie bags and it would have had no affect on the overall experience.
When my daughter turned 9, I sat her down and told her that we were going to put "no presents, please" on her invitation. She was disappointed at first, but then I explained that it was hard for some people to be buying birthday presents for all of their children's friends and that the point of a birthday party was to enjoy spending time with a few of your favorite friends. She understood and now she gets to pick an activity such as ice skating, bowling, movie, etc., and we'll foot the bill for four or five of her friends including pizza and cake. All of her friends have started doing the same. There's no pressure to buy gifts and they've all learned the value of spending time with their friends rather than the value of the gifts they receive.
I have always been a self proclaimed birthday party minimalist even though I do feel a certain amount of social pressure when I look around. I have two general rules that I stick to and seem to have worked so far...
1) my girls can invite the same number of guests as the year that they are turning (birthday girl is turning 8, minus she and her sister, she gets 6 guests.. siblings of guests do count)
2) no character parties. I find this to zap the imagination out of a party instantly. Everyone can be more creative if they aren't using an established character "box" to stifle play and ideas. Great website, glad to know I'm not the only one fighting the insanity of gluttony in birthday party planning.
I just celebrated my child's fifth birthday, and for the first time did it at a celebration place "Pump-it-Up" She and her friends had a great time. For the same price you can have 5 or 30 kids, so I invited all the kids. I always hated leaving any child out. I always keep the price of treats to $3 or less per kid. (See Oriental Trading website or Target goodies bin) We had 25 kids. It was crazy but everyone had fun. The only real problem was the gift opening. Way to much excitement in one closed space. I do like the suggestion of the animal shelter gifts. We did something similar for Christmas by getting gift certificates for a charties site and then letting each child pick their favorite charity to give to.
In the past I have always just done a party at a local park with a pinata and cake. It cost under $100 an my child does not have to exclude any kids. At preschool level that is a big thing. And at the preschool age, the big parties with themes are not for the kids but for the parents. Kids at that age would rather just run around than be forced to play games or do crafts.
I really do like the idea the mother had about number of kids per age. I think I will opt for that next year.
Thanks for the great site. Lots of wonderful, creative ideas.
What I started doing for my kids is I let them invite their 5 closest friends for a sleep over, I MAKE a cake WITH my child, (ie: my son wanted a football cake so we cut the cake to look like a football used chocolate frosting and white frosting and bingo!)We have a basement with a couch, tv,and plenty of area to play and the kids toys are down there, there is also a refridgerator we keep for excess groceries, my child may go to the store,pick out two bags of chips, one bag of candy and one 12 pack of pop and they stay in the basement, play with all the toys down there, eat at their leisure WITHOUT my help, and watch tv, dvd's and play the playstation down there. My cost, about $25.00 including thank you notes,my kids are not allowed to play with what they received until the thank you notes are done. I have told other parents this is all I do and the kids have more fun doing this than a "planned" event, and now people in our neighborhood are following my lead, and we live in an upscale neighborhood. The only time I see the kids is when they have to go to the bathroom or when I go down and check on them, about every hour or so. For breakfast, donughts and the kids parents come at 10 am to pick them up, no gift bags, but the kids have said that the parties are the most fun they have had forever. Probably because there is no turmoil or parents hovering.....
Wonderful to see your site.
We've started to do something about this problem: instead of presents to the birthday child, our circle of friends is beginning to encourage CHARITABLE DONATIONS in lieu of presents.
All of our kids already have plenty of toys. Donating the money that would otherwise be spent on even more toys helps kids learn empathy and generosity. It is also a great way to start the discussion about rich and poor, aspects of world politics, and so much more.
In our circle it just took one brave family who sent out a birthday party invitation which said: "we don't want an presents -- but we do want to raise money for this charity".
We've contributed to Heifer International -- but any reputable charity will do.
How do you convince your child to give up receiving all those presents? Here's the easy part -- let your kids look at the web site of a charity. They will want to help, but not know how. Just say: "If you asked your friends to contribute money to this charity for your birthday party, you could really help this group." That's all it will take.
BTW -- because of that one party, several deserving families now have goats, rabbits, and bees. The cool thing about Heifer is that recipients of the animals are asked to give away the first born offspring of the gift animal, this spreading the giving even farther.
The kids receive reports about how their gifts have helped others. This simple act has had profound consequences.
Of course, we do still give our own children some personal gifts for birthdays, but "present gluttony" isn't part of our group children's parties any more. I highly recommend donating to a charity to other parents concerned about "runaway birthdays".
My daughter turned 4 this year and asked to have a princess tea party. We hosted 18 girls and boys from her school for our 1 hour tea party. I purchased "real" tea cups from Ross for the children to use. Most of them dressed as princesses, superheroes, and Star Wars characters.
We made colored pasta necklaces, colored pictures of princesses, and decorated homemade cupcakes with frosting and sprinkles. We drank tea, strawberry milk (my daughter's favorite), and fruit juice. I served coffee,tea, and shortbread for the grownups.
I specified no gifts on the invite and only two violated this. Everyone had a great time. After the hour was up, almost everyone left (had a few stragglers - my neighbors) and I sent them home with their "real" tea cup they used during the party and copies of the recipes for making shortbread and the colored macaroni for the necklaces.
I am mom to twin 7 yr olds; boy and girl. Birthday parties were not considered after the first one. Since money doesn't grow on trees I decided to have family only until they can understand why they have a party in the first place. When they were 5 I agreed to have a 'big' party since it was the first time they had made many friends. We use every discount coupon we could find and had an indoor water park party. For 16 kids (parents were included and they were of no extra charge because of the children's age. This was worked out nicely with the water park staff just by asking!) not including my own it was only $150 for unlimited swim time! Most 5yr olds can't last more than a couple of hours of swimming and playing but they were free to stay as long as the park was open. Included in the party package was 2-slices of pizza, plenty of soda and water and a free pass to come back when the outdoor park opens! All I purchased was a cake ($20) a veggie tray which was a big hit with the kids ($10-If you just buy the veggies an cut up yourself it's so much cheaper!) and some water squirt toys from the dollar store! At that age they almost don't care what they get.
The next year I explained that 'big' parties will only be held on the 'big' years. (5, 10, 13, etc.) In between they can invite 1-2 friends and we will all do something together.
This year it's bowling! With coupons for $1.00 games and free games for the birthday kids!!!
Growing up, my parents made our birthdays our special day. We woke up to breakfast in bed and opening our gifts, dinner of our choice, and a homemade cake by mom. Every time I think of those birthdays, my hearts swells with loving memories. I, however, do not remember a single birthday party I went to, nor really my own. So, now that I have three daughters of my own, I feel family is what makes a birthday so special - not how elaborate the party is or how may kids are invited. I don't use the term friends because most of the kids invited to parties aren't your child's real friends. So, although my daughter had a birthday party at a Romp and Roll (kids' gym), it was just truly her friends, an Elmo cake made by the local grocer and, no, I did not give out goody bags - how much more junk do we really need in our house?
I agree that birthday parties are way out of control. My daughter turned 5 last year and we decided it was time for a "real" party and not just cake and ice cream. So we let her invite 4 of her friends and we did a Princeses Tea Party. Everything was very inexpensive, from tea set at the Dollar Store to lots of pink tulle for decorations. Their "goodie bag" was a braclet they got to make. The girls had a fantasic time and all of the parents said it was a great party and not overdone. Most of them said they just feel like they have to compete at parties all the time and they were glad that somebody stood up and just had a very laid back and inexpensive party in which everyone had fun.
We have 3 children ages 12, 9 & 5. Our most successful (and FUN) parties have been at home. The best was our then 4 year old inviting the dog next door (and he came!) It is hard today with some of the parents because they want to hang out and have it be their social time with other parents...adds more to the food cost and it's not about them! One thing I have noticed at these 'Party Mill' type places, the birthday child almost never opens the gifts that their little frinds have brought. It robs the birthday child of a learning opportunity in manners and the gift giver of seeing how happy their friend was to receive their gift. We always have a pinata and a scavenger hunt...always a hit no matter what the age. We also send invites through the mail so that kids not invited are not hurt...very hard especially with girls! Love your web-site. Very well done!!!
We have 3 children ages 12, 9 & 5. Our most successful (and FUN) parties have been at home. The best was our then 4 year old inviting the dog next door (and he came!) It is hard today with some of the parents because they want to hang out and have it be their social time with other parents...adds more to the food cost and it's not about them! One thing I have noticed at these 'Party Mill' type places, the birthday child almost never opens the gifts that their little frinds have brought. It robs the birthday child of a learning opportunity in manners and the gift giver of seeing how happy their friend was to receive their gift. We always have a pinata and a scavenger hunt...always a hit no matter what the age. We also send invites through the mail so that kids not invited are not hurt...very hard especially with girls! Love your web-site. Very well done!!!
At first I got caught up in keeping up with the other families. Then one year I realized that neither of my children, I have a boy now 12 and girl now 10, did not really enjoy all the fuss. They felt overwhelmed and intimidated with it all.
We have been giving them the option of either inviting one friend and doing something along the lines of a movie or go-karts and dinner/lunch or having 2 or 3 friends over for a sleepover.
My son normally opts for the go-karts and my daughter goes for the sleep over. For the girls they usally do one or 2 crafts, have dinner and then either play a game or watch the nightly Disney movie. For her last party we spent a total $25 on what we considered the goody bags that included the crafts that they made and some cool candy and gum.
We are now thinking that since both birthdays are in the summer within days of both mine and my husbands we are going to incorporate it into our family vacations.
We did this purely by accident for my son's birthday this past year and worked out great. Our normal vacation is going to my sister-inlaws in the Hudson Valley area. We told Charlie that he can choose what he would like to do for the day. It of course involved go karts. When you ask him now about his birthday he answers "I got to spend it with Aunt Anita and Uncle Bernie.
Now Sara also wants to do this. She has already asked if we can plan our vacation for her Birthday week this year.
Not only does this take the pressure off of us as to how to fit it in around our vacations it also helps the children avoid the messy task of deciding who is invited and who is not.
Best of all - we get to enjoy the day with them - and tell them about the day/night that they were born.
A solution that has worked for us is letting the kids have a big party for their 5th birthday and their "golden" birthday. Other years we just have a small family gathering. Once this was established my kids just accepted that's the way it is for our family, even if they are attending elaborate parties for other children every year. I started this after my son's 5th birthday party in 1996 at a McDonald's playland- I could see the trend already then and realized there was no end in sight- if I wanted to put brakes on the birthday party runaway-train then I had better start right away!
I lower the stress level about Birthday parties in two ways:
First, for my children's (ages 6 and 11) birthday parties I let them invite no more than 5 people. If my 11 year old wants a sleep over, then the number goes down to three.
All parties are at home with a $50 spending limit (this limit includes food, decorations and goodie bags). It is amazing how creative my kids can become when there is a dollar limit!
Second, I limit the amount of Birthay parties my children get to attend. Only 3 or 4 a year and only to their closest friends (relatives don't count). It gets expensive sending your child to every party they are invited to -- especially when its not even a child they really play with. And it keeps my child less exposed to the elaborate parties.
I have 2 children ages 7 & 12. I find that having bdays at house are more fun for the kids. They get to hang out w/ there friends longer & they even get to open there gifts & have time to say thank you to everyone. You can also make house parties very inexpensive. Have a little fun with the menu. Make english muffin pizza or bagel pizza's. Make cheese, Roni, even mushroom for the adults. It's cheap & the kids love it! You can even have them build there own pizza.
Make your own sundaes is one of my favorites! We clear out the dining room & they dance & challenge there friends to sing Karaoke... That last for hours...and it's free!
Our children invite two to three friends over for a slumber party, where they eat pizza, watch a couple vidoes, and play games. When it gets dark, they get to go outside in the back yard and play flashlight tag. No matching plates, cups, or party hats. Pizza, cake and icecream get served on regular paper plates. And no gift bags.
I think the poster on 01/13/07 raises a great point - families that CAN and WANT TO provide "extravagant" parties should certainly do so. Personal priorities. I think much of this issue comes down to the simple fact that our children have NO CLUE about the value of time and money, and parents over-indulge. Too many kids feel entitled to a fancy party...largely because most parents don't talk with their children about finances. Depending on the age of your child - let them see how much certain things cost. Give them the choice....$50 is our budget for cake and goody bags....how should we use it?
As a parent, I don't feel too much pressure because I just don't care what other parents think about my kids' parties. If that is what they're going to judge me on - I'm not worried about their opinion. I don't play "politically correct" and invite our neighbors kids just because we live nearby them, or because our kids play together 3 or 4 times a year. I don't make my kids invite someone just because they went to that person's party or played with them once last month. I stress "BESTEST FRIENDS ONLY" at birthday parties.
We've avoided having parents stay by writing "Drop off @ 5, and pick up @ 7" rather than just listing the time of the party.
As for our kids - my daughter (who will be 8 next month) LOVES animals, so she asks for gifts for our local animal shelter. Her goody bags are themed plastic cups. Inside them we put the crafts the kids make, and some Hershey Kisses. A few days after the party, we then get to spend 2-3 hours in the shelter delivering her gifts for the animals. Of course, the grandparents buy her NICE presents. This way she not only still gets presents, but the ones she gets are ones we know she'll LOVE.
My son (who will be 6 in April) really doesn't care what we do as long as he can have his 5 or so buddies. But then again - he's just a low maintenance child. This year he wanted a Chuck E. Cheese party. We told him if he wanted that he could only invite 5 kids, and he was fine with that.
As with many issues - I feel this whole issue is more of a parent issue. Kids of virtually any age should be given some responsibility to make decisions and to learn about finances. Parents also need to be parents and give their kids the boundary within which to operate. If more parents would just step up, I feel many of the issues we see with our children would greatly diminish.
My daughter will be 8 this year and we have done all sorts of parties. We have had huge parties for lots of kids with crafts and games, family only parties and last year she had a fun sleepover party. I have adjusted each year by what we can budget, the time frame we have (her birthday falls during spring vacation) and the amount of kids on her list. Some of her parties were a lot of work but were fun. There was some stress but I would learn each year. I feel that last year I really hit my groove. I wasn't stressed and everyone had a good time.
When we started planning her party this year I knew my limits. I wanted a smaller group of friends, I wanted no real prep or work, I didn't want to buy decorations and I wanted it to be fun for the kids and my husband and I. I sat down with my daughter and told her what I was thinking. Then I asked her what she wanted. She has never had a party at "place" before and really wanted that. We looked online and found some museums in the city but they were way too expensive. We looked into local things but they were too young for her age group or too old or not appropriate. We live in New England so there aren't a lot of outdoor options in April. Finally I remembered this museum that is set up like an 1830s village. I checked their website out and knew we had found our place. It will cost 165.00 for up to 8 kids (we are having 6) and 2 adults and will include period costumes for the kids to dress up in, a tea party with 1830's manner lesson, a craft to make and take home and they will be able to bake a cake on the open hearth. It includes admission to the museum as well. It fit the budget and my daughter was thrilled. The best part is my husband is looking forward to it as well. We had gone to this museum before we had our daughter and had a wonderful time.
I am not planning on doing party favors and I will be asking the parents to pack a lunch for their child as we will be spending the day at the village.
I think the most important things to remember are to think about what you- as the party host/hostess want to spend/do. When you know what your limits are talk to the birthday child.
My daughter was a very social child and loved big parties.
This was difficult in that our family was "income challenged" in an "income rich" area; we had a tiny house; and her birthday was in the spring which meant we couldn't have her birthday outside.
Each year from the time she was 4, she'd invite all the kids in her class (anywhere from 12 to 25 kids), we'd play party games for an hour in our living room, and then we'd eat hotdogs and a homemade cake. Each kid would take home a simple craft item my daughter and I made for them.
My costs were rarely over $25 total. The parties were a lot of fun, noisy and silly. I enjoyed planning the games and making them fit the party theme. Any parent who stayed (and surprisingly, most parents did) had to help with the games/food.
This contrasts with my son's birthday parties; he did NOT want anything planned. He just wanted a couple of friends over for a playdate and cake and ice cream.
I guess what I am trying to say is that you can have a big production (if that is what your kid wants) for very little time and money on your part.
We gave my 13 year old a choice. Dinner at her choice of restaurant and a nicer gift or a birthday party. She chose dinner at a very nice steak house and received a digital camera for her birthday. Our cost: about 200.00 vs at least that much for just the party -- and no special gifts from Mom and Dad. My other two kids can't wait for their turn!
We had gotten tired of competing with other parents for bigger and bigger parties, so when our daughter turned 7 we told her she could take 3 friends out to dinner. She chose Japanese. We made each girl a t-shirt to commemorate the evening with an iron-on that had her name in Japanese. (We pulled that off the internet.)Then we took them next door for ice cream cones. It was reasonable and they had a great time! This year, she had a pajama party with old-fashioned games (charades and board games) and lots of laughing and talking. We rented two PG movies "Big Fat Liar" and "My Big Fat Greek Wedding." They laughed and talked and didn't seem to notice that we weren't spending a fortune.
We let them have a little get together every other year. It is at our house, the kids actually get to play with each other. Examples,water game theme, camp out in the back yard, texas hold'em tournament.
A great idea is to have as many friends as the child's age that year... so for a 4-yr olds birthday party - 4 kids are plenty!!! It makes perfect sense in terms of adequate supervision and no one feeling overwhelmed! I have always been amazed when i show up at a 5 year old's party and there are 20 crazy kids running around! Insanity!
Some very simple rules we adhere to, even though we live in NYC land of over the top.
1) Ignore the school rule (if you are in private) that everyone in the class must be invited to a party.
2) Your age +1 if you are feeling indulgent. We keep it to 4-5 kids total (even for the 10 year old)
3) If you want to go overboard and hire a magician, go online and buy some tricks and perform them yourself. Your kid can be your assistant and everyone will love the show.
4) Get a small craft kit and have everyone build something.
5) Buy a pizza and ice cream
Put the money saved into the college fund, or a new Porche.
My boys are 18 months apart so all their birthday parties included all of the siblings of their friends. Until I got smart! I started having evening parties so that one parent can stay home with the siblings and only the friend the age of the birthday child attends the party. We always do it on the actual birthday so this also limits the guest attendance as it is often a week day evening with school the next day. I tried one year to say no presents as my son's birthday is 2 weeks after Christmas but that just had hurt feelings for those who wanted to bring something. But I do always encourage people that they do not need to bring something it's about the party and not the presents.
Our birthday tradition...Lunch at Wendy's just mom and the boys and then head to Toys R Us to use the gift cards they received from Grandma. In the evening they get to pick what we have for dinner and we use the same table cloth every birthday. Each year I dip their hands in fabric paint and add a new handprint to the tablecloth. Their guest and party start after that and we are done and in bed by 8 or 8:30 at the most. It's a fun filled DAY! ONE DAY! And that's it!
My Children's birthdays all fall in the warmer months of the year. We have a BBQ usually at the park or in our backyard. We keep it to about 2 hours. We only invite close family & friends that are around the same age as the birthday child. We do what we always do when we invite friends over for a BBQ. Hot dogs & Hamburgers, Chips & lemonaide. The Kids & I make the birthday cake. Sometimes guests who have been to our parties before will brings salads & things. We turn the sprinklers on & let the kids have at it. I have never had a child complain & the other parents always coment on how nice & relaxing the party it was for them. When my kids get alittle older we may have to change it up alittle (Maybe Music & Dancing). We do make it alittle bigger for the milestone bithdays 3,5,10 (not much, maybe a bounce house or water slide rented by a local company). All in all the birthdays are fun & I've never spent over $300.00.
For my son's second birthday last year, I said "no gifts" however I realize that people still like to bring something so I asked that they bring books to donate to the library. Everyone was very pleased with that and the library was very excited to get new children's books. I do believe that I will do this every year, that way my son can learn the value of giving to others.
The best birthday party I ever held for my son was at a park. I had planned games for the kids but they were having so much fun playing on the playground and making up their own games that I just stayed out of it. I had pizza and cake. The clean-up was a breeze. This was the most stress free birthday ever!
When I was thirteen, a group of mothers, including my own, decided to have a big dance for the seven girls in the class who had December birthdays. I remember being worried that my mother had been pressured into the party, but later she told me that it was the easiest party she ever gave. It was very inexpensive for the parents. It was at the parish hall of the church of one of the mothers, all the food (little pizzas, little sandwiches, and cake and punch) was bought at Sam's Club and heated up in the kitchen, a father was DJ (with help from the daughters), the entire class was invited, and the cost and the work was split among seven families. The mothers of the other children in the class loved it, because not only did the hosts say no gifts, but it saved the hassle of driving kids around to seven separate birthday parties packed into one month, buying seven gifts, seven RSVPs, etc. Plus we girls were told that this was a once-in-a-lifetime birthday party, so it didn't raise expectations for sweet sixteen or anything like that. In fact, we were told that this was being given as our last birthday party, since after thirteen we were too old for such things (which was true). Also we didn't receive any birthday presents from our parents except for a party dress -- they made certain we knew that the party and the dress WERE our presents. In any case, I think that this is a great solution for keeping costs and hassle down if you are lucky enough to be friends with kids with close together birthdays. The important things are to invite everyone in the class (unless the kids share the exact same circle of friends), to list names alphabetically on the invitation, not to have a theme unless everyone agrees on it, and not to hold the party on the actual birthday of any of the children (REALLY IMPORTANT to avoid cattiness among little girls). AND NO GIFTS. You do need to make certain that all the hosts have the same ideas about how much the party should cost and that none of the hosts is especially bossy. Otherwise, this works well.
Another memorable party -- for my ninth birthday, my mother had an Around the World dinner party. Different rooms and different corners of the house and yard had foods, music, and decorations from different countries. It was sort of like a progressive dinner party, with a group of little girls moving from room to room, corner to corner. I loved it. It was a load of work for my mother, but she is very creative and would rather have put in a lot of work on something like this than thrown a bunch of money at something pre-packaged and tacky. The foods for this sort of thing are easy and cheap -- pizza for Italy, cheese and croissants for France, pineapple slices and guava juice for Polynesia, etc. Just go to a basic party supply store for a very few decorations, and comb through your music collection for appropriate international music. I am hoping to have a daughter of my own one day so I can repeat this party.
Last year we took our son to the local Burger King and let him choose four friends to invite. We also said no gifts, but he got a few anyway. They ran around for an hour or so, and at the end of that hour five very exhausted but happy kids left the place. So much so that he wants to do something similar this year too. He's going to turn seven. And we will probably do something similar for our daughter for her 3rd birthday, and probably enforce the no gifts rule this time.
In our house,we celebrate with a party on "milestone" birthdays(ages 5, 10, 15, and probably 18.)Because we"re only going "all out" every 5 years for each child I don't feel so bad spending more and making it extra special.
My best, most remembered parties... when I could convince my mother that all I wanted was a special dinner out, with just her, or turning the basement in to girl-territory and having a sleepover w/ my two best friends. We'd watch too much Star Trek, eat too much pizza, drink too much soda, and giggle ourselves to death over marathon games of Monopoly... kids do not remember the insane, complicated, expensive deals, and they really do enjoy simple things more.
I just had a party for my 7 year old daughter. She invited her entire class (18 kids) to a swimming party at a local motel. Included in the price of having a birthday party at the motel for four hours was pizza and pop. We had to order extra pizza and pop, because the number they provide wasn't enough. Her mother made a cake and cupcakes from a box mix. She decorated the cake. The kids swam for about 2 hours, then we ate and each child got to decorate their own cupcake. Then we opened gifts. The children got to swim for about another hour or so before their parents showed up. We did give out gift bags that had school pencils, a tracing ruler, about 5 or 6 pieces of candy, a miniature card game and a rubber wristband bracelet. Total cost of the party was under $250. We have been to several swimming parties and even a bowling party. There is plenty to do, but you don't have to overdo it. Parties can look spendy but can actually be kept to minimal budget.
We give our grandsons an opportunity to eat out at whatever establishment they choose on their birthday. We give no presents but take them all three to an amusement park or activity we can share as a family.
For my daughter's 7th birthday, we decided to have a craft party. We both picked out crafts from Oriental trading company catalog (which is VERY cheap). She invited 7 kids, and no parents stayed. We had pizza and cake and the kids were kept busy making crafts so it wasn't too overwhelming. It cost under $100 and was a great time. The kids got to take home what they made and a goodie bag with stickers from Michaels- 1000 for $1, and other dollar items. It was easy and fun.
We only have parties for major birthdays (5, 10, 13), so there is not the pressure every year. We also limit the number of friends invited to the age (5 friends for the 5th birthday, etc.). This cuts down on the cost as well. My kids have loved this idea, it gets them to appreciate the special birthdays. The other birthdays are spent at home with family opening presents, cake, etc., and they get to pick their favorite meal for dinner and we cook it together.
When I was growing up, my mom would go crazy trying to make my birthday parties "perfect" then she'd be so stressed she'd never get to enjoy anything herself! I found myself doing the same thing with my older son too, and spending a ton of money while I was at it! But when I had my youngest son things changed. He has autism so I have to curve things somewhat so he won't get upset from feeding off my stress. I stil have a "theme" because he likes it, and I make a homemade cake around that "theme" (and let me tell u, I am NO baker lol) I make cupcakes for the kids and they seem to like that too. I do invite adults, in fact, I make flyers on the computer, nothing fancy just letting people know we're having a party and the only thing they should bring is themselves. We live next to a poor neighborhood and many of my son's friends cant afford gifts and we dont want them to miss out on the party just because they cant bring anything. The kids love to just ride bikes or play tag outside. I used to abhor party games when I was little because I was always left out! Or when I wasnt invited to a party of someone I thought of as a friend! So we have a pinata, and thats it. I buy the hot dogs and hamburgers, my neighbor does the grilling, and some of the guests bring covered dishes and beverages. My mom gets upset at this and says I shouldnt have guests bring food or their extended families but I think its fine, this is a celebration, all are invited for a nice relaxing get together to celebrate another year that I have been blessed with such a special son!
Since my daughter is having a bat mitzvah in February, I kept my son's January birthday party simple. Friday night: Pizza at home for dinner for three friends and movies after. Each kid got a NERF football. That's it. All I had to do was order cake and get footballs when I shopped at Target. My husband picked up pizza and took them to the movies.
One caveat: My typical 8-year-old started to complain he wouldn't get enough gifts (no matter how many times we show him how lucky we are).
My husband & I have 6 children ages 19, 16, 14, 4, 2, & 1. We always have a 1st birthday party & have decided that having a "party" every 5 years is sufficient & within the budget. With the younger children we do cake & ice cream in their class & party with family on "the birthday plan". We will stop "partying" at the age of 21 & hope their spouses will pick up on this & celebrate this way with our grandchildren.
When my daughter turned 8, we were tired of all the hoopla surrounding birthday's and wanted to get back to really enjoying the celebration of her life. So, we told her she could invite one or two of her closest friends to do something extra special. She decided to invite her cousin and a good friend from our home school group. The girls came dressed in their party dresses, brought their dolls and baby strollers. They took their babies on a walk, had a nice dinner together, made necklaces and bracelets, watched a movie and then talked until they fell asleep. The next morning they had a special breakfast together before the mom's came to get their girls. Not only was very easy for me but it was a complete delight to watch the girls make wonderful memories. There weren't lots of guests, decorations or presents, but my daughter actually had quality time to spend with her guests. Which she loved and will remember forever... I hope. In the passed we had large groups of children, lots of games and things to do, but little time to enjoy eachother. After having both kinds of parties, my daughter enjoyed the small party much better and I must admit, so did I.
As I was growing up, my parents didn't make a huge deal out of our birthdays. They simply couldn't afford to. Mom would ask us what kind of cake we wanted and she would bake that.
When I had children of my own, we let them choose the activity they wanted to do and we did that as a family and then let them choose where they wanted to have their birthday dinner.
And why do parents think they are required to have "A Big Birthday Party" every year? Why not just on the big ones, like 1, 6, 10, 13, 16, and 21. The birthdays in between those can be celebrated just as a family. Then enough birthday parties!
I have a 7, 3 and 1 year old and 5 year old twins. I do not let myself fall into the "I have to do better" pit. I make the girls party easy. Music to dance to or a microphone so they can sing along. Simple games (musical chairs, treasure hunts). Last year my husband made a CD of my 7 year olds favorite songs and that was each childs party gift. No candy. No silly toys that break no the way home. I try and make the party gifts (if any) something that they will actually use (hair accesories etc) so I don't feel like I am just throwing my moeny away.
As far as the parents, I want them there. It is much less stressful for me (esp with the younger ones) if Mom or Dad is there to help with the bathroom, cutting up food, controlling any "anti-social" behavior. And actually, most of the time the parents join in with the dancing etc and walk away saying that they actually had fun!
I look forward to looking through this site more. Thanks!
Yesterday my twin granduughters were 2. They are our first grandchildren. Their parents had a party at home. Their mum and dad made all the food including two delicious party cakes with toy animals on top . We helped blow up the balloons and put the tables and chairs under the trees. We all had a lovely day together and all the little ones were so wonderful. I heard one mum say as she went what a lovely relaxing time she had had. Long may it last like this I say.
Yesterday my twin granduughters were 2. They are our first grandchildren. Their parents had a party at home. Their mum and dad made all the food including two delicious party cakes with toy animals on top . We helped blow up the balloons and put the tables and chairs under the trees. We all had a lovely day together and all the little ones were so wonderful. I heard one mum say as she went what a lovely relaxing time she had had. Long may it last like this I say.
I was so happy to read in our local paper (in Reno, NV) about your website. We have 3 children, ages 12, 9 and 5 and from the beginnning, we decided to opt out of outrageous birthday parties. Our stategy: we chose certain ages that seemed like milestons, so far 4, 7, 10, and this year, 13, and when our kids have reached those ages, we let them have a party to which they can invite friends. These parties are always held at our house. We come up with a theme and use it for the cake and games. We will do party favors, but they're very low key. On the off years, we just have family over for cake and ice cream. Nearly all of my kids' friends have extravagent parties every year. Although my kids occassionally complain about our birthday rule, for the most part they accept it. When they were younger and asked why they didn't get a big party every year or why their parties were at home, we simply told them that we don't do it that way in our family. So many parents think they're depriving their kids of something by not throwing a giant party every year. I have no doubt that my kids will have good memories of all of their birthdays despite the lack of splashy gatherings.
I have always followed my natural bent, which is to enjoy small intimate gatherings as opposed to wild parties. I ask my child which very special friends, 1 or 2 (3 with exception), he'd like to have at his birthday and what thing he wants to do, i.e. go to the beach, bowling, laser tag, a movie, etc. It's just what my mother did for me and I loved it growing up!
We rarely do parties. On birthdays, the birthday kid gets to pick what restaurant she wants to go to, and we go out for dinner, and come home and open presents and eat cake and ice cream with family. Every few years we do a gathering with few (2 or 3) friends, but that is it.
When I had 3 foster boys, after having raised my own children, I had to think of new ideas for birthday parties.These were 3 brothers that had never had a birthday party in their life, so I wanted to make it a memorable time for each of them.The 11 yr old opted for a dinner at a buffet with 4 buddies and a movie afterwards.The 8 yr old wanted to have friends in for a party. I agreed to 8 boys counting himself.Dreading the noise that I was sure was to follow. I went to the craft store and asked the sales lady if she had any ideas, she showed me a barrel of beads of all shapes and colors that were sold by the pound. 5 pounds of beads is a lot of beads by the way.I also purchased zipper pulls and key chains. Those boys sat at the dining room table with all those beads and spent the next 3 hours making different things.I couldn't believe how quiet they were.Instead of making a birthday cake, I bought flat bottom cones, filled them 3/4 fill of cake batter and baked them on a cookie sheet in the oven.Ice them to the hilt when they were cooled. The boys loved them cause the cones didn't take up much room on the table where they were all working so hard.They took their crafts home in place of goodie bags. Total cost of the party, hot dogs, juice, cone cake, beads and other supplies $30. The youngest' birthday was in the middle of summer and having a huge back yard with 2 big picnic tables made things easy.I use to save sterofoam egg cartons for the kindergarden room, so using some of those, I cut them in half to make 6 small paint cups in which I put different colors of paint. I purchased popcycle sticks, glue, foam shapes, glitter dust and dollar store paint brushes. The boys sat at the picnic tables and made pictures frames, painted them and decorated them with the glitter and foam shapes. While they were doing that I snapped their picture with the digital camera and printed the pictures off in the house for them to place in the frames.Again hot dogs, juice,and cake. No goodie bags again taking home their craft. Cost app. $30 again.And they all seemed to have fun.
On all their invitations I always put "in lieu of gifts please send a small bag of cat or dog food for the SPCA, which I will deliver on Monday"
Sometimes it is best to let the child have some input into their parties,children can come up with the darndest ideas and good ones too.
My son will be 10 this year. We had family parties separate from kid parties for awhile. He has only older cousins or out-of-town cousins and so this was grandma/pa and one aunt/uncle. He loved that. When he was 3 or 4 we had some children over separately, but the first time they all just put together a wooden train set he got at the family party. He had stopped unwrapping after 2 things so the kids helped him finish and enjoyed that. For 5 and 6 we had fun, simple parties at home (one year I had a friend who's a clown come), but the last 3 we've had some friends go with us to Zap Zone laser tag including a couple of dads. We have a blast. No real need for goodie bags (we've done it both ways)--send them home with a helium balloon or a punching bag balloon. Yes it generally costs us $200 but he enjoys it and we add some kids that he'd like to get to know better. Everyone ends up being better friends. It is fun and we always send photos of the fun to all attendees with a thank you.
Two reasons I throw birthday parties for my girls are: 1)so that my kids can get together with all their friends and family and 2)they us parents can also get together with each other. It's the best execuse to have a bbq party. Everyone we know are so busy and normally no one have time to see each other because they all have their own lives to live. Birthday parties are the only good execuse that I can come up with for both adults and kids to come together (like a reunion). Our parties are simple. Most of the time if we do have game is usually just a pinada. Most of the time the kids entertain each other. They are happy just to have all their friends there. What toys my kids have in the house is usually have they all play with. Not to mention "chase" in the backyard.
Two reasons I throw birthday parties for my girls are: 1)so that my kids can get together with all their friends and family and 2)they us parents can also get together with each other. It's the best execuse to have a bbq party. Everyone we know are so busy and normally no one have time to see each other because they all have their own lives to live. Birthday parties are the only good execuse that I can come up with for both adults and kids to come together (like a reunion). Our parties are simple. Most of the time if we do have game is usually just a pinada. Most of the time the kids entertain each other. They are happy just to have all their friends there. What toys my kids have in the house is usually have they all play with. Not to mention "chase" in the backyard.
We really enjoy just making a few phone calls--invite 3 or 4 kids over, and let them play for a very long time. A summer birthday for my son almost always includes a water hose in the sandbox (who cares if a little of the sand washes out!), the slip and slide, a sprinkler, and a simple lunch like my sons favorite--hot dogs or PBJ sandwiches, with carrots and chips. I stay out of their way and they play til they are all tired. It's great. No pressure for them or for me. I have learned that they have genuine fun when I bow out and let them play. Good Luck!
I think a wonderful idea for a party is instead of having guests bring a birthday present for the child, bring an item of need to donate to the local Humane Society. They have a list of items needed on their website!
When my brother and I were growing up, my mom would celebrate our birthdays by inviting relatives (aunts, uncles, and cousins). Usually, we had cake that she ordered from a local bakery, but for my fifth birthday, she made my cake from a cake mix and topped it with frosting and those pre-packaged cake decorations. In addition to the cake, we would play games, wear party hats, and of course, open a few gifts. For that fifth birthday party, I got a Barbie doll. When I turned 15, I had a quincenera (as is the tradition in the Hispanic culture), but unlike many of the other girls, my party was low-key, not extravagant. Frankly, that's the way I think they should be.
Today, at 37 and 39, we celebrate our birthdays by going out to dinner at a nice restaurant. Of course, I still like to have cake and I did get quite a bit for my 37th this past year. To me, birthdays are not complete without them!
This site comes at a great time for me since my daughter turns 1 in March. Several weeks ago my husband and I decided not to have a big party for her birthday and to go away for the weekend (with her of course!) instead. In December we had a big party for the finalization of her adoption and we requested on the invite that guests not bring gifts. Instead of focusing on opening gifts (which seemed to be a necessary part of the baby showers but then we did need the items!) we got to celebrate being a forever family with those who have shown us great support over the past year. Thanks for helping me to take the pressure off of myself over this upcoming birthday. I figure if we get one photo of her blowing out a candle, or diving into a cake/cupcake, that will suffice for her memory book. Also, we get to spend a relaxing weekend away from home!
I have to say, yes most birthday parties are out of control. However, for my two children now 18 and 17 we worked it this way; most of their birthday parties were just family and most times because we live away from family it was just the four of us. However, we did have a little bit bigger party for their first double digit birthday (their 10th) and their 16th birthday. I've never spent over $200 on a birthday. In our area there is a movie theater that you can rent out for minimal cost and the kids bring their video game systems and hook them up to the big screen and everyone can play at the same time. I have to say it was a big hit, we requested no gifts, but each child had to bring their own spending money or snack. It went over quite well. In fact my kids have been to many of the same type of parties at the theater. The best thing about it was, total cost with cake was about $80. Also I would never let my kids attend a party that was over done. It's not the way they were brought up. It not only puts a burden on the parents, but it also puts a burden on the children attending, they feel like they have to bring a bigger gift and most families today can't afford that.
Sincerely,
One Smart Mom
Murrieta, Ca
I was so excited to read about your site in our newspaper. I have had the same thoughts for years and resisted (never given in!) to the pressures. However, I do want to share this. We have two children that we have adopted from foster care at older ages (5 and 7). The child we gave birth to has never shown a need to have these kinds of parties. Especially our youngest (a girl) has almost demanded the over the top party from the day she arrived at our house (5 yrs old). Even in foster care she had come to expect this from the eventual family she would have. Her last birthday, we tried to stay with our low key (cake with a few friends) philosophy. She threw a royal fit when she learned she wasn't having her "dream" birthday. It was as if she had determined that someone owed her the over the top thing. Thank you for all you are doing to try to stop the madness!
An alternative to getting stressed out about your child's birthday party is to use it as a time to teach children an important value about the need and gratification of sharing our resources with children whose birthday goes without being recognized at all. There are over 130,000 children today in Minnesota who are living in poverty. Many of these children don't believe they have a birthday because their parents have never been able to afford to recognize it with a birthday present.
Cheerful Givers (www.cheerfulgivers.org)is a unique, local nonprofit organization that addresses this unmet need. With the help of many volunteers, we fill birthday gift bags with toys and distribute them to shelters and food shelves throughout Minnesota so that economically disadvantaged parents can recognize their child's one special day. The organization remains transparent to the child so the birthday gift bag is a present from their parents.
What you can do:
* Instead of spending $100 or more on party entertainmnent, send it as a donation to Cheerful Givers. Let everyone (including your child) know what you've done and how that donation is going to allow less fortunate parents to be able to give their child a small gift on their birthday.
* On your party invitations, suggest that guests either make a donation or bring a toy that will be donated to Cheerful Givers instead of more toys for the birthday boy/girl. Present this idea to your child and you might be surprised at how willing they are to share with kids who don't have toys.
* At your birthday party, include a "Birthday Bag Blitz" as an activity for all your guests. You buy small toys and gift bags that your guests will fill and deliver them to a shelter or food shelf in your community. Do this instead of giving your guests goodie bags. Some kids have asked all their guests to sign a poster that says "I'm a Cheerful Giver!"
Remember that what you are doing today will make a difference in what your children teach their children.
For more ideas or information, visit www.cheerfulgivers.org or contact karen@cheerfulgivers.org. Thanks!
I have been a children's entertainer in the New York area for the past 16 years, and I have performed at more than 3000 events. I have seen my share of extravagant parties. But I strongly disagree with this site for using a few extreme examples of "parties gone wrong" to scare parents into thinking that celebrating a childs birthday party will scar them for life. IT IS ONLY ONE DAY.
If you want to raise children that have less materialistic values, then lead by example - no monster SUV in the driveway, no McMansion style house, no designer clothes. In a society where half of the marriages end in divorce, adults spend tens, and even hundreds, of thousands of dollars on a reception. The over-the- top birthday party is not the cause, it is just a symptom.
Do not deny your children what you would not deny yourself.
Wow. Lots of ideas. We have always kept the parties simple. For my daughter's 10th birthday she invited 4 close friends for a sleepover. Our house is small, so she was limited. The girls went to the park across the street and found some boys they knew. They wound up playing for over an hour and had a blast. We then had a "make-up" session where the girls put on their faces for the night. Then we put on some music and danced away!
My daughter had a picture of 3 of her classmates (okay, they were all boys)so I cut out the heads and had them play "tape-the-head-on-the-boy". They thought that was great.
Homemade cake and a movie finished the evening.
One girl commented more than once "This is the best party ever!"
I love doing birthday parties. My daughter is so much help she and her friends get together and come up with some things that would be really neat to do. We do sleep overs, we had a movie night birthday party, and for her last birthday party she wanted to do a mardi gras theme. She and I went to the dollar tree found every thing we needed (her party was under a $100.00) it also helps that she likes to keep her invites very limited just her very close friends. I like to think that she is very smart for 11yrs old she wanted to do goody bags for her 10th b-day so I took her to a dollar store and she pick out very cute purses and lip gloss and things like that and her friends loved it. I think people get to worked up over something such as a birthday party you can still do themes and goody bags just be smart about where you shop. We don't have as much money as all my daughters friends do but they have so much fun with her at her parties and their partents think that her parties are great to and now they have cut back on cost by shopping the same way. Dollar stores have really great thing to buy for themed parties.
One last thing I forgot we didn't go out and buy her invites it may sound cheap to some but hey, we printed them out on the computer that way they turned out the way we wanted the to.
My child has a birthday near Christmas. When she was younger, she received Christmas presents and birthday presents from the members of our extended family, as well as from her friends for her birthday. For a few years we had her do a gift exchange for her birthday party. Everyone brought gifts that any child that age would like, we drew numbers, and each child went home with one nice gift. It worked great!
With our first child we started the tradition that our children would only have a "party" on their 5th, 10th, 13th and 16th birthdays. On all the others, the child gets to invite 2 friends out to a restaurant of their choice. It has worked wonderfully. Setting the standard early and sticking to it has led to no problems. The bonus is that my children are invited to fewer birthday parties because there is no pressure to reciprocate an invitation.
Here's my suggestion. How about NO BIRTHDAY PARTY. Why is it necessary to hold an extravagant birthday party every year... especially for children who are 2 or 3 years old and barely know what is going on? This practice sets a DANGEROUS trend... an expectation for a bigger and "better" party next year. Celebrating a birthday with family - mom, dad, siblings, and maybe grandma and grandpa - should be good enough.
I have two daughters - 9 and 18 months. Both birthdays are in July. Last year, we did a combined b-day. The oldest loved it! The baby - too young to remember. It was sentimental reasons only. And, we saved all the gifts for after the party. This way, the b-day kid really gets to appreciate the gift. It's not just a "mad dash" to open them really fast. And not so many people are crowding around.
Also, since they have July b-days, and schools out, we don't invite friends. Just family.
I've always had the party in the afternoon, scheduled around naps. Main reason - you don't have to feed anybody! Just cake and ice cream and everyone's happy!
I'm pregnant with my third - due in mid-june, so we'll probably just combine this one's with the other two as well.
We gave both our kids family partys only for thier first birthdays, at home with lots of lovely home made food and cakes. After that they got party at 4 then every 2nd year after. They don't feel they are missing out on anything as we always make the day really special for them, thier choice of supper for example and thier choice of what to play. This year we will be on holiday so we are all going to Legoland for the day for a big treat for my son's birthday (he is lego daft). We have never held big parties for our kids, if they get your love, time and attention they are more than happy.
When it comes to party gifts my friends and I have a £5 rule where you give a gift inc the card and wrapping that costs no more than £5. If you all always stick to it it works superbly.
(This comment might be contradicting to site.) I remember when I was a little girl, I only had "ONE" birthday party and I vowed that my son would experience the thrill to have a birhtday party every year. Like the saying goes "Their only young once." I do believe though kids are getting too many toys that they don't play with or appreciate. So last year my 9 year old son decided to ask for donations to his favorite charity, The Victory Juction Gang Camp, he raised $200. He was so excited to help others that he is going to do it again this year. He just had a bunch of friends and family over to our house and they played football, kickball, and they had a water ballon fight. I think it makes the kids feel special for one day, something some kids don't feel in a lifetime. It doesn't have to be elaborate or expensive just another reason to get together and have fun, what's wrong with that!!!
We have been doing 'home parties', which includes a sleepover, for both our boys (recently ages 7 and 10) for the last 2 years and they LOVE it! We did a scavenger hunt and ordered $5 pizzas! We stopeed gift bags 2 years ago and it was the best thing ever! Now, they did receive gifts, mainly gift cards, so they enjoyed combining them all and going out to spend them. Parents told me that was the easiest thing. Everything is SO expensive!!
The only thing I will do next time is limit the number of children because each time we have had 14-16 boys running around the house adn neighborhood! Plus, the clean up is not so great, but me cleaning (for free) sure beats paying all that extra money hosting it at Chuck E Cheese or any other 'rip off' venue!!
We just had a no-stress birthday party for our now six-year-old that:
12 children attended and loved
Parents of the guests loved
Our son loved
Cost us less than $20 total, and
Took less than an hour to prepare and clean up after
How?
We invited his entire kindergarten class over for two hours on a Saturday evening. Parents could drop off their children. We made Havdalah - a short but beautiful Jewish ritual that separates Shabbat (the Sabbath) from the rest of the week. Then we played a sort of Simon-Says game while dinner cooked in the oven.
Dinner was fish sticks, french fries, applesauce, and juice boxes, all kosher and all picked up from the local warehouse store. Cost: about $15. Kids ate dinner on paper plates on the living room floor. Paper towels were on hand for spills.
After dinner, they got changed into jammies that they'd brought (as per the invitation we'd created), and snuggled down into sleeping bags that they'd brought.
We put on a G-rated movie and popped popcorn, serving it in paper lunch bags, one bag for each child.
At the end of the evening, parents picked up their kids, after having an evening largely to themselves.
We did not open gifts that night. Our son opened them the next day, Sunday. I took digital photos of him opening each gift. We're going to print a photo for each gift-giver on regular paper, which our son will use to write his thank-you note. So each one gets a photo of him opening their gift along with his thanks.
We also did not have cake. No one asked about it. We didn't want the kids having so much sugar in the evening, and they didn't miss it. Sharing a meal and eating popcorn while watching a movie at a "slumber party" was fun for all.
And since our son doesn't watch TV or movies much at all, it was a special treat for him, too.
I think this is the most ridiclous thing I have ever heard of.... Mind your own business. If you as a parent can't afford to throw large elaborate parties do what you can do. Where do you get off telling others how to run their homes and how to plan their children's happiness. Just because you can't afford it doesn't mean everyone else has to be sucked in by you !!!!!! Ladies you have allot of nerve!!!!! When my daughter turned one we had 29 children and 39 adults, the following year we hired Mickey Mouse, the year after that we hired 3 Power Rangers and Barney. When she turned 5 we rented the Doll House Museum in Washington, DC. Birthday parties are like weddings and other events it is a matter of personal perfrence. If you can't afford them then simply serve cake and icec cream but don't be mad at the rest of the world if YOU can't afford to throw large elaborate parties... STOP HATING on those of us who can.... get a life I am a professional party planner I plan elaborate children's parties as well as parties for adults. Thank God the world isn't full of people like you if so I would go broke
The problem is exacerbated by preschools and elementary schools that encourage inviting the whole class for fear someone's feelings may be hurt if not invited (a policy probably created by overinvolved parents who didn't give their kids enough credit). My kids didn't know or care when they were that age. It is crazy to have 15-20 preschoolers who are 3 or 4 years old. I found it torture to attend these affairs which usually ended up with an overstimulated birthday boy or girl melting down. I limit the number of parties we attend and when my kids were young, I held a small party at home for them. When I used to tell the other moms what I was doing they acted like it was a new idea to host a party you can handle yourself. It was a revelation. Kids that came had a relaxing and fun time. Have the courage to do what common sense and your inner voice advise.
My youngest son Anthony, had his 5th birthday party this past weekend. In my eyes, it was very simple. I rented out a gymnastics place for 1 1/2 hours and the kids got to run and play. There was no crying or anyone saying "I'm bored." The gym took care of everything! Even the clean up!! And the cost was only $100 for 10 kids. This was the best $100 I've spent on a party! And he didn't receive many presents because we invited 3 families with mulitiple chilren, so there was only one present per family. It worked out great and there was very little stress on me.
The most stress-free party we had was also the best. Cake from a mix w/frosting & candles (no decorations), ice cream, disposable everything. The only decorating I did was to string crepe paper (10 minutes, under a buck). The activities were pin the tail on the donkey (which flopped, big time), and playing with special balloons I bought for $2 a bag (eight per package). In each package was balloons and "face" stickers- different eyes, ears, noses & mouths, so the kids could design their own face on the balloon. They spent 45 minutes throwing the balloons around, playing catch, keep-a-way, tag, you name it. This was my daughter's sixth birthday party. Total cost of party: under $20, including food, invitations, decorations, and entertainment. Total time spent by me: around 2 hours, which includes buying all items, sending invites, preparing cake, decorating, clean up.
My daughter is five. And, for the past few years, we have celebrated her birthday at a local amusement park. It cost $10 per child to get 2 hours of unlimited rides. I don't pay for parents. We get a cake and some inexpensive goody bags. The focus is on having fun with friends. Not getting gifts or having the best party. My daughter has fun and there is very little stress for me.
I am offering ideas toward solutions. "Birthdays Without Pressure" is not a debate topic. It is a blanket that covers and will correct debate issues once the reality of this condition comes to the front and center of our lives. I wrote to Bill Dohrety, offering my services and I also sent him a note on ENVY, which is key to a solution. I only hope he picks me as a person of interest. I will not let him down if he employes my services.
I think the thing that is realy sad is that some people are soooo jealous of those of us who throw nice big parties, that they would try to curtail others from doing what they want. If you want to have a small simple party,great if that is what is right for you.
But we put alot of time and effort into our parties. My daughter's Hula and Hoola Party (hula dancing and Hoola Hooping) was a blast. The kids got a huge kick out of the hawaaiin theme. We didn't take the time to make straws with fruit slices attached because of "pressure". We did it because it was a fun time for our family. As was spending time scouring the internet to find pretty inexpenive lei's for all the girls. OUr family spent one eveinging at a party store picking out cute hawaiian themed decorations too. Why is it anyone's business if we want to do this?
Another thing. If you take a look at the news, you will find that President Chavez of Venezuela is bashing America. He has won a new six year tearm by a landslide. This is after a 2002 coup that briefly ousted him. He claims America played a role in this coup. "The Bush administration denied involvemnet. but recognized an interim government established by coup leaders." No invlovement? Yea, tell me about it!.
Chavez turns the mirror at his own country, pointing out excessive consumption and self-indulgence. He vowes to curtail this situation. Don't be frightened by his plan, which he calls "21st Century Socialism" because a truly functioning country will look socialist, no matter how you slice it.
my son turned 5 in Nov. & it was the first party he'd had with guests other than Mom & Dad & grandparents. we had a wiener roast & smores with & a hay ride (we live in the country) & only family attending. there were no gift bags for the other children. i agree that they don't need more "stuff". we also requested "no gifts" &, other than grandparents, most everyone obliged. he has more than he could play with already. everybody had a great time & my husband & I agreed that once every five years is okay to have a "party" but still keep it fun without killing ourselves planning it.
i read about this website in our local paper tonight & loved that i'm not the only one who thinks people go overboard.
i think Rita (Jan. 23)needs to take her own advice & mind her own business. this website is for people who are tired of extravagance & to give others ideas of how to do that. it isn't about who can afford what. i feel sorry for you & your daughter. someday the real world may smack you both in the face.
We decided many years ago that we would take the traditional route with birthday parties. Guests do not bring gifts -- they go home with one. Each of the games has some sort of small prize and each child gets a prize for every "game". For example, if there are 5 children, there are 5 balloon tails on the donkey. When a blindfolded child pops a balloon, there is a number inside, and that is the prize they get.
When my daughter turned 5, all she wanted to do for her birthday was play all the games we had played at her 4th birthday! I didn't think that was creative enough, but a very wise friend explained to that we were creating traditions, and if that is what she wanted, I should follow her lead. Everyone had a great time, including me!
As a military family with 5 children, we found birthday parties and invitations quickly spiraling out of control. Our children would get invitations at school for children we didn't know and they barely knew. We sat down and discussed how to keep things affordable, yet let our kids feel like they are included with their friends. What we came up with was they were allowed to go to birthday parties of good friends. For our children we have a tradition of about 6 years now that on their birthday they pick where the family goes to dinner. No child is permitted to ditch a sibling's dinner, so that keeps it a huge family thing. Our 7 year old is already talking about where she wants her birthday dinner (in August). They even get excited about Mom and Dad picking our dinner destinations.
I HAVE TWINS! So for a small birthday party..we have twice the amount of kids. What we do is have a "no birthday party" party every other year. It means a friend each, cake, crafts and a sleep over. On the other years, we have a party at a local place (our house is too small) and along with the event we play games. Tug of war, running with eggs on spoons, relay races, and my favorite.. the three legged race. This gives the parents time to chuckle when the kids fall down! The kids, both boys and girls love it! We have started something new in our town and we have found there is more "no gift parties" and games being played at the ones that are hits. We know we are successful because it is hard to get the kids to go home!!
Before the age of 5, we just did regular play-dates with only a couple of friends. The emphasis was on singing and playing games as a group, rather than presents and all that for one kid. I took them once to the Swedish American Museum, which has a place for the kids to just play unhindered, and then we went out for hot chocolate at a local coffee shop or something. No presents. Now, we only have parties for the "biggies". Age 5 was one, age 7 as well. That's as far as we've gotten. For 5, my girls and their dad made a pinata and put things like whistles, Chinese yo-yos, and little bottles of bubbles in it. We went to a neighborhood park, the kids played, ate fruit and veggies, then cake, and then did the pinata thing. It was great because there was no mess in the house to clean up! The kids took home their winnings from the pinata, we made sure it was evenly distributed, all were happy. People brought gifts and that was the only hard part. We didn't need stuff!! So for 7, the girls made cupcakes and invited 7 friends. Everyone was asked to not bring a gift, but only a photograph of themselves, because the girls loved to make scrapbooks of the people they love. We got the MOST creatively prepared pictures from all their friends; people made their own frames, printed out photos that were taken of MY children with theirs...it was truly heartwarming and blessed. So my husband and I gave the girls a new scrap book for their birthday to put all these wonderful photos in. It was perfect.
This year, my 7-going-on-8 year old doesn't want a party. She just wants her grandmother to come for dinner and take her to Navy Pier (in Chicago) or to the opera with her. I think we have a good thing going here! But we can always inprove, and I love the ideas on this website. Thanks!!
Megan in Chicago
Before learning of this website, we had decided we didn't yet want to enter the birthday party "scene," so we planned family outings for our children's birthdays this year. We went to the Jackson Street Roundhouse for one son's birthday, a waterpark for the other, and will visit a science museum for our daughter's.
For their first birthdays, each of our four children got a cake and candles photo op with each side of the family, coinciding with another family gathering within a month of their birthday if possible.
After age one, we just invited grandma and grandpa for supper and cake, and let the birthday child choose the meal.
When my husband and I grew up, we each got one birthday party with friends, usually around age 8. I think that makes it more memorable.
I'm relieved to say that our children (ages 6, 4, and 3) have only been invited to one birthday party. Maybe people in our area are thinking the same thing as the originators of this site!
When my 4 year old had her b-day in September 2006, I stuck to my guns in regards to the "rule" of the number of kids - she ended up with 2 friends able to come. It was her first "friend" b-day party, I planned a lot of activities ..."just in case". But I also knew, we might not do any of them. With a pirate theme - do you know what the favorite games was???? Walking on a board over a kiddie pool!!!!! They played in a bouncy thing and that was it. It really didn't cost all that much ... certainly not $200 to rent a place out. The ONLY bad part was overhearing my friend's husband say before the party, "what are we going to do" in a snide way.
We have followed a basic rule of thumb my mother-in-law told me (though not as strictly with our oldest). The rule is - only invite as many guests as the age of your child. We always have them at home with a homemade cake, ice cream and a couple of simple party games. At the age of 10 - we do a full-blown "fancy" party. My oldest picked bowling, my second child picked a "jumping" party and my youngest is only 7 so we haven't gotten there yet. After that, ages 11 and up, they get to invite 1 or two friends to spend the day, go to the movies, or whatever they would like to do. We started telling them early on that was going to happen and they're okay with that. We also give them a separate "family" party when grandparents, aunt and uncle and godparents come for dinner and cake.
About Rita (Jan.23rd), the party planner! Of course she is going to be against this site. She makes a living doing birthdays. When this site realy takes off, it will open all our eyes to the truth and to what God really had planned for us.
I am the mother of a 5 year old. I guess I have to count myself lucky as we have not experienced the extreme situations mentioned on this site. However I am noticing a trend for many parents in our area to have their childrens parties at different locations (bowling alleys, museums, etc.) But in their defense these places do offer the advantage of not having to clean up when you are done, that's a service these locations offer with their birthday packages.
So far we have not had a party outside of our home. Admittedly I am an artist and a craftsperson and creative ideas come to me easily. Almost every party we have had for our daughter (except her first b-day) has had a theme of some sort. For me a theme just makes things easier, it helps keep me on track. BUT I have avoided cartoon characters and other commercialized themes. For her 3rd birthday we had a farm theme, I found animal plates in the grocery store (zoopals?) and matching cups, a few animal decorations and we made a barn cake (found the directions on familyfun magazine's website). We made our own invitations out of card stock. Instead of party hats everyone got a bandana and in the invitation everyone was asked to wear their overalls or blue jeans. The kids had a ball playing pin the tail on the pig and singing Old MacDonald.
For her 4th birthday she was into Dr. Dolittle, as in the musical with Rex Harrison. So I printed invitations with a photo of the Dr. on a giraffe and on the back I typed up the words to "If I Could Talk to the Animals". Again I raided the grocery store and party supply store for generic animal type items. We used brown craft paper to create a tree trunk on the wall of one room and attached green balloons to the ceiling so that it looked like a tree had grown in the house! Then we all sat down under the tree to read a book (whose characters were animals). The kids were asked to bring their favorite stuffed animal so we had an animal parade around the house (I had made a trail for them to follow out of paper paw prints). Got the cake idea from Family Fun magazine again, a sheep this time, super easy! Favors were paper chinese take out boxes filled with stickers, chalk and bubbles (all bought at the dollar store). My daughter decorated the outside of the boxes with animal stickers.
Her latest birthday was a tie-dye party. This sounds like a huge task but I used to teach tie-dye at a summer camp. If you are interested in this theme for ANY age group go to Dharma Trading Company's website, they have easy to use kits the turn out fantastic results! This worked out great because the kids activity ended up being their favor! They each dyed a T-shirt for themselves and then I had them do a small baby T-shirt which fit onto a teddy bear that we bought at the dollar store. So each kid went home with 2 shirts and a bear. My daughter and I also made simple polymer clay magnets that looked like T-shirts. The cake also looked like a tie-dye t-shirt (got the idea from Family Fun Mag.). We had a blast! The parents all helped out too and luckily the weather cooperated so that we could stay outside the whole time.
I think you can have theme parties on a budget but you need to be creative about it. Go for broad strokes, you don't need to worry about the fine details. I mean think about it, where would I have ever found Dr. Dolittle cups and plates???
The Family Fun Magazine is a worthy subscription chock full of reasonable and fun ideas, their website is also a fantastic source for ideas.
My kiddo's next b-day is almost 8 months away but I'm already thinking of ideas. We were at a kids hands-on type museum and they had a set up where you could stand inside a soap bubble. My daughter and I LOVE bubbles. So I'm kiddng around the idea of having a bubble party. All I need is some dish detergent, glycerin, water and some creativity! BUT I'm going to wait until we get closer to the date, who knows what her interests will be by then!
By the way, for her 2nd birthday party we asked everyone to donate towards the building of a swing set lieu of gifts. I wasn't sure how it would fly but everyone respected our request. She got a ton of Lowes and Home Depot gift cards and some people did make little gift bags with a small toy (a princess wand or necklace) for her to unwrap and then a gift card. At age 2 she really didn't miss anything and now she has a wonderful swingset in the back yard which will last her for years!
This is in response to a post by RITA SUMMERS PAGE WHO WROTE on January 23 @12:51 PM...I think this is the most ridiclous thing I have ever heard of.... Mind your own business. If you as a parent can't afford to throw large elaborate parties do what you can do. Where do you get off telling others how to run their homes and how to plan their children's happiness. Just because you can't afford it doesn't mean everyone else has to be sucked in by you !!!!!! Ladies you have allot of nerve!!!!! When my daughter turned one we had 29 children and 39 adults, the following year we hired Mickey Mouse, the year after that we hired 3 Power Rangers and Barney. When she turned 5 we rented the Doll House Museum in Washington, DC. Birthday parties are like weddings and other events it is a matter of personal perfrence. If you can't afford them then simply serve cake and icec cream but don't be mad at the rest of the world if YOU can't afford to throw large elaborate parties... STOP HATING on those of us who can.... get a life I am a professional party planner I plan elaborate children's parties as well as parties for adults. Thank God the world isn't full of people like you if so I would go broke
I've read just about every post on this site. None of them said anything about HATE except YOU. It's not weather we can afford it or not. It's more about teaching our children Morals. Aslo by the tone of your post, maybe you need to find another job, you sound really really stressed, and that is what this site is all about, keeping the stress low. To me your post also proves the point of this site, on how stressed people are over birthdays.
Just to point it out, this site has two message boards. This one is for Ideas and offers, the other is for our stories.
I know I am guilty of story telling on this Idea board. I responded to a person Mr/Miss?Mrs/whatever "ANONYMOUS" who commented on my offer to help.
I for one would like to keep the separate boards separate so the site managers can more easily determine who wants to help and who is just telling their story.
I have 2 older daughters 18 and 15, and a 7 year old. About 12 years ago I began having birthday parties every other year. During the off year, it was just family. For the friend birthday parties we tried to invite the number of children for the age of the child. At times, that was not easy because of not wanting to hurt feelings of children not being invited. The older my girls get, the fewer birthday parties and their 16th is their final one. I've always tried to keep them simple and back to basics. I absolutely do not understand how or why the gift bags ever got started. When I was a kid, the parties consisted of games,cake and gifts for the birthday person, and whole familes weren't there, and I think I had 3 parties my entire childhood.
I am guilty of having a PeeWee Herman impersonator at my sons preschool for his birthday. All the kids enjoyed it, the teachers loved the break, and it made my son feel special. The man I hired entertained the kids for about a half an hour, which was just right for their short attention spans. He helped do everything, including serving cupcakes and cleaning up and he kept the kids entertained the whole time. The teachers didn't have to do anything, but enjoy. The cost was less than $100 and I made a whole classroom have fun. I had the money to spend so I did. No other parents felt they had to outdo me. It was a nice surprise (only the teachers knew about it ahead of time). No goodie bags or presents to deal with at that time. The presents came later at the family get together, but it was nice to share the experience with all his friends. My son had plenty of parties at party places which was much better for me and less stressful all around. I pay and they make sure the kids have fun. I don't see anything wrong with that. Plus the places were always somewhere the kids could run around and make a lot of noise without bothering the neighbors. Instead of being all hyped up on a sugar high, they were tired when their parents picked them up, which made for grateful parents. The kids had more fun at places like that than at home parties. Home parties were saved for family-only parties.
Don't get me wrong. We had nothing but home parties until the kids were in school. My son went to preschool at four and my daughter started kindergarten at 5 so it was different for both of them. The not at home parties didn't begin until the kids actually had friends.
Most of the family was gone when my daughter was born (eight years later) so we did mostly parties at places like that. When she was nine I did something special. I was out of town dealing with my fathers illness and she was missing me so I started a new tradition.
I had her party at a hotel nearby and we started girls night out. I have been doing this since she was 9 years old and she'll be 14 this year. It is like a mini vacation. I needed a break when I got home from my dads, but I also didn't want my daughter to have to postpone her plans for her birthday. The first time I did this, I had two girlfriends and five teenagers who had camp counselor time under their belts helping me. I didn't have to do a thing. The older girls kept the younger girls amused and happy and managed to have a good time themselves. This first party was expensive, but it was also a mini vacation for me. Sleepovers after this have been varied, less expensive, themed, one girl, lots of girls, but always girls night out.
By doing this I avoided most of the cleanup, the girls had access to a pool and a hot tub (as well as myself and my girlfriend who helped me chaperone), there was a movie theatre right next door and they served breakfast in the morning. Another added plus is I don't have to worry about who is or isn't allergic to/scared of animals so my pets aren't stressed out either. By having my own girlfriend with me, I had someone to talk to and help out as needed and allowed the girls more time to interact amongst themselves without us appearing to hover. Other times we stayed at an extended stay, so we had a kitchen where favorite foods were made on the premises instead of ordering out (cheaper and they liked it better, especially making things themselves). We stayed the whole weekend and had the second night for the family, allowing for late pickups for the girls instead of being pressured to leave the room by a certain time. The grocery store is right across the street as well so we all went over and the girls got to pick out what they wanted to munch on or cook during the evening. Less stress. The girls liked it because it was more like a sleepover than a birthday party and they liked the freedom it allowed them to be themselves. I usually organize one event, like a nice jewelry making kit they can all do so they have something to take home - a dual purpose but a fun one. Even though they are older now, they still like to do this and the craft store is only a few blocks from the house so, again, its all convenient. We have done themes, luau a couple years ago, and I had fun shopping around for bargains (at my leisure with a girlfriendf) to decorate the room and dress the girls up for photos (digital and they all got a nice shot of them emailed the next day). They all got to watercolor paint a parasol as a momento of the weekend. Inexpensive and fun.
This year they all dressed as pirates for a halloween party (another mother) so we're doing a pirate theme also so the girls can get another wearing of their costumes, something the other moms like. Not much is structured which is fine by all. I bring a portable TV set along so the girls can play video games (most sets in hotels aren't set up for the game consoles). They all love to play, especially the dance ones. When we're ready to leave, I usually have the girls help with the major mess and leave the cleaning woman with a large plastic bag full of garbage and a nice tip. In the extended stay, we leave a dishwasher full of clean dishes. No stress and home is only a few minutes away.
By doing girls night out each year, my daughter gets to do different kinds of stuff with her friends in a safe home-like environment, but not in a home so it has a more exciting feel about it. It's not expensive and I don't have to lug much stuff with me, mostly normal sleepover items. Fits in the trunk of the car.
And as long as I let the hotel/extended stay know what I'm doing and that the girls are not going to be running all over the place, there is no problem with booking it. They're very accommodating and the girls have always been well behaved. And the same girls always want to come back the next year and do it again.
So make your own traditions and forget about what other parents are doing.
I had always told my girlfriends with kids that I would not be giving these big parties for my kid every year- their comments were always, "We'll see if you still say that once you have your kid." My son was fortunate to be born on Leap Day. Great! We told him every Leap Day/Year we'll give him a very nice party, every other year it will involve family and a couple of friends. He is totally okay with it. His 7th birthday is coming up here. This year one friend and we'll either do a "treasure" hunt or go to a museum. Everyone's happy.
For my daughter's 5th birthday (which falls right after Christmas), we decided, no gifts! She loves animals and so we looked at several "animal charities" in our area and settled on a free-animal-clinic. We asked people to bring pet food, bedding, pet toys, etc. and then delivered them to the shelter. They were so happy to have everything. (You might want to call the facility first to ask what they need.)
It is, but it is going to be much bigger than that because this topic is not on the debate level. It is a root issue. I guess I am just jumping ahead too fast. Still, I had sent these two e-mails to Bill so he would recognize me as a person of interest. As of late he has not.
A good idea for parents and kids. Keep a journal. Each child and parent gets one. Everyone writes something in it from time to time, if not every day. Keep track of all you do from day to day. When the kids complain they don't ever get to do anything, go back and read it. My 2 youngest, who are still at home are almost always busy going somewhere or doing something. When they are not doing something THEY chose to do. I hear they want to go somewhere and do something. It's getting better though. Just a couple weeks ago, the 12 yr old girl asked if she could have 2 friends over for an over-nighter "to make up for the birthday party she didn't get for her birthday in December". I told her "no". She will get a small party at 13 yrs of age. She is mad that I don't follow what her friends do. The one girl had an over-nighter. The mom did a scavenger hunt. All these kids were driven over town to find or get their pics taken with what they were looking for. I guess they had lots of fun. Mom even made t-shirts to make 2 teams. The next morning they had a lemo pull up to take them to breakfast. How extreme is that? My older 6 children had mostly just mom and dad and brothers and sisters. These 2 youngest children wern't around then. They would be suprised at how much simpler it was. And since the older kids were used to it, they didn't know the difference. I'll tell you something. I met an old lady, and now go out into the county to visit her once a week. She has only an antenna for her tv, and rotary phone with a cord - no extras! No computer, no dishwasher. Just a nice simple QUIET household. I "almost" miss living like that. We don't have as much money as some people I know, but we have too much stuff. And my 2 youngest girls don't need anything to add to the stuff they already don't have any use for, or don't have time for.And when they do get gifts, I will not MAKE them give them to charity. And I'd hate the idea of something we gave to a child, their special present, to just up and go to charity. We spend alot of time, and not much money to pick out that special gift. Don't give it away right away. Keep it for a while, please. And to take all the credit for sending birthday money to an organization is not fair to the other children who gave that child money for their birthday. Put all their names on it!
We live in a small town and parties go from barely to extravant--and I was tired of them all!! So being animal lovers (members of local 4-H and SPCA) we had an Feed the Animals Birth-day party, set up at booth to remind people of rescued animals and adoptions at a local trade days event with invited guests to bring a bag or food or item for dogs or cats to donate to local SPCA chapter. Then after dog birthday cake and punch guests got to go visit booths at trade days and had lots of fun in park. It was the best party ever for my 11 yr old daughter!!And helped the local animals too!!
We have 3 sons, ages 3, 5 & 7 and have yet to have an actual "party". We are members our local aquarium & zoo and frequently spend birthday days enjoying one or the other for "free" as a family and our present to the birthday boy is picking out something in the gift shop (our budget is $25/gift). After our member discount, the day is more than affordable, low key and family time well spent.
I have found I like to make their cakes, myself. That is my own personal gift to them. In years past, they have designed their own decorations by drawing a picture that I trace onto wax paper and trace again with decorative icing, then freeze. After it's frozen, I transfer it onto a frosted cake.
I think the fact we didn't introduce over the top or expensive parties from the get-go, will save us a lot of headache in the future. If/when we do host a party, I will be sure to follow my mother's rule of 1 guest per year of age.
We have 3 sons, ages 3, 5 & 7 and have yet to have an actual "party". We are members our local aquarium & zoo and frequently spend birthday days enjoying one or the other for "free" as a family and our present to the birthday boy is picking out something in the gift shop (our budget is $25/gift). After our member discount, the day is more than affordable, low key and family time well spent.
I have found I like to make their cakes, myself. That is my own personal gift to them. In years past, they have designed their own decorations by drawing a picture that I trace onto wax paper and trace again with decorative icing, then freeze. After it's frozen, I transfer it onto a frosted cake.
I think the fact we didn't introduce over the top or expensive parties from the get-go, will save us a lot of headache in the future. If/when we do host a party, I will be sure to follow my mother's rule of 1 guest per year of age.
My daughter is turning 16 in a few weeks, so instead of a huge bash all of her friends will bring her a helpful gift. She suggested that they all bring her their old glasses; especialy pairs of childhood glasses, so that they can donate them to needy children who cannot afford them. What a great idea! We will then take the glasses that were donted to a donation site (check your local eyeglass provider),and they will be shipped overseas to children in need. What a great Birthday WITHOUT Pressure!
Thanks to all for your interesting comments and adding your perspectives to the blog. Rest assured, we are slogging through the many emails from folks in an attempt to answer them all. We're busy compiling the ideas and hoping to enhance the site in the near future (all while parenting and working!).
For our son's first birthday, I wanted to celebrate the wonderful year we had had, and thank all the people who had supported us in our first year of parenting, but I did not want people to feel obligated to give gifts to a child who needs nothing and was too young to appreciate the hoopla. We asked everyone to contribute to a time capsule that he will open on his 16th birthday. People brought letters, books, mementos, and pictures and everyone talked about what they had brought before it was placed in the box, which is now up in our attic. Our son knows about the time capsule, and even though he will not open it for ten years, he sometimes speculates about what might be in "his box". We are all looking forward to birthday number 16!
I think kids parties are great. We like to have all the friends and family over at once and not limit the number of guests. So to cut cost and work this past year we did a combined party with another child who has a birthday near our son's who is a friend with many friends in common. Split the cost, split the work but doubled the fun! We also keep it very simple every year (a few balloons, some pizza, cake and ice cream and a simple craft or game, done!) and have a NO gift rule.
I like the idea of giving used eyeglasses to people that cannot aford them. These glasses already exist, and to redistribute them takes only a few steps. This is recycling at it's best because the product itself does not need to be melted down and remanufactured.
Just think if we could do this with other items, even cars. And I am not talking about used cars. I am talking about building cars so that they are easy to refurbished. This is posible, but our economy grows from constant consumption (waste). Cars are built to become obsolete.
I bet those eyeglass manufactures are unhappy about the party Hannah and Wendi are throwing.
Regards,
Steve O'
PS. Let me tell you about our economy. The cost of parties is going up, health care costs are going up, college tuition is going up,social security benefits are going down, the rich are getting richer and the poor are gitting poorer, but HAY, the economy is doing GREAT!
My comment resembles that of Julie B.'s at the top of the page: We are living abroad and don't really know many people so we have always had my son's b-day parties with family only, and he loves it. Grandparents and Uncle and Aunt who live here, and sometimes his other Grandpa from New York and no themes, but he did want party hats last time (age 4) and he just chases Uncle and Dolores around the yard and it's great fun.
After having smallish home spun birthday parties for my kids when they were preschool aged, i have become a birthday party scrooge and have for the most part, limited their parties to immediate family and grandparents. I have always observed that kids don't enjoy and are usually overwhelmed by large parties and too many gifts. I can relate to the "does my kid really need another whistle?" quote--as I wonder, How many pinatas celebrations can a kid possible attend?! My husband's thinks I am too harsh and this year he actually invited our oldest daughter's friends to a birthday without asking her first! Our 11 yr old was initially upset, but ended up having a low key party where they did a Modpodge project and watched Monty Python episodes. Another amusing recurring birthday story I have is that every year, my sister and her ex-husband have big blow out, chaotic, dinner party/school night birthday parties for their two children (age 7). One of the birthdays is 3 days before Christmas Eve and without fail, every year, some kid at the party either throws up all over an ice rink (skating party),or the living room floor (chaotic home party with 20 kids running haywire). One of my kids coats was thrown up on one year and she ended up sick and missing Christmas Eve celebrations. The mom of the kid who threw up this year, even as her kid kept telling her he had a stomach ache, told my sister, "O, he's just constipated and always cries wolf," as she continued to sip wine with the adults and ignore his pleas to go home. My sister is a prime example of a parent who takes everything her kids say literally and gives them way too much power. As parents we have created these inflated, narcisitic attitudes towards birthdays. I'm glad to see this topic getting so much media coverage!
For my daughter's 6th b-day, we gave $3 in McDonalds gift certificates to each kid instead of goody bags. The idea of more $1 store stuff was just too much. Most kids liked it, but a couple thought it was a rip off, and made it very clear. I was upset at first, but who's to say my kids, after years of indoctrination about the gift bag, wouldn't have said the same thing? That's when I realized this thing has gotten out of hand. I've already started the "reindoctrination" process for next year's bday. I'm thinking about a community service project.
I am looking for ideas for some fun 16th birthday traditions. I have four daughters so I really want to put some thought into this. The only ideas I have so far:
1) Having their dad take them out on their first date. They are not allowed to date until they are 16 so this might be a way of showing them how we expect the young men in their lives to treat them.
2) I've told them they can get their ears pierced when they turn 16. (I don't have anything against younger girls getting their ears pierced, I just thought it would be a fun way to honor the fact that they are growing up.)
I came across this site reading a www.time.com article... very interesting that parties have gotten this out of control.. I do have one question, why do parents seem to rent out halls for a 1-year-old's party? My sister-in-law did this, and I'm sure my niece does not remember this. What happened to a 1 or 2 yr old's birthday being family only, maybe one for maternal and one for paternal depending on where they are geographically?
My parents never had one of those out-of-control, ultra-luxe parties for me or my sister when we were growing up, and I have to say, we never really wanted them, even though we lived in an affluent community where those kinds of afairs tended to be more or less the norm, especially for bar/bat mitzvahs and sweet 16's. I remember I had wanted a huge sweet 16, in a rented hall, with a DJ and catering and all kinds of entertainments, just like most of the other girls in my class were having. My parents just couldn't do that, but the party they did have for me was infinitely more magical (and helped along with no small bit of luck!) My dad and a neighbor strung up every last twig on the crabapple tree in our beautiful backyard with white xmas tree lights. My sister and I labored over making mix tapes to play all night at the party, and my mom ordered a bunch of party platters and soda from the local deli. Our extremely generous neighbors, who were moving, gave us the use of the (empty) first floor of their house (right across the street), so that my guests (most of whom were from out of town, if not out of state) could stay overnight. That was the best part of the party--my parents allowed me to invite anyone I wanted, including all of my friends from summer camp. (How Mom and Dad truly felt about having about 30 teenagers over, I'm sure they'll never tell me.) I couldn't have asked for a better time! Nobody had to dress up, nobody had to outdo one another, everyone was relaxed and having fun in a comfortable, beautiful setting that didn't cost and arm and a leg, all the music was what *I* wanted to hear, not whatever some DJ happened to bring, and we had a giant sleepover party with my friends afterwards. I seriously could not have asked for better.
I have a boy, 14 and a girl, 10. This idea is great for any age. It did have to be reasoned out with them the first time we proposed it because the kids thought they weren't getting presents at all for their birthdays. Our invitations read 'In leu of gifts, please bring dog and cat food, toys, blankets, etc. for the animals at our local shelter". When they first heard this idea(5 years ago)they were mortified. I explained to the kids there are gifts from grandparents, aunts, uncles, close friends, and US - their parents! Lots of good gifts and not 20 or 30 more 'things' to play with for a week, then have to keep cleaned up off the floor.... They liked that concept: less to clean up. I had done the party places, but I noticed the kids seemed to have a better time at our simple birthday parties at home. The only thing I can figure is that kids are so stressed nowadays, homework, here or there for some sort of 'lesson', always in the car going somewhere. Now we just stay home for birthdays and enjoy the slow pace. It gives kids time to have a more involved conversation with each other, learn a little more about the kid they sit next to but can only talk to for 10 minutes during lunchtime. We do change our routine yearly to keep it fun. We either take all the kids to the animal shelter - after packing up all the goodies for the animals, then when we arrive we have each child bring in the 'gift' they brought. This is a HUGE hit with the kids who come. (Their parents do feel sorry for our kids though - "What? No presents? Are you sure?!?!")The kids get to pet the kittens and puppies, although we don't open the cages of the big dogs. But we do walk through and see them and talk to them.
Another year we'll have the invitation say to come with their bathing suits on, wearing sunscreen, and bring a towel and a flashlight - and yes, still just gifts for the animals. Then the kids play in the back yard with water balloons and maybe a slip and slide - think back to the last time anyone played with water balloons. They absolutely love it. Another fun game is to tie cake and powdered donuts dangling from a basketball goal and have the kids race to see who can eat theirs first - with their hands tied behind their backs! The big boys love this! When it gets dark they play flashlight tag. Who plays tag anymore? Think back to the simple outdoor games we played as kids. Those are the best. Because of tv and video games, they don't play outdoors much so when they get the chance, it's so different and fun for them, especially at night. When it gets too dark, I have them come in and we throw a comforter over the dining room table and out come the flashlights again - this time with scary stories, and popcorn. Ahhhh, the simplicity! All the kids go home ready to create their own homemade fun!
i had 100 plus people at my sons first birthday party. cost, a couple of thousand.No memory!
for his 7th, i sent pizza to school, and cupcakes.
at home, 3 friends slept over, and we made homeade pizza, and homemade cakes, and cost about 40.
I gave up. the best party ever.... 7th!
I understand the "keep up with the Jones's" because there are 5 kids on our block with birthdays within 2 weeks of each other, and my daughter (now 9) got invited to each of their parties. Even though we were going to do "just family" one year, I felt pressured to be "next." We had a small party at a craft center, which was nice, but I still remember feeling as if I had been suckered into having and spending more than I was planning. In order to keep this from happening year after year, we now have to do some considerable planning ahead of time to keep my daughters excpectations in line with ours.
Also, I HATE gift bags! The party is for the guest of honor, not for giving presents to all the friends who come. Also, I feel that it is a huge environmental disaster to fill a bunch of plastic bags with junk so that they can essentially throw it all away when they get home. Also, when my daughter was younger, she got a plastic ring that she really liked. But, being 2-cent, plastic junk, of course it broke very soon and she was devastated. I have gotten around this issue by giving the kids what many of them wanted in the first place. I always send them each home with a helium balloon from the decorations. I have not received any complaints yet!
My son fondly recalls his most favorite party of all...a marbles party! I learned that none of the boys, ages 9-12, in our neighborhood owned any marbles and knew NO marble games. So I bought bags and bags of marbles and dipped into my large collection of marbles and then invited the neighbor boys over. We started off with a marbles hunt and then once the marbles had all been found, I (a 40-something mother!) taught the boys some games and showed them some interesting things to do with marbles. They had a blast and played marbles outdoors all day. Food was hotdogs and soda, a homemade cake and popsicles. They got to keep their marbles but other than that, there were no "goody bags." Years later, when I see those boys, they tell me "that was the best party ever!" and that they still have their marbles. Simple truly is the way to go!
Our family decided years ago when my stepdaughters were young (now 13 and 12) that we had to have some limits on parties. So...we decided that only certain birthdays, milestones, if you will, were going to be celebrated with a "friend" party. The ages are 5, 10, 13, 16 and 18. On the years that we do not throw "friend" parties, we have a small get-together with family only. This is still a big thing as we are a good sized family. My own children are now 5 and 7 months and we are going to follow the same rules as with my stepdaughters. My 13 yo daughter chose to take one friend to the mall. We gave a set amount of $ to spend and we let them loose for a couple of hours. They LOVED the freedom more that ANYTHING! They got to shop, eat and just be silly teens. Saved us a fortune and they get some quality friend time.
yes have three grand daughers loving all the same but whenit come to the party it is always family one or tow outsiders the thing is that the gifes are sometimes to much they are the age of being better chidren than they chould but are not each has an addatude when the other truncomes around wanted it bigger or better yes we out do ourself what about vaules ?????????????? xam is the same often those who come it is to see the others gife vaule ......... love can not be priced the most important;;;;is tolisten tomake time for thes children now no do overs we want the best for all childern;;;;;;;;;;;; vaules are what will count tommorr;;;;;;;;;;;;who will care for the eldly?for the unloved childern? run the grovent? be ther boss???????????love is yhe most important
Wow! I have been opposed to these overblown parties since my daughter got invitation after invitation after invitation when she was in daycare 10 years ago! i admit I got suckered into having a skating party at one point, but the most fun she had was when she turned 10. The invitation said to wear outside clothes and sneakers. She didn't want a cake, so we made chocolate chip cookies with candles. We played "Pin the Mustache on Aaron Carter" (each girl cut out a mustache and we used a Poster). They had relay races. They tossed balloons and ran with eggs on spoons. Ran around the yard like 10 year old maniacs. And I did not give party bags, never have, never will. I believe the party is for the Birthday Girl.
We recently had a birthday party for our 6 year old. We talked to her beforehand and agreed that we'd ask that anyone who came could, instead of bringing a gift, bring the cash value of what they would have spent, and that money would be donated to charity. We got over $220.00 and our duagher picked the charity to which she wished to donate the money. Its a great way to teach kids how fortunate they are. We did also decide to give her a little bit of money to go purchase one toy, but at least it was one and not 16!
My daughter's school does a "birthday walk" (I think it's a common Montessori practice) where the birthday child holds a globe and walks in a circle around a candle or flashlight in the center of the floor. The child walks as many times as his or her age, signifying how many times he has traveled around the sun. They also sing or chant something about trips around the sun with each circle, but I can't remember it. It's what a birthday is really about, and it gives the b'day child some attention, but isn't over the top.
A lot of schools in our area have also banned b'day gift bags and treats. If the child wants to do something special at school, he or she can donate a book to the school library, which will carry a nameplate saying who donated it.
I am a teacher, and I give my students a card with a note on it, and we all sing happy birthday to the child to acknowledge the special day.
When my partner and I adopted our first daughter, she was in first grade, so we were quickly introduced to birthday parties. Although none were of the sort that were clearly over the top, some did cost several hundred dollars for the parents of the birthday child (renting skating rinks, gymnastic facilities, etc.). In addition, usually the entire class of 30 or more students were invited, resulting in a large number of presents for the birthday child. When it came time for our daughter's birthday, we decided to hold the type of party my mother always had for us. We invited about 12-15 of her friends, played games in the backyard (relay races with balloons between knees or water on big spoons, pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey, etc.), gave out lots of simple prizes (jump ropes, bubble stuff, yo-yos, and the like), and just let the kids play. As soon as a game was over, each member of the winning team got to pick a prize out of a big bag and then all the kids played with the prizes for about 15 minutes. Then we played another game. After the second game, any child who had not yet won a prize got to pick one from the bag. In about an hour, we had played three or four games, and each child had two or three toys. Then they just played for about 30 minutes. Any parents who came mostly just sat in lawn chairs with snacks and drinks and talked and watched the games. Several got into the games and had a great time. We served the kids cake, ice cream, and juice, let them hit a pinata filled with small candies and toys, and thanked all the guests when they left. We also decided before the party that our daughter did not need a lot of new toys, but lots of other children do. We asked on the invitation that no gifts be given, but, if anyone would like to bring a new or gently-used stuffed animal, they would be donated. Since both of our children were adopted from foster care, they particularly like to help the children at the children's receiving home. We also noticed that several parties the next year were much simpler and included donations to charity rather than gifts. We have celebrated other birthdays by letting the birthday child pick 4 or 5 friends to go to a movie or to the zoo or some other event, usually followed by a trip to a local ice cream parlor. One of our daughters decided to forgo a party and to use the money we would have spent to swim with the dolphins at Marine World. We did have enough passes for three of her friends to go also, so she still got a bit of a party. We have found that we seldom spend much more than $100 on any birthday celebration (usually a lot less) and everyone seems to have a great time. Thanks for bringing attention to this situation. There really is no need for all the elaborate parties - most children simply want to play.
I have never given my kids a true b-day party. They get to pick a theme and have cake with their daycare center class since they were 2. We also do a cake with my parents and sometimes my brother and his wife. The children do pick the them of the plates cups and napkins at the daycare center event and they get gifts from us and my parents. This approach is a simple way to ensure that my kids feel that their birthdays are special, but I have never given them a true party and I don't plan to, even though I had a little birthday party every year when I was little. Remeber this question to ask yourself. When you think about why you love your parents is it ever because of the great birthday parites they threw you? If you don't like them is it because they didn't throw you good birthday parites.
We recently attended a great birthday party that was an outdoor food fight. (We live in Central Florida.) It was good cheap fun and the moms turned it into a great experience for kids and families. We all applaud this effort to bring sanity to the birthday machine.
For my son's 2nd birthday party we invited about 8 friends for a dinner party and the 'real celebration' -- 2 years of being parents!! Our son was in bed before the party even started and has no idea that he missed out or not.
this is a great site-the kids are 6, 4 and 16months and I don't get the concept of loot bags-we have always done the blow up balloons on the string for each child that comes-and we have a bouncing balloon contest and they take that home and then we usually blow bubbles and they get bubbles to take home as well and one year my daughter got a cd of mixed music she loved and we made all her friends a copy so loot bags, nope and we just play and have snacks-it seems to work and the kids love it and then we make everyone their own ice cream cone with cake in it that they get to decorate and have a candle in it and everyone gets to blow it out (and have never had left over cake that I have had to throw out...)
NO "birthday parties" before age 5 -- we had special family meals. For her 2nd birthday, auntie, cousin, bd girl & mom went to a small zoo/amusement park. 3rd birthday, same event, with one more kid/mom pair. 4th birthday, cupcakes at preschool. 5th birthday, a special event at school (arranged for "The Lizard Lady" to visit the class, with permission of the principal & teacher). 6th birthday, ditto.
7th birthday -- seven girls came over and I supplied glueguns and glitter -- made crowns and ornaments.
8th birthday -- since dd's birthday is in the rainy months, and since we had a large covered space, invited the whole class (19 kids) and played traditional very active playground games (red-rover, simon says, blind-man's bluff). NO goodie bags.
9th birthday -- another school-based celebration, the most expensive one, but I think it was worth it. The "learning theme" at school that year was "Knowing the Pacific", so I paid for a Hawaiian performance troupe to come to school. The entire school learned a song and sort of learned one hula. No cupcakes, we had mochi instead. For her actual bday, I took my dd and a classmate, who has the same bday, to a tea shoppe for "high tea".
10th birthday -- sleepover with about 7 classmates and we decorated Xmas ornaments. I was still sweeping up glitter weeks later, but dd's classmates still remember that one.
16th birthday -- limo with 6 gfs to restaurant of dd's choice.
18th bday -- an open house for all her friends at her brother's house (we invited about 30 people, probably 25 showed up). I got lots of finger food from Trader Joe's and the local grocery.
One of the posters, Steve, on the other board cautioned parents to look out for "party creep" -- starting small but incrementally adding until it's too much:
You intend to throw a simple party, but you end up adding things to enhance this. This happened for my son's fifth birthday. The only thing he asked for was a treasure hunt which seemed reasonable. But this led to a pirate themed party. In turn, this led to pirate dress-up complete with pictures of the child, treasure chests, inviting his whole pre-school and church-aged group, etc., etc., etc. We bought cheap, but still ended up paying much more then we intended. The kids were out of control most of the time and we were frazzled at the end of the day.
So watch out for your own tendencies to indulge in "party creep"
I found this site by coincidence and find it interesting. I never thought of birthday parties to be a thing of pressure. When I was little birthdays in my family were big celebrations. My mother had a hard time giving birth to me so each year was one to celebrate in big. Even though I looked forward to the parties, I don't recall ever being greedy or envious of others. Now that I have a daughter ( and also had a hard time in child birth) I also celebrate her birthdays in a special way. Unfortunately they get higher and higher in price each year but again I never saw it as pressure because I enjoy celebrating her life with all of our close friends.
I have never seen it the way people here describe the experience. We live in South Florida and everyone celebrates the events in their own way, usually in BIG wasy down here. Whether a big party or a small one, we enjoy them the same. I never , nor my child have made a remark about gifts eitherso this is news to me. I;m not saying that it doesn't happen but until now, I was not aware.
My child usually tells her friends they do not need to bring gifts just their presence on that day is a gift to her. She is only 9.
My advice then would be to talk to your friends if you feel pressured from their parties, but also speak to your child about these parties but do not take this beautiful celebration day away from them.
Communication is probably the best way to fix this problem. If you have a good relationship with your friends then it should not be a problem.
If the people inviting you to these outrageaous parties are not your friends then don't go. Why bother with giving yourself and your child the headache of having a bad time.
If you need to celebrate it the best way you can, within your family only, then do that. But let them know that you are happy for the new year God ( or whoever you believe in) has granted them. Don't just stop celebrating their birthdays because of others.
You don't need to spend lost of money on a party or a cake to show them how important they are in your life.
What happened to the times parents baked their children's cakes themselves. There are also cupcakes ( which are by the way in fashion these days)
As for the pressure of gift giving.
I read someone saying a book is a great gift. I think so myself!
You can spend less than $10 on a great book.
As for the party bags. I don't think they are necessary either but If you must give something a book also works well for this. A book in the theme you have chosen with a personal note from the birthday child is a great one. This is also good at any age.
It's just sad to see that something so special has gotten to the level of adding pressure or stress to people's lives these days.
I just had my daughter's 4th birthday. As I called around most places required 20 kids and if I didn't still got charged for 20. Finally I just invited 9 kids and had it at a local pizza shop that has a room with children's games. I did not rent their party room or anything which would have needed 20 kids at $20 each for pizza. At the end all the moms told me it was great. I refuse to fall into the pressure of big partys.
Facing a birthday party next week for my 5 year old daughter, and not wanting gifts or the ordeal of gift bags. So here's what we came up with: The Potluck Art Party. Each child is asked to bring whatever art supplies they'd like to share(or, if they have to buy them , to spend no more than $5 worth) We'll provide the paper, glue, brushes, scissors, frames. Hopefully we'll toss everything together and get creative. Each child will leave with the fruits of their creative labors, and a share of the loot. For the invitations, I printed up half-sheets of info, then my daughter and I cut up old artwork and embellished it with stamps, paint, etc. for "envelopes". I have no idea how this will work out, but it's met my goals of being activity-based, welcoming to both genders, non-Disney, and hopefully net zero in the too much stuff category. And of course, there will be cake. Although I'm planning on rolling up rugs and using sheets, my house will be a mess, but creative chaos I can deal with. We'll let you know how it goes...
My son is turning 3 in April, and I plan on giving him a party at the local zoo because he loves animals. I can invite up to 15 children, but I'm only inviting relatives and children he plays with regularly. I'm considering the no-gift route as he has too many toys, and really doesn't need anything. We celebrated his 2nd birthday with a trip to the zoo, with me, his father, and his cousin. He had a rather large party at home for his 1st birthday. It was mostly adult relatives. That was a little stressful because I did almost all the planning and coordinating alone. I'm going to celebrate my son's birthday every year, because I love him and believe in celebrating his life. I think that someone who does not do anything for their child's birthday is just as selfish as someone who goes over the top to please others. Each year I want my son's birthday to be memorable, whether it's a family day somewhere special or a large party with friends. As long as your child knows that they're special and you're doing it for them it really doesn't matter whether you have a party or not. I take a different point of view than most people on lavish parties. If you truly have the money and that's how you choose to spend it then go for it. I've been to a few parties that I thought money was wasted but I wasn't angered. If pony rides and bounce centers make your child feel special, why should I be mad. Some people posting seem envious of those who do go all out. Give your child a party because you want to, don't give your child one if you don't. Some people enjoy hosting parties (I do), others don't. Do what works for you, there is no right answer. Only what's right for you. It really doesn't matter because your child will recognize your true motives. Not giving your child a party because you don't want to compete with others is the same principle (selfishness) as giving your child a party because everybody else does. If you're truly celebrating your child, then you'll try to do something that they'll enjoy and appreciate, whatever that may be.
I find this site interesting, but find it curious that so much interest and time goes into this topic, when there are so many other bigger and relevant social rpoblems. Pick one--the war, capital punishment, the end of social security, children with no health coverage, or even the treat of Avian flu. I believe that parenthood involves knowing when you can say no to your kids.
There is--and likely should not be--a nationally or internationally agreed upon point for this. However, a web site devoted to this topic seems as extravagant as the birthday parties parents hope to prevent.
I love a party as much as anyone, but I realized that with 4 children, birthday partys could get out of control really quick. So, I decided to let my kids be their own party planners. We have done everything from princess to horses for my daughter, and Jedi to superhero to Blues Clues for my boys. I found a website that allows me to create and print off (for free) party invitations. The kids have a great time coloring and they don't cost me anything. I make and decorate the cake myself (I love it and it doesn't cost me more than the cost of ingredients and a little time). We have a great time planning games and usually find things to play that have little or no cost associated. I did away with gift bags a few years ago, because I wanted the party to be the 'party favor', and I have only had one young guest ask about it. In 10 years of having over 25 birthday parties, I have never spent more than $40 on a party, and the kids are always excited for the next one.
My oldest daughter's favorite and most memorable birthday party was the simplest party I ever had. She was turning 6, I was very pregnant with child #3 and not up to planning a party; I was also working part time and attending university full time. I talked to her about it and told her I wanted to celebrate the day, but that I really couldn't handle an apartment full of friends or any of the usual trappings. I asked her what cake or treat she wanted and what I could fix for her birthday dinner (just our family and her favorite food). We ended up having Rice Krispy treats and celebrating with whatever friends could come to the local playground at a moment's notice. There were no gifts (except something from her dad and me after dinner), no pressure, and all the kids at the playground were happy to sing to her and play in the sand. She even invented some of her own games and got the kids to play them. My 6-year-old became her own party planner and felt so "grown-up" that she could do it herself. I was amazed at how much fun such a simple party (if you could even call it that) provided.
We get a certificate every year in the mail for a "free birthday cake" from Safeway. It's just big enough for 4-6 people, so that way we have an excuse to keep the party small.
We get a certificate every year in the mail for a "free birthday cake" from Safeway. It's just big enough for 4-6 people, so that way we have an excuse to keep the party small.
This website is great. Its nice to see a resurgence of the basic. I recently started this website where parents can share birthday party ideas/cake pictures/etc. www.familye.com (e for entertaining :) At-home or homemade birthday parties have always worked for us, I have a 5/4/newborn. It is our house rule, so that nothing else is expected. And every year we have lots of fun planning and doing it - but we do it all ourselves. We bake the food. Last year we gave each child a big cookie that we made as the favor. Fun silly games or just free play. That is how I was raised - it nice to raise our children the same way.
I find this site interesting, but find it curious that so much interest and time goes into this topic, when there are so many other bigger and relevant social rpoblems. Pick one--the war, capital punishment, the end of social security, children with no health coverage, or even the treat of Avian flu. I believe that parenthood involves knowing when you can say no to your kids.
We have really low key parties. Under the age of 5 or school age. We only invite the people that mean the most to our children. It normally consist of a few adults and cake and icecream. Now that my daughter is in 1st grade she wants a party with all her friends. We'll see how that goes. But I'm just looking to have a playdate type party just come over and play run around outside and have fun if it's warm enough we'll put the spinkler on for them to run through. Kids being kids that what it's all about.
I have 9 children. Each one gets a private party with the immediate family and all get a combined birthday party for their friends on July 4th. We live on a farm. We have a big barn that we have the party in. All of the children take part in cleaning the barn for the party, setting up, inflating balloons and whatever else is necessary. The last party we had over 100 people. My kids did it all, 5 cakes, 200 hot dogs, huge balloon drop, radio control planes, water balloons and a hay rack ride. Even my 4 year old helped by pulling the cord for the balloon drop at the end of singing "Happy Birthday."
We let kids be kids, teenagers be teenagers and we all have fun. Everyone helps clean-up and we have a bonfire when we burn the party garbage. No presents, no party bags. Helium balloons to take home, but that's about it.
The only complaint I get from my kids is from my teenage daughters and it's always the same, "the boys won't dance with us!"
We've done this for about 8 years and it is always a great success. People I don't know come up to me and comment about my great parties. I tell them to thank my kids, they make it happen. I realize that not everyone has the space or the number of children that I do, but when your children contribute effort to their party, they take ownership for it and they make it a success.
I talked with the kids and they said the balloons is what does it.
We buy them very cheap on eBay, mostly excess inventory. Some are printed with obsolete or irrelevant messages, but the kids don't care.
Last party we had over 3000 balloons and they cost less than $100 and that includes the 100 or so mylar balloons for kids to take home.
I did buy an electric inflator which was a bit pricy, but before that we used my shopvac on reverse. I also get a "K" size helium tank which costs $70 plus about $5 in tank rent from the place I get my welding supplies.
Even in a small house or apartment, you could do a smash hit party by filling a room with balloons and if you buy right, it wouldn't cost much.
My four year old has a ton of friends at preschool, church and gymnastics. We decided to have a BIG birthday party so that all her friends could come (about 20 kids)but our house just isn't big enough. Speaking of our house not being big enough, we didn't have any place for 20 new toys either. We had it at the indoor play area at the local mall, and then everyone went down to the food court for (home made) cake! We wrote on the invitation "no gifts please!" The party cost me paper plates, balloons, invitations and napkins. The cake was almost free and the kids enjoyed playing with one another more than anything else! I explained to our daughter that the party WAS her gift, and she loved it.
This is the most ridiculous website I have ever seen. How sad that people have to discuss with others their pressures with birthday parties. Get a life people!!!!!!
I feel sorry for your kids!!
The past two years I have definitely thrown huge themed birthday parties for my 2 year old daughter at our home. There is definite pressure in my community to have such eloborate parties. My daughter is turning 3 soon and the time has come to think about another party. However, this party will be more economical for everyone this year. I am planning my daughters birthday party at the beach. I will be asking those in attendance to bring their own picnic lunch and we will provide the cake. Also, we will put no gifts on the invitation. The beach is more than enough entertainment. Guests bringing their own picnic lunches would also be a great idea for a birthday at the park. The children can get involved by packing their own lunches.
As an meaningful alternative to the excessive nature of many of today's birthday celebrations, please consider making a donation to the non-profit children's charity, Birthday Buddies Inc. which provides birthday Giftpacks to children living in Second Stage Housing for abused women. Birthday Buddies believes that these children are particularly deserving of a celebration in their honour and the delicious anticipation of receiving special gifts and much needed personal items on their birthday.
On your birthday why not choose to sponsor Birthday Buddies by accepting donations for the charity in lieu of a gift for yourself.
Each Birthday Giftpack aims to provide the following:
- a birthday cake with candles, a card and balloons,
- a selection of toys,
- a book,
- a writing journal and pens,
- a Personal-Pack, of age-appropriate toiletries, such as toothbrush/paste, deodorant, hair brushes etc.
All items are new & of good quality and are chosen specifically for the interests and needs of the birthday child. The gifts are wrapped & presented in a new back pack.
For more information visit www.birthdaybuddies.ca
Comments
When my son Hans turned 4 (which I believe is the most perfect party age of all), I asked him who he wanted to invite to his party. At the time he had about 4 or 5 regular playmates besides his 3 brothers. I was expecting him to list these kids and that I could make a fun party for them. His response was "Grandpa." I didn't believe he really meant it and challenged him with the question again. Again, he said he just wanted Grandpa and it was okay if Grandma came along too. And he wanted a farm party. So I made a cake with a barn and a farm on it and we invited just Grandpa (and Grandma) to his farm party. And he was indeed very pleased with the results. He was so proud to have farmer Grandpa sitting right next to him as he blew out the candles and played games. I learned that we don't always know best for our kids...sometimes they know better.
Posted by: Julie B. | January 11, 2007 09:05 PM
The website is great. I am in awe that this particular problem is so widespread. It seems to be just another example of this culture's journey away from what is important.
We are the parents of 4 boys, all of whom have moved past the age when they want a birthday party. The oldest is 23 and the youngest is 14. By the age of 12, they had each decided on their own to not have a formal party. That said, I certainly gave birthday's my all when they were younger. I sometimes spent a considerable amount of energy preparing but most of it came from within me. I love birthdays. I love being creative. I love decorating cakes. I was lucky to not feel a lot of pressure from others to spend so much for the "perfect" party.
I have a few comments I just want to make as a way of helping others think about how they celebrate birthdays or any other holiday with their children.
1) Before anything, the parent(s) need to sit and think about what is the purpose of the celebration. Once the main purpose is decided, all other plans can be measured by that. For instance...I would say the purpose of the Birthday party is to celebarte the person whose birthday it is. That means, I want to know what this person likes, whether they like crowds or one on one, what their favortie music and books are, do they like board games or activie games or no games?, etc. I want the party to really show this person, that I like who they are and am glad to have them in my life.
2) Budget...how much money do we really have available for the party and presents. We need to stay inside the budget.
3) Ask for the child's ideas and invite both children and other adults who care for the child to pitch in with food or favors or respsonsiblities and even clean up. The more people help out, the better they feel about the party. Always have at least one other adult to direct the children while you have to focus on something else.
4) Keep things simple and at the child's age level of operation. Invite the number of people that you know your child can handle relating to or what you can handle relating to.
5) Be creative and be yourself...If your child's favorite thing to do is snuggle on the couch with popcorn and watch a movie, then do it..If your child loves looking at cars, take them to a car show or a car museum or make a track on the floor for them to drive matchbox cars on...if they love birds, go bird-watching or to the zoo...if they love coloring, then put art into the party...if they like science, do science experiments...
6) Plan more activities ( usually small, short-attention span things) than you have time for so if the group gets out of control, you have something else up your sleeve.
7) Never offer the option of something that you really can't give your heart and money to. Be honest about what is possible.
8) Never do it just because someone else is or because you have always done it...life changes and people are different.
You may have heard it all before but these are my suggestions.
I hope this helps,
Posted by: Julie B. | January 11, 2007 09:11 PM
I decided to have a small party, 4 other children and no adults present at the party except for my husband and I. I feel like when there were other adults there I had to "perform" at some level. When it was just the kids I felt free to be very silly with them. I had less food to prepare with just 4 kids and my son present, and that was just sticking some pizza in the oven and carrot sticks! I also did not give gift bags at the last party. We played traditional party games and everyone, including us seemed to enjoy that!
Posted by: Linda Brown | January 11, 2007 10:07 PM
I have always hated the overdone birthday parties. For our son's 4th birthday party, we asked people to only bring gifts that they had made. Some brought baked goods, others brought cards with play date invitations inside. It took some of the pressure off. Now he's 9, and starting with his 7th birthday, we asked him to choose. He could have a small party with 3 or 4 kids and gifts, or we could host a bigger party with no gifts. He chose the latter. Now that's the way we do it. He can have more of his friends get together (this year we went bowling) and then we have cake and ice cream. No gifts. No party favors. Light decorations. My son loves it. And it's fun for us, too.
Posted by: Mary Baremore | January 12, 2007 09:44 AM
I am saddened how some people feel the pressure or need to "keep up with the Jones." I probably am one of those people that may have caused that. There has been years that I have thrown a rather larger party to celebrate the birthday of my child. My kids by no means ever expect it nor do they demand it. In fact, I let them know this is a way that we can be a blessing to our friends. So by doing this am I wrong!!! I guess I kind of feel like this is a cut on those of us that truly enjoy doing these things for our children and family and friends. We celebrate the blessing of thier birth and what they mean to us. We promote family and friends by doing this!! If you want to boycott something or have so much time and energy to talk out against something - take a look at the insanity of sports now a days - or there is probably so many other things to go against - just want you to know there are always two sides of every story.
Posted by: Anonymous | January 13, 2007 09:01 PM
One more thing - It just seems to me that there are going to be pressures in this world of many kinds - pressure for women to work out side the house, pressure to make more money, to live in a bigger house, to have a better school, a better education, nicer clothes and to be better at sports - it is not for us or anyone to cut done what others do but just to be content with what you yourself and your family does - I don't want to stop / boycott others from celebrating they way they want to but I do want my kids to know our values and how and why we believe in the way we do things!!!!
Posted by: Anonymous | January 13, 2007 09:08 PM
Dear Anonymous,
Thank-you for sharing your perspective. We are by NO means advocating a boycott of birthday parties. We will work harder to make sure our message doesn't convey that. I too plan birthday parties for my own children and love to celebrate with them. We are also aware that for many folks, this is not an issue. If you are comfortable with your celebrations, bravo! We're glad that you came to our site to tell us that. However, we have interviewed many parents over the past year for whom this is an issue. We went into this project with an open mind and did lots of talking with parents during an investigative phase. With our own busy lives we were very willing to bail on it if we found that it didn't resonate with parents. There are larger themes that we are concerned with too that kept coming up in our discussions (i.e. over-indulgence, competative parenting, raising children in an increasingly materialistic culture, filling our house with so much stuff) but we're not sure how to take those on so we started with something smaller.
It sounds to me like you've struck a balance that works for you and your family. That's fantastic!
(Incidentally, Dr. Doherty, a member of our group HAS taken on the insanity of kid's sports. See this article for more: http://www.stressfreeliving.org/articles/relationship-articles//relationship-articles/the-crusade-against-overscheduled-kids)
Posted by: Julie Printz | January 14, 2007 02:26 PM
I wonder why it is that people believe that it is necessary to have a party each year for a child. One of the suggestions listed on this Website is for parents to have a party just every other year. Why that often? We had a party for our first child for his first birthday because I believed that it was so important to acknowledge this event. But when all was said and done, it was a lot of worry and work for me. I doubt that it was a memorable experience for most of the attendees. Since that time, we have had no parties for either of my children. My oldest will be six next week and he has made no mention of wanting to have a party. He loves trains and we have made a ritual of going to the Train Museum for his special day. Our yougest will be three in March and this year she will probably get a kick out of deciding what we will eat for her birthday dinner.
Posted by: Heidi Mischke | January 15, 2007 10:20 AM
My neighbor has twin boys and they have given the boys a birthday party where they ask only for new or used books. Then the books get donated to a charity. They felt that their children already had too much, and that the party was enough. The donated books were intended to help teach the boys about sharing the wealth.
Posted by: annette gagliardi | January 15, 2007 07:52 PM
I think this website is a great idea! I used to have home parties for my children on their birthdays, but a few summers ago we moved and didn't have any family or friends with whom we could celebrate my son's 9th birthday. So we took the money I had set aside in the "party" budget and our family spent the day at Nascar Speedpark! We had such a great time having a family day, that we've been having special family celebrations since! We went to a children's/science museum for my older daughter's birthday, and my youngest chose Chuck E. Cheese for her day that year. We typically spend the day somewhere fun that they choose and maybe invite along a friend or two, but not always. This way, there is no stress for me, no pile of unnecessary presents, the whole family has fun, and the birthday child feels special!
Posted by: Lynn C | January 16, 2007 07:25 AM
I got tired, feeling like I had to keep up with the Jones, that I just stopped. This year, for my daughter's 8th birthday, I made dinner for a few of her friends and we watched a movie and had popcorn. I liked preparing dinner, finding out what she wanted.
Posted by: Betsy Stewart | January 16, 2007 10:30 AM
Hi Everyone,
I think the most important thing to remember is that birthday parties are NOT competitions! People who enjoy throwing big birthday parties should be able to do it without guilt, and as a blessing to their friends and their children's friends! People who prefer small parties (and are stressed out at the thought of something monumental) should be able to do that without feeling like they need to "keep up." Much of the pressure is put on us by ourselves... do what you and your child want to do!
I am discouraged when I hear parents frustrated by "competing" with others' parties and thus they do not host their own for this reason only. Birthday's hosted with the right attitude are a great celebration of a wonderful, unique person, of any age!
As for gifts... gifts are WONDERFUL! They are a shining example of celebration and generosity! They are part of tradition. They are fun! Most people ENJOY giving gifts (I know we do!) and hate to come empty handed (which can be difficult with a "no gift" policy, though this is personal choice too, and very understandable).
But for some of us, we already have too much, or our child will be getting gifts from family already, or we have no more storage space, or we just had Christmas, or whatever the reason, more gifts are overwhelming! If our child understands how blessed they are, this can be a chance to teach them something beyond themselves (if we want to take it), and teach them the joy of giving.
With our daughter, we have taken opportunities in the past (as she's been too young to care), to host a big celebration but have guests bring something to donate (it seems that no one wants to come empty handed, but we'd rather not ask people to donate cash to some charity either).
Now that she's old enough to understand (four), we've let her choose a charity to donate gifts of some sort to if she wants a friends party, and explained to her that she would still get family gifts (this was FINE with her). What could be better than having all of her friends over to play! And I LOVE hosting parties and being creative... this is part of my personal gifts/skills, so why not bless others with it! (And maybe next year we'll have kids bring gifts, maybe not... we're just going to BE FLEXIBLE and play it by ear).
SPECIFIC PRACTICAL IDEAS: This year we are having her friends bring yarn to donate to the Mother Bear Project, www.motherbearproject.org, which knits bears and sends them to kids with hiv/aids across the world. Last year we had people bring backpacks and school supplies that were handed out via Volunteers of America (www.voamn.org). Other ideas we've considered (after a fair amount of web research), is toys to our local childrens hospital (check for specific policies), or books to libraries, or toys for a city "toy shelf" (North Saint Paul has one). Maybe you can come up with some great ideas too (and please post them, as we've got many years of birthday parties ahead!)
But the biggest thing I want to communicate with this all said, is that we don't want anyone to feel guilty if they do it differently! We get excited to pick out gifts for other kids birthdays and look forward to it! As a child, birthday parties were a great chance to stock our "toy shelf" with not a lot of other toys coming our way (meaning our parents didn't buy us things unless it was Christmas). Gifts are great for teaching thankfulness and thank you notes. We are happy with no gift bags, but blessed when people put time and money into sharing their generosity with us (and teach our daughter to appreciate these things, big or small). We are all different, and as long as an attitude of sharing and giving is involved (rather than doing what is "expected" or "keeping up," than you can't go wrong!) So CELEBRATE! Kids are a beautiful creation of God worthy of celebrating in all different ways!
Posted by: Shannon T. | January 16, 2007 12:55 PM
My children are grown, but as young children we started with simple yet well planned and fun old fashion home-style birthday parties at age 3. They invited 3 friends when they turned 3, 4 friends when they turned 4, and so on up to age 8. After age 8, we stopped with friends parties and the birthday child would decide how they would like to celebrate their birthday. Our oldest son, who's birthday falls at State Fair time, would always choose to spend the entire day of his birthday at the fair with his dad. Also, their birthday always started with their favorite breakfast and other meals throughout the day. We made birthdays a time to celebrate our children, not how much we could spend on them or others. Now, we continue to celebrate who they are on their birthdays with their choosing a home cooked meal or dinner out with the whole family. I have never seen a reason to make celebrating birthdays a high-pressure and costly event. I believe birthdays should be a time to celebrate life.
Posted by: Cathie | January 16, 2007 01:37 PM
Wow, my friend Shannon told a group of us about this site, and i love it, and i love the idea of it. Its interesting to me to see that people struggle with parties, i havn't had a struggle like that, maybe it's becasue there is no part of me that feels the need to keep up with "The Jones'" its just not the way i was raised i guess. My two little girls are 2(almost 3), and just turned 4. Our parties have always been small, just the 4 of us, and sometimes their Grandma. I had one big party for my first on her first birthday, and it was fun! There were so many people, it was standing room only! With my second's first birthday, we just didn't have time or money! But, i didn't feel bad about it all, its actually kind of cute when i look back, and we bought those Little Debbie snack cakes, and stacked them on top of each other to look like a cake, she thought it was great (not too picky at that age :)) So anyway, i feel like i'm rambling, i just love what i've read and think this is a great place for parents to get new ideas for future parties. It's always fun to learn how other families celebrate, there are so many wonderful traditions out there! Hey, you all have a great day!
Posted by: Amy B. | January 16, 2007 03:10 PM
In the past I had really gone overboard for my daughter's birthday parties. However, last year we were really low on cash so I had to change that trend. I threw an under the sea party with 12 little girls and spent less than fifty dollars. Our living room is painted blue so I used that as the background. Then my daughter and I had a blast making fish, lobsters, and a giant octopus our of construction paper. We hung sea creatures all over the living room. We used a storage box and painted it gold to make a treasure chest and filled it with Easter grass (seaweed) and toys from the dollar store as prizes. For a game the girls had a limbo contest using a bamboo pole I bought for a few dollars at the craft store. They also went "fishing" with a pole made from a stick and some string with a magnet on the end. I made the fish out of construction paper and glued a metal paperclip to the back. Food was just pizza, chips, and soda. My daughter said it was the best party she ever had.
Posted by: Becky | January 16, 2007 04:38 PM
Sorry, I got so excited remembering the fun we had that I forgot to mention the point of my bulletin. The point is that the party is for the kids to have fun and most kids can do that without any assistance from adults. We just looked around the house and got creative to use what we already had. Turning the living room into an under water adventure is a memory my daughter and I will always share. As for the other kids, they didn't need anything but each other to have fun.
Posted by: Becky | January 16, 2007 04:47 PM
I just wanted to share an experience my husband and I enjoy at christmas time each yr with our girls. They are aged 12 and 14. We have our girls invite about 7 friends each over on a saturday and we spend the entire day with these children. First we bake dozensssss of christmas cookies together. Then we have a dollar store gift exchange. Then after that we go christmas caroling around our neighborhood. After that is all said and done we come back to our house and start a fire in the backyard firepit and roast marshmellows and have hot apple cider.. cocoa,, hot dogs and enjoy the cookies from the day. At the end of the evening.. all the children get a bag of cookies to take home and share with thier families. This whole day starts at around 10am and ends around 8pm. We have a blast with all these children and it is something we all do together and that myself and my husband are involved with as parents. Birthday parties are very much the same. Very parent interactive and we dont spend a lot of money on it.Just our time. Too many parents put a price tag on the quality of a party for thier children nowadays.. and it should be quality.. not quantity. All the fancy electronics are meant to be babysitters for these children. In our family we have family game night every saturday. It is important not to just the girls.. but to us as parents. It helps our children in so many ways. And my hubby and I look forward to this night. What I am saying is this.. we as parents need to get back to basics. Some of my fondest memories as a child was when my parents and I did things together. Not the big lavish bday parties. Children need parents attention and love and time.. not what money can buy. They are going to remember that long hike in the woods and having a picnic to celebrate a birthday just as much as they will remember a big lavish party, but the difference will be that the picnic was spent with parents sharing quality time. Im not perfect as a parent.. by no means. But my children are on loan from god to me.. and it is my job to deliver them back to him in the end in perfect condition. As a parent.. it is my responsibility to mold them to be the best adults I can. How can I do this if everything they want is lavished upon them whenever they want? No is not a bad word. It doesnt hurt them not to get that 400 dollar ipod or the newest playstation or Wii system. Back to basics is what I say....Thanks for reading this. I will get off my soapbox now lol
Lori Ontario Canada
Posted by: Lori | January 17, 2007 08:02 AM
My boy's birthdays are 2.5 weeks apart, so we often throw a joint party in late October. We love making them feel special by being surrounded by friends, but we HATE making others feel obligated to buy for us, we hate all the obligatory gift bags, and we hate seeing how many useless plastic items made in china that accumulate on the living room floor.
So this year, we said NO GIFTS, just bring the pleasure of your child's company.
WE LOVED THE RESULTS!!!!
We felt good in only GIVING a nice party, and not in the TAKING of other parent's timr or money.
One couple said to us: "P and L, you're the bees knees for throwing a no gifts party. You have set a trend and it's one we will diligently follow!"
Major "whew!"
Posted by: Laura | January 17, 2007 09:20 AM
It’s my opinion that it's the parents competing not the kids. I refuse to give in to parent peer pressure which dictates that "I must give my children what ever they want." Parents who fall into this trap have no backbone. You are the parent just say "NO". Since when do your neighbours dictate who, where, when, and how much. It seems to me that parents who fall into this trap of "My dog is better than yours" are teaching their kids to be materialistic and extremely shallow. Listen if you want to hold a grand party for your kids, go ahead BUT "DO NOT JUDGE EVERYONE ELSE BY YOUR STANDARDS!" I personally feel it is foolish for any one to spend $1,200.00 on a preschool party. As to peer pressure, well people, a 4 year old doesn't feel it. So let’s put the blame where it really belongs, on the parents. If you don't wish to keep up with the Jones’s then don't. HAVE A BACK BONE! If your child throws a harry canary then let them because No means NO and Don't we have enough kids out there who do not know or understand what this word means. So parents grow up!! Teach your kids what you are supposed to teach them...Respect, Self Determination, Courtesy, Politeness and to except that we are all different and MONEY is not everything, In fact it seems to me parents are teaching their kids how to be SPOILED BRATS. Now on that note lets now talk about the other real reason other than keeping up with the Jones’s that parents hold these lavish parties on the extreme side, its because they cannot be bothered to interact with their children, please do not tell me your are interacting with your child when you are chatting with other parents at the party and allowing some stranger to become excited and active with your child. So you see it’s not about lavish parties it’s about people who are shallow and insecure. Now you say "Oh No! Not me!" then answer this If it's not about your own ego and insecurities, why are you telling everyone how much it cost and at the same time knocking some other parent down who didn’t do the party as grandly and why are you participating in such a waste of money? No wonder our kids are financially out of control because we are letting them be. You know teaching children to be thrifty, generous, humble, gracious, compassionate, charitable and kind is not an odious thing it is the one thing we as parents can do for our children in a society that permits everything. We as the parents must teach our children control and that means telling little Suzy or Johnny "NO". We are the elders, the life experienced ones, and hopefully not as self oriented. So Wake-Up, Stop Whining about who has money and who doesn't, who had a ridiculously expensive birthday party for their child and who didn't and GROW-UP! Teach your kids not to bend to peer pressure by not doing it yourself. PUT UP OR SHUT UP! And for Goodness’ sake stop whining like spoiled brats, it’s repugnant.
Posted by: TJ Fasken | January 17, 2007 10:36 AM
I have 2 daughters, age 7 & 10. We celebrate their birthday every year with the family, dinner, cake and they also can do something special with 1 or 2 friends, movie or amusement partk . When they turn a significant age, 1, 5, 10 and so on, they are allowed a birthday party with a group of friends. I sometimes feel bad because most of their friends have a birthday party every year but I still stick to my guns and they understand and do not complain.
Posted by: I Franz | January 17, 2007 11:41 AM
Hello from Canada! I know parties can be stressful but they honestly don't have to be. Although I live in the city (just outside of Toronto) I have an old country attitude. If I hand everything over to my children on a silver platter, how will they learn to fend for themselves when they grow? I ran my own home daycare for 5 years so when it came time for birthdays, no way was I paying for anything. I can make everything myself! I made my own games, my own food, etc. and had my kids help make it all. They were (and still are)given a limit on how many they can have attend (does not include family - they usually come to a separate party for family only) and how often they got a party. They could either get a really good gift (new bike, video games etc) or have a party. If they chose a party, that was their gift from mom & dad. My kids are now 13 and 10 and same rules apply - party or gift. Now, as they have grown parties are a little harder - especially for boys. House parties not the easiest thing for a bunch of boys (unless you're into headaches) as they usually only want to play video games (can't play outside - too cold). Girls are much easier for house parties - tea party, princess party, fashion party, etc - use your imagination and they have loads of fun. Not sure how the great USA works but here, if you want to have a party anywhere outside your home, you must have a min. of 10 -12 kids and the prices (depends on what you're doing) average 12 - 17.00 per child! And that does not include food/cake or grab bags. So, can get quite costly - hence, this is our gift to our children if they choose a party. Society where I live is very multi cultural and the majority don't have parties the way us 'Canadians' do. So, unfortunately, my kids don't go to many parties (because the other kids parents don't have them) but I am known as one of the best coolest mom's in town!(and I love every minute of it too). One year, for my daughters 7th?? birthday I made it a 'poka dot party'. I cut out big circles and placed in a circle on the floor - musical dots (instead of musical chairs). Pin the dot in the circle - more circles to be put into a larger circle (instead of pin the tail on the donkey). We decorated foam sun hats with dots. The grab bags were paper bags which we dotted with bingo dabbers! My daughter had a blast helping make everything and her friends thought it was the best party ever. And it cost me barely anything. So, it can be done but you need to plan ahead. You can't pull off a party 2 days before hand without being prepared - unless you want to spend a fortune and then yes, it can be done. It's not like we don't know 365 days in advance when their birthday is the next year! Birthdays and stress should not be used in the same sentence and again, as long as you prepare and plan - it's a piece of cake!
Posted by: Carolynn | January 17, 2007 01:07 PM
My oldest is just turned 5. I found the least pressure came from doing a macdonalds party. They included the food, cake, loot bags with NO Candy in & the play structure and it was cheaper then having a party at my home & less mess & organising. My daughter loved it.
Posted by: Victoria | January 17, 2007 01:16 PM
Hello! This is the first time I've posted a comment before, but felt it was necessary to give an opinion. I would really like to know who decided it was a great idea to give out giftbags anyway. Isn't the entertainment, cake and fun good enough?! This is just an example of spending unnecessarily. My kids are 8 & 9 now and are into more expensive things. So, I have always given them the option of having a party or spending the money I would have spent on the party. I limit it to $250 per party. So, this gives them the option of getting something they really want instead of a bunch of little things they don't really need and ends up in the Goodwill pile in a year. We still have cake and their favorite meal on their special day if they choose the "no party" route. If not, we spend the $250 however they choose to celebrate their party. This also helps teach them how to save and spend their money. Also, limiting the spending to $250 forces us to make a lot of things and be creative. We have often had sleepovers with cake, pizza, games, crafts, a movie, dancing and donuts in the morning which turns out to be one of their favorite ways to celebrate. So, keeping it simple turns out to be the most fun. The only thing I wish for is a cleaning service the next day!
Posted by: Lori Lee | January 17, 2007 01:25 PM
I love this site! I live in an affluent suburb and at the last birthday party we went to there were so many kids that the 9 year old birthday boy didn't even open his presents until he went home...and of course, we never got a thank you card!
Oh well, my husband and I aren't playing that game. My son will be 9 next month and when I asked him what he wanted he said he wanted to have a Yu-gi-oh tournament. We already have everything we need, it's just a matter of buying a cake and sending out the invites. So, we're going to have 6 boys who are going to have a blast and it'll cost us very little. And my son gets what he wants! It's a win for everyone..and no stress for us!
Posted by: Susan | January 17, 2007 01:39 PM
For our now teenage daughter, we have done very simple parties--one year each girl brought a pre-washed t-shirt and they painted them with puffy paints. Another year, when younger, we met at a local park wading pool to swim and play in the park. Another year, we roasted hotdogs in the firepit and slept in our tent--it stormed and we moved the tent in the living room--they still talk about that! Her parties have been smaller, at home and less than $50, but I heard from many parents how much their girls look foward to our parties.
For my son, we have gone bowling, sledding, snowball fights and swimming at the local Jr. High for $3.00 each. The last 2 years, my son decided instead of gifts, he wanted donations for the local animal shelter.
For the cake, I make a cookie crust, cover it with ice cream and my kids pick out the candy toppings. Inexpensive and always a hit.
I also don't do large group overnights--I can have great fun with the kids, but my patience ends at 10 PM! And I don't pay the price with a messy house and crabby kids the next day.
Posted by: Karla | January 17, 2007 02:03 PM
Get back to basics. After attending a birthday party for my daughter's friend when she was 4 years old they had a pony come to the party, that was it for me. I said back to good old birthday parties..After that for my daughter's birthday we would have barbeque hamburgers or hot dogs, chips, cut up watermelon and cake. We have a pool so the kids would swim. Lots of fun without the frills. We invited a few of her good friends. As she got older, we made the party a little later and had a slumber party. I hate slumber parties, but it only goes on for a few years. She is now 22.
Posted by: Anonymous | January 17, 2007 04:19 PM
For my two-year-old's birthday party, I had it at a toddler-gym playspace just because I didn't want to have to setup/cleanup. However, I included a note with each invite that requested (instead of a present) a picture of each child along with a picture of something they loved, and the reason why they loved it. Then I put everything together into a scrapbook for my daughter and she loves to page through it and see her friends/family and name them & their favorite things. She got a few gifts from us and her grandparents, but my friends were spared from having to spend money and we were spared the clutter of dozens more toys she doesn't need. And she has a special personalized scrapbook that she loves.
Posted by: Anonymous | January 17, 2007 04:34 PM
Every year for my sons party, we have him decide the theme, then we invite some friends and family over and have a great time. this past year i decided to have 6 different colored icings(white icing with food coloring), some sprinkles, and i had the kids(and adults)decorate cookies. everyone enjoyed it. we always have a at home party, so that we can save money. it works for us
Posted by: Susan | January 17, 2007 04:37 PM
Our kids range from 15 to 22. When the oldest (a boy) was younger we attended parties by his friends and they were all out of control. Kids would get too over wrought and really not have fun and the parents would be stressed from shelling out. I saw gifts get broken before they even got played with. So, I decided that for the most part birthdays were family celebrations. If they wanted to have a friend over later they could as part of their "present". From then on we would come up with three small family trips the child could pick one from and we would all go and celebrate together. Birthday child always got to pick a special souvenir and got their cake and goodies on location. They never saw it as a selfish time, but a sharing time with family. My daughter will be turning 16 next year and we are planning a three day trip to an island. She is allowed to invite up to three real friends. They have to pay for their accomodations (split). I'll pay for food and fun. We can afford to pay for it all, but I have found that when the children have to save up, they understand the investment. Instead of the huge sweet 16 party, I also booked a real life black tie event for us all to attend for the new year. She was thrilled. I believe birthdays are all about teaching them how to grow up and new experiences. I have to admit that the children get the compliments on their maturity and demeanor. The oldest drink responsibly, they are boys, and their first drink was with their dad as host at their favorite pub. They looked forward to it for years. Their dad said if they didn't wait to drink with him, he wouldn't celebrate with them. A man holds his word he says. So, what fun to see them share this moment, and to realize that they didn't have to drink to have fun as their teen years of sobriety taught them.
Posted by: go2theant | January 17, 2007 04:44 PM
I think that birthday's are totally over done. for my son we celebrated 5 & 10 with a small party 2-3 friends. At 13 we took him to South America to visit family he visited a Rainforest reserve. Once we were out of interior he ate at a local brazilian restaurant. He celebrated his 15th birthday at a mission post in Guyana South America. What did he learn? just how lucky he is when he is back home in NA. He watchs the show My Sweet 16 these parents don't need to give there kids these parties they need to remove wealth by a generaion and teach kids value of giving to others. My son will be 16 this year - We have not discussed a party & I amsure he will gather with friends but he will give something back to the community locally or globally.
Posted by: Pam | January 17, 2007 05:49 PM
I decided to take the "birthday" out of the party. We still have a party, but no one brings gifts and we don't give out the party bags. I serve cupcakes so that all the children can serve themselves, and there is no waiting until the candles have been blown out for everyone to start eating. Now I don't have the underappreciated presents to sort through and give away at the end of the year, and I don't have to send out thank you letters after the party. It easily saves me $50 on the cost of the party, and many hours of time. I also feel like I have more time to enjoy the party itself.
Posted by: Nancy Beck | January 17, 2007 06:58 PM
My 4 year old's birthday lands just after Christmas on New Years Eve. I think birthday's are a special time and I have often worried she would feel her day is overshadowed by the "big" holiday. I have found this is not the case. It was tempting to have big extravaganza to try to make up for it. However my husband came up with an excellent idea. For the last 3 years we have rented the ice surface at our local arena, (they have a deal on during the holidays)We allow her to invite as many people as she wants, we include our whole extended family, uncles, cousins etc. everybody goes skating, our small family of 5 have a special meal and cake. It's like having a huge party without all the fuss and its not that expensive.
When she is older I imagine I will volunteer to be the babysitter for a sleepover while the other moms and Dad's Celebrate the New Year. For now skating and cake make her feel special.
Posted by: S. Leask | January 17, 2007 08:56 PM
Posted by: S. Leask | January 17, 2007 09:03 PM
My sister lives in Orange County and you would not believe the kinds of places they rent out, and what they pay, for kids' parties!
I was mildly obsessive until I went to a party of my daughter's best friend, a Mormon family. Guess what they did? They had cake, a craft, and they PLAYED. They got out the toys and they just PLAYED. The kids do NOT enjoy the party any better with all the bells and whistles and quite frankly, I don't want my kids bonding too deeply with kids who are that status-conscious. We're on a limited budget and can't possibly please a child with a lot of material expectations, so better not encourage that behavior!
Plain and simple: These Partyzillas are either a function of the dopey parents trying to one-up each other or the bratty kids doing the same.
"My Sweet 16" makes me want to barf.
Posted by: Carrie | January 18, 2007 02:05 AM
My family does not have a lot of money, even compared to some of my high school classmates in the Bronx. No one I knew had a "Super" Sweet 16, but they were all pretty expensive : catering hall, DJ, big expensive cake, candle ceremony. I knew my family couldn't afford all that and I didn't want all that anyway. So, for my sweet 16 (4 years ago), we rented this old (unheated) mansion in Yonkers, NY for 100 dollars because my grandfather did the gardening there, and we had a "masquerade ball" (my birthday is october 28). All of my guests came in costume, we bought a wedge, and a lot of my family members chipped in with food and decoration, my uncle had DJ equipment and did the party with the help of a friend (the dance floor was in an empty second floor swimming pool that he filled with smoke from the fog machine) he also enlisted the help of some of his friends to dress up and hide around the house to scare my guests. My father wrote up a "haunted tour" of the mansion and scared everyone half to death. 4 years later, my friends still talk about it as the most memorable and most fun sweet 16 they've ever been to, and with the most delicious (homemade) cake. It's not about how much you spend, it's about creativity, uniqueness, and some teamwork.
Posted by: Patricia | January 18, 2007 07:23 AM
When my sister and I were growing up, my mom had the rule that we could invite as many people we wanted, up to the number of years aged (so when I turned 9, I could invited 9 friends to a birthday party).
I think I may have lucked out on party ideas since my birthday is close to Halloween, so I generally had costume parties growing up. But even my sister, whose birthday is in the dead of winter, was always able to come up with ideas for what she wanted. Both of our sweet-16's were also low-key: I went to see a movie with friends and my sister simply had a family party with her boyfriend in attendance. It was what we wanted.
Posted by: Lizzie | January 18, 2007 07:57 AM
For my daughter's 5th birthday we took her and five friends to Libby Lu for a dress up party. We discussed beforehand how it would be nice that since she already has toys that it would be a good idea to help out a worthy organization. Since she absolutely loves animals, we decided to ask her friends to bring in cat food and cat toys to help out a local animal shelter instead of presents. I heard from the other mothers how the girls loved picking out the cat food and were really happy to participate. A couple days after the party I took my daughter to drop off the food and a week later she received a thank you note from the shelter. She was delighted and she told me she wanted to do a donation party again next year.
Posted by: elmo98ca | January 18, 2007 08:48 AM
My daughter has a large party, but all the parents have agreed not to open the gifts at the party.
A friend only allows one guest per year of the birthday child's age, ie. at 5 years old, they can have 5 guests. The count does not include family, so you can't leave your brother out!
Posted by: dixiemamasita | January 18, 2007 09:16 AM
The best party we had was at the local park. I went early and laid claim to one of the gazabos w/ picnic tables. As the kids came I had a pile of "park things" ie: jumpropes, sidewalk chalk, balls, hulahoops etc. The kids were able to play on the playground most of the party and they had a BLAST !! After cake and snacks, we had soccer drills (bday girls loves soccer). Since it was at a public park, my girls were able to invite all thier friends and friend's siblings(thier bdays are 12 days apart, so we combine parties). The timing was after lunch, so we only needed to provide drinks and snacks for everyone so the costs were kept down. The park was free, no ponies, no extra expences and the kids remember it to this day, everytime we go to the park.
I love putting on big parties, I just love organizing it and making the kids happy.
Posted by: Karen | January 18, 2007 09:18 AM
For us the rule of thumb- number of guests equal to the age of the child- has been a great help. So at 7 years old, my son had 7 guests.
I am lucky that both of my son's were born in warm months. Alex's birthday is in the middle of June. For several years we'd grill at the lake and let the guests swim and play on the playground. Now that he's older we have bonfires and let him take a few friends to play Lazer Tag.
My younger son's party last year was a "knight" theme. Each child drew on a cardboard shield, and we gave them each a foam pipe insulation piece to use as a sword. Then they ran around our back yard, battleing the "troll" (my husband). I made the cake in the shape of a sword. Goodie bags were simple and inexpensive. Blake had a great time and so did the kids.
It's easy to forget that they are just kids. Too much is too much. They will never even notice a lot of the extras and even get too tired to enjoy them! I will add that Blake's teacher told me about a parent's comment that the party was so nice-because it did not do anything commercial, but was just a lot of fun for the kids.
Posted by: Kelly | January 18, 2007 09:20 AM
I posted earlier about a large park party. I forgot to mention that I had the help of many moms to keep an eye on the kids and we had cut material that the kids wore as a bandana on thier head or tied on thier arm so the helper moms knew which kids were "ours". We had a nature treasure hunt (in shifts) to keep the kids busy. We also made simple crafts for the kids to take home (but the wind was a bit of a challange).
We keep the kids as the focus of the party and not the frills and everyone had a great time.
Posted by: Karen | January 18, 2007 09:39 AM
When my son was younger I was stressed out doing parties. So I told him I would take he and one friend to the city, stay overnight and go to a ball game. It was perfect. Turned out to be picture day at the ball park and the kids got their picture taken with the players.
Posted by: Pat | January 18, 2007 11:17 AM
My daughter's playmates all had birthdays (including hers & her sister) three weekends in a row. All of us parents got together and decided to do park parties. The kids enjoying playing on the playgrounds and refreshments (cake & drinks). Amazingly the parties with pizza and goodie bags vs the party with sandwiches and veggie trays were both as successful as the one with only cake.
I highly recommend doing parties at a park with a playground. Less stress on the parents and clean up is a breeze!
Posted by: Jac | January 18, 2007 11:25 AM
Luckily I have never felt much pressure to keep up with the Jone's so our children have had pretty simple Birthday parties. Our youngest just turned 17 this past week and had the same basic party that she has had for the last 7 years. 4-5 girlfriends spend the night staying up playing games and watching movies. My husband takes off work the next day and we serve a big breakfast with fun menus we have created on the computer. Last year it was the "Pigs for Pancakes" restaraunt. He is the waiter and I am the chef. The girls order what they want and he plays his role to the max. This year our daughter did not seem to care if we did the breakfast but her friends were so disappointed, I ran to the store while they were still sleeping and pulled it together. Some of the girls have changed over the years but the memories for all of them will remain. They truly look forward to coming to her birthdays.
Posted by: Kali | January 18, 2007 12:02 PM
I am so glad to see parents finally starting to come around. We have always requested no gifts at the partys, from friends that is, relatives are welcome to do so. I usually separate the two and have a family party and a friend party. My 3rd grader is offically done with the party thing. Last year we tried something different. I told her that she could have 3 friends over. We went out to a Tea House and had high tea, then got pedicures and manicures (at the local beauty collage) and went to the park. All in all it cost us around 100.00 for everything, cake, lunch, movie (at home), dinner, and the manicure and pedicure for 2 adults and 3 kids. It was the most fun that we have ever had. Our other treat that we do is on their birthday we let them go to the store and pick out their special gift. This way I don't have to "worry", as some say, about the perfect gift and disapointing their kids with the wrong gift. That is their gift. I have 3 kids within 4 years, they all play with each others toys, so we have plenty! They don't need a ton. They enjoy going to the store and out for dinner as a family for their special day more than opening their presents from grandparents, aunts and uncles. And I love to see what the pickout and where they want to go. They always suprise me with what it is. And that one toy always seams to get played with more throughout the year than any other one...
Posted by: RMWarde | January 18, 2007 12:26 PM
-some things we have done - not started outside the home parties until over the age of 5 years
-ask the kid what they want, sometimes it is very easy and low cost
-we ask each year for books to donate to the library at my son's school instead of gifts, and it has been a huge hit
-gift bags we usually find something small that goes along with the theme of the event, they do not have to break the bank
-this past weekend my son went to a birthday sleepover with his friend, they went sledding, ate waffles with ice cream and strawberries for breakfast (his friend does not like cake) and had the best time
-our local bowling alley offers bowling, shoes and pizza for about $5 a kid all you have to do is bring the cake.
-don't forget to ask the kid!
Posted by: kf | January 18, 2007 02:07 PM
The conversation here is so inspiring. So many of you are already doing what works best for you, and sharing those great ideas.
Playing in a park, sledding, letting the children enjoy one another's company. This is wonderful.
Keep going!
Posted by: Michelle West | January 18, 2007 02:56 PM
Instead of bringing a gift, my 5-yr old daughter's friends were asked on the invitation card to "bring a fun game that everyone can play together." There were many creative ideas. In this way, the kids were all involved in "designing" the party, and they all felt very much included.
p.s. Loved the clip on Today Show!
Posted by: Johnben | January 18, 2007 05:35 PM
I have 3 girls and this year we had one Halloween party, for all, three in lieu of 3 big blowout birthday parties -- which I agree are out of hand and ridiculous. Then we will just have family parties with cake and dinner for the birthdays.
The kids were fine with the one Halloween party. The Halloween party was fun for all the children in attendance, without focus one just one child.
And as for birthday parties for other children: we get a least on invite a week. Since weekends are some of the only non-rushed, non-scheduled time that we have together as family: we graciously decline the invite unless it is a special friend that the kids play with regularly.
Sometimes there are invites for 2 kids, in the same class, on the same day -- crazy to me. I've tried broaching the subject of combining parties by month (i.e., a group party), and just plain downsizing the whole kid party agenda with other mom's, but thus far I just get blank looks and the subject is immediately changed. Frustrating!
Posted by: Michelle, in Arlington, Texas | January 18, 2007 05:42 PM
Thirteen years ago, I received excellent advice from a mother of five when I complained that my four-year-old son appeared overwhelmed by gifts and too many people when 15 guests showed up for his birthday party.
She said, "I tell my kids that the guest list must equal their age." From then on, I followed her wise advice with both our children. The parties became more enjoyable with less pressure.
Posted by: Rochelle Ames, Cheyenne, WY | January 18, 2007 06:07 PM
Last year, for our daughter's third birthday, we "borrowed" an idea from a friend of hers. We asked her friends to bring, in lieu of gifts for the birthday girl, donations for the Ronald McDonald house, and we included a copy of the current "wish list" from the RMH. Our local Ronald McDonald house supports St Jude's Children's Research hospital (thank you, Danny Thomas) and LeBoneur Children's hospital. We made the donation in our daughter's name, and she was pleased as pie to receive her own personal thank you card. And, no, she did NOT miss the birthday gifts.
We plan to do the same thing for years to come and, at some point, get her in on the decision to choose a charity.
We have added to our family in the past year, and when our son's first birthday comes around this summer, we will do the same thing. And we'll serve the family's traditional first birthday cake: Hostess cupcakes.
Posted by: Deb R in Bartlett, TN | January 18, 2007 10:45 PM
I was looking at some of the suggestions for parents and some of them seem a little bit off, i am a firefighter i am all for giving and its great to see my child want to give he has taken money from his pocket and givin it to charity but his birthday is his day, im not saying to go completly out of control but im not going to make him give his birthday money to charity beacuse thats not what giving is about, this does not give him the feeling like he did something to help something it gives him a feeling like he is missing out. what i like to see and what lets me know that im doing things right is when he gives his birthday money to charity and its his choice, thats what giving is about.
Posted by: robert graymond | January 19, 2007 10:04 AM
The pressure to give your little kid a big party is definitely alive and well here in Duluth. We went elaborate only once for each of our two kids and that was enough. My son's summer party now consists of a sprinkler, water guns, balloons, shaving cream creation contest, egg toss and other fun, simple games plus cake & icecream and that's it...no gift bags. The boys love it! We even had them playing musical chairs up until age 11! My daughter's Dec 26th birthday is celebrated quietly with family. A few days later she's allowed to invite 2 or 3 friends over for a sleepover, cake icecream, a movie, popcorn and that's it...no gift bags, no big expenses. The girls love it! We believe kids nowadays just need to play and be kids without so much structure and materialism.
Posted by: Lisa from Duluth | January 19, 2007 01:19 PM
My neice recently turned six and since every other child in her class had had a birthday party and invited everyone, my sister too was under pressure to do the same. She had already given in a paid for the hall but I volunteered to host the party, as entertainers can cost fortune and do not really do much that can't be done by ourselves. We created a donkey for Pin the Tail on the Donkey, Musical Statues, Musical Bumps, Pass The Hat... and most of the kids were more interested in running around after a couple of balloons. A lesson learnt and a lot of money saved!
Posted by: Lauren | January 20, 2007 02:34 AM
I decided very early on that when my daughter had a birthday party all guests would be told not to bring presents, and that we would not be giving presents if my daughter went to any parties. This was never queried by any parent, and my daughter has enjoyed many a party, and has never been ostracised from anyone else's party because she wouldn't be bring presents. In fact, one mother once told me she could be "so brave".
This little bit of saving has meant that we have been able to give our daughter reasonable parties, like bowling, ice skating, trampoling/swimming where we have restricted numbers to the amount we could actually afford.
As my daughter has now hit 13 and just wants small gatherings with only a handful of friends, the last party of ice skating cost us no more than about £60 - something in the region of $118 American dollars.
Posted by: Jackie | January 20, 2007 07:59 AM
I was overwhelmed by the birthday party ordeal & although parties for my son were reasonable I always dreaded the chaos that goes along with parties. Last year I told him he could choose 1-3 friends and we would do something special. He loves going to the waterpark in Charleston, SC every summer and waits excitedly for the opening date. It fell on the weekend of his birthday so he chose to go to the waterpark & take one friend. They had a blast and I actually enjoyed his birthday celebration.
Posted by: Candy | January 20, 2007 09:43 AM
As a mother of five grown children, I did't have the pleasure of dealing with high pressure parties, but I did still get each of my children a small party consisting of mostly family and very few friends. At age five (for each of the kids) the parties were all but a thing of the past and we started having the children pick one or two of their friends and they were given a choise of one activity and dinner as their birthday party. The major birthdates are the only time that we plan a specila party and then it is still kept down to only very close friends and family. We also make sure that the invitees RSVP so we know who to expect on that day and don't over do ourselves.
This has never caused a hardship for us. Or to feel like we are tring to out do our friends and family.
Posted by: Sherrie Reineke | January 20, 2007 12:25 PM
I LOVE Paint Your Own Pottery places for parties. They are affordable, the kids keep the pottery they painted instead of getting junky gift bags, the atomsphere is fairly serene, not crazy. I can see doing a pottery party year after year since everyone has a good time and the kids are engaged in a positive and creative activity. Another great idea to curb the gift overload is to have each child bring a bag of dog or cat food so the birthday child can personally donate it to the Humane Society.
Posted by: Bonnie | January 20, 2007 05:04 PM
As our daughter started making more friends and wanted to invite more girls to her party each year, we decided that she could either invite all the friends she wanted (about 12 of them) and tell them NO gifts, OR she could invite just a few friends but still have them bring gifts. She really thought about it for a long time and finally decided she'd rather have all her friends there even if it meant no presents. We were so proud of her! We have done this for two birthdays now. The only problem is that there are some people (parents of guests) who just do NOT listen when we say "no gifts." They say they would "feel weird" not bringing a present, or that they "just wanted to get her a little something." This creates an awkward moment for other guests at the party when 2 or 3 of them show up with presents. I don't know how to stop people from doing this, other than to keep repeating every year to please NOT bring gifts!!
Posted by: Heidi | January 20, 2007 08:29 PM
I have two kids with special needs who are usually not invited to parties at all. It seems to me that middle class parents with this kind of angst need to just say no to their kids, and move on to the more important issues of the day. There are many good causes to chose from.
Posted by: Lily | January 21, 2007 11:59 AM
We have now got to the point where our kids invite 2-4 of their good friends for a sleepover.
We go out for a movie/bowling/etc. After we come home the girls do extreme makeovers(Yipes!!) and crafts and that's what they take home. My daughter is 11
My son (15) has his friends over, they play video games all night long and eat tons of Pizza and lots of soda. His friends bring their game consoles and basically hang out togehter in game heaven! Again they go out to see a movie of their choice.
This works for us and the other parents, it is really stress free, other than being loud and noisy, but since it is only one or twice a year, that's fine!!!
Posted by: peppermama | January 21, 2007 01:02 PM
When my daughter, who just turned sixteen, started getting invited to one or two parties a month, the cost of buying gifts got ridiculous. We told her (and the parents of the child whose party it was) that she would no longer be bringing gifts. In return, at her next birthday, no gifts sould be brought and any that were would be donated. I haven't had a problem since. She wanted to have a huge "Super Sweet 16" party, famed after that horrific TV show, but we said NO. That was 6 months ago and I haven't heard another thing about it. Obviously, no trauma.
Posted by: Ashlei Dunn | January 21, 2007 01:06 PM
We have 4 boys and early on decided that starting at age 6 they could have a party out of the home (like Chuck E Cheese)on even birthdays and at home on odd ones. This has been fine for them. What they really like is having fun with their friends, so anything from arcades games at Chuck's to hikes in the woods or swimming at the lake or neighborhood pool has been done. They don't really care about presents so much as sharing the day with their friends. They do like to pick out presents to give when friends have birthdays.
Posted by: anonymous | January 21, 2007 01:08 PM
When I was a kid, my parents gave us a choice for our birthday, we either had a party or a "My Way" Day. We almost always chose "My Way" days where we could watch our favorite movies, eat favorite foods, have everyone play our favorite games, and go wherever we wanted for a day. My mom loved it. I always wanted to go to the pet store and book store and my mom thought it was a fair trade off to buy me some books as extra presents than to organize a huge birthday party.
Posted by: Chelsea | January 21, 2007 01:13 PM
These cut-throat parents are bringing their kids up to be cut-throats. They're cut-throats at work too, and so their kids will be. Yet another reason to be glad I didn't have kids. For this, and for so very very many other reasons; this is no world to bring a child into.
Posted by: John Hamilton | January 21, 2007 02:46 PM
And I thought we were the only family who didn't engage in this birthday craziness! Good for you getting this group organized!
We quit throwing parties YEARS ago for our kids (now 11 and 8, and 1). On the actual birthday we have a nice family dinner with their aunt/uncle and grandma who live in town. They bring 1 present each, usually. After that, the child chooses a weekend outing for the family - nothing too far away, maybe a couple hour drive. For example, we have been camping at many State parks, visiting Rock City, canoeing, etc.... The kids have a great time, we create family memories and don't add more stuff to the house. The 2 -3 presents they get from family are more than enough.
We also do not attend other kids' parties unless we are really really good friends, which tend to not be overwhelming affairs. It was the multiple acquaintences/schoolmates who were going all out - we don't miss seeing those folks too much anyway!
I say to anyone who is just starting to shuck off this crazy b'day stuff - to stick with it. Before long you won't even think about it anymore and care even less.
Posted by: brenda | January 21, 2007 03:10 PM
Whatever happened to Pin the Tail on the Donkey, Bobbing for Apples, or The Memory Game? I refuse to bend to "Other Mother's Ideals" My kids got the Twister game out or they played the memory game where you put 15 household items a fork, a curler, a bar of soap and so on on a tray, covered with a towel. Each child gets 1 minute to look at the tray. Then with paper and pencil they write what they remember. The one(s) with the most items remembered, win a prize. I used to buy Golden books or other age appropriate books and sing along CD's as prizes. I'd pick them up while doing my regular grocery shopping every week and keep them in a bin in the closet until needed. For the older girls I would buy fancy hair accessories or hairspray. For the boys it was a whiffle ball set or some sports oriented thing. I did the whole THEME DAY too when they got in their early teens. I bought 15 tickets to the local AAA baseball team game and my daughters all had so much fun at the game and the party in the park after they requested the same thing for their birthdays. They had some friends, the game, soft drinks on the house, hot dogs, hamburgers and it cost me for 15 kids and 4 adults $125.00. All the kids had a blast and so did the adults. The birthday child had his/her face on the big board too for all the crowd to see. Another "party" we did was at a local campsite. We had a campfire smores, ghost stories and camped out over night. Again the kids were so happy. I bought a sheet cake on the way to the campsite, from the grocery store and kept it in a cooler on ice until that evening after we had supper cooked over the campfire. Those are the times the kids remember when they get older not how mommy spent her alimony check trying to out due the step mommy. (My neighbor) it was a nightmare! Her daughter came camping and she LOVED IT!
Posted by: Christine | January 21, 2007 03:20 PM
Whatever happened to Pin the Tail on the Donkey, Bobbing for Apples, or The Memory Game? I refuse to bend to "Other Mother's Ideals" My kids got the Twister game out or they played the memory game where you put 15 household items a fork, a curler, a bar of soap and so on on a tray, covered with a towel. Each child gets 1 minute to look at the tray. Then with paper and pencil they write what they remember. The one(s) with the most items remembered, win a prize. I used to buy Golden books or other age appropriate books and sing along CD's as prizes. I'd pick them up while doing my regular grocery shopping every week and keep them in a bin in the closet until needed. For the older girls I would buy fancy hair accessories or hairspray. For the boys it was a whiffle ball set or some sports oriented thing. I did the whole THEME DAY too when they got in their early teens. I bought 15 tickets to the local AAA baseball team game and my daughters all had so much fun at the game and the party in the park after they requested the same thing for their birthdays. They had some friends, the game, soft drinks on the house, hot dogs, hamburgers and it cost me for 15 kids and 4 adults $125.00. All the kids had a blast and so did the adults. The birthday child had his/her face on the big board too for all the crowd to see. Another "party" we did was at a local campsite. We had a campfire smores, ghost stories and camped out over night. Again the kids were so happy. I bought a sheet cake on the way to the campsite, from the grocery store and kept it in a cooler on ice until that evening after we had supper cooked over the campfire. Those are the times the kids remember when they get older not how mommy spent her alimony check trying to out due the step mommy. (My neighbor) it was a nightmare! Her daughter came camping and she LOVED IT!
Posted by: Christine | January 21, 2007 03:21 PM
I have two small children and we have always celebrated their parties in a fun style. I think, and it appears this website agrees, that it is the comfort level of the parent and their budget that warrants something as over the top. My children have cousins and friends that are close, and to be honest, to rent the pool at the hotel for $75 for all those people is alot less stressful for me then having a party at our home. Or going to the teddy bear connection for $60 for 7 kids was easily worth it. I think as long as you enjoy it, your child is having fun and celebrating with their friends and you can afford, you should go for it. It teaches our children how to be host, how to entertain their friends and how to be gracious. Life is short, our kids are only kids one...they should have fun!
Posted by: Emily | January 21, 2007 03:56 PM
For our kids birthdays, we let them pick a resturant, any resturant they want, we go there and let them order almost anything they want from the menu.then we hit the video game store or the toy store for a gift. They can pick one really big expensive gift or several smaller gifts. That is up to them. Then we go home and have cake and sometimes a friend will come over for the cake. Nothing fancy but thats what the kids want. we ask them every year, do you want a party? They get upset and say, Why cant we go to dinner at such and such a place and then go to where ever for a gift? One year our daughter cried because she thought we were taking her birthday dinner away from her.. Call me cheap, i dont think so. Dinner for four people at a nice resturant can be expensive.They get so excited when birthday dinner time comes around. One year, my daughter said lets stay home and have all my favorite dishes. So i cooked stuffing and chicken legs, green bean casserole and pineapple upside down cake. We had fun.. no pressure. We went camping for my sons last birthday and it was halloween at the campground so we went trick or treating for his birthday. Oh, we always get thanks yous and hugs from them and they say this was great mom and dad.
Nice does not have to be expensive.
Posted by: Traci | January 21, 2007 04:29 PM
Our child will be three years old in April. The first year we had a Noah's Ark themed party with giant animals all over the house. Last year we decide not to party, got the stroller and the three of headed to the Fort Worth Zoo. The grandparents visited the following weekend and we had b-day cake and ice cream. Many people thought we had a secret party and did not invite them. We only wanted to have a simple, old fashioned birthday experience for our son.
Posted by: Cher Judie | January 21, 2007 04:34 PM
For my 3 kids' bday partys (held in July & Nov), we had 5 kids plus the bday child. We swam in the pool, got in the hot tub and just had them run around and be kids. My 8 year old's was the most fun (especially for my husband). We filled water balloons and had the kids hit them with a wooden baseball bat. We got cheap squirt guns and each boy took one home. But we filled them via the pool and since my husband didn't have a gun, he tossed the water balloons at the boys. You never heard so much squealing in your life!!! It was great.
Posted by: Patti | January 21, 2007 05:17 PM
I am the mother of a singleton and triplets. I'm also a Cub Scout leader. I have never felt like I had to give elaborate parties. I've always done cake and ice cream, something to drink (usually their only soda for a while!) and home made games and fun. I would get dollar store trinkets for prizes. I don't do goodie bags! When my triplets turned ten, I was ready to do their "decade" party -- but they decided they'd rather go to their favorite Mexican restaurant. No muss, no fuss, and our friends who own/work there had a blast with us!
We've also done the no gift route and asked party-comers to bring donations to the local food bank. That worked really well, too.
Posted by: Triplet Mom | January 21, 2007 05:38 PM
I'm tired of doing parties every year. No more! We can do big celebrations every few years, and when we don't, they can choose something special they would like to do, and one friend to do it with.
Posted by: Cricket | January 21, 2007 05:38 PM
I have children whom are 10, 13 and 16. My oldest is a boy.
I realized this behavior in all areas, not just party planning, when my son was small. I refused to compete with other parents when it came to my children, I was happy to have them and felt blessed to be able to raise them.
When did child rearing turn into a competition? It's become ridiculous. I have a friend and when her first daughter was born, all she talked about was how smart her daughter was compared to other children, that even the pediatrician agreed that she was 'so smart!" Let's just say that I haven't seen a whole lot of her since she had kids.
I feel that a lot of these parents don't see their children's faults or strengths which can be detrimental to their children. These kids are going to grow up thinking that they have to be better than everyone else and then the cycle perpetuates.
We all love our children and can't expect others to think that our children are better than their own.
I said no way to big birthday parties when my kids were little also. Instead we would invite maybe two friends to go to McDonald's and a movie or invite one friend to go with us to Disneyland, etc. Also, when we did have kids over for a party (we always did it at home)I wouldn't give out gift bags, I would hand out a book or a package of clay, something useful that the kids could take home to play with. I also gave out gift dollars to fast food restaurants in our area. We always made our own cake. At one party when my daughter was 4 we invited her preschool class over and everyone made ice cream sundaes. It pretty much consumed the whole party but the kids thought it was great and it was cheap and easy for me!
This past Halloween I agreed to throw a Halloween party for my youngest daughter. We bobbed for apples (which kids know nothing about these days), I dressed up like a gypsy and read fortunes. The kids had a blast and it was all very down home and different than anything the kids were used to. They loved it!
So to parents that need to throw lavish parties or brag about their children, please realize that the kids just want to have fun and be together in a different environment. There is so much more out there to do and explore when you let go of what other people may think of you!
Posted by: Pamela Tani | January 21, 2007 06:09 PM
It was hard trying to fit in a birthday party for my younger son, who has a birthday in April around spring break time. A lot of people go on vacation etc, and he always felt a little sad that his brithday party with friends either was very early, or after the fact. So, we had an "good old fashion B-day party." 6, 2nd grade boys road the school bus to our house with my sons after school, which was a thrill in itself I later found out. We had a snack, played all kinds of games outside including basketball and baseball. At times I found just letting them letting them run and make up their own games was great. We then had pizza, a homemade cake, and back outside. It was a warm sunny day in April, and the kids are still talking about how much fun they had. Just kids, sun, and fun. The party started after school around 3:30 and we drove all the boys home around 6. Easy for all parents, also.
Posted by: Lisa Cicchinelli | January 21, 2007 06:14 PM
We've never really had a fancy party for our boys (ages 3 and 1). We basically just invite people over for a backyard cookout. No formal games. The kids are perfectly happy to just run around and play with what is there.
Our 3 year old just had his first party with gifts this year. (And we only had 3 other families come, so it was small.) Previously we always wrote on the invite, "no gifts please".
For our 1 year olds first birthday, we had about 5 families. It was in December, so we noted on the invite, "Instead of a gift, please bring a new, unwrapped toy to be donated to Toys for Tots." Two Marines even came to the party to pick them up.
The boys don't need anything more. I just want them to have an opportunity to have a nice cake, play with their friends, and go to sleep happy. They don't need a lot for that to happen!
Posted by: Susan | January 21, 2007 06:16 PM
This year is just a sleepover with movies and a couple of simple activities. As the kid's birthdays are within 6 weeks of Christmas we opted for a $5.00 "White Elephant" gift request for a pass the parcel game. I planned to buy two or three extra gifts just in case so there enough $5.00 parcels.
My two have written clues for a scavenger hunt and have movies chosen.
We do, however, have a family gathering seperately at my parents as my immediate family consists of 19 people and it's just easier that way.
C
Posted by: Cindi | January 21, 2007 06:23 PM
Great site for a growing problem! We decided when our kids were born to try to take some of the pressure off ourselves! We made a couple rules. Only small family get-togethers until 5th birthday...then a nice party for friends. After that, alternating years... even years--small family party... odd years--party with friends. Fun sleepovers and McDonalds Playplace parties have been some of the "bigger" parties. The kids (now 11, 9, and 5), have never questioned it or seemed to mind. Most of the pressure for the elaborate comes from us parents, not our children.
Posted by: Lancia | January 21, 2007 06:36 PM
Maybe it is because my birthday always occurred at the beginning of the school year (and was NEVER remembered by my friends), but birthdays have never been that big of a deal to me. I have never made them a huge deal for my daughter either.
For most of my life, family birthdays have consisted on a nice dinner at a favorite restaurant and a few gifts. Sometimes something more extravagant is planned (like a trip to the theater) but it is usually low key.
Has my child suffered because she has not had a series of large-scale birthday parties each year? Nope. She is a happy, well-adjusted child who knows that her family loves her and that birthdays are not a time to extort gifts out of your friends.
This week, my daughter turns 10. She has been asked where she wants to go for her birthday dinner (which, for a variety of reason will take place 6 days AFTER her actual birthday) and she is weighing her favorite restaurants. Hopefully she will decide in time to let other family members know :)
Anyway.... family birthday traditions do not need to involve huge parties. Everyone has a birthday every year. If you ALWAYS plan something HUGE, how will the child ever remember something extra special?
Just my 2 cents.
AK
Posted by: AK | January 21, 2007 06:39 PM
I am so pleased to see this website. Kids like simple - my son's favorite was his 6th birthday party. We had five boys, water balloons, water guns and super soakers!! Of coarse soaking Mom is what made it memorable!! He is now a sophomore in college and still talks about how much fun they had!!
Posted by: Jackie | January 21, 2007 06:55 PM
I'm a single parent and I would love for my daughter to have a party the places the other kids do. When she turned 1 and 2 I had a party at the apartment. When she turned 3 I had her party at Chuck-E-Cheese. When she turned 4 I had a party for her and hired a man that guggled and made balloon animals and the everyone loved it. When she turned 5 she wanted to go to Pump-It-Up and I had to explain that mommy just couldn't afford that place. It cost over $200 and that didn't enclude cake or pizza. I asked her if she wanted to do a costume party and play pin the tail on the donkey. She got excited and said yes and she asked if she could have cup cakes. Those I could make myself. So the day of her party we played pin the tail on the donkey and made a marshmallow snowman. When it came time to blow out the candles I gave all the children a candle and told them that on the count of three that we would blow them out to help the birthday girl get her wish. One of the parents there said that was a really cool idea to get the children involed and they all had fun. I did fix a little goodie bag for each child and they each took a balloon that I had up for decorations. Which helped me to clean up. I told my daughter that we would start a can and put money in it and by her birthday next year we should have enough to have her party where she wants it. We have been saving since November.
Posted by: Patricia McFalls | January 21, 2007 06:58 PM
Great site! We decided long ago that as parents of an only child that gathering kids together for birthdays is an important social ritual. But we are pro-environment and dislike the materialism and all the plastic that ends up in landfills associated with most kids' parties--esp. the dreaded goodie bags (more like baddie for the earth bags) and all the plastic packaging and plastic toys. So we do a simple pizza-making party at a local pizzeria with an art project ahead of time....decorating the pizza box, and parents are involved in both the art work and the making of the personal pizzas. A simple cake ends the event and the kids all take home an art project of their own making--pizza--in a decorated cardboard box that is easily recycled. Worked well for a group of 3 year olds and we'll keep at the same type of party as pizza and cake seem to be universal crowd pleasers varying the art project with the children's ages. We ask that folks bring only the gift "of their presence" and that if they wish to make a donation that they do so for a book at the local library's children's collection. The local librarian was thrilled with the idea and we hope to inspire more families to join us in this type of ritual.
Posted by: DADSRUS | January 21, 2007 07:06 PM
We have 4 children 15-4 and have never had a birthday party that was out of had we usually have only family maybe 1 friend of the birthday child. We only have cake and ice cream. We have never fed guest anything other than cake & ice cream.
Posted by: Amy Taylor | January 21, 2007 07:12 PM
In our Seattle area, parties are almost always at a venue, with most (if not all) classmates invited and attending. We have chosen smaller, at home parties for our two boys, however, this year our older son (7) has been asking why we won't take him to Pump It Up, Funtasia, Chuck E Cheese, etc. At one point, he said if he couldn't have that kind of a party he didn't want to have one at all (we politely told him we would grant this request if he desired - he quickly changed his mind). We were recently at a birthday party where the mother asked for books in lieu of gifts (to be donated to a local charity) and almost all the parents brought books AND gifts for the child (us included). We're sticking to small and meaningful with just a few children this year. Hope it is as well received as others' on this website!
Posted by: Nichole Sargent | January 21, 2007 07:13 PM
one of the ways i got the place cleaned up after opening presents was to give each kid a garbage bag and the 1 who had collected enough garbage (wrapping paper ribbons tissue paper etc.) won a prize the kids loved it
Posted by: linda conlon | January 21, 2007 07:21 PM
I can't believe this website or group is even necessary!
Parents need to start thinking about their kids and what their kids would enjoy at a party and get rid of the delusions of grandeur about what they're going to do for their kid's party.
COMMON SENSE, people!
I've NEVER had a problem throwing a party for my kids, no matter how cheap -- they've always enjoyed them.
Why? Because I was more involved with my children and knew what THEY would like and enjoy, and I didn't set them up for failure.
The best birthday party was when my oldest daughter turned 6 years old. The kids had a water balloon toss, they each got 3 tries to toss the waterballoons into a bowl. I was sure to have plenty of leftover ones, and they got to pelt them at me, which was the best part for them. Then I handed out popsickles and they enjoyed those for a while.
I've never made birthday cakes with flavors that kids don't generally enjoy (like peppermint?! ugh -- show me even ONE kid that will eat a cake with mint trim. What kind of parent does that to their kid's cake?! One who doesn't know their kid, that's what.)
I read about a 2 hour gift opening period in a party? How smart was that? Does a 1 year old have that kind of attention span? NO.
Come on, parents, THINK. Use the common sense that God gave you to think more like a child and consider what THEY want for a party, not what you daydream about. You don't have to buy lavish gifts, either. My kids enjoy the cheap stuff better than the expensive stuff, believe it or not. And so what if it didn't last more than a week? At least they enjoyed it for all it was worth, and that's better for the kid anyway.
This applies to all special days for your kids. Do what THEY want for their special days, not what YOU want. Your fantasies are not their life, and when parents figure that out, their kids will be a lot better off.
Posted by: Sandra Dykes | January 21, 2007 07:23 PM
I realized that kids have more fun at the simplest parties when my daughter was 3. We had a backyard party with made-up circus themed games such as walk the tight rope (a board in the grass) and pin the nose on the clown. One of the older kids present (who had been to many elaborate parties) told me that she never had so much fun at a birthday party.
Both of my children have summer birthdays and we live by the beach so now we plan beach parties for the kids. A day at the beach with all of their friends offers built-in entertainment, especially since they haven't seen some of the kids all summer. We bring a couple coolers of juice boxes, some chips & pretzels to snack on & get pizza delivered to the beach. The biggest challenge is trying to light the candles on the cake/cupcakes with the ocean breezes.
Posted by: Julie C | January 21, 2007 07:23 PM
This is obviously a hot button given the number of posts just in the past week.
I am grateful that my frugal nature prevented me from engaging in the "oneupmanship" that was prevalent even when my first was born in 1994. I don't have the time to read all the posts but here are some things that we do to keep things from getting out of hand.
1) We use the age/number of guests rule - the number of guests equals the age of the birthady celebrant except that we never have non-family at the first birthday party. After age seven or so, there are simply not enough true friends to exceed five or six anyway.
2) With rare exceptions, the birthday cake is always homemade. I have to admit that I enjoy the creative outlet this affords. :-) If I have any candy it is very minimal and small. I have plenty of carrot sticks, pretzels, cheese cubes, etc. Sometimes we have juice but usually water.
3) I'm not a big fan of the standard gift bag but I do like to send something home with the guests. So, I try to tie it into the party theme. One year the theme for my daughter's party was "art" so I bought very inexpensive picture frames into which I put the collages that the kids had done as an activity. The kids had something meaningful to hang on their wall and mom didn't have more junk to throw away. Another year my son had a pirate party so my husband made swords out of extra slats from wooden blinds we had installed; the guests were given their swords upon arrival as well as homemade eye patches and bandanas. They disappeared into the yard and I didn't see them again until we insisted they come in for cake and ice cream.
4) Both of my kids have birthdays close to Christmas so we have a family day on their actual birthday when we go to a movie (a treat as we NEVER go to the theater) for the matinee and then lunch out. We have a party for them on their half birthday which is when they get their gifts from family so it spaces things out through the year a bit more evenly.
5) We finally instituted the “no gift” request this year for my son’s 6(1/2) birthday and it went fine. I explained the situation to the parents and suggested that the kids bring a birthday card. Most of them were homemade. Yay!!
6) We try very hard to keep the birthday celebration family oriented rather than making the “friends” party the focus. We do things like decorate the house the night before, have a special breakfast, say “Happy Birthday!” all the time, etc.
I hope these posts are helpful to those who are trying to change course because I imagine it must be hard to buck the trend once you start down that path. Good Luck!
Connie
Posted by: Connie | January 21, 2007 07:25 PM
My daughter turned 4 in December. We went "all out" for her 3rd birthday inviting about 25 people, kids and adults. After the 3rd birthday party, I took the time to notice and evaluate the relationships that I had with these people and their children. For her 4th birthday we kept it within our immediate family. My husband took off of work to be home for her birthday. We surprised her with balloons and a gift when she woke up the morning of her birthday. We both drove her to preschool and she was so proud to take the cupcakes that she helped bake to her class. Then after preschool, my husband and I took her to Chuck E. Cheese with her cousin who is a year older and a friend from preschool. We didn't have a scheduled birthday, it was early afternoon, the restaurant was slow, the pizza was great and nobody felt rushed. She had as much if not more fun as any exhausting birthday party that we could have given her. The day was her own. She had a present from her sister and cousin and being that Christmas was only a few weeks away it worked out better that I could have ever imagined. I didn't go overboard with Christmas either. The year 2006 was quite a change for me because I finally realized how bad commercialism was affecting our children. You walk into any party store and you almost can't decide which Princess or Dora plates, napkins and favors to buy. The costs add up, the favors are usually junk and get thrown out a week later. I have witness children, that I know, telling, not asking, their parent that they want this and that for their birthday. My daughter told me that she had fun with her best cousin and best friend and she asked if they could go and have pizza together again. I felt like my daughter learned the value of friendship over greediness. Yeah it was her birthday and the fact that the people who matter to her the most was with her on her special day was the best gift that we could have given to her.
Posted by: Christine | January 21, 2007 07:40 PM
I have never been one to compete with other children's birthday parties, but I do believe in making a birthday special.
When my son turned 10, I allowed him to have, I believe it was ten, friends over for a camp out. They pitched their tents in the backyard and had a great night. On Saturday, I divided the kids into 2 teams and gave them seperate clues for a treasure hunt that led them, with neighbors approval, on a treasure hunt.
Both teams wound up at a "treasure chest" that held mask's, fins and snorkels. Perfect for a day at the spring's swimming and grilling.
It was my son's most favorite birthday, and the other "pirates" still talk about it today. My son by the way, is almost 20!!!
Kudos for this sight,
Lisa
Posted by: Lisa | January 21, 2007 07:42 PM
When I became a single mom 7 years ago I gave up on all of it! I thought it ALL was ridicules. I actually had parents who agreed and as a reuslt felt less pressure.I asked my kids to invite some friends if they wanted (usually including - no gifts) made burgers and let the kids play. Of course gifts did come but between a few gifts (no more than 3-5 friends)and everyone feeling less pressure it was a hit. I could not stand the gift bags and refused to provide those anymore. All in all Everyone seemed to have a great time. Now my kids are teenage years and they have friends over to play football or basket ball, eat and there are no gifts except from me, their mom. They always have a great time and there is NO pressure.
Posted by: Karen | January 21, 2007 07:43 PM
We threw a party that was all about old-fashioned games: potato sack race, 3-legged race, egg and spoon race, pass the parcel. The kids LOVED it.
Posted by: Mamie | January 21, 2007 07:44 PM
I agree that parties have gotten out of control, but I feel it's the parents that started the oneupsman on parties. I always made a nice party nothing over the top. I made sure the cake was done nicely, and then my daughter mention before he 10th birthday party, "Can we just have brownies and milk" and I was surprised and relieved at the same time. It goes to show you, kids will be happy as long as they have fun and eat. We haven't had a birthday party for a couple of years, but in New Jersey it's a "Big Deal" to have a full fleged "Sweet 16 Party" with all the trimmeings. It's like a mini wedding without the groom I heard some girls call it. One party tops the other but it's still a cookie cutter party. My daughter want's a Sweet 16 party but she want's it simple and different. Since her birthday falls in summer we are thinking of a beach party. It's still in the planning stages.
Posted by: Lydia | January 21, 2007 07:45 PM
My 15 year old daughter was invited to a "sweet 16" swimming pool party for twins. She told me about it long before we got the invitaion in the mail. I was dreading saying no she couldn't go or spending $25 on each a gift. I was so happy when the invitation arrived it said the girls would appreciate no personal gifts but a non-perishable food item to donate to their church food pantry. Come to find out this was their idea, not the parents. I thouhgt it was a great and thoughtful idea.
Posted by: Dawn | January 21, 2007 07:52 PM
Any suggestions for my daughter's 16th birtday? We were thinking of taking her and a few of her close friends out to a mongolian restaurant where you go up to a bar, pick your food, then take it up to a large disk and watch it be cooked. Very inexpensive. Making up some cute invitations on the computer. We were thinking either no gifts or note on the invite all gifts are going to be donated to a shelter, w/ possibly a list of suggested items (soap, shampoo,shavers, etc). Does anyone have any suggestions? BW in NC
Posted by: BW | January 21, 2007 07:54 PM
It makes no sense for each birthday to be a blow out event. What I do is I bake a cake, have ice cream, blow up some balloons, and invite the neigborhood kids at the last minute. Whoever is around can attend. Parents in working class neighborhoods do not need the extra pressure of having to purchase presents for EVERY child in the area, so the last minute invitation takes the pressure off them. I've seen other parents in the area adopt this same approach, and it is working just fine for all.
Posted by: Nieva | January 21, 2007 08:00 PM
A very memorable party for our daughter was one with an Italian dinner theme. We asked our guests to bring only an ingredient for spaghetti. Someone brought a tomato, a box of pasta, another an onion etc. We all made dinner together, an experience some of the children had never had. Checkered table cloth, candles and authentic music completed the scheme. Italian Ice for dessert! Fun and memorable! Games of Red Rover and Statue Maker to burn off the calories and energy after supper.
Posted by: Alison | January 21, 2007 08:05 PM
When my only daugher's 3rd Birthday came along, I started searching online for what the birthday protocol was. I had no idea what was the trend now-a-days. We had already been invited to a few out of control parties (McDonald's, bowling, farm, skating, etc) with other 3 year olds. I wasn't too keen on how these parties were held and when I checked out the price of these parties for 10 kids or more, I knew the kids party thing was spinning out of control in our area. I decided on a regular backyard party and my husband and I brainstormed for game ideas that could be done in cirles or taking turns. One of the websites I found most helpful was the PBS website. It explained that you should only invite 2 more children than the age of the birthday kid, extent of games and length of party time. EXCELLENT ADVICE all around. We had 5 children and invited their parents. We held the party from 10am to noon. Had lots of healthy finger food and hotdogs. My brother kept the hotdogs going from 11am until the cake was served which pleased all the parents. I made a homemade cake with fresh strawberries and bananas which was a hit for all. As my daughter has gotten older, we still do the home based theme parties and we get rave reviews from all the parents and many have followed suit. They only take a bit more planning than the package deals. They have personally saved me alot of money as well. I search for party favors all year round. One year I was able to get disney beach towels for $1.50 each which converted into backpacks w/ free shipping! I also pick up 16-24 ct. packs of Crayola brand crayons during early Sept for about .10. You just have to keep your eyes open all year round. My daughter is already planning to have a Luau party for this year. I am already thinking about making Leis as a craft and this will be their goodie item. Fresh fruit, hula lessons and maybe a race putting on a hula outfit are just a few ideas I've already come up with. Kids are very imaginative...you just have to give them the opportunity and they'll have a great time without all the hype! Fran, NJ
Posted by: Fran | January 21, 2007 08:23 PM
1 thing I don't understand is why people are so worried about this....just don't do it! Where is the pressure really coming from? We just refused to get into this. We have 3 boys (15-10) and NEVER held a birthday party that required any parent to drive their kids to some event-place, then pick them up again. The drives inevitably last longer than the party. These are a nightmare. Most parents are just thrilled not to drive all over town. We usually invite a few close friends and do a movie, pizza, sleepover, soccer game...our kids really do not mind if they don't get invited to 25 birthday parties as a result. They don't like going miles to a teddy-bear making/paint ball etc etc party anyways, especially if it is not a close friend. Our kids have lots of friends, so do we. But we don't do the big birthday party thing, never have, never will....
Posted by: AM | January 21, 2007 08:24 PM
Great website.
When my daughter started pre-school last year, I was overwhelmed with parties! Sixteen kids and every one of them had a party of some type- from bowling to you name it ( for 4 year olds!). It was exhausting, expensive and seriously cut in on our weekend family time- which is precious to us. I also felt pressure to buy a gift even if we didn't attend.
I even planned on having a party for my daughter but as her birthday approached I realized she did mention it, never asked for it and really didn't care. So we had our basic cake and ice cream with her grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins as we have always done. Perfect. I may have one "guest" party for her in her first 10 years but that's it. It's not going to be part of our family life.
I totally agree about the "stuff" issues. My children have plenty of stuff without gift bags or 20 presents from her classmates. SHe has been invited to 3 parties this year and we have declined all but one - her best friends. The rest of the parties are for kids' we don't know well- just classmates, parents I have never met. I don't even know why they feel obligated to invite everyone in their class. Personally I don't want everyone from class and their parents with intimate knowledge of our home and circumstances.
Most importantly- I want to enjoy my children on their birthdays, not be the caterer, nose wiper etc etc etc.
Great site once again.
Posted by: Jill | January 21, 2007 08:25 PM
The number of friends you may invite to the party is equivalent to your age. When you turn 3, you may invite 3 friends. When you turn 8, you may invite 8 friends. When you turn ten, the rules change. Then you may invite HALF the number of friends. That way the group never gets too large to let you actually enjoy your friends.
Posted by: Frances | January 21, 2007 08:28 PM
Last year (and this year) we had a house party with 5 of my daughter's friends. We made them dinner and had no planned activities. They just hung out, listened to music and were kids (they were 9 last year and 10 this year). They all told me that was the best birthday party they had been to. I did do gift bags that only contained a $5.00 gift card to Claire's and 2 pieces of candy. (And they loved it!)
Posted by: Michele | January 21, 2007 08:29 PM
We hold all parties in the summer, regardless of birthdate. We have a pool, and we invite the whole class, or all members of the child's gender, and a few close non school friends. Each child gets a home made invitation, explaining that we are having a pool party, and that we are collecting food for the food pantry in lieu of gifts. Suggested donations are cereal, soup, peanut butter etc. The kids come in the late afternoon. Entertainment is the kids music, sometimes the kids playing in their own garage band. We serve hot dogs, hamburgers, chips, and soda, or pizza. Cake and ice cream, and we put out some snacks and candy.
We set out bubble stuff, sidewalk chalk, balloons and water toys. The kids are happy to make their own games and activities from about 5 years old and up. We have been doing these simple parties for over ten years, with kids from 5 to 18. As long as the weather cooperates, this is a cheap, enjoyable party with low stress. We bring several grocery bags to church the next morning to stock the food pantry, which makes the birthday child feel pretty good, too.
Posted by: AC | January 21, 2007 08:36 PM
I am a single parent. I got my first eye-opening experience when I adopted a 6-year-old and he was invited to the birthday of his friend from church. I knew right then I would never be able to compete, so I don't even try. I now have 7 adopted children. Our family birthday rules are now:
1. All birthdays are celebrated at home, except for milestones (first one after they join the family, 13 years, 16 years.)
2. Attendees are family, and the group of special "aunts & uncles". They may invite one friend on their 13th and 16th.
3. No one shares a birthday. We have 5 of the birthdays in a period of 8 weeks. Each one is celebrated separately.
4. Cakes are specially made for the occasion. They don’t like birthday cake but they all love one of my chocolate creations or an Italian Cream Cake.
The boys’ favorite birthday “celebration” is to have hot dogs and a driveway movie. We set up the food in the garage and use a portable screen and a DVD projector to watch a movie right in the driveway. It’s simple to do and none of their friends have ever done one so it make them feel pretty special.
Posted by: Jim in Texas | January 21, 2007 08:36 PM
The best party that I gave my 11 year old daughter was one that I didn't spend any money at all. My mother had lived with us until her death four months before my daughter's fourth birthday. My daughter was really into ponies and there was a service that came to your house for $50. My mom had seen that and put $50 into an envelope and marked it "Alex's Birthday party money". Friends made her cake and we invited the whole neighborhood telling them no presents. My daughter rode the ponies for over an hour and a half and all the other children had their chance to ride. No gift bags, only a couple of games and over thirty children and parents had a wonderful time celebrating my daughter's fourth birthday and remembering grandma Sally. My mom loved all the children that played with my daughter so it was a present to all of them as well.
Posted by: Sharon D. | January 21, 2007 08:37 PM
We just plan a trip that includes all 3 of our bithdays as the celebration, and allow our daughter to invite a friend along.
Posted by: kay | January 21, 2007 08:43 PM
Thank you for this! I have three girls, and have always kept it simple. One of the most enjoyable parties I gave was for my 7 y.o. It was planned at the last minute, due to other busy schedule pressures -- she invited three friends (+ her younger and older sister) and they got to make their own ice cream creations. Three flavors of ice cream, some fruit selections, an array of toppings, and voila! They ate it all too! Very simple and fun. What kid doesn't like to get busy in the kitchen? I've also always included some time during the party to read a story to them (usually as part of the party "theme") - a good time to do this is just before parents are supposed to pick the dears up; it helps settle them down, and is a good wind-down at the end of the party.
Posted by: Jeannie | January 21, 2007 08:45 PM
I tried, one year, to walk the line. I held the birthday at a party place (kind of like a chuck e cheese's but better), and requested donations go to American Cancer Society in the name of my late mother.
Two people donated to ACS. One person donated to a children's shelter (which was TOTALLY fine by me). We had 50 people at that party. I heard through the grapevine that one mother complained that she wanted to buy a present for my child & couldn't BELIEVE I was soliciting donations instead. I didn't do goodie bags, and nI didn't hear any complaints.
The next year, it was down to 20, and the goodie bags were included at the party place.
The next year, it was down to 10, and we broke down & did goodie bags, but small ones. No candy. I groan when my child comes home from a party after Halloween and the goodie bag is nothing but candy. It's like "pu-leeze, nothing is a better choice then more sugar."
This past year, I put my foot down and only 3 other children came to a really nice time at an amusement park and a Beni-Hana style restaurant. (STILL expensive, but I'm hoping for smaller groups mean better memories).
This year, she wants all the girls in her grade. I have some time, we'll see waht happens. I try to get her beyond focusing on the presents. But it's not easy.
Posted by: Lara | January 21, 2007 08:50 PM
Listen to yourself. You act like you have to answer to children. ask them what they like and what they want yes but if they are unreasonable then you should tell them no the child is ruling you and you are stupid enough to let him/her do it. I am seeing more and more of it every day.
Posted by: Sue Vaughn | January 21, 2007 08:59 PM
Hi,
What a great website! I completely understand the point you are trying to get across. With that said, I have a few comments. In the past few weeks I have taken my children (ages 3 & 4) to several birthday parties. My amazement is not with the lavish party, but with the number of children invited. I have sensory overload walking into some of these parties, I cannot imagine what my children must be going through. For my kids birthdays, I only invite those children they "actually" play with. It doesn't matter if I like the mom & dad, it's whether or not my child plays with their child (on a consistent basis). The guest list usually entails about 8 children so I separate the parties into 2 play dates. We have cupcakes and ice cream and play games. I get to enjoy the company of my friends while our kids play in the other room. It is a win-win situation and I have gotten nothing but compliments. I do admit that I do the goody bag thing, but it is never over $2 per child. (I am a bargain shopper and usually get something even the parents love! :) )
Thanks for letting me post my thoughts.
Posted by: Diane | January 21, 2007 09:01 PM
Probably about 5 or 6 years ago I to became tired of this oneupmanship. I got tired of trapesing back to Toys R US to return unwanted gifts from friends.
So I came up with the idea. Every year around their birthdays. They have a choice one to have a scaled down party or they can take the money that I would be spending on the party and buy whatever they want. They also get dinner out with the family and one friend and they get to choose where. My husband bakes them birthdays cake and grades permitting they can also have a day off from school.
Needless to say I have not had to throw a party in 5 years and my children are completley satisfied with their birthdays.
I make the entire day all about them starting with balloons snuck in their room or decorating their bedroom door and to them that is what is most important. They become the star for a day in the most important place to them - the family.
Both of my kids are old enough to make the decision on what they want to do. They don't stress nor regret it. I figure since its their option in what they want to do, I do not feel as if I am slighting them for lack of a party.
Posted by: Kate Paul | January 21, 2007 09:01 PM
My kids are very easy to please they would rather have money. So they get a family get together and $10 for each year and they get to pick where or what they want for dinner on their special night..
Posted by: Tina Houze | January 21, 2007 09:09 PM
I have 2 girls one is going to be 7 in June and the other 5 in august. I have always done their parties at the house and let them all play outside in the playhouse, sandbox and play on the swingset. they never invite to many friends, since it is summer i can get away with not inviting the whole class, I only buy plates and napkins to match the theme for the children and i do snack food depending on the time of day it is, nothing elaborate because i am the kind of mom that does not go all out and i buy lots of stuff on sale or clearance. My kids like to give goodie bags as a thank you for helping celebrate with them, again nothing big they get a few little things in there that they can use, for example bubbles, fruitsnacks, just little things nothing expensive and not a lot of it,just a thanks for helping. I am never stressed and I do 2 parties a day. i do one with friends and one with family (older cousins and all the family lives around us.) My kidos have always loved their parties and never once have said anything negative. they love having it at the house like one big playdate. This year we are getting a swimming pool so again dont have to go anywhere ever.
Posted by: Julie | January 21, 2007 09:14 PM
I grew up pretty poor, and now that i have kids, and my husband and i make a fair amount of money, i want my kids to have what i didn't, but i am not going to spoil them in any way. We got a book from the library and learned how to make baloon animals, I taught myself how to frost a cake decently. I know that they don't need this stuff, and i am not try to compete with anybody, so i am always upfront, I say i got this at the thrift store, or I learned this at the library. We like to have theme parties, but on the cheap. I always try to pick an ambiguous theme, like cars, building,space, etc. and this year, my 8 yr. old son is having a lego party. I have gathered up legos from thrift stores, and a few new ones, clearance, after Christmas. and we are just going to have a big pile, and let the kids have at them. I found some lego fruit snacks at target, and i have some small party bags that the kids can fill up with legos to take home. The cake is a breeze, a rectangle cake with oreos on top, then frost. easy. With all the money we save this way, we can get our son a better education in the future, because i don't know what a lifetime of fancy expensive parties contributes to having a good education and a good career. It's like weddings, my husband says, it's not the wedding that counts, it's the marriage. Think about all those people who spend thousands of dollars on weddings, start off their marriage with debt, and get divorced. thats dumb. but thats another story altogether. And another note that "My super sweet sixteen" show makes me nausea, all the money they have prob. spent in that show could have fed alot of starving children, locally even, food shelves, and stuff. BTW I am from minnesota, and i miss it there. hi minnesota, love ya
Posted by: Designer Sheets | January 21, 2007 09:29 PM
I was also feeling very pressured on what to do for my daughter's 10th birthday party, especially where we were moving and leaving the classmates she'd known for 5 years. We weren't looking to impress, but rather just leave everyone with memories of a "fun time that they once had together as classmates and friends". She was at a private school, and being one of the single-parent families receiving scholarship assistance, I just couldn't "keep up with the Joneses" nor did I want to feel I had to. I wanted my daughter to have some input, and at the time, most of the kids were really loving watching American Idol, as it was coming down to the finale and they were going to miss the final show with the school museum sleepover on the same night as the final show. My daughter already had a karaoke machine from Christmas last, so she made a list of the songs (about 8) and printed it off on the computer, which was simple and quick, and put numbers on some squares of paper. When the children arrived, they took a slip, wrote their name and circled the song they wanted to sing (15 out of 17 sang!). We gave them a paper "contestant" number when they came and pulled them out of a hat for the order. We gave the rules that "it takes courage just to come up and sing, so everyone deserves a round of applause, and if the comments aren't nice, keep it to yourself". The kids had a blast, singing alone and in pairs. They got a bit goofy, but everyone seemed to have fun. We declared that "everyone was a winner". Then to calm them down, they ate pizza while watching the very end of the finale I had taped, had cupcakes and went home. Though the party did have a theme (A.I.), we didn't go overboard buying lots of "stuff". My daughter had fun making a few posters or signs (on her own because she loves art and wanted to), and it was very inexpensive, but fun. The kids had a great time cheering each other on.
Posted by: Nancy | January 21, 2007 09:30 PM
When my daughter (now 6) and my son (16 months)each turned one, we had a cookout at the house and invited all our close friends and family. We grilled out hot dogs and burgers, and everyone brought a side dish. The best part was that in lieu of gifts, everyone brought their favorite children's book which was later donated to a local children's charity. Both parties were simple, fun, and gave everyone a chance to commemorate an important day without all the frills.
Posted by: Stacy | January 21, 2007 09:35 PM
When my daughter (now 6) and my son (16 months)each turned one, we had a cookout at the house and invited all our close friends and family. We grilled out hot dogs and burgers, and everyone brought a side dish. The best part was that in lieu of gifts, everyone brought their favorite children's book which was later donated to a local children's charity. Both parties were simple, fun, and gave everyone a chance to commemorate an important day without all the frills.
Posted by: Stacy | January 21, 2007 09:35 PM
I was so tired getting goody bags done for almost 15 kids and varying age groups, that I just started visiting the closest dollar store. I would buy one thing per child depending on the age group and wrap it and give it. No candy - no trash.
Other tried out option, is to order the less than a dollar books from the kids scholastic book orders- this needs the guest planning way ahead of time , so that you cover everyone.
I am against putting candies or other junk food and call it a 'goody bag' and also party favors that are choking hazards to kids under 3.
Embarassing Moment: We were invited to a Little girl's first birthday party - and the there were about 100 adults and probably 15-20 kids of various ages.Our gift to the child - 2 Winnie the pooh themed boards books (numbers and A,B,C..'s )and a Disney dvd that went on sale at Target for 7.99(I bought a couple, so I could use them for birthday gifts)- The total cost of the gift including tax was 12$ tops.
As we were about to leave the party after enjoying the good food and entertainment(clown, balloon lady et al) our gracious hosts handed out the goody bags to our kids, and as we were still walking out, my daughter was thrilled to find a dvd in the goody bag and so it was in my son's.These were the same dvd's. I had bought at Target, and one of which was what I gave the lil' girl!!!!The cost of the goody bag gift was 16$ + for both my kids.Basically, not only were we entertained and fed but we were also "paid back" for the gift + an additional $4- can you beat this bargain?
Posted by: a_mom | January 21, 2007 09:55 PM
When my 3rd child was turning five, I asked what he wanted to do for his 5th. He never had a party , besides family, so I thought I would splurge and have it at a gym. As I swiped my card, it did not register at first, then my son said "I just want a few friends over for lunch." I took my card and left the gym. I had the party on a Friday at Noon, while my older children were still in school. We had lunch played a few games, did puzzles and then watched Nemo. the kids had a great time. The parents had a few hours free, and since the party was over by 3:00, my weekend was free for sports and a family cake. Best party I ever had!
Posted by: a mom of four | January 21, 2007 10:08 PM
I have three children. One is graduated and out of the house now. Early on my husband and I were tight on extra funds for big parties for each child every year. Another friend told me how they had set up a system where every other year the child got to have a party (something low key, easy) and the next year they just had family time, if they wanted they could invite just one friend over. This plan has worked well for my family over the years. I do not enjoy planning big parties for myself or my children. Way too much stress. It is just supposed to be fun.
Posted by: Tami P | January 21, 2007 10:27 PM
We felt we had to invite the whole class to my son's fifth birthday, but decided to have a simple treasure hunt, home-made "pin the horn on the unicorn," and to set up two "fun stations" - which consisted of simple beads and string on one table and bubbles on another. The kids absolutely loved it. At another recent party for adults and kids, we hid 24 small toy frogs around the yard and the kids spent almost 90 minutes hunting for them, collecting them, and talking about them. The adults were able to have a meal and some drinks in peace.
Posted by: Altadena Dad | January 21, 2007 10:34 PM
My daughters are 23 and 20 now, but I decided when they were small, to keep the parties within reason. Until they were 3, family only, and homemade, simple cakes. Later, except for grandparents, everyone was told that no presents were expected, but at the outcry, I amended this to "any gift must cost under $3 and must be something that disappears" This took a lot of pressure off the parents, as my daughters birthdays are right around Christmas and Halloween.
I stuck with simple games, racing teams to finish scarecrows or throwing beanbags at targets, etc. But the most memorable party to most of the friends, was the time we had 5 huge metal barrels on the back acerage, and I allowed them to go 'walk' the barrels. One Mom called and asked if we could get her a barrel, as her daughter "NEVER does anything physcial, and she hasn't stopped raving about the fun she had!"
Once I allowed the girls to go toilet paper the neighbors new pickup (not letting them know I had gotten permission ahead of time) even tho they had to clean it up, they still talk about that one. (After all, a MOM actually gave permission for that one, and even helped them climb out the window.)
Think outside "What everyone else is doing" and you'd be surprised what you can do!
Posted by: Parker | January 21, 2007 10:36 PM
We are the poor family among a group of affluent families, and do you know how much pressure I feel to keep up with the Jonses? NONE. I don't know if I have a different perspective than other people because we have always been poor, but I have no problem with the parties I throw. In my opinion, if the kids are together doing something fun and there's cake involved then it's a party. Some of my son's parties have invluded a few friends, some just had family. Some were spent at the beach, and once or twice at the bowling alley. My son is allowed to pick a theme but only so we know what cake to order from Albertson's. And none of our affluent friends seem to care, that's how we know they're our friends.
Posted by: F. Hartz | January 21, 2007 10:36 PM
This has to be the greatest website..... It has become more about the one upmanship with parents than the kids. I just had a friend spend $8,000 for a 7 year old birthday.
Posted by: Cara | January 21, 2007 10:36 PM
Living in Los Angeles, local realtors are needed to flog the latest "Jumper-houses". I had a "tiki-themed" party for my daughters first birthday. My husband and I built her a perminant Tiki hut/play house, all of the invitations were hand made on burned-eged parchment, each child got their photo taken for a "life-time membership to the Piki-Tiki" (aka the "space-sucker" in the back yard). I had such a melt down that he didn't have a second birthday party. For her 3rd I got a case of spray canned whipped cream, 100 paper plates and the front yard. I invited 10 3 year olds to a "pie fight". more fun was had than a barrel of monkeys. And not a Bounce House in sight.
I keep it simple now. And ALWAYS keep whipped cream in the fridge. The whole party was about $100 including a pinata and 2 cakes, snacks, drinks,cups, plates,etc. and simple gift bags. The water bill to hose them off was TOTALLY worth it. (the photos are PRICELESS!)
Posted by: Jeanna Ellis | January 21, 2007 11:04 PM
I agree birthday partys are out of hand. The way I think of it is, what is this teaching my child. If they have it all now what are going to want when they are teenagers? Well, I have teenagers. Mine don't expect what most other teenagers expect. I maybe a mean mom but I won't do that to my child. It isn't fare to them. Learn to say no. Put limits on spending, teach them that money is earned and it takes work to earn it. Make them save and earn a few things. My daughter was watching a tv show yesturday about super sweet 16 partys. WOW, I was saddened to see how materialistic these children are. What they expect. It wild and its the parents falt. Think about what your teaching your child.
Posted by: Kat | January 21, 2007 11:40 PM
We have done two things to help keep our parties stress free. My oldest daughter's birthday is in April. There was a trend at her school to invite all the girls in her class to her party. The problem, my daughter didn't want that many kids, but didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings either, our solution. We waited and celebrated her birthday in the summer with only a few friends. For my youngest daughters birthday, instead of gift bags we give each guest a little "Farm Yard Tales" book. These are great books put out by Usborne. If you would like any more information on these please contact me comforthom@aol.com.
Posted by: Amy | January 21, 2007 11:58 PM
I feel children do not need nor want all the fuss. We just have our family come over for cake on the child's birthday. The child chooses a favorite meal that I will cook and they can help make. When children are older, maybe 5 or so, then perhaps a few friends can come over to play. To play, not to join in adult organized games. Just good old fashioned play! This is what we do and it works wonderfully.
Posted by: Phyllis | January 22, 2007 12:07 AM
Quite a few people have posted notes about how they have created "simple" parties, but unfortunately that does not address that fact that with three kids close in age, we have a birthday party obligation EVERY SINGLE WEEKEND. And so now, it is just that, an obligation. No matter how much I like the family or the birthday boy or girl, it is taking away from time that I would prefer to spend with my own kids. Soccer, baseball, and all of those after-school activities are bad enough, why add to it by insisting on having a party every year? We obviously don't throw our kids extravagant parties every year, we have family parties (just the 5 of us.) And we rsvp no to a lot of parties, and my kids get bummed out sometimes, because they can't go, but birthday parties have become worse than soccer and baseball combined. So just keep in mind, no matter how uncompetitive you party is, it still may be dreaded by other people.
Posted by: R. Mays | January 22, 2007 12:09 AM
When we lived in CA, everything was a theme party...or at a party place! Birthdays started to run around $200-$300 before you knew it and with three kids I just couldn't do it anymore. We moved to Texas 4 years ago to a small rural town and activities are at least a 20 mile commute into the city. So, we started scaling down. We were fortunate to get a house with a pool so now we have pool parties. My daughter will even put off her party for a few months till the weather warms up. She is allowed to invite a half dozen friends and we do simple foods like hot dogs, fruit and chips. No fancy paper goods and no need for decorations because the outside is beautiful. The girls just have a great time swimming and being with each other. My sons have opted for a trip to go see a movie with 2-3 of their friends (my husband makes the trip)while I get to stay home. We get a couple of pizzas and the kids come back to the house, eat and open y a couple of gifts. I no longer drive all over the city trying to find the matchy stuff, in fact I stock up on generic "Happy Birthday" plates, napkins etc as I find them on clearance. No more goodie bags, but my boys are really into hot wheels so we get each friend a hotwheel that my child has chosen. I think they enjoy giving the hotwheel more so than opening up their gifts. We have even gone back to old fashioned sleep overs as well. Just a couple of friends, we rent some movies, have popcorn and the kids just have a great time running around in their PJ's. All of this has taught my children that its a special birthday because of who you spend it with, not how big it is or what they get.
Posted by: Gina S. | January 22, 2007 12:49 AM
We have a very large family so the family and friends parties were always separate. Recieving gifts from 25+ different families or friends was a bit overwhelming and more often than not, my sons (who are now 14 & 15) would receive toys that they were not really interested in. I would usually take them back to the store and deposit the money in their bank accounts. Eventually I decided I needed a way to stop the toy invasion so I wrote a poem requesting books instead of gifts for the party with the friends. Instead of goodie bags we held a book exchange and each child went home with a book instead of a bag full of what I consider "useless junk" and candy. The poem read:
The house is bursting at the seams.
The toybox overflows.
Where did all this stuff come from?
Only God (and Grandma) knows.
The family room's a tornado zone,
With toys strewn across the floor.
Yet (child's name) claims there's nothing to do.
We're sure you've heard this before.
With this in mind we'd like to ask
You bring us no more toys.
Instead we'll have a book exchange
For all the girls and boys.
So buy a book and wrap it up.
Get ready for some fun.
And each child will take home a book
When all the games are done.
They still received gifts at the family party but the friends pary was only books. As my kids outgrew the books I donated some of them to their teachers at school. Others of them have outlasted just about every toy and are still here in the house, hopefully to be used to start a "library" for the next generation with fond memories of the party and (long lost) friends they came from.
Posted by: Laura | January 22, 2007 01:02 AM
One of my daughter's most memorable parties was probably the cheapest. She has a July birthday and we lived where it was HOT! We had it right after school got out for the summer so as to maximize the number of guests. It was simply a huge water gun and water balloon fight with about 12 to 15 kids. I asked people to wear a bathing suit and bring a super soaker if they owned one. We grilled hot dogs and hamburgers, etc. and spent a couple of hours filling water balloons and devising water-related games (we didn't have a pool) and other outdoor games. What a blast the kids had! Every child left with a smile on their face--and the yard got well-watered in the process! It doesn't have to be expensive to be fun.
Posted by: Amy | January 22, 2007 01:46 AM
Sick and tired of all of the useless trinkets and what not, I decided for my children's b-days that I wanted to make their treat bags different. Instead of filling them with candy an cheap toys, I fill them with bags of microwaveable popcorn (15 for @ $2.50), pacets of Flavor-aid (12 /$.79), Little Debbie snacks (12 / $1.00), and packages of snack crackers (8 / $.79). In the end, the bag is full of goodies the children like and appreciate, and they're things that don't go to waste. Plus, for a small price (@ $.48 / child), we've given a small token of appreciation for their sharing in our celebration.
Posted by: Denise | January 22, 2007 02:14 AM
I have a large family (6 kids to be exact). As I look around their rooms and see little knick-knacks and patty wacks all over the place from Christmas, I know they don't need another thing. Neither would they appreciate another thing. We only have parties at what we called the "big ones" - 5, 10, 13, 16, 18, 21 (then you're on your own). No gifts excepted, if they are maybe a can drive or donations to a charity. The other birthdays are of course celebrated by allowing the child to pick a friend to come over and hang out. I found out a long time ago, that adults have more peer pressure than the kids. I refuse to succome to it.
Lynn
Posted by: Lynn Johnson | January 22, 2007 02:45 AM
Last year trying to entertain "Tweens" seemed so overwhelming I was't sure what to do for my children's parties. Having worked with most of the children involved, I realized the activities they enjoyed the most were "unstructured" activities. Thinking about that and working along those lines, I decided to host my children's party at a state park. I knew there was a creek that ran along side of the picnic area. Included in the invitation were instructions for the children to come prepared to "Play in the creek". Most of the families were faimiliar with the park and the area in which we would be playing. I set up guidelines as to how far they were allowed to go up or down stream, requiring the children to remain in eye sight at all times. The children ended up spending a hot August afternoon cooling off in the creek and learning about geology and wildlife in the process.
Drinks and snacks were very inexpensive: Iced Tea, Flavor-aid, chips, cookies and a home made cake.
Most of the parents from my children's class at school decided to hang around and visit with each other for a while. Hosting the party at the park allowed for plenty of space for not only parking, but it also allowed for plenty of space for the parents to visit with each other.
In he end, one of the parents, who is an educator in the community, informed me that our party was a "great idea", and that it was one of the best parties they had been to.
Posted by: Denise | January 22, 2007 02:47 AM
I have three children, 20, 17 and 9. I got caught up in the theme party circuit when my youngest was small...and felt it was getting out of control. When I tried to remember back to my own birthdays as a child, I knew I always had celebrations, but I couldn't remember vivid memories. I did, however, have great memories of family vacations...it was about the time spent and placed we went. I started doing trips instead of birthday parties. We would have a small dinner with a birthday cake with family and then we would do one on one trips...my daughter and I and my son and his father on birthdays. My daughter would sometimes invite a friend and we would do an overnight shopping trip somewhere close. On 'big" birthdays, like 13 and 16 we planned something bigger. We actually did a mother/daughter cruise for those birthdays. Sounds extravagant, but for less than $500 we did a long weekend Carnival cruise and she had her hair braided in the Bahamas. She will never forget those birthdays! My sons usually do a fishing trip weekend with their Dad. My daughter will be 21 in March. She wants to do a weekend cruise again! How fun for her...and for ME!
Posted by: Sherry | January 22, 2007 03:00 AM
I was also thinking that the whole grand smash party style was going a bit out of control and seeing how more and more parents did not get involved at all with their childrens birthday parties I decided to create a "party in a box", which is a box with absolutely everthing you need for a party for 8-12 children. This way the parents do not have spend time running around shopping material and decoration here and there, but instead being able to take time to plan the party together with the birthday child. Every child loves being INVOLVED and to SHARE their exitement - with the box being delivered there is a lot of time freed up to make the preparation fun instead of stressful! Choose a theme and get inspiration from the enclosed book - but mainly let the child be part, use their ideas and fantasy and involve them in the whole process including writing a nice thank you card afterwards...
Fun, stress free and down to Earth!
Posted by: Jeanette Domeisen | January 22, 2007 04:35 AM
Usually we have Home birthday parties, a few kids, nothing big. When our children turn 7 or 8, in 2nd grade, as soon as they can understand the concept of money, we begin our community donation parties. We usually go to a movie of my child's choosing, they can invite a few frieinds, 3-5 kids, and then we go out for pizza with cake afterwward. they get a goody bag of pretzels and a bottle of water at the movies. BUT for the gift giving, we specify, ahead of time, on the invitation, a charity or organization that the birthday child will donate to IN LIEU of birthday gifts. this had worked out wonderfully, and we will continue to do tis for birthday parties of 2nd grade and older. my child also gets a big kick out of presenting the money or check to the chosen organization. MOst kids no a days are fortunate to have enough toys and other junk around the house, so i cannot see theneed to pile up more "STUFF" just for the sake of getting "stuff" for a birthday gift.
Su D , NY
Posted by: Su DeMan | January 22, 2007 05:55 AM
My children were not allowed to have a birthday party until they were 10. By that time I was able to teach them that it is better to give than to receive and they had real friends to invite. I believe that parties for children younger than that age is a party for the parents, not the kids. They were restricted to the number of friends to invite (usually about 5) and a lot of birthdays were at the movies with tokens for games as their "gift bag." After a few years, they were happy with dinner out with parents and one or two close friends. I never bought into the elaborate theme parties and I don't believe they will, either.
Posted by: jmbennett | January 22, 2007 06:15 AM
I have 3 girls and my husband and I started from the first b-day we had for our children which was when they each turned 2 years old. We still have a theme, small gift bags, the cake, etc etc but the people that are invited bring a check which is a tax write off for a Charitable organization. My oldest gives money to the Ronald McDonald House, my second daughter gives her donations to Kathy Lee Glifford house in NY which helps AIDS babies and my younest donates to Duke's Children hospital in Durham. At the end off the day you as parents feel so good about the party because you have really helped someone else that really needs help, there isn't another stack off toys that needs to be put up, the parents of the children love you because they did not have to go out and find the perfect present, wrap the present etc. Plus my children now 13, 12, and 8 know they do not get gifts for their birthday. That may sound sad etc etc. Lets face it our children get something everytime we go to Wal Mart Target, and the list goes on and on and on. Your birthday is a celebration that you have your health and happiness!!!! There are so many families that don't have health and happiness. Can you imagine if we all did this how much better off we would all be????? Happy Birthday!!!!
Posted by: Carol Snipes | January 22, 2007 06:31 AM
Our four adopted Haitian children wanted big, fancy birthday parties like their friends at school. We suggested that they consider donating to SionFonds approximately what such a party might cost. SionFonds, sponsored by Foyer de Sion - the Haitian orphanage from which our children came, enables poor children in Haiti to attend school. Fortunately, our children agreed and will now have ties back to their "roots" and sweet memories from their charitable efforts to help children who likely never would have had any opportunity to attend school. They will be able to exchange letters with the students they sponsor.
Anyone wishing more information about the program can find it at: http://www.foyerdesion.org/sionFonds-Overview.php
Posted by: Jed & Janet Finlinson | January 22, 2007 06:47 AM
For my youngest daughter's party(1st Grade), we had the guests bring canned goods to be given to a community crisis center that helps the homeless. The party itself was held at a 'kiddie park' with rides that is run by local organization. We rented the place for an hour for only $25. The money went to a good cause and we collected a decent amount of canned goods. The children played in the park afterwards and we had juice boxes and cookies available while they played. I truly believe that everyone had a good time.
Posted by: Michelle | January 22, 2007 06:58 AM
What did I do to reduce the pressure? I quit offering the 'Birthday Party' special at my work place. I am a child/parent fitness instructor. My classes include balls, marching band, running, laughter, learning and love. But, when it came to a scheduled birthday party, a whole different scene appeared. I was crushed by the demand for fun and happiness that a party is supposed to have. I was the sole provider of it, and NOT THE PARENTS! The only way to stop the cycle, was to quit offering the Party. Parents submitted special requests, made personal calls, asked others to make the request too, thinking the more demand, the better the chances. No Thank You. Parenting is for parents, and that includes the love and hugs that are to come from them, stress free, on their little one's special day.
Posted by: Laura Ackerman | January 22, 2007 07:29 AM
Here's how we solved the escalating birthday problem back in the 1990s, when our sons were 8 & 10.
A few weeks before our oldest son’s birthday, the family sat down at the kitchen table and discussed how things were going to be different. We showed our sons the money we typically spend on their birthday presents and party and told our oldest that he was going to get to decide how to spend all the money. We pointed out his options: one big present or several small presents of his choosing; a birthday party with gifts from only his friends, or some combination of self-chosen presents and a party. We reminded him that if he decided to have a party, he’d need to decide the budget for the food he’d serve, the activities everyone would enjoy, and the thank you gifts he’d provide for his guests.
The decision making process was overwhelming, at first. Our son decided on a sleep over party for 6 friends. He shopped for soda and snacks, cake mix and candles, thank you gifts and gift bags, and rental movies. Together, our sons baked and decorated a cake and prepared the snacks. When the guests arrived, they played Hide-And-Go-Seek and Lazer Tag. Pizza was delivered, birthday cake was served, and the all-night movies began. The following day, our sons cleaned up after the party and we went shopping for a few presents with the balance of his birthday money. That night, we enjoyed a relaxed family dinner and talked about the wonderful party, the gifts, the choices, and how my youngest son might make his next birthday even better.
Posted by: Terri | January 22, 2007 08:02 AM
My daughter loves flowers so when it was time for her 5th birthday party, we decided to have a garden party. She was allowed to invite her entire class. On the invitations we asked parents to dress their kids in "grubs" and send them with their favorite flowers. We spent the afternoon eating, playing and planting a gorgeous garden.
Posted by: Vicki Munsell | January 22, 2007 08:17 AM
After several years of exhausting parties, we found a solution. The art teacher at my daughter's school is wonderful and my daughter loves art. Her teacher came to our house and led the kids in a craft. The completed craft was the "goodie." Best of all, the art teacher is talented not just artistically, but she had authority with the kids. When she said, "there will be no fighting over colors," magically, there was no fighting. I had a very enjoyable two hours, drinking coffee, and watching in awe. Everything was under control, and the teacher, who has kids heading off to college, was happy for the extra income.
Posted by: Catherine | January 22, 2007 08:35 AM
I am so happy to know that I am not alone in this weird universe and others feel the same way about these crazy consumption fests. My son (then 6) actually managed to articulate his frustration at not being able to organize all the new "stuff" he had acquired as presents and then I had the "ah-ha" moment. The kids are great, the presents are not but we have hungry people in our community, so we started a new birthday program. Each kid could choose either the usual gift bonanza, or $50 to spend on anything he wanted and guests bring a donation to the local food pantry. This was a huge success. My boys love control, so they chose the $50, bought what they actually wanted, and to this day they carefully put it away when done playing (amazing!). They got huge Kudos from the food pantry when they delivered their donations, some parents thanked me for taking this approach and others even followed suit.
Parties are now unstructured backyard events (in January) with a supervised bonfire, cocoa and hot dogs to roast. No-one allowed in the house except for bathroom visits. Minimal prep and clean-up. Still haven't figured out the goodie bag thing except to reduce it to one unwrapped take home gift.
Let's make the horrible birthday traditions go away!
Posted by: Ann Grace | January 22, 2007 08:42 AM
I just finished a no-frills party for my daughter and she never even noticed that the usual stuff was missing. I bought cheap-o walmart paper plates instead of the usual little mermaid crap. I made them drink out of tiny cans with straws, which they loved way better than the usual paper cups that spill all over the place. Also, instead of ordering an expensive cake, I let my daugher pick out a box cake to help me bake. She loved that. It turned out gross, but it was a fun memory and the other kids didn't care. Kids don't really eat the cake anyway, just the ice cream. The only real splurge was that she wanted to make treat bags for her friends (we had limited her party to inviting 4 friends only). Since Valentine's Day stuff is out, she picked out some Val. candy and lip gloss to put in a plain plastic bag for them. Also, my rule is that birthday girl DOES NOT get a treat bag. She gets all the presents, so she doesn't get a treat bag for herself. Sorry, kid, that's just the way it goes. When the other girl's moms had asked me what my daughter likes, I had told them earrings and coloring books, so that's exactly what she got for presents-- nothing big or over the top or hard to store. And she loved them all. It was the best party yet, and the cheapest. Oh, and we did not spend a dime on balloons, streamers, hats, horns or a pinata. And no one ever asked where those things were. Out of sight is out of mind. I'll never buy that crap again. Ever.
Posted by: Gina Jones | January 22, 2007 09:08 AM
I have three sons who are 36 months from start to finish. As for birthday's, if our budget allows, my husband and I take the kids somewhere special, like the Circus, or Disney on Ice. Additionally, we have a party for the boys, and even though I think it is simple, we invite classmates and I spend at least $200.00. This year, in addition to each child's birthday party, we threw a halloween block party in our neighborhood. We had moonwalk, and made old fashioned games and served hotdogs. We spent another $200.00 on that party. We decided that NO MORE BIRTHDAY PARTIES starting 2007, but we would continue the tradition of a Halloween Block Party. Each family brought a bag of candy and we made Halloween bags for the kids. This limited the need for everyone buying gifts, and the boys had a blast wearing costumes, getting face painting, having a cup-cake walk, and bouncing in the moonwalk (oh and we bobbed for apples!)The neighbors enjoyed getting to know each other better and everyone had a great evening. So for families with multiple kids, this is a great budget alternative!
Posted by: Lori - Houston Texas | January 22, 2007 09:32 AM
I think it's important to remember that we are grown-ups-- and we have choices. We make daily choices about the way we choose to live. Birthdays are not a 'do-over' of our own childhood fantasies. For our family, my husband & I talked about what is most important to us. We want our children to feel specially loved and valued and appreciated on their birthdays. For different members of our family this means different types of celebrations. My son loves it when he comes downstairs on the morning of his birthday and discovers that I have made his favorite pancakes with a "smiley face" on them. We usually offer him the choice of a party or sleep over with up to 6 friends or a special outing with just our family. At different stages of life children prefer differnet things. The day after birthdays in our house --we get to have the leftover birthday cake--for breakfast!! We have also made choices about consumer goods and "keeping up". We do what makes sense --for us, and that's it. This is the standard we set in our home. We also let children know that mom & dad are not the "money givers". That's not our role. If a child wants something expensive ---we help them brainstorm ways to earn money to buy what they want. Mom & dad provide for --needs. Wants-- are different. It's important for kids to know the difference between needs & wnats. Children should be encouraged to be self reliant to the extent they are able. It make sthem feel a greater sense of self worth & accomplishment. Children raised this way don't need to rely on others to validate their sense of self worth with elaborate parties and expensive gifts, because they know that with a little bit of ingenuity and plain old fashioned elbow grease, they can have/ earn what ever they want in life--and not just on their birthday... What I have noticed is that raising my son this way --he is able to make choices that make sense for- himself. He thinks independently and is not a follower in school. He sets goals for himself. Other students notice what he is doing and often emulate him. We are very proud of our son. Our daughter is much younger, but the same philosophy applies. She is a cheerful toddler and we love both of them very much. I think the bigger issue is resisting the urge to be overindulgent. "Buying & Spending" is not the best answer, or the right example for our kids.
Posted by: Kelly Myers | January 22, 2007 09:39 AM
I have had parties at parks, where the kids can play in the playground. But the best party ever, I rented a bouncy, jump room thingy, had cake and icecream and turned the kids loose. That was the best stress free party ever! The cost for the bounce room was about $100, but they delivered,setup, and picked it up.
Posted by: Tammy- Redding, Calif. | January 22, 2007 09:41 AM
This year, for my son's 10th birthday, I was as usual stressing about gift bags, but decided to take a digital picture of the guests, then print it off as a wallet sized picture. I had purchased small frames from Hobby Lobby at 50% off, and had some Mom's help me trim them and that's what they took home. I may do that every year from now on. I also gave one to each family, and not to each child as there were a few siblings. It was my first stand against the "traditional" gift bag.
Posted by: Jen | January 22, 2007 09:42 AM
My approach lately has been if my son wants to go to a party he has to pay for the present with his pocket money. That has seriously curtailed his attendance and its his decision. Surprisingly he hasn't shed a tear once in having to turn down an invitation. It honestly hasn't seemed to bother him and he still has gotten to his "best" friends parties. He is now 7 and is having his second arranged party for himself. We prefer to take him somewhere/do something special for his birthday and he has liked that a lot more. Sometimes your kids don't even want these big parties. Its worth talking to them about it.
Posted by: KM | January 22, 2007 09:47 AM
Great website! Kids these days can be so captivated by material possession and owning the next big thing, or the next big party that they loose the perspective of just being a kid! Trust me as a teacher for 20 years I have seen a lot of this!!
My 2 kids ages 10, 12 have always had parties at home. I usually spend less then $20 per party and then giggle to myself when I see friend spend so much more!!
We always have a homemade cake. When my son was little we would have sport competitons in the house, and my daughter had theme parties like a flower party,( the girls picked wildflowers in our woods, simple but fun!Each girl took home a flower to plant as their "gift bag") a lady bug party(I got live lady bugs from the local green house, saved baby food jars and the girls took home lady bugs in baby food jars as their gift bags!), or we met at a local park. My kids usually always have parties since we don't have any relatives close by.
My thoughts have always been , keep is simple with lots of silly fun! It's really not that hard! :)
We have had lots of fun parties with out the craziness.
Posted by: Sandy | January 22, 2007 09:56 AM
I have 6- and 8-year old girls and I about 5 years ago we started attending other children's parties that were given in museum, pizza places, recreation centers, etc. I looked around and noticed that at these places, the invitees and their parents were enjoying the museums and other attractions they were at. However, the birthday boy/girl was always by him/herself. The only time everyone got together was to eat. Then everyone left their own way. My girls didn't like the fact that they were not all playing together. So when I asked my children what type of party they wanted and where, they both opted for a party at home. All they wanted was to have friends over the house to play. Once at the house, the kids found their own entertainment.....playing outside, playing hide-and-seek in the house....I game them full reign of the house. All the kids were having a great time. When the parents came to pick them up, they made comments like, "I would never do this. All the mess that you have to clean up!" or "Oh you poor thing, they must have driven you nuts!" Then I realized what the problem was, parents did not want to bother with their children. And I don't consider it a bother. So to this day that is how our parties are. At home, with cupcakes, a pinata and ballons and that's all. And even when my children's friends are having parties at museums, aquariums, department stores, beauty shops.....my girls still want a good, old-fashion party at home where they can have fun with their friends. And my husband and I do give them the option to choose where they want their parties. I am glad I am not raising high-maitance children who feel that the next one has to be bigger and better.
Posted by: Isabel Carpenter | January 22, 2007 10:07 AM
As a teacher for 24 years I always had classroom parties without junk food. We played board games, card games and worked puzzles. Sometimes the children danced to classical music and we painted. Everyone would help blow up balloons and after we ate we went out side to bat them around in different spontaneous games. A very successful game was silent ball. Anyone who made a sound was "out". This enabled the children to concentrate on their skills, use facial expression and gestures to communicate, and learn to have fun without making a lot of noise. Other classes and administrators as well as other parents would gather around and watch the fun my children were having without loud and wild behavior and making the adults tired. Also, and very important, I asked parents for juice instead of soda, raw vegetables, chips and dips, and no candy or cookies but a banana bread or something of sorts was OK. Sometimes we had ice cream.
To see a few pictures of the fun they had go to my website at: www.artsimprovingacademics.org
Posted by: Marsha Cunningham | January 22, 2007 10:20 AM
When my daughter got more expensive gifts from her friends than her dad and I were planning for her that's when we drew the line.
We didn't need more stuff! As fun as it was for kids to get gifts, our kids already had plenty.
Instead we had the guests bring canned food to donate to the local food bank. Most parents were very supportive. Some parents I felt wondered if I was being mean not allowing gifts.
To remedy the desire for our guests to give to our child in celebrating their birthday, we bought a plain colored t-shirt and with fabric markers let all the guests sign it. For my teenage daughter I bought a cute denim pillow and her friends signed it with decorative puffy paint. They all - friends included - loved the idea. 4 years later it still sits on my daughters bed and is a sweet reminder of her friends.
No need to compete for the grandest party. Kids are simple. They just want to know they are special. I think the overboard parties are more for the parent's egos than they are for the kids.
Posted by: Mom of 5 | January 22, 2007 10:21 AM
We don't feel any pressure at all. We don't live the "keeping up with the Joneses" lifestyle or mentality. People that feel pressure in their kids' birthday parties, in my opinion, have bigger problems than just the birthday parties. In a way, I kind of feel sorry for these people, but not too much.
Posted by: Jakeleg Jeeter | January 22, 2007 10:35 AM
As the mother of three children,I must say that my stress came from not my children's birthdays, but the multitude of invitations to other kid's parties! I used to NEVER decline a party unless our child was ill. Now,we have a new *STRESS FREE* rule: Our children may attend only one party per weekend, and they must be good friends with the child in order to go. We have saved money on gifts, and have more quality family time together!
Posted by: Sharon | January 22, 2007 10:39 AM
Our children have been invited to these over the top parties as well. The most telling thing for me as a mother was how sad my child was that so much was going on and so many children were there that she hardly got to talk to her friend the birthday girl. We left the party early and just sat in the car in complete silence for a few moments. Whoa, what was THAT? The answer is chaos. Organized chaos. We have really always said to our children that if they want a party they can invite only close friends, usually 4-5 or less. If they choose a sleepover, then they get a "eat-out" meal of their choosing but only one friend may be invited. Sometimes we have cake and ice cream and a few friends, sometimes we have only one visitor and a meal out. It is so much less stressful. We have no themes. I take them to the bakery with me and let them choose the cake they like from a book. It is sweet freedom.
Posted by: Gina Terry | January 22, 2007 11:01 AM
I have never given into the birthday competition. When my daughters were three they spent the day at the zoo with a friend (and the friend's parent). Their first "official" party was at four. They invited 4 friends to the house for cake, ice cream, some sort of craft (i.e., bead necklaces) and just fun (dancing is a big hit). This past year, my youngest turned 5. I really didn't want to have a party at the house again, so I called a local apple orchard and asked if we could have it there. They reserved a table for us at no cost. The kids picked a small bag of apples (that became the "treat bag") and then played in the play area. I brought a cake. They all had a great time. The parents loved it because the "treats" were apples. Several of the families of my daughter's friends stayed at the orchard during the party to pick apples for themselves. It worked out really well.
Posted by: Stacey | January 22, 2007 11:03 AM
I fought hosting birthday parties for my children for years. I dreaded the stress and all those presents that I knew would seldom (if ever) get played with. Several years ago we began asking for small ($1-2) donations to our local animal shelter instead of presents. My daughter loves taking the money to the shelter and we love NOT having all those gifts to deal with. It's a wonderful lesson of giving for the children. My daughter has chosen to continue this tradition and each year she choses the charity she wants to support with her "birthday money."
Posted by: Nj Hansen | January 22, 2007 11:08 AM
Honestly, I don't see anything wrong with having a nice party for your child.
I ENJOY making a really cool homemade cake, awesome invitations, cool activities, and coming up with ideas for favors - many of which I make myself.
I don't spend alot of money, but I do make it special. Parties are fun. I like to give gifts to a child - and I like to watch him or her open it. Call me crazy.
Do I think there are excesses? Sure. I personally would not hire entertainment for a children's party. My son is a July baby, so we are lucky that we can have a pool party or park party or other outdoor, game-oriented theme. But if he was born in December we might have a sledding party. October a Harvest Party. There's plenty of low cost-high fun things you can do to make a party great without being excessive.
It's up to us as parents to teach our children to be appropriately appreciative and polite, exercise mgodd mannersa nd good sense.
Just like everything else in life, moderation is key.
Posted by: Dan's Mom | January 22, 2007 11:08 AM
I have had to set limits for birthday parties. I only do coloring books and crayons along with a pez dispenser and I only spend between $12 and $15 on gifts unless I get the item on sale - then I get to keep the difference. I buy the crayons and coloring books in September when back to school supplies are on sale. I am also a great stocker of gifts when the after Christmas sales come. When someone needs as idea for my child's present, I already have inexpensive ideas to recommend.
My favorite party was at a movie theatre where I could bring in my own video and they served popcorn, drinks, and pizza for $6 a head. Because it was before the theatre opened, we had the theatre to ourselves. That way, I could stand guard at the door so no one could escape or come in and my husband and I could escort each child to the bathroom.
Posted by: DMB | January 22, 2007 11:17 AM
I have 2 daughters 18 mos apart. I got tired of the one upmanship of birthday parties. When my daughter turned 5, we only invited l the neighborhood kids and her two cousins. We played musical chairs, afterwards we all danced to 50's music (which the kids loved), pin the tail on the donkey and had a treasure hunt in the backyard then all the kids played on the swing set. The 3 winners to the games won a coloring book & crayons (and we very happy). We had cake & ice cream bars. No goody bags. Out of all the birthday parties the no-frill 50's/60's style party, was the most fun and stress free. My girls are 15 & 17 now and still remember playing musical chairs and how much fun we all had dancing in the living room!
Posted by: Sally Martinez | January 22, 2007 11:17 AM
Birthdays are about the birthday gal/guy. I see no problem fostering charity, selflessness and generosity, but I do have a problem saying no gifts or no gift bags. By all means do so, if you yourself do not accept gifts on your own adult birthdays. What does your child learn if they get nothing on their birthdays from their friends, yet they see you wearing a scarf or reading a book you received from a friend.
I think parents need to model good behaviour themselves. If you don't want gifts made in China, do not purchase those for other children.
If a birthday party at MacDonald's works for you, go for it. I don't agree with ponies, and bouncy castles and whatnot; however, planning something fun even if simple does cost a little. I find it amusing that people say have at home parties, and fail to factor in their own time in cleaning, cooking and cleaning again post party. Some foods are cheaper, but again, factor in the cost of making them.
The bottom line: As Eleanor Roosevelt said, "no one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
Posted by: Anonymous | January 22, 2007 11:25 AM
We never bought into the birthday party “event” craze. While our children attended the numerous birthday events that they were invited to, we never hosted one. Our children celebrated their birthdays with family (grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins) up until kindergarten. For kindergarten, they were allowed a “friends” party here at home (nothing elaborate). Since then, to celebrate their birthdays, each of our children have been allowed to chose one or two friends to invite to a fun activity of their choice. They have chosen activities such as ice skating, movie, miniture golf, and sleep overs. The friends are asked to not bring gifts. Our children have the wonderful memories of sharing time with their friends for their birthdays, but they do not accumulate all of the “junk” beads, Legos, Barbies that they do not need. Plus we do not have any stress!
Posted by: KAZ | January 22, 2007 11:28 AM
When we think of our children, nothing is more near and dear to our hearts. We want to see them happy and honor them on their birthdays. I admit that I have gone overboard before in planning parties but I think the memories are worth all the effort.
My children are older now and birthday party celebrations have gotten simpler but in an effort to help all those stressed out moms in our community, I have started a business hosting tea parties for little girls. We do all the planning and provide all the food including the cake. It is in an elegant atmosphere, the little girls get to dress up, learn some simple etiquette and have a wonderful, memorable time.
It is quite affordable too considering all that we provide to make a special
one-of-a-kind birthday party.
Posted by: Susanne Kessaris | January 22, 2007 11:29 AM
When we think of our children, nothing is more near and dear to our hearts. We want to see them happy and honor them on their birthdays. I admit that I have gone overboard before in planning parties but I think the memories are worth all the effort.
My children are older now and birthday party celebrations have gotten simpler but in an effort to help all those stressed out moms in our community, I have started a business hosting tea parties for little girls. We do all the planning and provide all the food including the cake. It is in an elegant atmosphere, the little girls get to dress up, learn some simple etiquette and have a wonderful, memorable time.
It is quite affordable too considering all that we provide to make a special
one-of-a-kind birthday party.
Posted by: Susanne Kessaris | January 22, 2007 11:29 AM
I have two boys (10 and 2) and I'm so glad to see this website! I was starting to feel guilty about not preparing for my children's parties 6 months in advance, having custom-made invitations, a theme, a clown, a circus, etc..you get the point. For my boys, we bake a cake for the family share at home and bake a cake, cookies or brownies to take to school to share with his classmates-my older son has 26 kids in his class so there's no way to invite the class to a party! Then we have a party for kids in the family and close friends (usually up to 10) and do what he wants to do-he's done bowling 2 years in a row and skating 3 years in a row-and the kids have a blast!! It's his birthday party and it's about wearing them out, not the parents! Both of my boys' first birthdays were spent with immediate family (to include cousins, uncles, grandmother) over dinner to celebrate.
While I realize others may want something more festive, I ask who's it for? The toddler who's going to fall asleep in their cake or the show of just how much you "love your child" by spending tons of money and energy on something they won't remember. Celebrating the blessing of someone's life doesn't need to be a show and go on an American Express.
Posted by: Dawn Scurry | January 22, 2007 11:40 AM
I have 3 teenage boys. 15,14 and 1 about to be 14. When they were younger I wanted them to have a party they would always remember. At first I strived to make it the best. My 2 oldest boys' birthdays are close together, 1 is Sep 9th and the others is Sep 15th. Since they are so close I throw them birthday parties together. Altough when they hit "thirteen, they did get a seperate birthday.
One year we had their party at a park, then at the skating rink and at the bowling alley. My only issue with that was we would pay for the party packages at the skating rink and the bowling alley and very rarley would I ever have any kids show up. So as years went by I quit paying for the packages and just had them invite a friend or 2. One year we didn't invite any kids but we did take the birthday boys to a theme park, so that was ok. My youngest son is really easy to please, he likes to go bowling every year for his birthday and he just wants his family there.
I have gotten smarter about birthday presents though. When they were younger it was really easy to get them presents, they were usually legos,cars or action figures, but as they got older and into their teen years, they wanted the really expensive electronics. So now I get them 1 nice present and then the rest is money, this way they can buy what they want.
Last year for my older sons birthdays I decided to make it a little easier on me. I got 2 cakes, made a few finger sandwhiches and koolaid and made a whole bunch of water balloons and we had a water party outside. All the kids in the neighborhood came over and it was a blast for all of them. I also didn't stress about having to clean up because when the party died down, I made all the kids pick up the trash.
I think this year will be the last for parties, with all of my kids being boys thankfully they are getting to that age were a party is just not cool, but you never know they may surprise me. One thing is for sure I try not to stress but I do try to make it nice for all involved.
Posted by: Hollie C | January 22, 2007 11:43 AM
for my son's 7th birthday I had him invite 3 friends over and they had a sleep over. The boys all got to make their own pizza for dinner and we had popcorn for snacks later on. I picked up a few glow sticks from the local dollar store and they played glow tag in the yard that night and had a great time. overall the party was not that expensive and the boys all had fun.
Posted by: Cindy Edmunds | January 22, 2007 11:45 AM
With my youngest child, I have had birthday parties for him each year immediately after school, inviting his entire class. We walk to the park which is only a few blocks from the school. I have my older children and my sister help supervise. We have hot dogs and chips, a pinata with candy a cup cake cake and dishes of ice cream with juice boxes. The cost for this type of party runs me around $100.00 including everything. I send invitations to school, each child in his class is invited. The best part of doing this at the park is there is plenty of room to run and play, plenty of things to play on and all I have for clean up is throw everything in the trash and go home. We have successfully managed this for the past 4 years with as many as 20 children attending our parties. The worst problem that we have had to encounter was a boy locking himself in the bathroom, with a little coaxing though all turned out well. I cannot think of a more spectacular birthday party. PS I always put on the invitations your presence is present enough (no gifts please) The best part of the whole thing is that every year I am told "Mom this was the best birthday ever"
Posted by: Sandy Carlson | January 22, 2007 11:54 AM
My sister in law (who doesn't yet have kids, but is aunt to 8) sent me the link for this website. I was glad to hear there are other parents who believe the "less is more" philosophy of birthday parties. I homeschool 5 kids and most of our friends have similar values, but I still sometimes feel like my cute and themey, yet inexpensive and homey parties don't measure up to the ones to which my kids are invited. I want to celebrate our kids -- what fun would life be w/o celebrations? But we try to be creative and fun within a limited budget of time and money. I put together a Superhero party last year for my son where each kid received a felt and elastic eye mask (a la Incredibles) and a red cape (cut from clearance red vinyl tablecloths) and my husband led the kids in "superhuman" feats (running all over the backyard pretending to save the world). Then they had a storebought cake (the grocery store kind) on which I'd frosted a superman symbol. They had a ball!! To curb materalism, we've had parties where kids are asked to bring items for an orphanage (my daughter lived in one in Africa her first three years so this is close to our hearts). My kids loved that party, and my son felt so good when we packed up and sent socks and underwear to needy children. My other son attended a party where the dad led a bunch of 8 year old boys on a stream hike. He still raves about that! I don't mind spending time and creativity on my kids' parties, but overspending cash and stress is meaningless. For some of my friends, they'd rather spend a little more because the idea of hosting a party is more stressful...I say whatever feels comfortable for Mom and birthday child (and the bank account) is usually fine. Thanks for the ideas. :)
Posted by: Sandy | January 22, 2007 12:03 PM
What have we done to reduce b-day party pressure? Refinanced!
Posted by: gene b | January 22, 2007 12:19 PM
I have 4 children (two boys and two girls) and only 2 of them have ever had a formal birthday party. We decided long ago that we would only have a "friends" birthday party for special birthdays like 5 and 10. Children who are members of our church are baptized when 8 years old. We also considered this a special birthday and if they wanted a party we would do one then too.
My second child just turned 10 last week. She told me that she wanted a party, and she hadn't had one since she was 5. She decided she wanted a Harry Potter birthday party. I found some great ideas online and the kids had a great time. It did take a bit of planning, and I spent around $75. I had two friends and my sister in law come and be "professors" and they each prepared their own lesson, and even assigned "homework". We gave each of the children a wand (a stick from the trees in our yard) and a cauldron ($2.35 ea.) and a notebook and pen. The notebooks came in a package of 6 for $3.00 and the pens were $1.50 for 12. They used them during the party to write down the "spells" they were learning. At the end we served dinner of my daughters choice, pizza, lasagna, salad, garlic bread, strawberries and grapes. They drank grape juice and water as beverages. We also created "Honeydukes" the candy story in the Harry Potter books. I bought 7 or 8 bags of different kinds of candy and set them on a table in a separate room. We renamed them funny names like Yoblers and Baked Hearts of Lumpergills. My daughter cut out "coins" from yellow construction paper, and gave each guest 10. They used the "money" to go shopping at the end of the party. The bulk of my expense was spent on the dinner and the candy.
She invited 7 friends, but only 5 could come and so it was very manageable. My daughters birthday guests were mostly between the ages of 9-11 and enjoyed themselves very much. They were talking about how much fun they had at the party when she returned to school the following Monday.
This is the most elaborate party I have ever personally hosted. I grew up having simple games and maybe a treasure hunt, birthday cake with icecream and candles, open presents and that's it. I still think that those kinds of parties are the easiest and most fun for children.
Posted by: Marcie | January 22, 2007 12:20 PM
We had a hard time cutting back on the party list for my daughters last BDay party. If you invite 30 people it just becomes to many gifts but if you leave someone out feelings get hurt. Our church as do many others has a gym and we could rent it for a small cost for 2 hours ($60). We invited her complete list of friends and asked everyone to bring a donated item for the local animal shelter. It worked out great. The kids ran around the gym and played and we took food toys and all kinds of things that helped the animal shelter out. And my daughter got a few presence from some close friends as well as the gift of giving something back.
Posted by: Stephen Blaschke | January 22, 2007 12:26 PM
I just posted anonymous comments starting "Wow! I'm not alone." After hitting post I realized I submitted this to the wrong section. It would be more appropriate under "Share your experience" section.
Posted by: Anonymous | January 22, 2007 12:39 PM
We homeschool and have found that eliminates 99% of the problem. Our kids don't ask for big parties. It is our immediate family, and relatives who give presents stop in around the kids birthdays, not necessarily the exact day. Our kids love spending time with each other, though they do have friends, they prefer the company of their family.
Posted by: Joyce Meyers | January 22, 2007 12:44 PM
Hallelujah!!Amen!! I have been saying this for so long. When and how did birthdays get so out of control?! For my older son (who just turned 7) we usually invite 3 friends to our house and play a few games. This year I asked if he wanted to do something similar again or just have his best friend over for an overnight. That's what he chose. The night before his birthday we picked up his friend went out to dinner at a restaurant my son chose, rented a movie and had a mini "slumber party". The next day his friends siblings and 2 neighbor girls came over for lunch and cake. He had a great time. For my younger son (who is three) the past 2 years we have invited a couple neighborhood kids and our close friends kids over for an "impromptu" party of cake and ice cream and "free play". These have been the best, pressure free parties! My older son has been to many "fancy" birthday parties and while he does have a good time, when asked what he wants to do for his birthday he has never asked to have such a party for himself.
Posted by: Susan Gurnick | January 22, 2007 12:45 PM
We live in Colorado and many of our family and friends live in Louisiana. Many of these people had never met our son and had given him gifts when he was born. We wanted these people to actually meet him. His 1st birthday party was held while we were visiting. The guest list was 70 people however, 36 were his grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. The rest were friends with small children who could not come alone. For those kids we had a playground and a station set up where they could decorate their own piece of cake. This was a huge hit with the kids and the mom's. They all got to chat and catch up while their kids decorated the cake. The whole event was great, stress free, and my son loved all of the attention he normally does not get from his relatives
Posted by: Barbara | January 22, 2007 12:45 PM
I have two children, ages 2 and 5. When we plan our parties now, it envolves balancing stress with cost. Ideally, you would sacrafice one for the other. For my 5 year old's last party, we rented a "bounce house" room at a local party place for about $150, which included pizza for the kids. We picked up a cake on the way and I had some inexpensive goodie bags from Wal-Mart. All told, I probably spent about $210 - had no mess to clean, the kids had a great time, and we were able to relax and enjoy the party as well. Looking back, given the fact that the party itself turned out so well, we could have gone with a cheaper cake and no goodie bags and it would have had no affect on the overall experience.
Posted by: Anonymous | January 22, 2007 12:47 PM
When my daughter turned 9, I sat her down and told her that we were going to put "no presents, please" on her invitation. She was disappointed at first, but then I explained that it was hard for some people to be buying birthday presents for all of their children's friends and that the point of a birthday party was to enjoy spending time with a few of your favorite friends. She understood and now she gets to pick an activity such as ice skating, bowling, movie, etc., and we'll foot the bill for four or five of her friends including pizza and cake. All of her friends have started doing the same. There's no pressure to buy gifts and they've all learned the value of spending time with their friends rather than the value of the gifts they receive.
Posted by: Faith B. | January 22, 2007 12:48 PM
I have always been a self proclaimed birthday party minimalist even though I do feel a certain amount of social pressure when I look around. I have two general rules that I stick to and seem to have worked so far...
1) my girls can invite the same number of guests as the year that they are turning (birthday girl is turning 8, minus she and her sister, she gets 6 guests.. siblings of guests do count)
2) no character parties. I find this to zap the imagination out of a party instantly. Everyone can be more creative if they aren't using an established character "box" to stifle play and ideas. Great website, glad to know I'm not the only one fighting the insanity of gluttony in birthday party planning.
Posted by: M. C. Boucher | January 22, 2007 12:52 PM
I just celebrated my child's fifth birthday, and for the first time did it at a celebration place "Pump-it-Up" She and her friends had a great time. For the same price you can have 5 or 30 kids, so I invited all the kids. I always hated leaving any child out. I always keep the price of treats to $3 or less per kid. (See Oriental Trading website or Target goodies bin) We had 25 kids. It was crazy but everyone had fun. The only real problem was the gift opening. Way to much excitement in one closed space. I do like the suggestion of the animal shelter gifts. We did something similar for Christmas by getting gift certificates for a charties site and then letting each child pick their favorite charity to give to.
In the past I have always just done a party at a local park with a pinata and cake. It cost under $100 an my child does not have to exclude any kids. At preschool level that is a big thing. And at the preschool age, the big parties with themes are not for the kids but for the parents. Kids at that age would rather just run around than be forced to play games or do crafts.
I really do like the idea the mother had about number of kids per age. I think I will opt for that next year.
Thanks for the great site. Lots of wonderful, creative ideas.
Posted by: Michelle | January 22, 2007 12:57 PM
What I started doing for my kids is I let them invite their 5 closest friends for a sleep over, I MAKE a cake WITH my child, (ie: my son wanted a football cake so we cut the cake to look like a football used chocolate frosting and white frosting and bingo!)We have a basement with a couch, tv,and plenty of area to play and the kids toys are down there, there is also a refridgerator we keep for excess groceries, my child may go to the store,pick out two bags of chips, one bag of candy and one 12 pack of pop and they stay in the basement, play with all the toys down there, eat at their leisure WITHOUT my help, and watch tv, dvd's and play the playstation down there. My cost, about $25.00 including thank you notes,my kids are not allowed to play with what they received until the thank you notes are done. I have told other parents this is all I do and the kids have more fun doing this than a "planned" event, and now people in our neighborhood are following my lead, and we live in an upscale neighborhood. The only time I see the kids is when they have to go to the bathroom or when I go down and check on them, about every hour or so. For breakfast, donughts and the kids parents come at 10 am to pick them up, no gift bags, but the kids have said that the parties are the most fun they have had forever. Probably because there is no turmoil or parents hovering.....
Posted by: Katrina | January 22, 2007 12:58 PM
Wonderful to see your site.
We've started to do something about this problem: instead of presents to the birthday child, our circle of friends is beginning to encourage CHARITABLE DONATIONS in lieu of presents.
All of our kids already have plenty of toys. Donating the money that would otherwise be spent on even more toys helps kids learn empathy and generosity. It is also a great way to start the discussion about rich and poor, aspects of world politics, and so much more.
In our circle it just took one brave family who sent out a birthday party invitation which said: "we don't want an presents -- but we do want to raise money for this charity".
We've contributed to Heifer International -- but any reputable charity will do.
How do you convince your child to give up receiving all those presents? Here's the easy part -- let your kids look at the web site of a charity. They will want to help, but not know how. Just say: "If you asked your friends to contribute money to this charity for your birthday party, you could really help this group." That's all it will take.
BTW -- because of that one party, several deserving families now have goats, rabbits, and bees. The cool thing about Heifer is that recipients of the animals are asked to give away the first born offspring of the gift animal, this spreading the giving even farther.
The kids receive reports about how their gifts have helped others. This simple act has had profound consequences.
Of course, we do still give our own children some personal gifts for birthdays, but "present gluttony" isn't part of our group children's parties any more. I highly recommend donating to a charity to other parents concerned about "runaway birthdays".
Posted by: Blaine | January 22, 2007 01:06 PM
My daughter turned 4 this year and asked to have a princess tea party. We hosted 18 girls and boys from her school for our 1 hour tea party. I purchased "real" tea cups from Ross for the children to use. Most of them dressed as princesses, superheroes, and Star Wars characters.
We made colored pasta necklaces, colored pictures of princesses, and decorated homemade cupcakes with frosting and sprinkles. We drank tea, strawberry milk (my daughter's favorite), and fruit juice. I served coffee,tea, and shortbread for the grownups.
I specified no gifts on the invite and only two violated this. Everyone had a great time. After the hour was up, almost everyone left (had a few stragglers - my neighbors) and I sent them home with their "real" tea cup they used during the party and copies of the recipes for making shortbread and the colored macaroni for the necklaces.
Posted by: Kathy H | January 22, 2007 01:08 PM
I am mom to twin 7 yr olds; boy and girl. Birthday parties were not considered after the first one. Since money doesn't grow on trees I decided to have family only until they can understand why they have a party in the first place. When they were 5 I agreed to have a 'big' party since it was the first time they had made many friends. We use every discount coupon we could find and had an indoor water park party. For 16 kids (parents were included and they were of no extra charge because of the children's age. This was worked out nicely with the water park staff just by asking!) not including my own it was only $150 for unlimited swim time! Most 5yr olds can't last more than a couple of hours of swimming and playing but they were free to stay as long as the park was open. Included in the party package was 2-slices of pizza, plenty of soda and water and a free pass to come back when the outdoor park opens! All I purchased was a cake ($20) a veggie tray which was a big hit with the kids ($10-If you just buy the veggies an cut up yourself it's so much cheaper!) and some water squirt toys from the dollar store! At that age they almost don't care what they get.
The next year I explained that 'big' parties will only be held on the 'big' years. (5, 10, 13, etc.) In between they can invite 1-2 friends and we will all do something together.
This year it's bowling! With coupons for $1.00 games and free games for the birthday kids!!!
Posted by: Carol K. | January 22, 2007 01:19 PM
Growing up, my parents made our birthdays our special day. We woke up to breakfast in bed and opening our gifts, dinner of our choice, and a homemade cake by mom. Every time I think of those birthdays, my hearts swells with loving memories. I, however, do not remember a single birthday party I went to, nor really my own. So, now that I have three daughters of my own, I feel family is what makes a birthday so special - not how elaborate the party is or how may kids are invited. I don't use the term friends because most of the kids invited to parties aren't your child's real friends. So, although my daughter had a birthday party at a Romp and Roll (kids' gym), it was just truly her friends, an Elmo cake made by the local grocer and, no, I did not give out goody bags - how much more junk do we really need in our house?
Posted by: Martha D. | January 22, 2007 01:27 PM
I agree that birthday parties are way out of control. My daughter turned 5 last year and we decided it was time for a "real" party and not just cake and ice cream. So we let her invite 4 of her friends and we did a Princeses Tea Party. Everything was very inexpensive, from tea set at the Dollar Store to lots of pink tulle for decorations. Their "goodie bag" was a braclet they got to make. The girls had a fantasic time and all of the parents said it was a great party and not overdone. Most of them said they just feel like they have to compete at parties all the time and they were glad that somebody stood up and just had a very laid back and inexpensive party in which everyone had fun.
Posted by: Kerry | January 22, 2007 01:27 PM
We have 3 children ages 12, 9 & 5. Our most successful (and FUN) parties have been at home. The best was our then 4 year old inviting the dog next door (and he came!) It is hard today with some of the parents because they want to hang out and have it be their social time with other parents...adds more to the food cost and it's not about them! One thing I have noticed at these 'Party Mill' type places, the birthday child almost never opens the gifts that their little frinds have brought. It robs the birthday child of a learning opportunity in manners and the gift giver of seeing how happy their friend was to receive their gift. We always have a pinata and a scavenger hunt...always a hit no matter what the age. We also send invites through the mail so that kids not invited are not hurt...very hard especially with girls! Love your web-site. Very well done!!!
Posted by: Jen W. | January 22, 2007 01:30 PM
We have 3 children ages 12, 9 & 5. Our most successful (and FUN) parties have been at home. The best was our then 4 year old inviting the dog next door (and he came!) It is hard today with some of the parents because they want to hang out and have it be their social time with other parents...adds more to the food cost and it's not about them! One thing I have noticed at these 'Party Mill' type places, the birthday child almost never opens the gifts that their little frinds have brought. It robs the birthday child of a learning opportunity in manners and the gift giver of seeing how happy their friend was to receive their gift. We always have a pinata and a scavenger hunt...always a hit no matter what the age. We also send invites through the mail so that kids not invited are not hurt...very hard especially with girls! Love your web-site. Very well done!!!
Posted by: Jen W. | January 22, 2007 01:31 PM
At first I got caught up in keeping up with the other families. Then one year I realized that neither of my children, I have a boy now 12 and girl now 10, did not really enjoy all the fuss. They felt overwhelmed and intimidated with it all.
We have been giving them the option of either inviting one friend and doing something along the lines of a movie or go-karts and dinner/lunch or having 2 or 3 friends over for a sleepover.
My son normally opts for the go-karts and my daughter goes for the sleep over. For the girls they usally do one or 2 crafts, have dinner and then either play a game or watch the nightly Disney movie. For her last party we spent a total $25 on what we considered the goody bags that included the crafts that they made and some cool candy and gum.
We are now thinking that since both birthdays are in the summer within days of both mine and my husbands we are going to incorporate it into our family vacations.
We did this purely by accident for my son's birthday this past year and worked out great. Our normal vacation is going to my sister-inlaws in the Hudson Valley area. We told Charlie that he can choose what he would like to do for the day. It of course involved go karts. When you ask him now about his birthday he answers "I got to spend it with Aunt Anita and Uncle Bernie.
Now Sara also wants to do this. She has already asked if we can plan our vacation for her Birthday week this year.
Not only does this take the pressure off of us as to how to fit it in around our vacations it also helps the children avoid the messy task of deciding who is invited and who is not.
Best of all - we get to enjoy the day with them - and tell them about the day/night that they were born.
Posted by: MONICA | January 22, 2007 01:52 PM
A solution that has worked for us is letting the kids have a big party for their 5th birthday and their "golden" birthday. Other years we just have a small family gathering. Once this was established my kids just accepted that's the way it is for our family, even if they are attending elaborate parties for other children every year. I started this after my son's 5th birthday party in 1996 at a McDonald's playland- I could see the trend already then and realized there was no end in sight- if I wanted to put brakes on the birthday party runaway-train then I had better start right away!
Posted by: Micki | January 22, 2007 02:07 PM
I lower the stress level about Birthday parties in two ways:
First, for my children's (ages 6 and 11) birthday parties I let them invite no more than 5 people. If my 11 year old wants a sleep over, then the number goes down to three.
All parties are at home with a $50 spending limit (this limit includes food, decorations and goodie bags). It is amazing how creative my kids can become when there is a dollar limit!
Second, I limit the amount of Birthay parties my children get to attend. Only 3 or 4 a year and only to their closest friends (relatives don't count). It gets expensive sending your child to every party they are invited to -- especially when its not even a child they really play with. And it keeps my child less exposed to the elaborate parties.
Posted by: Melinda | January 22, 2007 02:13 PM
I have 2 children ages 7 & 12. I find that having bdays at house are more fun for the kids. They get to hang out w/ there friends longer & they even get to open there gifts & have time to say thank you to everyone. You can also make house parties very inexpensive. Have a little fun with the menu. Make english muffin pizza or bagel pizza's. Make cheese, Roni, even mushroom for the adults. It's cheap & the kids love it! You can even have them build there own pizza.
Make your own sundaes is one of my favorites! We clear out the dining room & they dance & challenge there friends to sing Karaoke... That last for hours...and it's free!
Posted by: Selena | January 22, 2007 02:14 PM
Our children invite two to three friends over for a slumber party, where they eat pizza, watch a couple vidoes, and play games. When it gets dark, they get to go outside in the back yard and play flashlight tag. No matching plates, cups, or party hats. Pizza, cake and icecream get served on regular paper plates. And no gift bags.
Posted by: Cindi | January 22, 2007 02:20 PM
I think the poster on 01/13/07 raises a great point - families that CAN and WANT TO provide "extravagant" parties should certainly do so. Personal priorities. I think much of this issue comes down to the simple fact that our children have NO CLUE about the value of time and money, and parents over-indulge. Too many kids feel entitled to a fancy party...largely because most parents don't talk with their children about finances. Depending on the age of your child - let them see how much certain things cost. Give them the choice....$50 is our budget for cake and goody bags....how should we use it?
As a parent, I don't feel too much pressure because I just don't care what other parents think about my kids' parties. If that is what they're going to judge me on - I'm not worried about their opinion. I don't play "politically correct" and invite our neighbors kids just because we live nearby them, or because our kids play together 3 or 4 times a year. I don't make my kids invite someone just because they went to that person's party or played with them once last month. I stress "BESTEST FRIENDS ONLY" at birthday parties.
We've avoided having parents stay by writing "Drop off @ 5, and pick up @ 7" rather than just listing the time of the party.
As for our kids - my daughter (who will be 8 next month) LOVES animals, so she asks for gifts for our local animal shelter. Her goody bags are themed plastic cups. Inside them we put the crafts the kids make, and some Hershey Kisses. A few days after the party, we then get to spend 2-3 hours in the shelter delivering her gifts for the animals. Of course, the grandparents buy her NICE presents. This way she not only still gets presents, but the ones she gets are ones we know she'll LOVE.
My son (who will be 6 in April) really doesn't care what we do as long as he can have his 5 or so buddies. But then again - he's just a low maintenance child. This year he wanted a Chuck E. Cheese party. We told him if he wanted that he could only invite 5 kids, and he was fine with that.
As with many issues - I feel this whole issue is more of a parent issue. Kids of virtually any age should be given some responsibility to make decisions and to learn about finances. Parents also need to be parents and give their kids the boundary within which to operate. If more parents would just step up, I feel many of the issues we see with our children would greatly diminish.
Posted by: Janice | January 22, 2007 02:22 PM
My daughter will be 8 this year and we have done all sorts of parties. We have had huge parties for lots of kids with crafts and games, family only parties and last year she had a fun sleepover party. I have adjusted each year by what we can budget, the time frame we have (her birthday falls during spring vacation) and the amount of kids on her list. Some of her parties were a lot of work but were fun. There was some stress but I would learn each year. I feel that last year I really hit my groove. I wasn't stressed and everyone had a good time.
When we started planning her party this year I knew my limits. I wanted a smaller group of friends, I wanted no real prep or work, I didn't want to buy decorations and I wanted it to be fun for the kids and my husband and I. I sat down with my daughter and told her what I was thinking. Then I asked her what she wanted. She has never had a party at "place" before and really wanted that. We looked online and found some museums in the city but they were way too expensive. We looked into local things but they were too young for her age group or too old or not appropriate. We live in New England so there aren't a lot of outdoor options in April. Finally I remembered this museum that is set up like an 1830s village. I checked their website out and knew we had found our place. It will cost 165.00 for up to 8 kids (we are having 6) and 2 adults and will include period costumes for the kids to dress up in, a tea party with 1830's manner lesson, a craft to make and take home and they will be able to bake a cake on the open hearth. It includes admission to the museum as well. It fit the budget and my daughter was thrilled. The best part is my husband is looking forward to it as well. We had gone to this museum before we had our daughter and had a wonderful time.
I am not planning on doing party favors and I will be asking the parents to pack a lunch for their child as we will be spending the day at the village.
I think the most important things to remember are to think about what you- as the party host/hostess want to spend/do. When you know what your limits are talk to the birthday child.
Posted by: Kathleen | January 22, 2007 02:39 PM
If your friends are asking you what your 1 year old's birthday party's theme is, you need some new friends.
Posted by: Deborah Gaebler | January 22, 2007 02:43 PM
The 13-year-old's birthday party mentioned here: http://birthdayswithoutpressure.org/quotes.html
Is it actually referring to Mitzvahpalooza? http://www.nydailynews.com/news/col/story/369995p-314735c.html
Posted by: Ginger | January 22, 2007 02:43 PM
My daughter was a very social child and loved big parties.
This was difficult in that our family was "income challenged" in an "income rich" area; we had a tiny house; and her birthday was in the spring which meant we couldn't have her birthday outside.
Each year from the time she was 4, she'd invite all the kids in her class (anywhere from 12 to 25 kids), we'd play party games for an hour in our living room, and then we'd eat hotdogs and a homemade cake. Each kid would take home a simple craft item my daughter and I made for them.
My costs were rarely over $25 total. The parties were a lot of fun, noisy and silly. I enjoyed planning the games and making them fit the party theme. Any parent who stayed (and surprisingly, most parents did) had to help with the games/food.
This contrasts with my son's birthday parties; he did NOT want anything planned. He just wanted a couple of friends over for a playdate and cake and ice cream.
I guess what I am trying to say is that you can have a big production (if that is what your kid wants) for very little time and money on your part.
Posted by: Jodie | January 22, 2007 02:57 PM
We gave my 13 year old a choice. Dinner at her choice of restaurant and a nicer gift or a birthday party. She chose dinner at a very nice steak house and received a digital camera for her birthday. Our cost: about 200.00 vs at least that much for just the party -- and no special gifts from Mom and Dad. My other two kids can't wait for their turn!
Posted by: sue | January 22, 2007 03:03 PM
We had gotten tired of competing with other parents for bigger and bigger parties, so when our daughter turned 7 we told her she could take 3 friends out to dinner. She chose Japanese. We made each girl a t-shirt to commemorate the evening with an iron-on that had her name in Japanese. (We pulled that off the internet.)Then we took them next door for ice cream cones. It was reasonable and they had a great time! This year, she had a pajama party with old-fashioned games (charades and board games) and lots of laughing and talking. We rented two PG movies "Big Fat Liar" and "My Big Fat Greek Wedding." They laughed and talked and didn't seem to notice that we weren't spending a fortune.
Posted by: Lisa | January 22, 2007 03:08 PM
We let them have a little get together every other year. It is at our house, the kids actually get to play with each other. Examples,water game theme, camp out in the back yard, texas hold'em tournament.
Posted by: Anonymous | January 22, 2007 03:24 PM
A great idea is to have as many friends as the child's age that year... so for a 4-yr olds birthday party - 4 kids are plenty!!! It makes perfect sense in terms of adequate supervision and no one feeling overwhelmed! I have always been amazed when i show up at a 5 year old's party and there are 20 crazy kids running around! Insanity!
Posted by: Linda | January 22, 2007 03:27 PM
Some very simple rules we adhere to, even though we live in NYC land of over the top.
1) Ignore the school rule (if you are in private) that everyone in the class must be invited to a party.
2) Your age +1 if you are feeling indulgent. We keep it to 4-5 kids total (even for the 10 year old)
3) If you want to go overboard and hire a magician, go online and buy some tricks and perform them yourself. Your kid can be your assistant and everyone will love the show.
4) Get a small craft kit and have everyone build something.
5) Buy a pizza and ice cream
Put the money saved into the college fund, or a new Porche.
Posted by: Dweeb | January 22, 2007 03:32 PM
My boys are 18 months apart so all their birthday parties included all of the siblings of their friends. Until I got smart! I started having evening parties so that one parent can stay home with the siblings and only the friend the age of the birthday child attends the party. We always do it on the actual birthday so this also limits the guest attendance as it is often a week day evening with school the next day. I tried one year to say no presents as my son's birthday is 2 weeks after Christmas but that just had hurt feelings for those who wanted to bring something. But I do always encourage people that they do not need to bring something it's about the party and not the presents.
Our birthday tradition...Lunch at Wendy's just mom and the boys and then head to Toys R Us to use the gift cards they received from Grandma. In the evening they get to pick what we have for dinner and we use the same table cloth every birthday. Each year I dip their hands in fabric paint and add a new handprint to the tablecloth. Their guest and party start after that and we are done and in bed by 8 or 8:30 at the most. It's a fun filled DAY! ONE DAY! And that's it!
Posted by: Suzi | January 22, 2007 03:40 PM
My Children's birthdays all fall in the warmer months of the year. We have a BBQ usually at the park or in our backyard. We keep it to about 2 hours. We only invite close family & friends that are around the same age as the birthday child. We do what we always do when we invite friends over for a BBQ. Hot dogs & Hamburgers, Chips & lemonaide. The Kids & I make the birthday cake. Sometimes guests who have been to our parties before will brings salads & things. We turn the sprinklers on & let the kids have at it. I have never had a child complain & the other parents always coment on how nice & relaxing the party it was for them. When my kids get alittle older we may have to change it up alittle (Maybe Music & Dancing). We do make it alittle bigger for the milestone bithdays 3,5,10 (not much, maybe a bounce house or water slide rented by a local company). All in all the birthdays are fun & I've never spent over $300.00.
Posted by: Elissa | January 22, 2007 03:41 PM
For my son's second birthday last year, I said "no gifts" however I realize that people still like to bring something so I asked that they bring books to donate to the library. Everyone was very pleased with that and the library was very excited to get new children's books. I do believe that I will do this every year, that way my son can learn the value of giving to others.
Posted by: Betty | January 22, 2007 03:56 PM
The best birthday party I ever held for my son was at a park. I had planned games for the kids but they were having so much fun playing on the playground and making up their own games that I just stayed out of it. I had pizza and cake. The clean-up was a breeze. This was the most stress free birthday ever!
Posted by: Sali-Kai | January 22, 2007 03:56 PM
When I was thirteen, a group of mothers, including my own, decided to have a big dance for the seven girls in the class who had December birthdays. I remember being worried that my mother had been pressured into the party, but later she told me that it was the easiest party she ever gave. It was very inexpensive for the parents. It was at the parish hall of the church of one of the mothers, all the food (little pizzas, little sandwiches, and cake and punch) was bought at Sam's Club and heated up in the kitchen, a father was DJ (with help from the daughters), the entire class was invited, and the cost and the work was split among seven families. The mothers of the other children in the class loved it, because not only did the hosts say no gifts, but it saved the hassle of driving kids around to seven separate birthday parties packed into one month, buying seven gifts, seven RSVPs, etc. Plus we girls were told that this was a once-in-a-lifetime birthday party, so it didn't raise expectations for sweet sixteen or anything like that. In fact, we were told that this was being given as our last birthday party, since after thirteen we were too old for such things (which was true). Also we didn't receive any birthday presents from our parents except for a party dress -- they made certain we knew that the party and the dress WERE our presents. In any case, I think that this is a great solution for keeping costs and hassle down if you are lucky enough to be friends with kids with close together birthdays. The important things are to invite everyone in the class (unless the kids share the exact same circle of friends), to list names alphabetically on the invitation, not to have a theme unless everyone agrees on it, and not to hold the party on the actual birthday of any of the children (REALLY IMPORTANT to avoid cattiness among little girls). AND NO GIFTS. You do need to make certain that all the hosts have the same ideas about how much the party should cost and that none of the hosts is especially bossy. Otherwise, this works well.
Another memorable party -- for my ninth birthday, my mother had an Around the World dinner party. Different rooms and different corners of the house and yard had foods, music, and decorations from different countries. It was sort of like a progressive dinner party, with a group of little girls moving from room to room, corner to corner. I loved it. It was a load of work for my mother, but she is very creative and would rather have put in a lot of work on something like this than thrown a bunch of money at something pre-packaged and tacky. The foods for this sort of thing are easy and cheap -- pizza for Italy, cheese and croissants for France, pineapple slices and guava juice for Polynesia, etc. Just go to a basic party supply store for a very few decorations, and comb through your music collection for appropriate international music. I am hoping to have a daughter of my own one day so I can repeat this party.
Posted by: Merwinkle | January 22, 2007 03:59 PM
Last year we took our son to the local Burger King and let him choose four friends to invite. We also said no gifts, but he got a few anyway. They ran around for an hour or so, and at the end of that hour five very exhausted but happy kids left the place. So much so that he wants to do something similar this year too. He's going to turn seven. And we will probably do something similar for our daughter for her 3rd birthday, and probably enforce the no gifts rule this time.
Posted by: SLah | January 22, 2007 04:07 PM
In our house,we celebrate with a party on "milestone" birthdays(ages 5, 10, 15, and probably 18.)Because we"re only going "all out" every 5 years for each child I don't feel so bad spending more and making it extra special.
Posted by: Loretta | January 22, 2007 04:10 PM
No kids yet... someday, but not yet!
My best, most remembered parties... when I could convince my mother that all I wanted was a special dinner out, with just her, or turning the basement in to girl-territory and having a sleepover w/ my two best friends. We'd watch too much Star Trek, eat too much pizza, drink too much soda, and giggle ourselves to death over marathon games of Monopoly... kids do not remember the insane, complicated, expensive deals, and they really do enjoy simple things more.
Posted by: Laura Nolan | January 22, 2007 04:17 PM
I just had a party for my 7 year old daughter. She invited her entire class (18 kids) to a swimming party at a local motel. Included in the price of having a birthday party at the motel for four hours was pizza and pop. We had to order extra pizza and pop, because the number they provide wasn't enough. Her mother made a cake and cupcakes from a box mix. She decorated the cake. The kids swam for about 2 hours, then we ate and each child got to decorate their own cupcake. Then we opened gifts. The children got to swim for about another hour or so before their parents showed up. We did give out gift bags that had school pencils, a tracing ruler, about 5 or 6 pieces of candy, a miniature card game and a rubber wristband bracelet. Total cost of the party was under $250. We have been to several swimming parties and even a bowling party. There is plenty to do, but you don't have to overdo it. Parties can look spendy but can actually be kept to minimal budget.
Posted by: Anonymous | January 22, 2007 04:33 PM
We give our grandsons an opportunity to eat out at whatever establishment they choose on their birthday. We give no presents but take them all three to an amusement park or activity we can share as a family.
Posted by: Judy | January 22, 2007 04:39 PM
For my daughter's 7th birthday, we decided to have a craft party. We both picked out crafts from Oriental trading company catalog (which is VERY cheap). She invited 7 kids, and no parents stayed. We had pizza and cake and the kids were kept busy making crafts so it wasn't too overwhelming. It cost under $100 and was a great time. The kids got to take home what they made and a goodie bag with stickers from Michaels- 1000 for $1, and other dollar items. It was easy and fun.
Posted by: Anonymous | January 22, 2007 04:51 PM
We only have parties for major birthdays (5, 10, 13), so there is not the pressure every year. We also limit the number of friends invited to the age (5 friends for the 5th birthday, etc.). This cuts down on the cost as well. My kids have loved this idea, it gets them to appreciate the special birthdays. The other birthdays are spent at home with family opening presents, cake, etc., and they get to pick their favorite meal for dinner and we cook it together.
Posted by: Nancy F. | January 22, 2007 05:05 PM
When I was growing up, my mom would go crazy trying to make my birthday parties "perfect" then she'd be so stressed she'd never get to enjoy anything herself! I found myself doing the same thing with my older son too, and spending a ton of money while I was at it! But when I had my youngest son things changed. He has autism so I have to curve things somewhat so he won't get upset from feeding off my stress. I stil have a "theme" because he likes it, and I make a homemade cake around that "theme" (and let me tell u, I am NO baker lol) I make cupcakes for the kids and they seem to like that too. I do invite adults, in fact, I make flyers on the computer, nothing fancy just letting people know we're having a party and the only thing they should bring is themselves. We live next to a poor neighborhood and many of my son's friends cant afford gifts and we dont want them to miss out on the party just because they cant bring anything. The kids love to just ride bikes or play tag outside. I used to abhor party games when I was little because I was always left out! Or when I wasnt invited to a party of someone I thought of as a friend! So we have a pinata, and thats it. I buy the hot dogs and hamburgers, my neighbor does the grilling, and some of the guests bring covered dishes and beverages. My mom gets upset at this and says I shouldnt have guests bring food or their extended families but I think its fine, this is a celebration, all are invited for a nice relaxing get together to celebrate another year that I have been blessed with such a special son!
Posted by: Tina | January 22, 2007 05:39 PM
Since my daughter is having a bat mitzvah in February, I kept my son's January birthday party simple. Friday night: Pizza at home for dinner for three friends and movies after. Each kid got a NERF football. That's it. All I had to do was order cake and get footballs when I shopped at Target. My husband picked up pizza and took them to the movies.
One caveat: My typical 8-year-old started to complain he wouldn't get enough gifts (no matter how many times we show him how lucky we are).
Posted by: Texas Mom | January 22, 2007 06:31 PM
My husband & I have 6 children ages 19, 16, 14, 4, 2, & 1. We always have a 1st birthday party & have decided that having a "party" every 5 years is sufficient & within the budget. With the younger children we do cake & ice cream in their class & party with family on "the birthday plan". We will stop "partying" at the age of 21 & hope their spouses will pick up on this & celebrate this way with our grandchildren.
Posted by: Stephanie B | January 22, 2007 06:39 PM
When my daughter turned 8, we were tired of all the hoopla surrounding birthday's and wanted to get back to really enjoying the celebration of her life. So, we told her she could invite one or two of her closest friends to do something extra special. She decided to invite her cousin and a good friend from our home school group. The girls came dressed in their party dresses, brought their dolls and baby strollers. They took their babies on a walk, had a nice dinner together, made necklaces and bracelets, watched a movie and then talked until they fell asleep. The next morning they had a special breakfast together before the mom's came to get their girls. Not only was very easy for me but it was a complete delight to watch the girls make wonderful memories. There weren't lots of guests, decorations or presents, but my daughter actually had quality time to spend with her guests. Which she loved and will remember forever... I hope. In the passed we had large groups of children, lots of games and things to do, but little time to enjoy eachother. After having both kinds of parties, my daughter enjoyed the small party much better and I must admit, so did I.
Posted by: Virginia Mom | January 22, 2007 06:56 PM
As I was growing up, my parents didn't make a huge deal out of our birthdays. They simply couldn't afford to. Mom would ask us what kind of cake we wanted and she would bake that.
When I had children of my own, we let them choose the activity they wanted to do and we did that as a family and then let them choose where they wanted to have their birthday dinner.
And why do parents think they are required to have "A Big Birthday Party" every year? Why not just on the big ones, like 1, 6, 10, 13, 16, and 21. The birthdays in between those can be celebrated just as a family. Then enough birthday parties!
Posted by: Deborah | January 22, 2007 07:07 PM
I have a 7, 3 and 1 year old and 5 year old twins. I do not let myself fall into the "I have to do better" pit. I make the girls party easy. Music to dance to or a microphone so they can sing along. Simple games (musical chairs, treasure hunts). Last year my husband made a CD of my 7 year olds favorite songs and that was each childs party gift. No candy. No silly toys that break no the way home. I try and make the party gifts (if any) something that they will actually use (hair accesories etc) so I don't feel like I am just throwing my moeny away.
As far as the parents, I want them there. It is much less stressful for me (esp with the younger ones) if Mom or Dad is there to help with the bathroom, cutting up food, controlling any "anti-social" behavior. And actually, most of the time the parents join in with the dancing etc and walk away saying that they actually had fun!
I look forward to looking through this site more. Thanks!
Posted by: Mom of 5 | January 22, 2007 07:47 PM
Yesterday my twin granduughters were 2. They are our first grandchildren. Their parents had a party at home. Their mum and dad made all the food including two delicious party cakes with toy animals on top . We helped blow up the balloons and put the tables and chairs under the trees. We all had a lovely day together and all the little ones were so wonderful. I heard one mum say as she went what a lovely relaxing time she had had. Long may it last like this I say.
Posted by: marie | January 22, 2007 07:50 PM
Yesterday my twin granduughters were 2. They are our first grandchildren. Their parents had a party at home. Their mum and dad made all the food including two delicious party cakes with toy animals on top . We helped blow up the balloons and put the tables and chairs under the trees. We all had a lovely day together and all the little ones were so wonderful. I heard one mum say as she went what a lovely relaxing time she had had. Long may it last like this I say.
Posted by: marie | January 22, 2007 07:52 PM
I was so happy to read in our local paper (in Reno, NV) about your website. We have 3 children, ages 12, 9 and 5 and from the beginnning, we decided to opt out of outrageous birthday parties. Our stategy: we chose certain ages that seemed like milestons, so far 4, 7, 10, and this year, 13, and when our kids have reached those ages, we let them have a party to which they can invite friends. These parties are always held at our house. We come up with a theme and use it for the cake and games. We will do party favors, but they're very low key. On the off years, we just have family over for cake and ice cream. Nearly all of my kids' friends have extravagent parties every year. Although my kids occassionally complain about our birthday rule, for the most part they accept it. When they were younger and asked why they didn't get a big party every year or why their parties were at home, we simply told them that we don't do it that way in our family. So many parents think they're depriving their kids of something by not throwing a giant party every year. I have no doubt that my kids will have good memories of all of their birthdays despite the lack of splashy gatherings.
Posted by: Margaret | January 22, 2007 09:08 PM
I have always followed my natural bent, which is to enjoy small intimate gatherings as opposed to wild parties. I ask my child which very special friends, 1 or 2 (3 with exception), he'd like to have at his birthday and what thing he wants to do, i.e. go to the beach, bowling, laser tag, a movie, etc. It's just what my mother did for me and I loved it growing up!
Posted by: Krista | January 22, 2007 09:25 PM
We rarely do parties. On birthdays, the birthday kid gets to pick what restaurant she wants to go to, and we go out for dinner, and come home and open presents and eat cake and ice cream with family. Every few years we do a gathering with few (2 or 3) friends, but that is it.
Posted by: Carrie | January 22, 2007 10:28 PM
When I had 3 foster boys, after having raised my own children, I had to think of new ideas for birthday parties.These were 3 brothers that had never had a birthday party in their life, so I wanted to make it a memorable time for each of them.The 11 yr old opted for a dinner at a buffet with 4 buddies and a movie afterwards.The 8 yr old wanted to have friends in for a party. I agreed to 8 boys counting himself.Dreading the noise that I was sure was to follow. I went to the craft store and asked the sales lady if she had any ideas, she showed me a barrel of beads of all shapes and colors that were sold by the pound. 5 pounds of beads is a lot of beads by the way.I also purchased zipper pulls and key chains. Those boys sat at the dining room table with all those beads and spent the next 3 hours making different things.I couldn't believe how quiet they were.Instead of making a birthday cake, I bought flat bottom cones, filled them 3/4 fill of cake batter and baked them on a cookie sheet in the oven.Ice them to the hilt when they were cooled. The boys loved them cause the cones didn't take up much room on the table where they were all working so hard.They took their crafts home in place of goodie bags. Total cost of the party, hot dogs, juice, cone cake, beads and other supplies $30. The youngest' birthday was in the middle of summer and having a huge back yard with 2 big picnic tables made things easy.I use to save sterofoam egg cartons for the kindergarden room, so using some of those, I cut them in half to make 6 small paint cups in which I put different colors of paint. I purchased popcycle sticks, glue, foam shapes, glitter dust and dollar store paint brushes. The boys sat at the picnic tables and made pictures frames, painted them and decorated them with the glitter and foam shapes. While they were doing that I snapped their picture with the digital camera and printed the pictures off in the house for them to place in the frames.Again hot dogs, juice,and cake. No goodie bags again taking home their craft. Cost app. $30 again.And they all seemed to have fun.
On all their invitations I always put "in lieu of gifts please send a small bag of cat or dog food for the SPCA, which I will deliver on Monday"
Sometimes it is best to let the child have some input into their parties,children can come up with the darndest ideas and good ones too.
Posted by: Joan | January 22, 2007 10:53 PM
My son will be 10 this year. We had family parties separate from kid parties for awhile. He has only older cousins or out-of-town cousins and so this was grandma/pa and one aunt/uncle. He loved that. When he was 3 or 4 we had some children over separately, but the first time they all just put together a wooden train set he got at the family party. He had stopped unwrapping after 2 things so the kids helped him finish and enjoyed that. For 5 and 6 we had fun, simple parties at home (one year I had a friend who's a clown come), but the last 3 we've had some friends go with us to Zap Zone laser tag including a couple of dads. We have a blast. No real need for goodie bags (we've done it both ways)--send them home with a helium balloon or a punching bag balloon. Yes it generally costs us $200 but he enjoys it and we add some kids that he'd like to get to know better. Everyone ends up being better friends. It is fun and we always send photos of the fun to all attendees with a thank you.
Posted by: Carolyn | January 22, 2007 10:57 PM
Two reasons I throw birthday parties for my girls are: 1)so that my kids can get together with all their friends and family and 2)they us parents can also get together with each other. It's the best execuse to have a bbq party. Everyone we know are so busy and normally no one have time to see each other because they all have their own lives to live. Birthday parties are the only good execuse that I can come up with for both adults and kids to come together (like a reunion). Our parties are simple. Most of the time if we do have game is usually just a pinada. Most of the time the kids entertain each other. They are happy just to have all their friends there. What toys my kids have in the house is usually have they all play with. Not to mention "chase" in the backyard.
Posted by: andrea | January 22, 2007 11:00 PM
Two reasons I throw birthday parties for my girls are: 1)so that my kids can get together with all their friends and family and 2)they us parents can also get together with each other. It's the best execuse to have a bbq party. Everyone we know are so busy and normally no one have time to see each other because they all have their own lives to live. Birthday parties are the only good execuse that I can come up with for both adults and kids to come together (like a reunion). Our parties are simple. Most of the time if we do have game is usually just a pinada. Most of the time the kids entertain each other. They are happy just to have all their friends there. What toys my kids have in the house is usually have they all play with. Not to mention "chase" in the backyard.
Posted by: andrea | January 22, 2007 11:01 PM
We really enjoy just making a few phone calls--invite 3 or 4 kids over, and let them play for a very long time. A summer birthday for my son almost always includes a water hose in the sandbox (who cares if a little of the sand washes out!), the slip and slide, a sprinkler, and a simple lunch like my sons favorite--hot dogs or PBJ sandwiches, with carrots and chips. I stay out of their way and they play til they are all tired. It's great. No pressure for them or for me. I have learned that they have genuine fun when I bow out and let them play. Good Luck!
Posted by: Marnie K | January 22, 2007 11:27 PM
I think a wonderful idea for a party is instead of having guests bring a birthday present for the child, bring an item of need to donate to the local Humane Society. They have a list of items needed on their website!
Posted by: Connie | January 23, 2007 12:29 AM
When my brother and I were growing up, my mom would celebrate our birthdays by inviting relatives (aunts, uncles, and cousins). Usually, we had cake that she ordered from a local bakery, but for my fifth birthday, she made my cake from a cake mix and topped it with frosting and those pre-packaged cake decorations. In addition to the cake, we would play games, wear party hats, and of course, open a few gifts. For that fifth birthday party, I got a Barbie doll. When I turned 15, I had a quincenera (as is the tradition in the Hispanic culture), but unlike many of the other girls, my party was low-key, not extravagant. Frankly, that's the way I think they should be.
Today, at 37 and 39, we celebrate our birthdays by going out to dinner at a nice restaurant. Of course, I still like to have cake and I did get quite a bit for my 37th this past year. To me, birthdays are not complete without them!
Posted by: Veronica | January 23, 2007 12:57 AM
This site comes at a great time for me since my daughter turns 1 in March. Several weeks ago my husband and I decided not to have a big party for her birthday and to go away for the weekend (with her of course!) instead. In December we had a big party for the finalization of her adoption and we requested on the invite that guests not bring gifts. Instead of focusing on opening gifts (which seemed to be a necessary part of the baby showers but then we did need the items!) we got to celebrate being a forever family with those who have shown us great support over the past year. Thanks for helping me to take the pressure off of myself over this upcoming birthday. I figure if we get one photo of her blowing out a candle, or diving into a cake/cupcake, that will suffice for her memory book. Also, we get to spend a relaxing weekend away from home!
Posted by: Kate N | January 23, 2007 01:32 AM
I have to say, yes most birthday parties are out of control. However, for my two children now 18 and 17 we worked it this way; most of their birthday parties were just family and most times because we live away from family it was just the four of us. However, we did have a little bit bigger party for their first double digit birthday (their 10th) and their 16th birthday. I've never spent over $200 on a birthday. In our area there is a movie theater that you can rent out for minimal cost and the kids bring their video game systems and hook them up to the big screen and everyone can play at the same time. I have to say it was a big hit, we requested no gifts, but each child had to bring their own spending money or snack. It went over quite well. In fact my kids have been to many of the same type of parties at the theater. The best thing about it was, total cost with cake was about $80. Also I would never let my kids attend a party that was over done. It's not the way they were brought up. It not only puts a burden on the parents, but it also puts a burden on the children attending, they feel like they have to bring a bigger gift and most families today can't afford that.
Sincerely,
One Smart Mom
Murrieta, Ca
Posted by: Jean | January 23, 2007 02:03 AM
I was so excited to read about your site in our newspaper. I have had the same thoughts for years and resisted (never given in!) to the pressures. However, I do want to share this. We have two children that we have adopted from foster care at older ages (5 and 7). The child we gave birth to has never shown a need to have these kinds of parties. Especially our youngest (a girl) has almost demanded the over the top party from the day she arrived at our house (5 yrs old). Even in foster care she had come to expect this from the eventual family she would have. Her last birthday, we tried to stay with our low key (cake with a few friends) philosophy. She threw a royal fit when she learned she wasn't having her "dream" birthday. It was as if she had determined that someone owed her the over the top thing. Thank you for all you are doing to try to stop the madness!
Posted by: Genie Brainerd | January 23, 2007 02:41 AM
An alternative to getting stressed out about your child's birthday party is to use it as a time to teach children an important value about the need and gratification of sharing our resources with children whose birthday goes without being recognized at all. There are over 130,000 children today in Minnesota who are living in poverty. Many of these children don't believe they have a birthday because their parents have never been able to afford to recognize it with a birthday present.
Cheerful Givers (www.cheerfulgivers.org)is a unique, local nonprofit organization that addresses this unmet need. With the help of many volunteers, we fill birthday gift bags with toys and distribute them to shelters and food shelves throughout Minnesota so that economically disadvantaged parents can recognize their child's one special day. The organization remains transparent to the child so the birthday gift bag is a present from their parents.
What you can do:
* Instead of spending $100 or more on party entertainmnent, send it as a donation to Cheerful Givers. Let everyone (including your child) know what you've done and how that donation is going to allow less fortunate parents to be able to give their child a small gift on their birthday.
* On your party invitations, suggest that guests either make a donation or bring a toy that will be donated to Cheerful Givers instead of more toys for the birthday boy/girl. Present this idea to your child and you might be surprised at how willing they are to share with kids who don't have toys.
* At your birthday party, include a "Birthday Bag Blitz" as an activity for all your guests. You buy small toys and gift bags that your guests will fill and deliver them to a shelter or food shelf in your community. Do this instead of giving your guests goodie bags. Some kids have asked all their guests to sign a poster that says "I'm a Cheerful Giver!"
Remember that what you are doing today will make a difference in what your children teach their children.
For more ideas or information, visit www.cheerfulgivers.org or contact karen@cheerfulgivers.org. Thanks!
Posted by: Karen Kitchel | January 23, 2007 08:05 AM
I have been a children's entertainer in the New York area for the past 16 years, and I have performed at more than 3000 events. I have seen my share of extravagant parties. But I strongly disagree with this site for using a few extreme examples of "parties gone wrong" to scare parents into thinking that celebrating a childs birthday party will scar them for life. IT IS ONLY ONE DAY.
If you want to raise children that have less materialistic values, then lead by example - no monster SUV in the driveway, no McMansion style house, no designer clothes. In a society where half of the marriages end in divorce, adults spend tens, and even hundreds, of thousands of dollars on a reception. The over-the- top birthday party is not the cause, it is just a symptom.
Do not deny your children what you would not deny yourself.
Posted by: Barbara Bambino | January 23, 2007 08:05 AM
Wow. Lots of ideas. We have always kept the parties simple. For my daughter's 10th birthday she invited 4 close friends for a sleepover. Our house is small, so she was limited. The girls went to the park across the street and found some boys they knew. They wound up playing for over an hour and had a blast. We then had a "make-up" session where the girls put on their faces for the night. Then we put on some music and danced away!
My daughter had a picture of 3 of her classmates (okay, they were all boys)so I cut out the heads and had them play "tape-the-head-on-the-boy". They thought that was great.
Homemade cake and a movie finished the evening.
One girl commented more than once "This is the best party ever!"
Free play. That's what childhood is all about.
Posted by: Patti D. | January 23, 2007 08:35 AM
I love doing birthday parties. My daughter is so much help she and her friends get together and come up with some things that would be really neat to do. We do sleep overs, we had a movie night birthday party, and for her last birthday party she wanted to do a mardi gras theme. She and I went to the dollar tree found every thing we needed (her party was under a $100.00) it also helps that she likes to keep her invites very limited just her very close friends. I like to think that she is very smart for 11yrs old she wanted to do goody bags for her 10th b-day so I took her to a dollar store and she pick out very cute purses and lip gloss and things like that and her friends loved it. I think people get to worked up over something such as a birthday party you can still do themes and goody bags just be smart about where you shop. We don't have as much money as all my daughters friends do but they have so much fun with her at her parties and their partents think that her parties are great to and now they have cut back on cost by shopping the same way. Dollar stores have really great thing to buy for themed parties.
Posted by: Teresa | January 23, 2007 08:42 AM
One last thing I forgot we didn't go out and buy her invites it may sound cheap to some but hey, we printed them out on the computer that way they turned out the way we wanted the to.
Posted by: Teresa | January 23, 2007 08:52 AM
My child has a birthday near Christmas. When she was younger, she received Christmas presents and birthday presents from the members of our extended family, as well as from her friends for her birthday. For a few years we had her do a gift exchange for her birthday party. Everyone brought gifts that any child that age would like, we drew numbers, and each child went home with one nice gift. It worked great!
Posted by: Anonymous | January 23, 2007 08:58 AM
With our first child we started the tradition that our children would only have a "party" on their 5th, 10th, 13th and 16th birthdays. On all the others, the child gets to invite 2 friends out to a restaurant of their choice. It has worked wonderfully. Setting the standard early and sticking to it has led to no problems. The bonus is that my children are invited to fewer birthday parties because there is no pressure to reciprocate an invitation.
Posted by: Jana | January 23, 2007 09:03 AM
I now offer 200.00 instead of a party I get off cheap that way.
Posted by: margie venne | January 23, 2007 09:16 AM
Here's my suggestion. How about NO BIRTHDAY PARTY. Why is it necessary to hold an extravagant birthday party every year... especially for children who are 2 or 3 years old and barely know what is going on? This practice sets a DANGEROUS trend... an expectation for a bigger and "better" party next year. Celebrating a birthday with family - mom, dad, siblings, and maybe grandma and grandpa - should be good enough.
Posted by: Kathy K | January 23, 2007 10:36 AM
I have two daughters - 9 and 18 months. Both birthdays are in July. Last year, we did a combined b-day. The oldest loved it! The baby - too young to remember. It was sentimental reasons only. And, we saved all the gifts for after the party. This way, the b-day kid really gets to appreciate the gift. It's not just a "mad dash" to open them really fast. And not so many people are crowding around.
Also, since they have July b-days, and schools out, we don't invite friends. Just family.
I've always had the party in the afternoon, scheduled around naps. Main reason - you don't have to feed anybody! Just cake and ice cream and everyone's happy!
I'm pregnant with my third - due in mid-june, so we'll probably just combine this one's with the other two as well.
Makes life so much simpler!
Posted by: Sara Tracey | January 23, 2007 10:57 AM
We gave both our kids family partys only for thier first birthdays, at home with lots of lovely home made food and cakes. After that they got party at 4 then every 2nd year after. They don't feel they are missing out on anything as we always make the day really special for them, thier choice of supper for example and thier choice of what to play. This year we will be on holiday so we are all going to Legoland for the day for a big treat for my son's birthday (he is lego daft). We have never held big parties for our kids, if they get your love, time and attention they are more than happy.
When it comes to party gifts my friends and I have a £5 rule where you give a gift inc the card and wrapping that costs no more than £5. If you all always stick to it it works superbly.
Posted by: Eunice from Scotland | January 23, 2007 11:04 AM
(This comment might be contradicting to site.) I remember when I was a little girl, I only had "ONE" birthday party and I vowed that my son would experience the thrill to have a birhtday party every year. Like the saying goes "Their only young once." I do believe though kids are getting too many toys that they don't play with or appreciate. So last year my 9 year old son decided to ask for donations to his favorite charity, The Victory Juction Gang Camp, he raised $200. He was so excited to help others that he is going to do it again this year. He just had a bunch of friends and family over to our house and they played football, kickball, and they had a water ballon fight. I think it makes the kids feel special for one day, something some kids don't feel in a lifetime. It doesn't have to be elaborate or expensive just another reason to get together and have fun, what's wrong with that!!!
Posted by: Paige | January 23, 2007 11:38 AM
We have been doing 'home parties', which includes a sleepover, for both our boys (recently ages 7 and 10) for the last 2 years and they LOVE it! We did a scavenger hunt and ordered $5 pizzas! We stopeed gift bags 2 years ago and it was the best thing ever! Now, they did receive gifts, mainly gift cards, so they enjoyed combining them all and going out to spend them. Parents told me that was the easiest thing. Everything is SO expensive!!
The only thing I will do next time is limit the number of children because each time we have had 14-16 boys running around the house adn neighborhood! Plus, the clean up is not so great, but me cleaning (for free) sure beats paying all that extra money hosting it at Chuck E Cheese or any other 'rip off' venue!!
Posted by: Kim G | January 23, 2007 11:42 AM
We just had a no-stress birthday party for our now six-year-old that:
How?
We invited his entire kindergarten class over for two hours on a Saturday evening. Parents could drop off their children. We made Havdalah - a short but beautiful Jewish ritual that separates Shabbat (the Sabbath) from the rest of the week. Then we played a sort of Simon-Says game while dinner cooked in the oven.
Dinner was fish sticks, french fries, applesauce, and juice boxes, all kosher and all picked up from the local warehouse store. Cost: about $15. Kids ate dinner on paper plates on the living room floor. Paper towels were on hand for spills.
After dinner, they got changed into jammies that they'd brought (as per the invitation we'd created), and snuggled down into sleeping bags that they'd brought.
We put on a G-rated movie and popped popcorn, serving it in paper lunch bags, one bag for each child.
At the end of the evening, parents picked up their kids, after having an evening largely to themselves.
We did not open gifts that night. Our son opened them the next day, Sunday. I took digital photos of him opening each gift. We're going to print a photo for each gift-giver on regular paper, which our son will use to write his thank-you note. So each one gets a photo of him opening their gift along with his thanks.
We also did not have cake. No one asked about it. We didn't want the kids having so much sugar in the evening, and they didn't miss it. Sharing a meal and eating popcorn while watching a movie at a "slumber party" was fun for all.
And since our son doesn't watch TV or movies much at all, it was a special treat for him, too.
Posted by: Sheyna G (West Side ECFE) | January 23, 2007 12:28 PM
I think this is the most ridiclous thing I have ever heard of.... Mind your own business. If you as a parent can't afford to throw large elaborate parties do what you can do. Where do you get off telling others how to run their homes and how to plan their children's happiness. Just because you can't afford it doesn't mean everyone else has to be sucked in by you !!!!!! Ladies you have allot of nerve!!!!! When my daughter turned one we had 29 children and 39 adults, the following year we hired Mickey Mouse, the year after that we hired 3 Power Rangers and Barney. When she turned 5 we rented the Doll House Museum in Washington, DC. Birthday parties are like weddings and other events it is a matter of personal perfrence. If you can't afford them then simply serve cake and icec cream but don't be mad at the rest of the world if YOU can't afford to throw large elaborate parties... STOP HATING on those of us who can.... get a life I am a professional party planner I plan elaborate children's parties as well as parties for adults. Thank God the world isn't full of people like you if so I would go broke
Posted by: Rita Summers-Page | January 23, 2007 12:51 PM
The problem is exacerbated by preschools and elementary schools that encourage inviting the whole class for fear someone's feelings may be hurt if not invited (a policy probably created by overinvolved parents who didn't give their kids enough credit). My kids didn't know or care when they were that age. It is crazy to have 15-20 preschoolers who are 3 or 4 years old. I found it torture to attend these affairs which usually ended up with an overstimulated birthday boy or girl melting down. I limit the number of parties we attend and when my kids were young, I held a small party at home for them. When I used to tell the other moms what I was doing they acted like it was a new idea to host a party you can handle yourself. It was a revelation. Kids that came had a relaxing and fun time. Have the courage to do what common sense and your inner voice advise.
Posted by: calm | January 23, 2007 01:33 PM
My youngest son Anthony, had his 5th birthday party this past weekend. In my eyes, it was very simple. I rented out a gymnastics place for 1 1/2 hours and the kids got to run and play. There was no crying or anyone saying "I'm bored." The gym took care of everything! Even the clean up!! And the cost was only $100 for 10 kids. This was the best $100 I've spent on a party! And he didn't receive many presents because we invited 3 families with mulitiple chilren, so there was only one present per family. It worked out great and there was very little stress on me.
Posted by: JAB | January 23, 2007 02:33 PM
The most stress-free party we had was also the best. Cake from a mix w/frosting & candles (no decorations), ice cream, disposable everything. The only decorating I did was to string crepe paper (10 minutes, under a buck). The activities were pin the tail on the donkey (which flopped, big time), and playing with special balloons I bought for $2 a bag (eight per package). In each package was balloons and "face" stickers- different eyes, ears, noses & mouths, so the kids could design their own face on the balloon. They spent 45 minutes throwing the balloons around, playing catch, keep-a-way, tag, you name it. This was my daughter's sixth birthday party. Total cost of party: under $20, including food, invitations, decorations, and entertainment. Total time spent by me: around 2 hours, which includes buying all items, sending invites, preparing cake, decorating, clean up.
Posted by: Michelle | January 23, 2007 03:35 PM
My daughter is five. And, for the past few years, we have celebrated her birthday at a local amusement park. It cost $10 per child to get 2 hours of unlimited rides. I don't pay for parents. We get a cake and some inexpensive goody bags. The focus is on having fun with friends. Not getting gifts or having the best party. My daughter has fun and there is very little stress for me.
Posted by: Tina | January 23, 2007 03:40 PM
I am offering ideas toward solutions. "Birthdays Without Pressure" is not a debate topic. It is a blanket that covers and will correct debate issues once the reality of this condition comes to the front and center of our lives. I wrote to Bill Dohrety, offering my services and I also sent him a note on ENVY, which is key to a solution. I only hope he picks me as a person of interest. I will not let him down if he employes my services.
Regards,
Steve O'
Posted by: Steve O' | January 23, 2007 04:30 PM
I think the thing that is realy sad is that some people are soooo jealous of those of us who throw nice big parties, that they would try to curtail others from doing what they want. If you want to have a small simple party,great if that is what is right for you.
But we put alot of time and effort into our parties. My daughter's Hula and Hoola Party (hula dancing and Hoola Hooping) was a blast. The kids got a huge kick out of the hawaaiin theme. We didn't take the time to make straws with fruit slices attached because of "pressure". We did it because it was a fun time for our family. As was spending time scouring the internet to find pretty inexpenive lei's for all the girls. OUr family spent one eveinging at a party store picking out cute hawaiian themed decorations too. Why is it anyone's business if we want to do this?
Posted by: Anonymous | January 23, 2007 04:42 PM
Another thing. If you take a look at the news, you will find that President Chavez of Venezuela is bashing America. He has won a new six year tearm by a landslide. This is after a 2002 coup that briefly ousted him. He claims America played a role in this coup. "The Bush administration denied involvemnet. but recognized an interim government established by coup leaders." No invlovement? Yea, tell me about it!.
Chavez turns the mirror at his own country, pointing out excessive consumption and self-indulgence. He vowes to curtail this situation. Don't be frightened by his plan, which he calls "21st Century Socialism" because a truly functioning country will look socialist, no matter how you slice it.
Thanks for listening,
Steve O'
Posted by: Steve O' | January 23, 2007 04:55 PM
my son turned 5 in Nov. & it was the first party he'd had with guests other than Mom & Dad & grandparents. we had a wiener roast & smores with & a hay ride (we live in the country) & only family attending. there were no gift bags for the other children. i agree that they don't need more "stuff". we also requested "no gifts" &, other than grandparents, most everyone obliged. he has more than he could play with already. everybody had a great time & my husband & I agreed that once every five years is okay to have a "party" but still keep it fun without killing ourselves planning it.
i read about this website in our local paper tonight & loved that i'm not the only one who thinks people go overboard.
terri
Posted by: Terri | January 23, 2007 07:23 PM
I would expect a response like that from someone with a hyphenated last name.
Posted by: Anonymous | January 23, 2007 07:35 PM
i think Rita (Jan. 23)needs to take her own advice & mind her own business. this website is for people who are tired of extravagance & to give others ideas of how to do that. it isn't about who can afford what. i feel sorry for you & your daughter. someday the real world may smack you both in the face.
Posted by: anonymous | January 23, 2007 07:39 PM
We decided many years ago that we would take the traditional route with birthday parties. Guests do not bring gifts -- they go home with one. Each of the games has some sort of small prize and each child gets a prize for every "game". For example, if there are 5 children, there are 5 balloon tails on the donkey. When a blindfolded child pops a balloon, there is a number inside, and that is the prize they get.
Posted by: Pamela | January 23, 2007 08:59 PM
When my daughter turned 5, all she wanted to do for her birthday was play all the games we had played at her 4th birthday! I didn't think that was creative enough, but a very wise friend explained to that we were creating traditions, and if that is what she wanted, I should follow her lead. Everyone had a great time, including me!
Posted by: Sue | January 23, 2007 09:02 PM
As a military family with 5 children, we found birthday parties and invitations quickly spiraling out of control. Our children would get invitations at school for children we didn't know and they barely knew. We sat down and discussed how to keep things affordable, yet let our kids feel like they are included with their friends. What we came up with was they were allowed to go to birthday parties of good friends. For our children we have a tradition of about 6 years now that on their birthday they pick where the family goes to dinner. No child is permitted to ditch a sibling's dinner, so that keeps it a huge family thing. Our 7 year old is already talking about where she wants her birthday dinner (in August). They even get excited about Mom and Dad picking our dinner destinations.
Posted by: Anonymous | January 23, 2007 11:08 PM
I HAVE TWINS! So for a small birthday party..we have twice the amount of kids. What we do is have a "no birthday party" party every other year. It means a friend each, cake, crafts and a sleep over. On the other years, we have a party at a local place (our house is too small) and along with the event we play games. Tug of war, running with eggs on spoons, relay races, and my favorite.. the three legged race. This gives the parents time to chuckle when the kids fall down! The kids, both boys and girls love it! We have started something new in our town and we have found there is more "no gift parties" and games being played at the ones that are hits. We know we are successful because it is hard to get the kids to go home!!
Posted by: Barbara C | January 23, 2007 11:30 PM
Before the age of 5, we just did regular play-dates with only a couple of friends. The emphasis was on singing and playing games as a group, rather than presents and all that for one kid. I took them once to the Swedish American Museum, which has a place for the kids to just play unhindered, and then we went out for hot chocolate at a local coffee shop or something. No presents. Now, we only have parties for the "biggies". Age 5 was one, age 7 as well. That's as far as we've gotten. For 5, my girls and their dad made a pinata and put things like whistles, Chinese yo-yos, and little bottles of bubbles in it. We went to a neighborhood park, the kids played, ate fruit and veggies, then cake, and then did the pinata thing. It was great because there was no mess in the house to clean up! The kids took home their winnings from the pinata, we made sure it was evenly distributed, all were happy. People brought gifts and that was the only hard part. We didn't need stuff!! So for 7, the girls made cupcakes and invited 7 friends. Everyone was asked to not bring a gift, but only a photograph of themselves, because the girls loved to make scrapbooks of the people they love. We got the MOST creatively prepared pictures from all their friends; people made their own frames, printed out photos that were taken of MY children with theirs...it was truly heartwarming and blessed. So my husband and I gave the girls a new scrap book for their birthday to put all these wonderful photos in. It was perfect.
This year, my 7-going-on-8 year old doesn't want a party. She just wants her grandmother to come for dinner and take her to Navy Pier (in Chicago) or to the opera with her. I think we have a good thing going here! But we can always inprove, and I love the ideas on this website. Thanks!!
Megan in Chicago
Posted by: Megan | January 23, 2007 11:30 PM
Before learning of this website, we had decided we didn't yet want to enter the birthday party "scene," so we planned family outings for our children's birthdays this year. We went to the Jackson Street Roundhouse for one son's birthday, a waterpark for the other, and will visit a science museum for our daughter's.
For their first birthdays, each of our four children got a cake and candles photo op with each side of the family, coinciding with another family gathering within a month of their birthday if possible.
After age one, we just invited grandma and grandpa for supper and cake, and let the birthday child choose the meal.
When my husband and I grew up, we each got one birthday party with friends, usually around age 8. I think that makes it more memorable.
I'm relieved to say that our children (ages 6, 4, and 3) have only been invited to one birthday party. Maybe people in our area are thinking the same thing as the originators of this site!
Posted by: Linda | January 24, 2007 06:21 AM
When my 4 year old had her b-day in September 2006, I stuck to my guns in regards to the "rule" of the number of kids - she ended up with 2 friends able to come. It was her first "friend" b-day party, I planned a lot of activities ..."just in case". But I also knew, we might not do any of them. With a pirate theme - do you know what the favorite games was???? Walking on a board over a kiddie pool!!!!! They played in a bouncy thing and that was it. It really didn't cost all that much ... certainly not $200 to rent a place out. The ONLY bad part was overhearing my friend's husband say before the party, "what are we going to do" in a snide way.
Posted by: Jules B | January 24, 2007 08:31 AM
We have followed a basic rule of thumb my mother-in-law told me (though not as strictly with our oldest). The rule is - only invite as many guests as the age of your child. We always have them at home with a homemade cake, ice cream and a couple of simple party games. At the age of 10 - we do a full-blown "fancy" party. My oldest picked bowling, my second child picked a "jumping" party and my youngest is only 7 so we haven't gotten there yet. After that, ages 11 and up, they get to invite 1 or two friends to spend the day, go to the movies, or whatever they would like to do. We started telling them early on that was going to happen and they're okay with that. We also give them a separate "family" party when grandparents, aunt and uncle and godparents come for dinner and cake.
Posted by: Sheila Siler | January 24, 2007 08:33 AM
Starting two years ago we decided to stop throwing our now 7 year old son elaborate birthday parties.
Now we invite a couple of his friends over, send them downstairs for an hour to play, eat cake, then play outside until the party is over.
Each year our son has a great time playing with all his friends.
I think any additional activities that I or my wife can provide will just interfere with their fun.
Posted by: Don Jacob | January 24, 2007 10:03 AM
You should talk Mr/Miss/Mrs/whatever "ANONYMOUS"
Steve O'
Posted by: Steve O' | January 24, 2007 10:37 AM
About Rita (Jan.23rd), the party planner! Of course she is going to be against this site. She makes a living doing birthdays. When this site realy takes off, it will open all our eyes to the truth and to what God really had planned for us.
Regards,
Steve O'
Posted by: Steve O' | January 24, 2007 10:43 AM
I am the mother of a 5 year old. I guess I have to count myself lucky as we have not experienced the extreme situations mentioned on this site. However I am noticing a trend for many parents in our area to have their childrens parties at different locations (bowling alleys, museums, etc.) But in their defense these places do offer the advantage of not having to clean up when you are done, that's a service these locations offer with their birthday packages.
So far we have not had a party outside of our home. Admittedly I am an artist and a craftsperson and creative ideas come to me easily. Almost every party we have had for our daughter (except her first b-day) has had a theme of some sort. For me a theme just makes things easier, it helps keep me on track. BUT I have avoided cartoon characters and other commercialized themes. For her 3rd birthday we had a farm theme, I found animal plates in the grocery store (zoopals?) and matching cups, a few animal decorations and we made a barn cake (found the directions on familyfun magazine's website). We made our own invitations out of card stock. Instead of party hats everyone got a bandana and in the invitation everyone was asked to wear their overalls or blue jeans. The kids had a ball playing pin the tail on the pig and singing Old MacDonald.
For her 4th birthday she was into Dr. Dolittle, as in the musical with Rex Harrison. So I printed invitations with a photo of the Dr. on a giraffe and on the back I typed up the words to "If I Could Talk to the Animals". Again I raided the grocery store and party supply store for generic animal type items. We used brown craft paper to create a tree trunk on the wall of one room and attached green balloons to the ceiling so that it looked like a tree had grown in the house! Then we all sat down under the tree to read a book (whose characters were animals). The kids were asked to bring their favorite stuffed animal so we had an animal parade around the house (I had made a trail for them to follow out of paper paw prints). Got the cake idea from Family Fun magazine again, a sheep this time, super easy! Favors were paper chinese take out boxes filled with stickers, chalk and bubbles (all bought at the dollar store). My daughter decorated the outside of the boxes with animal stickers.
Her latest birthday was a tie-dye party. This sounds like a huge task but I used to teach tie-dye at a summer camp. If you are interested in this theme for ANY age group go to Dharma Trading Company's website, they have easy to use kits the turn out fantastic results! This worked out great because the kids activity ended up being their favor! They each dyed a T-shirt for themselves and then I had them do a small baby T-shirt which fit onto a teddy bear that we bought at the dollar store. So each kid went home with 2 shirts and a bear. My daughter and I also made simple polymer clay magnets that looked like T-shirts. The cake also looked like a tie-dye t-shirt (got the idea from Family Fun Mag.). We had a blast! The parents all helped out too and luckily the weather cooperated so that we could stay outside the whole time.
I think you can have theme parties on a budget but you need to be creative about it. Go for broad strokes, you don't need to worry about the fine details. I mean think about it, where would I have ever found Dr. Dolittle cups and plates???
The Family Fun Magazine is a worthy subscription chock full of reasonable and fun ideas, their website is also a fantastic source for ideas.
My kiddo's next b-day is almost 8 months away but I'm already thinking of ideas. We were at a kids hands-on type museum and they had a set up where you could stand inside a soap bubble. My daughter and I LOVE bubbles. So I'm kiddng around the idea of having a bubble party. All I need is some dish detergent, glycerin, water and some creativity! BUT I'm going to wait until we get closer to the date, who knows what her interests will be by then!
By the way, for her 2nd birthday party we asked everyone to donate towards the building of a swing set lieu of gifts. I wasn't sure how it would fly but everyone respected our request. She got a ton of Lowes and Home Depot gift cards and some people did make little gift bags with a small toy (a princess wand or necklace) for her to unwrap and then a gift card. At age 2 she really didn't miss anything and now she has a wonderful swingset in the back yard which will last her for years!
Posted by: Jen | January 24, 2007 10:46 AM
This is in response to a post by RITA SUMMERS PAGE WHO WROTE on January 23 @12:51 PM...I think this is the most ridiclous thing I have ever heard of.... Mind your own business. If you as a parent can't afford to throw large elaborate parties do what you can do. Where do you get off telling others how to run their homes and how to plan their children's happiness. Just because you can't afford it doesn't mean everyone else has to be sucked in by you !!!!!! Ladies you have allot of nerve!!!!! When my daughter turned one we had 29 children and 39 adults, the following year we hired Mickey Mouse, the year after that we hired 3 Power Rangers and Barney. When she turned 5 we rented the Doll House Museum in Washington, DC. Birthday parties are like weddings and other events it is a matter of personal perfrence. If you can't afford them then simply serve cake and icec cream but don't be mad at the rest of the world if YOU can't afford to throw large elaborate parties... STOP HATING on those of us who can.... get a life I am a professional party planner I plan elaborate children's parties as well as parties for adults. Thank God the world isn't full of people like you if so I would go broke
I've read just about every post on this site. None of them said anything about HATE except YOU. It's not weather we can afford it or not. It's more about teaching our children Morals. Aslo by the tone of your post, maybe you need to find another job, you sound really really stressed, and that is what this site is all about, keeping the stress low. To me your post also proves the point of this site, on how stressed people are over birthdays.
Posted by: Jean Murrieta,CA | January 24, 2007 10:52 AM
Just to point it out, this site has two message boards. This one is for Ideas and offers, the other is for our stories.
I know I am guilty of story telling on this Idea board. I responded to a person Mr/Miss?Mrs/whatever "ANONYMOUS" who commented on my offer to help.
I for one would like to keep the separate boards separate so the site managers can more easily determine who wants to help and who is just telling their story.
Regards,
Steve O'
Posted by: Steve O' | January 24, 2007 11:39 AM
I have 2 older daughters 18 and 15, and a 7 year old. About 12 years ago I began having birthday parties every other year. During the off year, it was just family. For the friend birthday parties we tried to invite the number of children for the age of the child. At times, that was not easy because of not wanting to hurt feelings of children not being invited. The older my girls get, the fewer birthday parties and their 16th is their final one. I've always tried to keep them simple and back to basics. I absolutely do not understand how or why the gift bags ever got started. When I was a kid, the parties consisted of games,cake and gifts for the birthday person, and whole familes weren't there, and I think I had 3 parties my entire childhood.
Posted by: Faythe | January 24, 2007 12:52 PM
I am guilty of having a PeeWee Herman impersonator at my sons preschool for his birthday. All the kids enjoyed it, the teachers loved the break, and it made my son feel special. The man I hired entertained the kids for about a half an hour, which was just right for their short attention spans. He helped do everything, including serving cupcakes and cleaning up and he kept the kids entertained the whole time. The teachers didn't have to do anything, but enjoy. The cost was less than $100 and I made a whole classroom have fun. I had the money to spend so I did. No other parents felt they had to outdo me. It was a nice surprise (only the teachers knew about it ahead of time). No goodie bags or presents to deal with at that time. The presents came later at the family get together, but it was nice to share the experience with all his friends. My son had plenty of parties at party places which was much better for me and less stressful all around. I pay and they make sure the kids have fun. I don't see anything wrong with that. Plus the places were always somewhere the kids could run around and make a lot of noise without bothering the neighbors. Instead of being all hyped up on a sugar high, they were tired when their parents picked them up, which made for grateful parents. The kids had more fun at places like that than at home parties. Home parties were saved for family-only parties.
Don't get me wrong. We had nothing but home parties until the kids were in school. My son went to preschool at four and my daughter started kindergarten at 5 so it was different for both of them. The not at home parties didn't begin until the kids actually had friends.
Most of the family was gone when my daughter was born (eight years later) so we did mostly parties at places like that. When she was nine I did something special. I was out of town dealing with my fathers illness and she was missing me so I started a new tradition.
I had her party at a hotel nearby and we started girls night out. I have been doing this since she was 9 years old and she'll be 14 this year. It is like a mini vacation. I needed a break when I got home from my dads, but I also didn't want my daughter to have to postpone her plans for her birthday. The first time I did this, I had two girlfriends and five teenagers who had camp counselor time under their belts helping me. I didn't have to do a thing. The older girls kept the younger girls amused and happy and managed to have a good time themselves. This first party was expensive, but it was also a mini vacation for me. Sleepovers after this have been varied, less expensive, themed, one girl, lots of girls, but always girls night out.
By doing this I avoided most of the cleanup, the girls had access to a pool and a hot tub (as well as myself and my girlfriend who helped me chaperone), there was a movie theatre right next door and they served breakfast in the morning. Another added plus is I don't have to worry about who is or isn't allergic to/scared of animals so my pets aren't stressed out either. By having my own girlfriend with me, I had someone to talk to and help out as needed and allowed the girls more time to interact amongst themselves without us appearing to hover. Other times we stayed at an extended stay, so we had a kitchen where favorite foods were made on the premises instead of ordering out (cheaper and they liked it better, especially making things themselves). We stayed the whole weekend and had the second night for the family, allowing for late pickups for the girls instead of being pressured to leave the room by a certain time. The grocery store is right across the street as well so we all went over and the girls got to pick out what they wanted to munch on or cook during the evening. Less stress. The girls liked it because it was more like a sleepover than a birthday party and they liked the freedom it allowed them to be themselves. I usually organize one event, like a nice jewelry making kit they can all do so they have something to take home - a dual purpose but a fun one. Even though they are older now, they still like to do this and the craft store is only a few blocks from the house so, again, its all convenient. We have done themes, luau a couple years ago, and I had fun shopping around for bargains (at my leisure with a girlfriendf) to decorate the room and dress the girls up for photos (digital and they all got a nice shot of them emailed the next day). They all got to watercolor paint a parasol as a momento of the weekend. Inexpensive and fun.
This year they all dressed as pirates for a halloween party (another mother) so we're doing a pirate theme also so the girls can get another wearing of their costumes, something the other moms like. Not much is structured which is fine by all. I bring a portable TV set along so the girls can play video games (most sets in hotels aren't set up for the game consoles). They all love to play, especially the dance ones. When we're ready to leave, I usually have the girls help with the major mess and leave the cleaning woman with a large plastic bag full of garbage and a nice tip. In the extended stay, we leave a dishwasher full of clean dishes. No stress and home is only a few minutes away.
By doing girls night out each year, my daughter gets to do different kinds of stuff with her friends in a safe home-like environment, but not in a home so it has a more exciting feel about it. It's not expensive and I don't have to lug much stuff with me, mostly normal sleepover items. Fits in the trunk of the car.
And as long as I let the hotel/extended stay know what I'm doing and that the girls are not going to be running all over the place, there is no problem with booking it. They're very accommodating and the girls have always been well behaved. And the same girls always want to come back the next year and do it again.
So make your own traditions and forget about what other parents are doing.
Posted by: Marianne | January 24, 2007 01:58 PM
I had always told my girlfriends with kids that I would not be giving these big parties for my kid every year- their comments were always, "We'll see if you still say that once you have your kid." My son was fortunate to be born on Leap Day. Great! We told him every Leap Day/Year we'll give him a very nice party, every other year it will involve family and a couple of friends. He is totally okay with it. His 7th birthday is coming up here. This year one friend and we'll either do a "treasure" hunt or go to a museum. Everyone's happy.
Posted by: Sylvia W. | January 24, 2007 04:55 PM
For my daughter's 5th birthday (which falls right after Christmas), we decided, no gifts! She loves animals and so we looked at several "animal charities" in our area and settled on a free-animal-clinic. We asked people to bring pet food, bedding, pet toys, etc. and then delivered them to the shelter. They were so happy to have everything. (You might want to call the facility first to ask what they need.)
Posted by: Have-a-heart | January 24, 2007 05:17 PM
I thought this was a website about Birthdays Without Pressure.
Posted by: Allison | January 25, 2007 07:18 AM
It is, but it is going to be much bigger than that because this topic is not on the debate level. It is a root issue. I guess I am just jumping ahead too fast. Still, I had sent these two e-mails to Bill so he would recognize me as a person of interest. As of late he has not.
Regards,
Steve O'
Posted by: Steve O' | January 25, 2007 07:22 AM
A good idea for parents and kids. Keep a journal. Each child and parent gets one. Everyone writes something in it from time to time, if not every day. Keep track of all you do from day to day. When the kids complain they don't ever get to do anything, go back and read it. My 2 youngest, who are still at home are almost always busy going somewhere or doing something. When they are not doing something THEY chose to do. I hear they want to go somewhere and do something. It's getting better though. Just a couple weeks ago, the 12 yr old girl asked if she could have 2 friends over for an over-nighter "to make up for the birthday party she didn't get for her birthday in December". I told her "no". She will get a small party at 13 yrs of age. She is mad that I don't follow what her friends do. The one girl had an over-nighter. The mom did a scavenger hunt. All these kids were driven over town to find or get their pics taken with what they were looking for. I guess they had lots of fun. Mom even made t-shirts to make 2 teams. The next morning they had a lemo pull up to take them to breakfast. How extreme is that? My older 6 children had mostly just mom and dad and brothers and sisters. These 2 youngest children wern't around then. They would be suprised at how much simpler it was. And since the older kids were used to it, they didn't know the difference. I'll tell you something. I met an old lady, and now go out into the county to visit her once a week. She has only an antenna for her tv, and rotary phone with a cord - no extras! No computer, no dishwasher. Just a nice simple QUIET household. I "almost" miss living like that. We don't have as much money as some people I know, but we have too much stuff. And my 2 youngest girls don't need anything to add to the stuff they already don't have any use for, or don't have time for.And when they do get gifts, I will not MAKE them give them to charity. And I'd hate the idea of something we gave to a child, their special present, to just up and go to charity. We spend alot of time, and not much money to pick out that special gift. Don't give it away right away. Keep it for a while, please. And to take all the credit for sending birthday money to an organization is not fair to the other children who gave that child money for their birthday. Put all their names on it!
Posted by: KBK | January 25, 2007 10:49 AM
We live in a small town and parties go from barely to extravant--and I was tired of them all!! So being animal lovers (members of local 4-H and SPCA) we had an Feed the Animals Birth-day party, set up at booth to remind people of rescued animals and adoptions at a local trade days event with invited guests to bring a bag or food or item for dogs or cats to donate to local SPCA chapter. Then after dog birthday cake and punch guests got to go visit booths at trade days and had lots of fun in park. It was the best party ever for my 11 yr old daughter!!And helped the local animals too!!
Posted by: Vicki | January 25, 2007 11:26 AM
We have 3 sons, ages 3, 5 & 7 and have yet to have an actual "party". We are members our local aquarium & zoo and frequently spend birthday days enjoying one or the other for "free" as a family and our present to the birthday boy is picking out something in the gift shop (our budget is $25/gift). After our member discount, the day is more than affordable, low key and family time well spent.
I have found I like to make their cakes, myself. That is my own personal gift to them. In years past, they have designed their own decorations by drawing a picture that I trace onto wax paper and trace again with decorative icing, then freeze. After it's frozen, I transfer it onto a frosted cake.
I think the fact we didn't introduce over the top or expensive parties from the get-go, will save us a lot of headache in the future. If/when we do host a party, I will be sure to follow my mother's rule of 1 guest per year of age.
Posted by: Gini M. | January 25, 2007 02:38 PM
We have 3 sons, ages 3, 5 & 7 and have yet to have an actual "party". We are members our local aquarium & zoo and frequently spend birthday days enjoying one or the other for "free" as a family and our present to the birthday boy is picking out something in the gift shop (our budget is $25/gift). After our member discount, the day is more than affordable, low key and family time well spent.
I have found I like to make their cakes, myself. That is my own personal gift to them. In years past, they have designed their own decorations by drawing a picture that I trace onto wax paper and trace again with decorative icing, then freeze. After it's frozen, I transfer it onto a frosted cake.
I think the fact we didn't introduce over the top or expensive parties from the get-go, will save us a lot of headache in the future. If/when we do host a party, I will be sure to follow my mother's rule of 1 guest per year of age.
Posted by: Gini M. | January 25, 2007 02:41 PM
My daughter is turning 16 in a few weeks, so instead of a huge bash all of her friends will bring her a helpful gift. She suggested that they all bring her their old glasses; especialy pairs of childhood glasses, so that they can donate them to needy children who cannot afford them. What a great idea! We will then take the glasses that were donted to a donation site (check your local eyeglass provider),and they will be shipped overseas to children in need. What a great Birthday WITHOUT Pressure!
Posted by: Hannah&Wendi Hildebrand | January 25, 2007 04:42 PM
Thanks to all for your interesting comments and adding your perspectives to the blog. Rest assured, we are slogging through the many emails from folks in an attempt to answer them all. We're busy compiling the ideas and hoping to enhance the site in the near future (all while parenting and working!).
Posted by: Julie Printz | January 25, 2007 08:43 PM
For our son's first birthday, I wanted to celebrate the wonderful year we had had, and thank all the people who had supported us in our first year of parenting, but I did not want people to feel obligated to give gifts to a child who needs nothing and was too young to appreciate the hoopla. We asked everyone to contribute to a time capsule that he will open on his 16th birthday. People brought letters, books, mementos, and pictures and everyone talked about what they had brought before it was placed in the box, which is now up in our attic. Our son knows about the time capsule, and even though he will not open it for ten years, he sometimes speculates about what might be in "his box". We are all looking forward to birthday number 16!
Posted by: all | January 25, 2007 09:42 PM
I think kids parties are great. We like to have all the friends and family over at once and not limit the number of guests. So to cut cost and work this past year we did a combined party with another child who has a birthday near our son's who is a friend with many friends in common. Split the cost, split the work but doubled the fun! We also keep it very simple every year (a few balloons, some pizza, cake and ice cream and a simple craft or game, done!) and have a NO gift rule.
Posted by: Christine | January 26, 2007 10:28 PM
I like the idea of giving used eyeglasses to people that cannot aford them. These glasses already exist, and to redistribute them takes only a few steps. This is recycling at it's best because the product itself does not need to be melted down and remanufactured.
Just think if we could do this with other items, even cars. And I am not talking about used cars. I am talking about building cars so that they are easy to refurbished. This is posible, but our economy grows from constant consumption (waste). Cars are built to become obsolete.
I bet those eyeglass manufactures are unhappy about the party Hannah and Wendi are throwing.
Regards,
Steve O'
PS. Let me tell you about our economy. The cost of parties is going up, health care costs are going up, college tuition is going up,social security benefits are going down, the rich are getting richer and the poor are gitting poorer, but HAY, the economy is doing GREAT!
Posted by: Steve O' | January 27, 2007 09:12 AM
My comment resembles that of Julie B.'s at the top of the page: We are living abroad and don't really know many people so we have always had my son's b-day parties with family only, and he loves it. Grandparents and Uncle and Aunt who live here, and sometimes his other Grandpa from New York and no themes, but he did want party hats last time (age 4) and he just chases Uncle and Dolores around the yard and it's great fun.
Posted by: becky rozman | January 27, 2007 03:10 PM
After having smallish home spun birthday parties for my kids when they were preschool aged, i have become a birthday party scrooge and have for the most part, limited their parties to immediate family and grandparents. I have always observed that kids don't enjoy and are usually overwhelmed by large parties and too many gifts. I can relate to the "does my kid really need another whistle?" quote--as I wonder, How many pinatas celebrations can a kid possible attend?! My husband's thinks I am too harsh and this year he actually invited our oldest daughter's friends to a birthday without asking her first! Our 11 yr old was initially upset, but ended up having a low key party where they did a Modpodge project and watched Monty Python episodes. Another amusing recurring birthday story I have is that every year, my sister and her ex-husband have big blow out, chaotic, dinner party/school night birthday parties for their two children (age 7). One of the birthdays is 3 days before Christmas Eve and without fail, every year, some kid at the party either throws up all over an ice rink (skating party),or the living room floor (chaotic home party with 20 kids running haywire). One of my kids coats was thrown up on one year and she ended up sick and missing Christmas Eve celebrations. The mom of the kid who threw up this year, even as her kid kept telling her he had a stomach ache, told my sister, "O, he's just constipated and always cries wolf," as she continued to sip wine with the adults and ignore his pleas to go home. My sister is a prime example of a parent who takes everything her kids say literally and gives them way too much power. As parents we have created these inflated, narcisitic attitudes towards birthdays. I'm glad to see this topic getting so much media coverage!
Posted by: sarah streitz | January 29, 2007 08:44 AM
For my daughter's 6th b-day, we gave $3 in McDonalds gift certificates to each kid instead of goody bags. The idea of more $1 store stuff was just too much. Most kids liked it, but a couple thought it was a rip off, and made it very clear. I was upset at first, but who's to say my kids, after years of indoctrination about the gift bag, wouldn't have said the same thing? That's when I realized this thing has gotten out of hand. I've already started the "reindoctrination" process for next year's bday. I'm thinking about a community service project.
Posted by: Jennifer | January 29, 2007 11:35 AM
I am looking for ideas for some fun 16th birthday traditions. I have four daughters so I really want to put some thought into this. The only ideas I have so far:
1) Having their dad take them out on their first date. They are not allowed to date until they are 16 so this might be a way of showing them how we expect the young men in their lives to treat them.
2) I've told them they can get their ears pierced when they turn 16. (I don't have anything against younger girls getting their ears pierced, I just thought it would be a fun way to honor the fact that they are growing up.)
Additional ideas??????
Posted by: Alishia | January 29, 2007 12:29 PM
I came across this site reading a www.time.com article... very interesting that parties have gotten this out of control.. I do have one question, why do parents seem to rent out halls for a 1-year-old's party? My sister-in-law did this, and I'm sure my niece does not remember this. What happened to a 1 or 2 yr old's birthday being family only, maybe one for maternal and one for paternal depending on where they are geographically?
Posted by: Courtney | January 29, 2007 02:22 PM
My parents never had one of those out-of-control, ultra-luxe parties for me or my sister when we were growing up, and I have to say, we never really wanted them, even though we lived in an affluent community where those kinds of afairs tended to be more or less the norm, especially for bar/bat mitzvahs and sweet 16's. I remember I had wanted a huge sweet 16, in a rented hall, with a DJ and catering and all kinds of entertainments, just like most of the other girls in my class were having. My parents just couldn't do that, but the party they did have for me was infinitely more magical (and helped along with no small bit of luck!) My dad and a neighbor strung up every last twig on the crabapple tree in our beautiful backyard with white xmas tree lights. My sister and I labored over making mix tapes to play all night at the party, and my mom ordered a bunch of party platters and soda from the local deli. Our extremely generous neighbors, who were moving, gave us the use of the (empty) first floor of their house (right across the street), so that my guests (most of whom were from out of town, if not out of state) could stay overnight. That was the best part of the party--my parents allowed me to invite anyone I wanted, including all of my friends from summer camp. (How Mom and Dad truly felt about having about 30 teenagers over, I'm sure they'll never tell me.) I couldn't have asked for a better time! Nobody had to dress up, nobody had to outdo one another, everyone was relaxed and having fun in a comfortable, beautiful setting that didn't cost and arm and a leg, all the music was what *I* wanted to hear, not whatever some DJ happened to bring, and we had a giant sleepover party with my friends afterwards. I seriously could not have asked for better.
Posted by: Kate | January 29, 2007 02:31 PM
I have a boy, 14 and a girl, 10. This idea is great for any age. It did have to be reasoned out with them the first time we proposed it because the kids thought they weren't getting presents at all for their birthdays. Our invitations read 'In leu of gifts, please bring dog and cat food, toys, blankets, etc. for the animals at our local shelter". When they first heard this idea(5 years ago)they were mortified. I explained to the kids there are gifts from grandparents, aunts, uncles, close friends, and US - their parents! Lots of good gifts and not 20 or 30 more 'things' to play with for a week, then have to keep cleaned up off the floor.... They liked that concept: less to clean up. I had done the party places, but I noticed the kids seemed to have a better time at our simple birthday parties at home. The only thing I can figure is that kids are so stressed nowadays, homework, here or there for some sort of 'lesson', always in the car going somewhere. Now we just stay home for birthdays and enjoy the slow pace. It gives kids time to have a more involved conversation with each other, learn a little more about the kid they sit next to but can only talk to for 10 minutes during lunchtime. We do change our routine yearly to keep it fun. We either take all the kids to the animal shelter - after packing up all the goodies for the animals, then when we arrive we have each child bring in the 'gift' they brought. This is a HUGE hit with the kids who come. (Their parents do feel sorry for our kids though - "What? No presents? Are you sure?!?!")The kids get to pet the kittens and puppies, although we don't open the cages of the big dogs. But we do walk through and see them and talk to them.
Another year we'll have the invitation say to come with their bathing suits on, wearing sunscreen, and bring a towel and a flashlight - and yes, still just gifts for the animals. Then the kids play in the back yard with water balloons and maybe a slip and slide - think back to the last time anyone played with water balloons. They absolutely love it. Another fun game is to tie cake and powdered donuts dangling from a basketball goal and have the kids race to see who can eat theirs first - with their hands tied behind their backs! The big boys love this! When it gets dark they play flashlight tag. Who plays tag anymore? Think back to the simple outdoor games we played as kids. Those are the best. Because of tv and video games, they don't play outdoors much so when they get the chance, it's so different and fun for them, especially at night. When it gets too dark, I have them come in and we throw a comforter over the dining room table and out come the flashlights again - this time with scary stories, and popcorn. Ahhhh, the simplicity! All the kids go home ready to create their own homemade fun!
Posted by: Kid Cheerleader | January 29, 2007 02:34 PM
What did I do???? Sent them off to college.............
Posted by: Phoov | January 29, 2007 05:02 PM
i had 100 plus people at my sons first birthday party. cost, a couple of thousand.No memory!
for his 7th, i sent pizza to school, and cupcakes.
at home, 3 friends slept over, and we made homeade pizza, and homemade cakes, and cost about 40.
I gave up. the best party ever.... 7th!
Posted by: debra | January 29, 2007 07:03 PM
I understand the "keep up with the Jones's" because there are 5 kids on our block with birthdays within 2 weeks of each other, and my daughter (now 9) got invited to each of their parties. Even though we were going to do "just family" one year, I felt pressured to be "next." We had a small party at a craft center, which was nice, but I still remember feeling as if I had been suckered into having and spending more than I was planning. In order to keep this from happening year after year, we now have to do some considerable planning ahead of time to keep my daughters excpectations in line with ours.
Also, I HATE gift bags! The party is for the guest of honor, not for giving presents to all the friends who come. Also, I feel that it is a huge environmental disaster to fill a bunch of plastic bags with junk so that they can essentially throw it all away when they get home. Also, when my daughter was younger, she got a plastic ring that she really liked. But, being 2-cent, plastic junk, of course it broke very soon and she was devastated. I have gotten around this issue by giving the kids what many of them wanted in the first place. I always send them each home with a helium balloon from the decorations. I have not received any complaints yet!
Posted by: Gail | January 29, 2007 11:50 PM
My son fondly recalls his most favorite party of all...a marbles party! I learned that none of the boys, ages 9-12, in our neighborhood owned any marbles and knew NO marble games. So I bought bags and bags of marbles and dipped into my large collection of marbles and then invited the neighbor boys over. We started off with a marbles hunt and then once the marbles had all been found, I (a 40-something mother!) taught the boys some games and showed them some interesting things to do with marbles. They had a blast and played marbles outdoors all day. Food was hotdogs and soda, a homemade cake and popsicles. They got to keep their marbles but other than that, there were no "goody bags." Years later, when I see those boys, they tell me "that was the best party ever!" and that they still have their marbles. Simple truly is the way to go!
Posted by: Julie Clark | January 30, 2007 11:02 AM
Our family decided years ago when my stepdaughters were young (now 13 and 12) that we had to have some limits on parties. So...we decided that only certain birthdays, milestones, if you will, were going to be celebrated with a "friend" party. The ages are 5, 10, 13, 16 and 18. On the years that we do not throw "friend" parties, we have a small get-together with family only. This is still a big thing as we are a good sized family. My own children are now 5 and 7 months and we are going to follow the same rules as with my stepdaughters. My 13 yo daughter chose to take one friend to the mall. We gave a set amount of $ to spend and we let them loose for a couple of hours. They LOVED the freedom more that ANYTHING! They got to shop, eat and just be silly teens. Saved us a fortune and they get some quality friend time.
Posted by: Debie Papakonstantinou | January 30, 2007 12:36 PM
yes have three grand daughers loving all the same but whenit come to the party it is always family one or tow outsiders the thing is that the gifes are sometimes to much they are the age of being better chidren than they chould but are not each has an addatude when the other truncomes around wanted it bigger or better yes we out do ourself what about vaules ?????????????? xam is the same often those who come it is to see the others gife vaule ......... love can not be priced the most important;;;;is tolisten tomake time for thes children now no do overs we want the best for all childern;;;;;;;;;;;; vaules are what will count tommorr;;;;;;;;;;;;who will care for the eldly?for the unloved childern? run the grovent? be ther boss???????????love is yhe most important
Posted by: krist from texas | January 30, 2007 01:30 PM
Wow! I have been opposed to these overblown parties since my daughter got invitation after invitation after invitation when she was in daycare 10 years ago! i admit I got suckered into having a skating party at one point, but the most fun she had was when she turned 10. The invitation said to wear outside clothes and sneakers. She didn't want a cake, so we made chocolate chip cookies with candles. We played "Pin the Mustache on Aaron Carter" (each girl cut out a mustache and we used a Poster). They had relay races. They tossed balloons and ran with eggs on spoons. Ran around the yard like 10 year old maniacs. And I did not give party bags, never have, never will. I believe the party is for the Birthday Girl.
Posted by: LJB | January 30, 2007 03:09 PM
We recently had a birthday party for our 6 year old. We talked to her beforehand and agreed that we'd ask that anyone who came could, instead of bringing a gift, bring the cash value of what they would have spent, and that money would be donated to charity. We got over $220.00 and our duagher picked the charity to which she wished to donate the money. Its a great way to teach kids how fortunate they are. We did also decide to give her a little bit of money to go purchase one toy, but at least it was one and not 16!
Posted by: Ron from Calgary | January 30, 2007 03:14 PM
My daughter's school does a "birthday walk" (I think it's a common Montessori practice) where the birthday child holds a globe and walks in a circle around a candle or flashlight in the center of the floor. The child walks as many times as his or her age, signifying how many times he has traveled around the sun. They also sing or chant something about trips around the sun with each circle, but I can't remember it. It's what a birthday is really about, and it gives the b'day child some attention, but isn't over the top.
A lot of schools in our area have also banned b'day gift bags and treats. If the child wants to do something special at school, he or she can donate a book to the school library, which will carry a nameplate saying who donated it.
I am a teacher, and I give my students a card with a note on it, and we all sing happy birthday to the child to acknowledge the special day.
Posted by: Jill Turner | January 30, 2007 04:05 PM
When my partner and I adopted our first daughter, she was in first grade, so we were quickly introduced to birthday parties. Although none were of the sort that were clearly over the top, some did cost several hundred dollars for the parents of the birthday child (renting skating rinks, gymnastic facilities, etc.). In addition, usually the entire class of 30 or more students were invited, resulting in a large number of presents for the birthday child. When it came time for our daughter's birthday, we decided to hold the type of party my mother always had for us. We invited about 12-15 of her friends, played games in the backyard (relay races with balloons between knees or water on big spoons, pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey, etc.), gave out lots of simple prizes (jump ropes, bubble stuff, yo-yos, and the like), and just let the kids play. As soon as a game was over, each member of the winning team got to pick a prize out of a big bag and then all the kids played with the prizes for about 15 minutes. Then we played another game. After the second game, any child who had not yet won a prize got to pick one from the bag. In about an hour, we had played three or four games, and each child had two or three toys. Then they just played for about 30 minutes. Any parents who came mostly just sat in lawn chairs with snacks and drinks and talked and watched the games. Several got into the games and had a great time. We served the kids cake, ice cream, and juice, let them hit a pinata filled with small candies and toys, and thanked all the guests when they left. We also decided before the party that our daughter did not need a lot of new toys, but lots of other children do. We asked on the invitation that no gifts be given, but, if anyone would like to bring a new or gently-used stuffed animal, they would be donated. Since both of our children were adopted from foster care, they particularly like to help the children at the children's receiving home. We also noticed that several parties the next year were much simpler and included donations to charity rather than gifts. We have celebrated other birthdays by letting the birthday child pick 4 or 5 friends to go to a movie or to the zoo or some other event, usually followed by a trip to a local ice cream parlor. One of our daughters decided to forgo a party and to use the money we would have spent to swim with the dolphins at Marine World. We did have enough passes for three of her friends to go also, so she still got a bit of a party. We have found that we seldom spend much more than $100 on any birthday celebration (usually a lot less) and everyone seems to have a great time. Thanks for bringing attention to this situation. There really is no need for all the elaborate parties - most children simply want to play.
Posted by: Jean Gifford | January 30, 2007 07:29 PM
I have never given my kids a true b-day party. They get to pick a theme and have cake with their daycare center class since they were 2. We also do a cake with my parents and sometimes my brother and his wife. The children do pick the them of the plates cups and napkins at the daycare center event and they get gifts from us and my parents. This approach is a simple way to ensure that my kids feel that their birthdays are special, but I have never given them a true party and I don't plan to, even though I had a little birthday party every year when I was little. Remeber this question to ask yourself. When you think about why you love your parents is it ever because of the great birthday parites they threw you? If you don't like them is it because they didn't throw you good birthday parites.
Posted by: Jennifer Bell | January 31, 2007 09:44 AM
We recently attended a great birthday party that was an outdoor food fight. (We live in Central Florida.) It was good cheap fun and the moms turned it into a great experience for kids and families. We all applaud this effort to bring sanity to the birthday machine.
You might be intersted to read the blog entry I posted on our blog at the Orlando Sentinel's Web site. Here's the link:
http://blogs.orlandosentinel.com/features_parenting_blog/2007/01/party_talk.html#more
Posted by: Mary Ann Horne | January 31, 2007 08:03 PM
For my son's 2nd birthday party we invited about 8 friends for a dinner party and the 'real celebration' -- 2 years of being parents!! Our son was in bed before the party even started and has no idea that he missed out or not.
Posted by: Debra | February 1, 2007 07:54 PM
this is a great site-the kids are 6, 4 and 16months and I don't get the concept of loot bags-we have always done the blow up balloons on the string for each child that comes-and we have a bouncing balloon contest and they take that home and then we usually blow bubbles and they get bubbles to take home as well and one year my daughter got a cd of mixed music she loved and we made all her friends a copy so loot bags, nope and we just play and have snacks-it seems to work and the kids love it and then we make everyone their own ice cream cone with cake in it that they get to decorate and have a candle in it and everyone gets to blow it out (and have never had left over cake that I have had to throw out...)
Posted by: mom o f three | February 2, 2007 08:03 AM
My youngest is now 18.
NO "birthday parties" before age 5 -- we had special family meals. For her 2nd birthday, auntie, cousin, bd girl & mom went to a small zoo/amusement park. 3rd birthday, same event, with one more kid/mom pair. 4th birthday, cupcakes at preschool. 5th birthday, a special event at school (arranged for "The Lizard Lady" to visit the class, with permission of the principal & teacher). 6th birthday, ditto.
7th birthday -- seven girls came over and I supplied glueguns and glitter -- made crowns and ornaments.
8th birthday -- since dd's birthday is in the rainy months, and since we had a large covered space, invited the whole class (19 kids) and played traditional very active playground games (red-rover, simon says, blind-man's bluff). NO goodie bags.
9th birthday -- another school-based celebration, the most expensive one, but I think it was worth it. The "learning theme" at school that year was "Knowing the Pacific", so I paid for a Hawaiian performance troupe to come to school. The entire school learned a song and sort of learned one hula. No cupcakes, we had mochi instead. For her actual bday, I took my dd and a classmate, who has the same bday, to a tea shoppe for "high tea".
10th birthday -- sleepover with about 7 classmates and we decorated Xmas ornaments. I was still sweeping up glitter weeks later, but dd's classmates still remember that one.
16th birthday -- limo with 6 gfs to restaurant of dd's choice.
18th bday -- an open house for all her friends at her brother's house (we invited about 30 people, probably 25 showed up). I got lots of finger food from Trader Joe's and the local grocery.
Posted by: Liz | February 3, 2007 04:11 PM
One of the posters, Steve, on the other board cautioned parents to look out for "party creep" -- starting small but incrementally adding until it's too much:
You intend to throw a simple party, but you end up adding things to enhance this. This happened for my son's fifth birthday. The only thing he asked for was a treasure hunt which seemed reasonable. But this led to a pirate themed party. In turn, this led to pirate dress-up complete with pictures of the child, treasure chests, inviting his whole pre-school and church-aged group, etc., etc., etc. We bought cheap, but still ended up paying much more then we intended. The kids were out of control most of the time and we were frazzled at the end of the day.
So watch out for your own tendencies to indulge in "party creep"
Posted by: AnnieG | February 4, 2007 02:29 PM
I found this site by coincidence and find it interesting. I never thought of birthday parties to be a thing of pressure. When I was little birthdays in my family were big celebrations. My mother had a hard time giving birth to me so each year was one to celebrate in big. Even though I looked forward to the parties, I don't recall ever being greedy or envious of others. Now that I have a daughter ( and also had a hard time in child birth) I also celebrate her birthdays in a special way. Unfortunately they get higher and higher in price each year but again I never saw it as pressure because I enjoy celebrating her life with all of our close friends.
I have never seen it the way people here describe the experience. We live in South Florida and everyone celebrates the events in their own way, usually in BIG wasy down here. Whether a big party or a small one, we enjoy them the same. I never , nor my child have made a remark about gifts eitherso this is news to me. I;m not saying that it doesn't happen but until now, I was not aware.
My child usually tells her friends they do not need to bring gifts just their presence on that day is a gift to her. She is only 9.
My advice then would be to talk to your friends if you feel pressured from their parties, but also speak to your child about these parties but do not take this beautiful celebration day away from them.
Communication is probably the best way to fix this problem. If you have a good relationship with your friends then it should not be a problem.
If the people inviting you to these outrageaous parties are not your friends then don't go. Why bother with giving yourself and your child the headache of having a bad time.
If you need to celebrate it the best way you can, within your family only, then do that. But let them know that you are happy for the new year God ( or whoever you believe in) has granted them. Don't just stop celebrating their birthdays because of others.
You don't need to spend lost of money on a party or a cake to show them how important they are in your life.
What happened to the times parents baked their children's cakes themselves. There are also cupcakes ( which are by the way in fashion these days)
As for the pressure of gift giving.
I read someone saying a book is a great gift. I think so myself!
You can spend less than $10 on a great book.
As for the party bags. I don't think they are necessary either but If you must give something a book also works well for this. A book in the theme you have chosen with a personal note from the birthday child is a great one. This is also good at any age.
It's just sad to see that something so special has gotten to the level of adding pressure or stress to people's lives these days.
Posted by: Melissa | February 4, 2007 09:46 PM
I just had my daughter's 4th birthday. As I called around most places required 20 kids and if I didn't still got charged for 20. Finally I just invited 9 kids and had it at a local pizza shop that has a room with children's games. I did not rent their party room or anything which would have needed 20 kids at $20 each for pizza. At the end all the moms told me it was great. I refuse to fall into the pressure of big partys.
Posted by: Lee | February 7, 2007 12:48 PM
Facing a birthday party next week for my 5 year old daughter, and not wanting gifts or the ordeal of gift bags. So here's what we came up with: The Potluck Art Party. Each child is asked to bring whatever art supplies they'd like to share(or, if they have to buy them , to spend no more than $5 worth) We'll provide the paper, glue, brushes, scissors, frames. Hopefully we'll toss everything together and get creative. Each child will leave with the fruits of their creative labors, and a share of the loot. For the invitations, I printed up half-sheets of info, then my daughter and I cut up old artwork and embellished it with stamps, paint, etc. for "envelopes". I have no idea how this will work out, but it's met my goals of being activity-based, welcoming to both genders, non-Disney, and hopefully net zero in the too much stuff category. And of course, there will be cake. Although I'm planning on rolling up rugs and using sheets, my house will be a mess, but creative chaos I can deal with. We'll let you know how it goes...
Posted by: Karen Barnes | February 8, 2007 12:41 PM
My son is turning 3 in April, and I plan on giving him a party at the local zoo because he loves animals. I can invite up to 15 children, but I'm only inviting relatives and children he plays with regularly. I'm considering the no-gift route as he has too many toys, and really doesn't need anything. We celebrated his 2nd birthday with a trip to the zoo, with me, his father, and his cousin. He had a rather large party at home for his 1st birthday. It was mostly adult relatives. That was a little stressful because I did almost all the planning and coordinating alone. I'm going to celebrate my son's birthday every year, because I love him and believe in celebrating his life. I think that someone who does not do anything for their child's birthday is just as selfish as someone who goes over the top to please others. Each year I want my son's birthday to be memorable, whether it's a family day somewhere special or a large party with friends. As long as your child knows that they're special and you're doing it for them it really doesn't matter whether you have a party or not. I take a different point of view than most people on lavish parties. If you truly have the money and that's how you choose to spend it then go for it. I've been to a few parties that I thought money was wasted but I wasn't angered. If pony rides and bounce centers make your child feel special, why should I be mad. Some people posting seem envious of those who do go all out. Give your child a party because you want to, don't give your child one if you don't. Some people enjoy hosting parties (I do), others don't. Do what works for you, there is no right answer. Only what's right for you. It really doesn't matter because your child will recognize your true motives. Not giving your child a party because you don't want to compete with others is the same principle (selfishness) as giving your child a party because everybody else does. If you're truly celebrating your child, then you'll try to do something that they'll enjoy and appreciate, whatever that may be.
Posted by: F. Jennings | February 9, 2007 10:39 PM
I find this site interesting, but find it curious that so much interest and time goes into this topic, when there are so many other bigger and relevant social rpoblems. Pick one--the war, capital punishment, the end of social security, children with no health coverage, or even the treat of Avian flu. I believe that parenthood involves knowing when you can say no to your kids.
There is--and likely should not be--a nationally or internationally agreed upon point for this. However, a web site devoted to this topic seems as extravagant as the birthday parties parents hope to prevent.
Posted by: Lois Anaveil | February 10, 2007 12:39 AM
I love a party as much as anyone, but I realized that with 4 children, birthday partys could get out of control really quick. So, I decided to let my kids be their own party planners. We have done everything from princess to horses for my daughter, and Jedi to superhero to Blues Clues for my boys. I found a website that allows me to create and print off (for free) party invitations. The kids have a great time coloring and they don't cost me anything. I make and decorate the cake myself (I love it and it doesn't cost me more than the cost of ingredients and a little time). We have a great time planning games and usually find things to play that have little or no cost associated. I did away with gift bags a few years ago, because I wanted the party to be the 'party favor', and I have only had one young guest ask about it. In 10 years of having over 25 birthday parties, I have never spent more than $40 on a party, and the kids are always excited for the next one.
Posted by: Ellen | February 12, 2007 02:54 PM
My oldest daughter's favorite and most memorable birthday party was the simplest party I ever had. She was turning 6, I was very pregnant with child #3 and not up to planning a party; I was also working part time and attending university full time. I talked to her about it and told her I wanted to celebrate the day, but that I really couldn't handle an apartment full of friends or any of the usual trappings. I asked her what cake or treat she wanted and what I could fix for her birthday dinner (just our family and her favorite food). We ended up having Rice Krispy treats and celebrating with whatever friends could come to the local playground at a moment's notice. There were no gifts (except something from her dad and me after dinner), no pressure, and all the kids at the playground were happy to sing to her and play in the sand. She even invented some of her own games and got the kids to play them. My 6-year-old became her own party planner and felt so "grown-up" that she could do it herself. I was amazed at how much fun such a simple party (if you could even call it that) provided.
Posted by: Chantel | February 12, 2007 08:18 PM
We get a certificate every year in the mail for a "free birthday cake" from Safeway. It's just big enough for 4-6 people, so that way we have an excuse to keep the party small.
Posted by: Emma | February 17, 2007 05:09 PM
We get a certificate every year in the mail for a "free birthday cake" from Safeway. It's just big enough for 4-6 people, so that way we have an excuse to keep the party small.
Posted by: Emma | February 17, 2007 05:10 PM
This website is great. Its nice to see a resurgence of the basic. I recently started this website where parents can share birthday party ideas/cake pictures/etc. www.familye.com (e for entertaining :) At-home or homemade birthday parties have always worked for us, I have a 5/4/newborn. It is our house rule, so that nothing else is expected. And every year we have lots of fun planning and doing it - but we do it all ourselves. We bake the food. Last year we gave each child a big cookie that we made as the favor. Fun silly games or just free play. That is how I was raised - it nice to raise our children the same way.
Posted by: Dina | February 17, 2007 07:09 PM
I find this site interesting, but find it curious that so much interest and time goes into this topic, when there are so many other bigger and relevant social rpoblems. Pick one--the war, capital punishment, the end of social security, children with no health coverage, or even the treat of Avian flu. I believe that parenthood involves knowing when you can say no to your kids.
Posted by: male enhancement | February 18, 2007 04:07 PM
Fun silly games or just free play. That is how I was raised - it nice to raise our children the same way.
Posted by: canadian online pharmacy | February 18, 2007 04:08 PM
I found this site by coincidence and find it interesting. I never thought of birthday parties to be a thing of pressure.
Posted by: male enhancement | February 18, 2007 04:10 PM
We have really low key parties. Under the age of 5 or school age. We only invite the people that mean the most to our children. It normally consist of a few adults and cake and icecream. Now that my daughter is in 1st grade she wants a party with all her friends. We'll see how that goes. But I'm just looking to have a playdate type party just come over and play run around outside and have fun if it's warm enough we'll put the spinkler on for them to run through. Kids being kids that what it's all about.
Posted by: April | February 20, 2007 09:48 AM
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Posted by: mememe | February 20, 2007 07:00 PM
I have 9 children. Each one gets a private party with the immediate family and all get a combined birthday party for their friends on July 4th. We live on a farm. We have a big barn that we have the party in. All of the children take part in cleaning the barn for the party, setting up, inflating balloons and whatever else is necessary. The last party we had over 100 people. My kids did it all, 5 cakes, 200 hot dogs, huge balloon drop, radio control planes, water balloons and a hay rack ride. Even my 4 year old helped by pulling the cord for the balloon drop at the end of singing "Happy Birthday."
We let kids be kids, teenagers be teenagers and we all have fun. Everyone helps clean-up and we have a bonfire when we burn the party garbage. No presents, no party bags. Helium balloons to take home, but that's about it.
The only complaint I get from my kids is from my teenage daughters and it's always the same, "the boys won't dance with us!"
We've done this for about 8 years and it is always a great success. People I don't know come up to me and comment about my great parties. I tell them to thank my kids, they make it happen. I realize that not everyone has the space or the number of children that I do, but when your children contribute effort to their party, they take ownership for it and they make it a success.
Posted by: Joachim Fegelein | February 20, 2007 11:33 PM
I talked with the kids and they said the balloons is what does it.
We buy them very cheap on eBay, mostly excess inventory. Some are printed with obsolete or irrelevant messages, but the kids don't care.
Last party we had over 3000 balloons and they cost less than $100 and that includes the 100 or so mylar balloons for kids to take home.
I did buy an electric inflator which was a bit pricy, but before that we used my shopvac on reverse. I also get a "K" size helium tank which costs $70 plus about $5 in tank rent from the place I get my welding supplies.
Even in a small house or apartment, you could do a smash hit party by filling a room with balloons and if you buy right, it wouldn't cost much.
Posted by: Joachim Fegelein | February 21, 2007 10:26 AM
My four year old has a ton of friends at preschool, church and gymnastics. We decided to have a BIG birthday party so that all her friends could come (about 20 kids)but our house just isn't big enough. Speaking of our house not being big enough, we didn't have any place for 20 new toys either. We had it at the indoor play area at the local mall, and then everyone went down to the food court for (home made) cake! We wrote on the invitation "no gifts please!" The party cost me paper plates, balloons, invitations and napkins. The cake was almost free and the kids enjoyed playing with one another more than anything else! I explained to our daughter that the party WAS her gift, and she loved it.
Posted by: Kari Moroz | February 26, 2007 01:33 PM
This is the most ridiculous website I have ever seen. How sad that people have to discuss with others their pressures with birthday parties. Get a life people!!!!!!
I feel sorry for your kids!!
Posted by: Me | February 27, 2007 03:16 AM
The past two years I have definitely thrown huge themed birthday parties for my 2 year old daughter at our home. There is definite pressure in my community to have such eloborate parties. My daughter is turning 3 soon and the time has come to think about another party. However, this party will be more economical for everyone this year. I am planning my daughters birthday party at the beach. I will be asking those in attendance to bring their own picnic lunch and we will provide the cake. Also, we will put no gifts on the invitation. The beach is more than enough entertainment. Guests bringing their own picnic lunches would also be a great idea for a birthday at the park. The children can get involved by packing their own lunches.
Posted by: Kim | February 28, 2007 03:37 PM
As an meaningful alternative to the excessive nature of many of today's birthday celebrations, please consider making a donation to the non-profit children's charity, Birthday Buddies Inc. which provides birthday Giftpacks to children living in Second Stage Housing for abused women. Birthday Buddies believes that these children are particularly deserving of a celebration in their honour and the delicious anticipation of receiving special gifts and much needed personal items on their birthday.
On your birthday why not choose to sponsor Birthday Buddies by accepting donations for the charity in lieu of a gift for yourself.
Each Birthday Giftpack aims to provide the following:
- a birthday cake with candles, a card and balloons,
- a selection of toys,
- a book,
- a writing journal and pens,
- a Personal-Pack, of age-appropriate toiletries, such as toothbrush/paste, deodorant, hair brushes etc.
All items are new & of good quality and are chosen specifically for the interests and needs of the birthday child. The gifts are wrapped & presented in a new back pack.
For more information visit www.birthdaybuddies.ca
Posted by: Jennifer Fast | March 2, 2007 03:07 PM