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January 20, 2007

Flash Fiction Number 5 - This Seat Taken

This Seat Taken

Amanda was eating lunch at a table by herself, just like all the others.
Then she saw a man looking around, struggling with a full tray and a boy tugging at his leg.
She yelled, “Excuse me, are you looking for a table? You can sit here.? He looked around, then joined them. It was fun! When Amanda finished and departed, she glanced over her shoulder smiling.
The chairs across from him were empty. Then he saw a young mother looking for a place to sit. He yelled, “Excuse me, are you looking for a table? You can sit here.?

(NOTE: If you read this story already, I changed the first line because the old one just didn't cut it. I don't know if I made it yet, because I've been reading about first lines and how important they are and how they should 'grab' the reader and draw them in to the story. My intention in both lines is basically the same, but the second one seems more clear and makes a statement about how everyone is eating by themselves. So I think this new first line is better than the old first line:
1. Amanda was eating lunch. All the tables were occupied, one or two at each.
2. Amanda was eating lunch at a table by herself, just like all the others.

These micro stories get hard to edit at this point, because there are very few words to work with, which is one of the reasons I'm writing these. This exercise forces me to think through an entire story in 100 words and be more concise and expressive in my writing. It's like doing a puzzle - fun and addictive.

Posted by carl1236 at January 20, 2007 11:57 PM | Writing

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