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September 23, 2006
How do I overcome Fear?
Sometimes I don't. It depends on the situation. We've all been taught that fear is a naturally occuring emotion that protects us from danger. Instinctually, or biologically we get a rush of adrenaline and our muscles tense up, getting ready for action. We get into self-protection mode. But often our fears are not responding to physical danger and our fears actually interfere with the solution to our problem. For instance if I am performing on the trumpet, tense muscles and adrenaline rushes don't help. It makes the playing worse.
My fear of a new job is also real, but there is no physical threat. I'm very close to starting a whole new job at a different company. At least I hope so. I really feel like it will be good for my soul to do this. The job would be more challenging and I would be putting my skills to a better use. But I'm going into unchartered territory for me and I would have to do some things I'm not real comfortable with. I was reminded by a friend, that I have done very well in situations like this so I should relax. She was right, I should relax, because fear is not going to help me in this case. Coming up with a plan will.
I do use logic to help me overcome fear. For instance in the job situation, I know that logically there is always a learning curve in every job. And if I work hard, as I have in the past, I will quickly get through the learning curve. The harder I work at the beginning, the faster that learning curve is over. After six months I know I will feel like I've been working there for a long time and I will be comfortable. Logically I know I am capable of learning new things. So what makes this job any different? I start classes In subjects I know nothing about, yet I do well in them.
I also don't beat myself up with negative affirmations, like "I never do well in math." or "I never do well in new situations." Sometimes I still get afraid of new situations, but that fear is because it's an unknown. I start to talk to myself almost immediately to logically work out my fears. Why would I want to counteract my own success at overcoming my fears?
Now what about my fear of losing my mother to cancer? This is a different kind of fear I think. In this case the fear is far removed from the reaction to danger. It's more a feeling of helplessness against an unknown, and a feeling of loss. Of course death is an unknown for all of us until we experience it. We can read about experiences all we want and pretend we know, we can even understand it's meaning, but until we go through it we have not experienced it. So it's an unknown experience for us. But I have a certain detachment to life in general. I am not owed anything by this life, so there is no loss to me if I were to go. I do not need to hold on to anything here. But at the same time I feel sorrow for people who are suffering pain and fear of death, the great unknown. No I don't want to lose my mother and I encourage her to fight for her life. I would do the same thing. I want her to live. Just like I want people to be successful and happy in life. I love my mother and will be sad when she does go. But I don't feel like it's her time yet. She's handling the treatments well so far and it seems like her cancer is being diminished. Time will tell. I feel positive about it. My mom is scared but after making it though three treatments, she's gaining confidence in the process. My detachment from life is not denouncing the things of life, but it's more a letting go of the attitude that life somehow owes me anything. Whatever happens is happening and I have make choices as they happen. Right now my mom needs some comfort and encouragement. You know? Sitting there while someone else is getting chemo makes a person think about life a little more. My mom told me today that it really makes her think about what is really important in life. She's doing more painting now and she's working on her family tree and she's enjoying her gardening. She's also doing the best she can to fight this cancer. I think my fear and hers are both helped by talking about it and being encouraged by how she's handling it.
As things go along in life, I have fears, and sometimes I don't overcome them. But often I can come to grips with it. Another way I do this is by taking action. It seems like an opposite thing to do, but I learned a long time ago that action replaces fear. The action may be as simple as calling my mom and talking it out. Or calling my brother to talk to him about how he feels about all of this. Also, in the case of fear of a class I am taking, action in the form of making a study plan and doing it, or talking to the professor to see how to do well in the class replaces my fear. I do much better when I am actually doing something about it instead of just being afraid of it and doing nothing, which would lead to failing the class. Very counterproductive.
Death is a natural occurance, and we are usually afraid of it but just having fear and doing nothing about it is not helpful to anyone. Even feeling helpless against cancer, I can still take action to replace my fear.
Fear of not doing well in a running event is not helped by not running for practice. Taking the action of trainning for the event helps. For me action replaces my fear. When I'm in the midst of taking action I'm not afraid because I'm too busy working on the solution. Same with my mom. She's working on taking her pills and eating the right foods to help her regain her strength and getting enough protein, etc. She's also doing some things she loves to do, that she feels are important in life. And she takes it all as just something she has to do in order to overcome this disease.
Posted by carl1236 at September 23, 2006 5:38 PM | Attitude
Comments
A very nice article. I read the complete article cause I had lost hope in everything. This article is an enlightment
Posted by: josh at November 3, 2006 5:18 AM
Nice honest article. IT helped me relate with many of my fears and how to handle it.
Logically talking it out within works and also doing something about it. But at times the fears are so paralysing that all action stops and utter dread follows. I am trying to find ways of handling such fears. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
Posted by: Vijaykumar at November 26, 2006 7:45 AM