December 11, 2005
Nobody Cares About Me So Why Should I?
One of the strangest things in this world is the idea that we are ever alone. We can be surrounded by people, insects and animals, have God in and all around us, and still feel like we are alone. Isn't this wierd? One thing that God has been trying to tell us since the beginning of our existence, is that we are not alone. We all want to be loved yet we are afraid to share our love with others. We isolate ourselves from others and God. When we are a baby we begin the process of separation from others. As we strive for our independence we go overboard and lose sight of the fact that we are all co-dependent in life. We cannot do anything without effecting someone else. We cannot exist without God and each other. With God and all of these billions of people around, isn't it strange that we feel alone? Isn't it strange that we don't feel loved?
I read in the paper recently that when the european astronauts first went into space they were thinking very much about their identities such as German or British or French, but as soon as they saw the globe they thought, wow, we are all on that spaceship called earth. When Earth is seen from a distance with a backdrop of infinite space, we realize just how much we are all in this together. Hey, if we destroy that planet, then it will effect everyone! If we deplete the natural resources, it will effect everyone! If we pollute the planet so we can't breathe it will effect everyone! If we treat each other poorly everyone on the planet suffers. It's because we are all in this together and we are not alone.
When we feel alone and unloved, we are missing something we crave and need. We are missing it. We wish we had it. As strange as it sounds to feel unloved and alone surrounded by billions of people, isn't it stranger yet when we attack ourselves and sabotage ourselves because of it? When we don't feel loved by others we often don't love ourselves. Let's see, it goes something like this, "No-one cares anyways, so I might as well get messed up!" or "My parents don't care if I'm home anyways, so why should I?" or "Nobody likes me, I'm stupid and ugly! It's not even worth living." Stange isn't it? Not only do we feel unloved by others, but we turn against ourself. The logic is illogical: I feel alone and unloved by others so I'm going to isolate and not love myself! That'll show them! That'll fix them! But it doesn't fix anything, it just makes my condition worse. I not only still feel alone and unloved, but I also hurt myself.
When we are feeling unloved and alone, doesn't it make better sense to love ourselves? If we are all alone and we are all we've got, then wouldn't at least loving ourselves be something? Why should I care when nobody else does? Because it's healthy. Because it's good for me. Because it helps instead of destroying me. That's why I should care.
Now the flip side of this is when we can see or feel the need of another soul to be loved and connected, given that we are all in this life together and what effects one person effects everyone, isn't it in our best interest to love and connect with that person? That can be as simple as saying hello and aknowledging their presence. Of course it could also mean we have to go way beyond our current comfort level. I cannot even count how many times I have went beyond my own comfort level with other human beings! Hearing a soul's need is like walking by a car wreck; we have to stop and make sure everyone is ok and offer our assistence. That may mean getting the proper person, like a paramedic involved as soon as possible. When giving CPR the very first step is to always call for help! While the ambulence is on the way we start pumping the chest and listening for breaths until we are relieved of that duty. Yes it's our duty to help souls in need! If there is someone reaching out for love and acceptance, there is a reason. That person is missing something. Therefore we are missing something.
Love yourself like you want others to love you. Then love others like you love yourself. Love others like you want others to love you. Love yourself like you want others to love theirselves.
Posted by carl1236 at December 11, 2005 10:16 PM | Love your Neighbor
i have read your article on being unloved for some encouragement.Awhile ago,i was lying on my bed watching tv and suddenly i just went into a sad reflective mode.i started feeling totally lonely and unloved although i have ahusband and two children and god.yes ,the children are over twenty and my husband busy as usual.i have no friends and family.i just feel ver sad and feel disapponited in life although i have had an active life.at the moment i am a full time home executive and feel taken for granted.what do you think is wrong with me?
Posted by: Sabitha Pillay at February 23, 2006 1:15 PM
Hi Sabitha! :-)
Honestly, I feel your last statement kind of points to what I was talking about, not loving ourselves. One of our attacks on self-love is this question, "What is wrong with me?" As if there is something 'wrong' with 'me' that needs to be fixed. Somehow we feel it's helpful to devalue ourselves when things aren't going great or we are depressed or feeling taken for granted or feeling like something is missing. Especially with relationships. I would encourage you to first just accept that people have ups and downs in emotions, and that there is nothing 'wrong' with you. If you feel like you are depressed for no reason, yes, there could be medical reasons and you can find a professional to talk to but that's really to help you work through what you are feeling. When you do this it can be really healthy and self-loving, because it helps you heal yourself. Only you can answer these questions. But you can start with accepting yourself and not feeling like it's somehow your fault.
When you say that you feel like you're being taken for granted, and that your husband is very busy 'as usual' and that your children are grown up, you may be feeling lonely. I'm facing that now with two adult children. This is a natural feeling that is called the empty nest syndrome and doesn't point to your own failure or anything wrong with you, but to a true loss in companionship and closeness that you have experienced in the past. This is probably a good time to allow yourself to feel that loss, and to love yourself for who you are.
From my point of view, It's also good to have a support network in life, such as friends and family. If you have time right now, why not join a group, be active, take a class, work out, do something nice for yourself, get to know some people, build some friendships, etc. peace.
Posted by: John at February 24, 2006 2:15 AM
Wow, just wow, this article is amazing. The way it tells exactly what people are going though.
For the last few days, up until recently I've felt this way, but today, the good things just wont quite, so I can't help but be positive.
Posted by: Kimmie at February 27, 2006 12:10 PM
some times i feel like im the only one that seems to call my family members.. im the only one who calls to say hi.. sigh... i feel like im not that importan to other ppl.. i try to connect but im the only one.. how do deal with this do i just stop calling or visiting ppl im tired of being the only one who cares...
Posted by: ann at June 29, 2006 1:41 PM
I know, relationships are difficult and take work by everyone involved. This is a lesson I have to keep learning over and over. Eventually I'll be bright enough to find a balance. I am a very active person and many of the things I choose to do are important in someone's eyes. But we each only have limited and undefinable amounts of time available in life. So I make choices to use my time in certain ways, just like everyone else.
And then others have expectations of how we should act toward them, and we have expectations of how others should act toward us. Often these expectations lead us to disappointment. We know that we cannot derive true happiness from the actions of others, that's something that happens inside of us, not because someone does something we expect them to do. Otherwise we would be constantly disappointed and let down and live a sad life.
But that doesn't mean we don't feel a sense of disatisfaction with the situation. In a relationship it does take more than one person participating, otherwise it isn't a healthy relationship. The world is full of unhealthy relationships. We all need work on this area in life. We can't live without each other but sometimes we don't realize we are trying to do just that.
I try to remember that most people aren't ignoring me intentionally and that everyone leads busy lives. So I try not to internalize it, take it personally or feel like it's my fault or problem.
On the other hand, I'm aware that I need to contribute to my relationships in order for it to be a healthy relationship. That's something I'm still working on, especially being so busy with other things. Even if those other things are important and I'm helping others, I may still be neglecting my relationship with my family for instance.
So I feel for you and understand, and hope you keep on trying to engage your family, because maybe they can come around and value their family relations and realize how fragile that balance is. After all, whether they are connected with you or even try does not diminish the value of YOUR efforts. You feel it's important and set your priorities to that. You are the one doing the work in the relationship building, and since we cannot really change other people, we have to still try to at least express our feelings to them. This is difficult when but at least we are communicating with them on how we feel about the relationship.
I don't know, I'll let you know if I find a solution to better relationships. I still need a lot of work.
Posted by: John at June 30, 2006 1:33 AM
hey i knw what this means , and im feeling also like there is no love in this world or ... all the ppl wants interests if the didn't get it they r out of ur life..that is what im exactl feeling may be with my comunity...yeah
Posted by: Nas at August 31, 2006 2:08 AM
I was feeling alone and sad and I found your article in a search....how comforting to know that while we feel so alone and sad sometimes , we are at the same time sharing those feelings with so many others...so we are far from alone in that sense. Your article hits the nail on the head. Self-love matters. Yes, it is something! We need it, we must have it, or develop it so we can keep our balance. Not always easy, is it? I'm always wondering what I've done to make others uninclined to keep contact with me. And I often think it is because they are takers and I am a giver and therefore unless I have something to offer, what is their point? But again, I must take your words to heart and not internalize it. Thank you for your insight and wise words. You never know whose lives you touch and I thank you for touching mine today. No coincidences.
Posted by: Susan at September 5, 2006 2:18 PM
i really like this article, it's nice to know that there is someone out there who thinks of things like this other than myself. I'm a pretty smart kid, extremely smart and mature for my age, i think about these types of things everyday of my life since i was about maybe 12 or 13. But i am 16 now, going to be 17 in December. I have a screename but my aim currently doesn't work, i like giving advice and talking to people about life so if anyone is up for a chat email me at email@example.com or post your email or screenames. My AIM screename is oshvick81 by the way, but like i said it's being a little weird lately but i'll be on it once in a while. Feel free to I-M me ANY time, again that's>> oshvick 81
thank you, i look forward to talking with u all, and good luck in life
Posted by: Dimitri at October 7, 2006 11:56 PM
Wow. I didn't know other people felt like I do. I feel like I do all the work in relationships. I'm the one who has to call, stop by, write letters or send emails. I get nothing in return. Nobody cares. Nobody calls. Nobody emails or writes. I just am so tired of it all. We promise we'll have coffee or do lunch, then when I try to firm up plans, nope, too busy. I'm not depressed either. People legitimately are incredibly selfish and self-centered. It seems as if the only time anyone calls is if they want something from me.
Even my kids are having problems making playdates with friends. I wonder what's wrong with us, why are people avoiding us? Shoot, my own kid's grandparents forgot his birthday. Nothing, nada, not even a card. I'm not a negative person. I don't spend all my time talking about myself or complaining. I just don't get it. I feel like moving to a different state and starting over.
Posted by: Maddie at October 24, 2006 1:42 PM