March 25, 2005
New HydrasII Webpage
http://www.geocities.com/hydras_music
Check it out. I just built it today. I think the site looks good - let me know what you think. I'll make the tall flashing link (which is also new - thoughts?) point to the new page from now on, by the way.
March 24, 2005
Fire the Copywriter
Quotes from a description of the new Dentyne Ice, Fire, etc. gums from "The History of Dentyne" page on their website:
A new product was craved by a more adventurous generation of chewers — something that would redefine the gum experience as they had always known it.
Unbelievable hyperbole. What is this concept of an "adventurous chewer"? Are these people that wander the earth, looking for new things to put in their mouths? Are you an adventurous chewer if you put dynamite in your mouth? Or poison arrow frogs? Or broken glass? That seems like adventurous chewing to me. Chewing Dentyne Ice is not adventurous.
Plus, the phrase "redefine the gum experience" is unbelievable. What was the definition before? Probably something like "putting sweet or minty shit in your mouth that you chew and don't swallow". I think that is still pretty much what is going on with the new gum. Sorry. Not redefined.
Dentyne Ice is also famous for its hip, memorable, television commercials that illustrate the true essence of the gum — bringing people together to spark a connection.
How in the fuck does gum bring people together? Maybe by freshening your breath and making you slightly less repellent. But I just do not see people bonding over thier shared love of a chewing gum. "Oh my god - you love Dentyne Ice too? I feel the essence of our gum bringing us together."
Building on the success of Dentyne Ice and Dentyne Fire, the brand [Dentyne Tango] is poised to infuse fun and spontaneity into the social experiences of young, active trendsetters nationwide.
So part of being a young, active trendsetter is consuming the latest snack foods? I'm sorry, I thought that made you a fatass. And again with the hyperbole. How sad do these motherfuckng young trendsetters have to be, that their "social experiences" need to be livened up by gum? If your social life is so boring that you need a new flavor of gum to provide fun or spontaneity, then you may not actually be a young, active trendsetter after all.
Unicycle Gang
The motley crew crossing the street
Unicyclists waiting for the light to change
Holy crap. The most surreal scenario just went down outside the fed. I was getting off the bus, and at that exact moment, this horde of unicyclists comes swarming down the sidewalk right where I was getting off. I was totally surrounded - engulfed by unicyclists. Who does this? It wasn't like a parade of rennaissance festival type juggling freaks or anything. There were all different ages of people, but one Dad-age guy and one Mom-age woman. So it may have been a Mormon-esque unicycle cult family. Maybe it was just a class or something.
March 23, 2005
Shaq and Earl
Earl Boykins is such a rat bastard. When the Nugs played the Wolves in last year's playoffs, that little hombre was a huge pain in the ass. The dude came up with steals like a mofo, and Kim claimed at the time that he must be below eye level. I was skeptical until I saw this .jpg. Is it photoshoppily doctored?
God is Real
Dear Jehova,
Thank you for creating this .gif file. I will start going to church now, because you are real (I used to not believe in you - sorry). Also, thank you for inventing thigh high boots so that this person could wear them in this .gif.
Sincerely,
-Jesse
March 22, 2005
Big Switch
Dry toilet paper is dead to me. I am fully converted to the wet-naps. Why in the hell does tp still exist? We crawled out from the jungle hundreds of thousands of years ago, right? Why are we still using technology that is only slightly less primitive than chim-pan-zees? A huge thing of these costs $2 for the generic Target version. This was the best $2 I have ever spent. Try it and see if you can ever go back - you can't! Two bucks!
March 21, 2005
Trish Goff Movie
Noise Trailer (maybe unofficial?)
My absolute favorite model in the world, Trish Goff, is starring in a low budget direct-to-DVD movie that comes out tomorrow! The trailer is weird. There's no music or anything. The sound is mixed weird too, so it seems kind of amateurish and almost like a home movie. I'll still rent it though.
Click on this picture for a link to a super comprehensive Trish image archive.
Sin City
http://www.sincitythemovie.com/
Is it just me or does this movie look absolutely amazing? Bruce Willis, Clive Owen, Benicio Del Toro, Mickey Rourke, and many many hot chicks playing strippers and hookers and grinding everywhere and throwing ninja stars?!?!? YES.
Either that or it will be the biggest train wreck in history. Has Robert Rodriguez ever made a good movie? And do not come at me with Mariachi - please.
March 11, 2005
Spring Break break
Spring break is this week for me, so I won't be in the office until a week from Monday, hopefully. I'm trying to make a trip to SXSW, but funds are low, so I'll see. In any case, I probably won't be updating for the next week, but I do still love the Nest.
A couple of notes, though before the break. The show "Starlet" should be totally amazing, but the production is so weak, it kills the show. Has anyone else seen this? Faye Dunaway is great, but as the show's Simon Cowell, she just does not cut it. The woman is simply too classy to say the line "don't call us, we'll call you" (the show's "you're fired") without coming across as totally embarrassed. The show could have been saved if there were a personality half as bitchy as Janice Dickerson from Top Model, but their token gay guy is nowhere near queeny enough, and Vivica A Fox verges on it, but can't quite get there. The show may be worth a shot though, because they just dropped the most egregiously horrible contestants, so the girls that are left are pretty good.
Also, GAP must die so that they never show that Sarah Jessica Parker khakis commercial ever again!
March 9, 2005
Burger King Commercial - Best Ever?!?!
Have you seen this insane quasi-proto-pornographic innuendo-laden acid trip of a commercial? I COMMAND you to watch it here:
60 second version:
mms://od-msn.msn.com/22/mbr/a_050220_bk_promo.wmv
30 second versions: (the ones I have seen on TV most often)
http://www.whoyoutalkinat.com/BKHootie.wmv(windows media)
http://www.whoyoutalkinat.com/BKHootie.mov (quicktime)
This thing is perfect - or is it? A purple glitter rhinestone'd Hootie(!) singing to the tune of "Big Rock Candy Mountain" from the O Brother soundtrack? A scantily clad Brooke Burke being pushed in a swing by a paper-mache headed BK King? A shot of a Jenna-Jameson lookalike with a line about breasts growing on trees? Two girls pumping a railroad push-cart with a line about a "nice caboose"?!?!? Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders? Vida Guerra? YES YES YES!
Could this be the best commercial of all time? Maybe. Best this year? Hands down.