another bashful evening
toward the end of a prime day upon which i spent time extended with a fine friend of mine, i found myself having had entirely too much to drink. at the time i had regarded my status as nothing more than an opinion held by a notably incoherent bouncer who felt himself quite the citizen for pointing this fact out to me. today i condsider myself lucky a few other local patrons had drew the attention of a couple of officers, otherwise i probably would have been fisted in the temple, or perhaps the jaw. not that i wuldn't have desevered it, but it isn't always too flattering to have your mere presence designate completely to another human being your entire lack of wantedness. so i sobered up outside, chatting with the officers as they attempted to sort out a matter which was absolutely none of my business. i ended up cutting this activity short when i was informed that if i did not desist my casual inquiry into the affairs of the Madison Police Department, that they certainly would have some business with me very soon that same evening. so for a while i managed to keep interested by bumming cigarettes and trying to signal those friends which had left me outside the establishment without knowing that it was becoming quite difficult for me to get in. now while i do not recall any specific act which would have negated any merit i held with the bouncer himself, and i seldom find myself in the position of disrespect toward such individuals, this apparently meant little to those i accompanied. likely this was due to the fact that i didn't have much standing with the three of the four and the fouth, although we good friends, was a tad off the deep end and apparently couldn't put together that i wasn't being allowing in. the others didn't seem to mind that much that i wasn't around, not knowing that i was entirely harmless to their plot of taking my friend home with them (i'd actually become a somewhat regular and somewhat inspired chauffeur to her less-than sober minded booty calls).
now as last call rolled about (actually it was more of a reckless crash into the curb), i was surprised to find my friend having little desire to leave with the boy she knew. i don't know how much my actions may have played in the outcome, but i doubt i was malicious. had i been i surely wouldn't have been the one giving her a ride later. now while waiting outside the bar eariler it had been my complete intention to wander drunk for the next half hour so that i may see just who i ran into. see it's a small town and i usually don't go a block before i meet some group of terribly chummy folks, at least not during those hours. and seeing as how i had really no qualms with giving up my responsibilities as a wingman (which had been losing the charm as i continuied to end up as the wing), it seemed like i would likely fare a lot better on my own. the only problem lay in communicating my exodus to those inside. hand signals through the glass didn't seem to be working. the fact that none inside knew i wasn't able to enter seemed to be of detriment as well. and of course the sordidly blatant inebriation we were both were entertaining also played a role. my friend didn't seem to quicky to accept that i might abandon the locale and seek prospertity futher down the street. while i myself often find that an alteration of group dynamics can lead to a more intimate setting, this certainly didn't seem to be what my friend was shooting for. my judgement indeed wasn't too great. it was hard for me to see that she had expected me to be there the whole time. which i wouldn't have minded much, but i was bored with the guy she'd called friends, and i held a lot of contempt for the place that they were at. she also didn't seem like she was going to be any help in getting me some ass. not that i enjoy picking up girls at bars. it never really became much a habit for me. can't say i've yet had trouble getting off in the process of rubbing skin with a female. i suppose it's more that i've got a few too many dreams in my head to admit the plain truth that just about any two persons can happily fuck, provided they know absolutely nothing important about each other.
so today is saturday. probably go out and meet up with some kids. no one seems to be calling me back as of late so i suppose my talents as a lush have been shining to those around me as much as myself. anyway i'm not looking for too much anyway. in fact, i don't even want to go party, i'd rather just have a few drinks with AZ and talk about the kind of shit we talk about (namely 'life').
anyway did that night ever really end? yes. at about 9am the next day i left the guy's house feeling like shit. physically i wasn't so bad off but my heart wasn't faring so well and ill thougts were abound. we'd gotten in a fight on the way over. she was mad at me the next day, i was sad at me. why? because i can't always hold up my end of the stick. sometimes i think my end is harder to hold up for me than her end is for her. but i guess the grass is always greener, especially when you forget to keep the lawn mowed.