"Rituals"
The article “The Power of Talk: Who Gets Heard and Why�, brought up numerous issues that affect not only the corporate world, but also general communication. Previously to returning to the U of MN I managed a fairly large size department at a major financial institution. In addition to the general responsibilities of management comes a constant struggle on what is the best way to communicate with employees.
As the article highlighted I found that women are generally more receptive to compliments and feedback that is done in a reassuring manner, whereas men prefer straightforward feedback, however there are exceptions to this, and as you get to know your employees each of their preferences is reveled, thus giving you insight into the best linguistic style to communicate with each employee.
If men and women are socialized to use different linguistic styles to communicate, and are using these styles in both the business world, and in their personal lives, this article is a wonderful example of why men and women often have difficulties communicating.
If a wife asks her husband if he would mind taking out the garbage, and he replies with “no�, the wife’s expectation is that he doesn’t mind, and will subsequently take the garbage out, however the husband may have thought he was simply answering a question (no he wouldn’t mind), rather than responding to a request for immediate action. It seems to me that we can learn a lot from one another’s linguistic styles that would greatly assist in making communication with all that we come in contact with much smoother, with less chance for confusion, frustration, or hurt feelings.
Comments
i am wondering what you think - how much of the different linguistic styles of men and women is due to nature, and how much is nurturing? undoubtedly, we teach boys and girls to interact different, and they learn different patterns of interaction from different models of social situations, but is a part of it natural? i think it could be a result of different maternal and paternal instincts, but then - how much of that does society create? i'm just curious to hear what other people thought in reading.
Posted by: ally carey | April 21, 2006 11:53 PM
It took me a long time to try and understand the linguistic habits of men. I had read that book “Women are from Venus and Men are from Mars� ( I hope the title is right) and it gave me a real different perception of men and how they communicate. Men are more direct and to the point they don’t sidestep. Women we tend to take a gentle approach not to hurt but to comfort and aid. For example in an English class a few weeks ago a male classmate had made a statement from a reading that was false so I raised my hand and challenged his statement with the reading and the page number to back me up and the first thing I said was “I’m sorry but the book say this….�
Rituals are a part of everyday life, boys are given fire trucks and perhaps army toys or superhero related products and girls are given baby dolls, “My Little Pony� accessories, “Barbie and Ken� products for example.
If a male boss treats the women employees different then he treats the male ones as respect to the roles we all play in society, is this boss considered weak if he decides to treat the women kinder and still move them up the corporate ladder and treat the men in the corporation, in a stern and direct approach does it effect the overall view of the whole situation? Is the corporate playground equalized that way?
Posted by: Adrienne Lee | April 25, 2006 12:34 PM
The different linguistic habits of the genders is interesting and can be very frustrating. I agree that men are much more direct and it drives me crazy when talking with either my girlfriend or mother how non-direct they are with their words. I misread the meanings and feelings behind comments made by both because of the different ways we speak. I would say nurture over nature is the reason for the different habits as girls are brought up to be sensitive and nice, while boys need to be blunt and honest about everything.
Posted by: Ross Fyfe | April 25, 2006 2:49 PM
Nicole, I love your comment about the garbage! I've never thought about the difference as you so clearly do. From my experience, it seems completely accurate as to what happens when I ask my fiancé "why don't you wash the dishes?" Although, I think I tend to be a little more "masculine" in my suggestions (i.e. direct). I'll usually watch him for a response, like getting off the couch to do it. Then he seems to "interpret" my meaning better. It also seems the longer you're in a relationship, the better men and women learn to interpret their different linguistic styles. For example, I say honey this is what I feel..., usually followed by what does that mean to you? Whereas, him being grumpy means I need to ask how he feels, and what can I do to help. Although, this level of "interpretation" has taken us several years! What was the most enlightening part of your post was the difference between suggestions for an action women usually make, versus a declarative statement about an action that men do.
Posted by: Amelia Christianson | May 7, 2006 3:55 PM