February 25, 2005
Have no fear
I’m having too much fun with my daughter's Journal Topics. Since I started doing this she keeps giving me more sheets with more topics. This last one the instructions say, “If you write more than one response, you will receive BONUS POINTS!” Note the emphasis on bonus points! The bonus for me is in sharing an interest with my daughter. We are having fun with this together. But she still has not shown me what she has written. I asked her recently if I could see her Journal topic responses so I could see and compare what she wrote with how I approached it, and then she informed me that she always chooses the last topic which is, “Topic of your choice.” haha. I so much enjoy my daughters company. I can already feel like something will be missing when she does leave home. Is this like this for every parent when their children grow up? It was like this with my son also, and it’s still strange not having him home, and not being able to talk with him every day when I come home from work. I know this is the empty nest syndrome and I know that we have to let our children grow up, but going through it and experiencing it is different than hearing about it. Even though it was hard for me when my son left home for college two years ago, it feels even stronger of a pull on my heartstrings having my daughter grow up. In a lot of ways, I can really connect with her. She is an artist and creative thinker. As an example of this connection we have, when I was leading some art workshops with some friends, she wanted to be there and paint with us. I was amazed at the cool things she made. She also volunteered to play some duets with me at Christmas, her on clarinet and me on trumpet. We performed for our family, but the practice together was the most fun. Well, I have to keep reminding myself that my children never really leave my heart. Things will just change and they will be doing what they dream of doing, which may take them to the other sides of the world. It also reminds me that we have to really make the most of every minute we are with the people we love.
1. What would it be like to have no fear? How so?
I feel like we have two kinds of fear. One is called ‘respect’ and the other is the ‘lacking of love.’ A certain amount of respect is necessary to keep us from doing stupid things that could kill us. But the other fear is not the opposite of love, but it’s like Hot and cold water. It’s all the same stuff that we are made out of, but Fear is colder water, lacking heat. So having no fear in that sense is being full of love and we can be that way if we choose.
After writing this I realize that I don’t really have to fear losing my son or daughter because I know that we are not lacking in love, so no matter what situations come up we will still love each other and life will take care of itself the same way it does now. There will just be new experiences and adventures for all of us to share.
2. If you were to adopt a different name, what would it be? Why?
I’ve already been there and tried that. After I graduated from high school I adopted the German name, Johann and all my German-speaking friends called me that. It’s just the German equivalent of my current name John. My Korean Language partner gave me a Korean name, but I forgot it already because it did not mean anything to me. But just the other day I saw the Russian spelling for John, which could be Ian or Ivan, but in this case it was just two letters pronounced “Yan.” So my adoption of a different name would really be just another translation of who I am.
Ding ding ding ding. BONUS POINTS!!! ;-)