May 31, 2006
Crash, bang, fall over, play dead
On Sunday morning I crashed my bike. It was at the tail end of a hard 30-mile training ride. In that crash I bent my handlebars, cut my hand and left thigh and caused some damage to a car. Everything still functioned on my bike although my left arm now extends a couple of inches further out, so I decided to just ride it that way this morning for a 15-mile ride before work. I was down by Fort Snelling, just coming up to Shepard Road from the park and I got a flat tire on the rear wheel. hmmm. I thought I had my toolkit with me, but no. I was stranded there and started walking, carrying my bike. Thankfully a nice guy stopped to help and gave me a tube and helped me get back on the road. It would have been a long walk back to downtown St. Paul! So I'm thankful for the help.
Then tonight I came to a stop and I got stuck in my clips and lost my balance and fell over, damaging the rear derailer. As I was riding the derailer got stuck in the spokes and bent one. Now my wheel is crooked. After that, it got more interesting because my chain broke. There I sat at 11:35pm in a residential neighborhood on a deserted street under a streetlight putting my chain back together. Yes, I got smart after the flat tire and made sure I had my kit with me tonight. After I put my chain back together and started riding, I get chattering in the front derailer no matter which gear I am in. So it's now a little off. Maybe because of the bent handlebars. Now I have to get some parts and really, seriously repair and tune up this bike!
May 29, 2006
This morning I ran for 45 minutes again. It was hot outside but I brought some water with me. I saw another runner out who was also carrying water. The run was interesting. Here's what I felt:
At first my body didn't want to get going. it was stiff and lethargic. I decided it was better to walk a few blocks at a brisk pace to get my blood flowing and to loosen up my muscles before pounding them. That seemed to help but when I started to run my first few steps felt like I was running on stilts. I glanced at my watch to make note of the time. (yes I finally got a watch after years of not wearing one. But it's a useful tool for training.) I continued running the same course I ran on Saturday. That was fun because everything seemed so familiar. Even the big hill on Wentworth felt excruciatingly familiar! When I was about a half-mile into the run I started to feel loose and warmed up. Breathing this hot air made my throat dry and sore so I was happy I had a water bottle with me. My lungs also seemed to be having a hard time this morning so I tried to regulate my breathing and take some deep, steady breaths to stretch and get more oxygen into my lower lungs. That seemed to help. At the beginning of the run my lower back muscles were sore but I completely forgot about that when my right knee started hurting. I thought, "Now what!"
Going up the hill on Wentworth I know I was at maximum exertion. My breathing was heavy, all of my muscles were burning and engaged in the climb. That increased my overall body temperature dramatically and I was especially happy I had water with me then. I rewarded myself with a few quick sips from my bottle. It took a while after that hill to get my breathing back to a normal, steady pace.
I had just turned the corner and was on the home stretch when I noticed my fingers were going numb while carrying the water bottle. I had to switch hands often then because both hands would do it. After wiggling them for a few seconds the feeling came back though. When I finally stopped running, it felt like my legs wanted to keep running. The muscles were tight and walking then felt unatural, just like when I started but in reverse. I walked it off and when I reached my driveway my breathing was normal and my entire body was covered in sweat.
I stretched a little and drank a full glass of energy drink. The shower felt great, I ate a huge breakfast and now I'm ready for a nap. At this time, all of my muscles feel depleted and tired. My upper arms and shoulders are a little sore. The pain I had during my run on Monday is completely gone and I didn't feel even a hint of it.
Tuesday I swim, Wednesday bike, Thursday swim, Friday rest, Saturday bike, Sunday run. This is my third week of training and I'm supposed to increase my workout intensity and do an extra long workout in the area of my weekness. Next week is recovery week and I get two days of rest and easy workouts. So far so good. Two weeks of training are behind me and it feels good. I feel better overall but I think I'll feel even better after my muscles are used to training this much.
May 28, 2006
A run, a haircut and a bike ride
The haircut really has nothing to do with triathlons, except that with 1/4 inch hair it's easier to keep cool when running, biking and swimming. So I cut my hair again yesterday after my run. I ran for 45 minutes exactly. It was a little rough. With this whole training program I can see how out of shape I have really become over the winter. This morning, at 7am I went for a thirty-mile bike ride. Then I was wiped out for the day! I got some stuff done though. I went to the bike shop at 10:30, sold some bikes and helped clean up a little, then at about 2:30pm I rode home with Terry, one of the super volunteers at the shop. We stopped for a cool drink and chatted at a local coffee shop. That was fun. I got home about 4, ate lunch, took a GOOD nap and then started my day over. We broke down and put in our two window air conditioners tonight so we could sleep. It already feels better in here. Tomorrow is a running day again. I'm planning on getting up really early to do this before it's too hot. Hopefully I can be all done by 7am. Training is hard but good. I'm really loving this kind of workout. I think it will just get better the better shape I get into. And switching between running, swimming and biking is really cool because it's something new and different.
It's 9:47pm and I'm off to collapse into bed. More training tomorrow along with a good bike cleaning and re-lubing. Have to do that stuff too in order to keep training.
May 27, 2006
Yesterday after I got home I was physically exhausted. I had done two
hard swimming workouts, one at lunchtime and one right after work. When
I swung by the bike shop to see how things were going, all I could do
was sit there and talk. It was a great feeling. Physical exhaustion is
much different from mental exhaustion where a person feels like doing
nothing, being non-motivated to do anything. I equate mental exhaustion
with that feeling of not wanting to do and not caring. But with
physical exhaustion I feel more like I want to do more, but am
pleasantly weak all over. And when something comes up I'm back in
motion, mainly due to an attitude of 'can do,' pushing beyond limits
of strength or energy. I think spiritual, mental energy is still going
strong and motivates us to keep going. Looking out of the shop door we
decided it was time to close up and get home. Dave rode off on his bike
and I rode off in the opposite direction toward home.
As I was pedaling I was amazed at how it felt on my muscles.
I'm not talking about physical playing, but spiritual playing. Last
night I was delayed in getting home because I stopped to chat along the
way. The storm clouds were getting darker and moving in fast. As I was
riding my bike I overheard a few guys on the street corner talking
about it. One guy said, "Man, it's going to be a rough one!" The
sky looked ominous and the wind was picking up speed. That's when it
dawned on me that I might have to pull off the road and find a place to
hide from the downpour.
I rode past all of the structures that might provide a quick shelter
but the rain was holding back. I started up the Smith Avenue Bridge and
the clouds winked at me and flashed a smile. I rode on hoping it would
hold off a little longer. I kept pedaling faster, hoping I could still
make it home before it rained, hoping that it would blow over me and
rain on another part of the city. I felt a few drops, then a steady
sprinkle. I thought to myself, "This isn't so bad, It's like a
mist to keep me cool while I pedal harder." Then it rained a little
harder, but by then I had crossed the bridge and was riding along a
tree-lined street and was sheltered from most of the rain. I was nearly
home and I had hopes I could make a mad dash and avoid getting too wet.
I rode on. I rode out to the middle of the street to make a left turn.
That was my street and I was on the home stretch. The clouds let loose
with a thundering laugh and within a block I was totally soaked. I
backed off from pedaling, throwing up my arms, embracing the rain. It
felt so good! It felt like I was a kid again playing in the rain. I
remember how we used to rush outside when the rain came, on purpose!
That was before the acid-rain and the fear of getting our shirts or
shoes wet. That was before responsibility took hold of our senses and
taught us to walk, not run, stay dry at all costs, and to set aside play
as we work like adults are supposed to. The clouds and I chuckled a
little at my memories. I leisurely rode the last block to my house,
enjoying every drop I encountered, enjoying the wetness surrounding me,
flowing over me, rinsing my face and eyes, waking my senses, making me
feel alive and fresh. I was playing in the rain again.
I was riding my bike home from the bike shop last night, shortly before
the rain came, and I saw this man rummaging through some stuff with his
bike leaned up against a low-concrete-divider wall. I almost rode on by
but was compelled to turn around and see if he needed help with his
bike. He didn't. What looked to like a problem with his bike was
really Terry Mack stopped to untangle the cables of his CD-Player
headset. He thanked me and told me I get 200 points for stopping
though. He said that most people would go right by and not care whether
someone needed help or not. Then he told the story about what happened
a few weeks ago to him. He was walking along the sidewalk on West
Seventh and a very drunk man was lying in the middle of the street, face
up, not moving. In all appearances, he looked dead, and in practicality
he was dead to the world and oblivious to where he was. Terry witnessed
car after car drive around the man. One even honked but kept driving.
So Terry went out into the street as fast as he could and found the man
still alive, but reeking of alcohol. Terry shook him and the man kind
of snapped out of it, looked up at Terry and said, "Do you got a
Somehow Terry got him out of the street so he wouldn't get killed.
What shocked me is that out of a dozen or so people that drove around
the man lying in the middle of the road, not a single person stopped to
render aid. Terry told me, "This is not the world I enrolled in."
And I had to agree. I'm happy to have met a man like Terry Mack. It
reminds me that yes, it's still good to pay attention to those around
us and render aid when we see someone in trouble. This is the world I
May 24, 2006
The racehorse is out of the barn
Today I got out my road racing bike for the first time this season. It felt like I was riding a race horse! Fast(er), Light(er) and better gears made it a lot of fun to ride. This morning I rode for 45 minutes and after work I added another seven miles at a good pace. I managed to get up to 38 miles per hour coming back into Downtown St. Paul after riding up out of it with a friend. I had a nice long straightaway coming down a hill and there was no traffic at 11:45pm so I took my lane and pedalled hard. Then again going down the Wabasha bridge I managed to reach 34 miles per hour. That was totally fun! Tomorrow is swimming day for my triathlon training. I think I'll be ready for Friday rest day long before Friday arrives, haha. Well, I guess tomorrow is already Thursday so it won't be so bad doing the swimming tomorrow. It's low impact and is more of an upper-body workout. So now that my race horse is out of the barn, where will it take me? I'm beginning to get serious about training now. And beginning to like racing again. My bike almost felt enthusiastic when i brought it out today.
May 23, 2006
I am determined
Last night I was running and hurt my leg, but today I went swimming and it feels much better. This is one of the reasons I wanted to get into a training routine that included swimming, running and biking. I think it's good for the body to have a more well-rounded fitness plan that helps a lot of different muscles. It's more balanced I think than just doing one event. Plus swimming is a low-impact, or no-impact activity, causing no shin splints and other shock-related injuries.
Today I really enjoyed swimming in the pool, but I must admit, I'm exhausted again. Yesterday I biked about 23 miles, ran for about 30-40 minutes or so and today I swam for 30 minutes. My swimming technique is getting better I think, so I'll have to keep practicing it. I'm excited at the prospect of being a better swimmer too.
Tomorrow is biking day...but tomorrow I have no time available. Well, I'm going back to the idea that I should be a morning person. Tomorrow I have to be if I want to get a workout in. How do I get a 45 minute bike ride in when I don't get up until about 7:30am? hmmm. Go to bed early, like now, haha, and get up early. Tomorrow night I won't get back home until around 10pm so it has to be the morning. So this might be a motivation to change me into a morning person. At least for a day. haha. Then Thursday I'll sleep in again because I'll be exhausted. haha.
There was a good article in the paper this week about someone who had trouble keeping a workout schedule because of other duties in life. It is difficult. It takes a lot of dedication and setting it as a higher priority than things like watching American Idol everytime it's on. Not picking on that show in particular but I just read about how some people are addicted to that show so I threw it in here.
I am going to stick with this training program and see what kind of shape I'm in by August, then try a Triathlon. Then my goal is to keep up the training routine through the winter. Let's see how it goes...
May 22, 2006
British Three-Speed Tour Completed...
You can go to this link: http://www.3speedtour.com/ and look down on the left side of the screen for the 2006 photos. It was fun! This truly is a pleasant bike tour with great company and great scenery, riding the entire loop around Lake Pepin. Of course it takes two whole days and lots of food and beer and pastries and coffee and ice cream! But we 'suffered' through it. Somehow we ended up back on the road coming home and we completed another successful tour on English 3-speed bikes. All 47 of us! It was great fun. And I won a bike in a drawing so now I have another project to fix up. I'll have to ride that one next year. I've done it two years in a row now, and each time it gets better. These people are wonderful, good people. I was happy to get to know some of them. Believe me, we rode at such a pace that we could easily chat the day away, even miss a turn or two. haha.
So, after riding about 80 some miles in two days, tonight was running night at my triathlon training course. It's quite a contrast to my weekend! Competitive sports and 3-speeds? haha. But tonight I rode from St. Paul to Roseville for the start of the class and then practiced running with the group, learning about pace and sprinting or speed practice and then walking back to the start. Tonight was fun too. There is a place and a time for leisure and for hard workouts. I discovered I have no need to mix the two. It's fun to slow down in life and it's fun to go fast and work hard. After class I rode home and nursed my leg a little, since it started hurting during the sprinting. Tomorrow I'm doing swimming so it should be fine with a day of leg rest. Triathlon training is hard!
May 18, 2006
Rest day has arrived...finally!
Today for training I ran. It was another thirty-minute run but with four 30-second all-out sprints in the middle. by the time I got home tonight every ounce of my body felt tired. Tomorrow is a rest day thankfully. My muscles need it. My energy levels are low, but...BUT...haha, it feels great! I now feel like I am going to make it! This training schedule will get harder over the next two weeks but I feel like I can do it. I'm now exercising about an hour every day, six days per week. I'm not even motivated by the thought of competing in a traithlon. I'm motivated by just trying to do the training. And learning to swim better. among other things.
May 17, 2006
Triathlon Training Day 3
Don't worry, I'll get bored with logging my training progress, but right now it's all new and exciting. Today as part of my training program I practiced swimming for 30 minutes. It was difficult! I realized how hard it is to retrain myself in better swimming technique. I will keep practicing my technique until it comes more naturally before I try to increase speed. Anyway, about the gear. I bought a new pair of swim goggles with foam around the eyes because my previous ones were just too hard and hurt. But I was really happy with these. Now If I could just stop inhaling water I'd be good to go!
Tomorrow is a running day, then Friday I have a rest day. Saturday and Sunday I'll be riding 50 miles each day so I'll use those as my cycling days. Monday starts the new schedule then with running. If this sounds like a lot, it probably is. At least for me it is. Hopefully my body will adjust.
May 16, 2006
Triathlon training schedule - Base 1
Last night we got our workout schedule, base 1, for the month of May and part of June. At this stage we are supposed to be building a base. Yeah, right. Basically I haven't been working out in months and I jump into a 6 days per week training schedule. Here's an idea of what the schedule is like. It's two runs, two swims, two bike rides and a day of rest. The swim last night was 45 minutes and the run today was 30 minutes. The bike ride is 30 miles. After the swim last night and the run today I'm wiped out! I will be feeling it tomorrow I think. It takes a lot of dedication and hard work to train for a sport and compete. So can I do it? Maybe. I had to join the Y for pool access close to work. Today I ran and showered there right after work. So, I'm trying to give myself the opportunity to succeed at this. One of my goals is to "Try" a Triathlon in August after this class is over. I will succeed at that no matter what kind of shape I'm in, but with this schedule, I think I'll be ready.
But for now, I'm dragging my sorry, tired body to bed. ;-)
May 15, 2006
Second night of Triathlon Training School
Tonight was our second class for the Triathlon training I'm taking. Last Monday night we met in the pool at St. Katherines. Then I had a week of no workouts. Tonight we again met in the pool for 45 minutes of practice. Then we talked about gear and he handed us a recommended workout schedule. I guess my activities will fill up again. According to the schedule, tomorrow is a running day so I plan on running during lunch. Let the training begin! (and the adventure)
I already learned something valuable. I have been swimming with horrible technique all my life. This is way more efficient! Now I have to practice hard to relearn how to swim.
May 14, 2006
Quality is an unfinished process
In August of 2005, about nine months ago, I talked about the lack of caring that I found in my volunteer activity. But actually after all this time, I have not accomplished changing anything. Today I was working at the shop and a new customer was supposed to be returning today to pick up a bike a couple volunteers had been setting up for her. So I decided to look it over to make sure it was ready. Here is what I discovered:
Not tight on the seat tube and too high.
Not shifting into the large chain ring.
cable end frayed.
Bottom Bracket loose.
Back wheel out of true, rubbing on brake pad.
Front wheel off center, spokes rubbing on fork on one side. Washers were used on one side to adjust for a speedometer device but it was over-compensated.
Front brake too loose and brake lever went all the way to the handle bar.
Both wheels had tube stems sticking out at a severe angle.
Front wheel rim strip was broken.
I fixed most of these problems and told her to bring the bike back for free repairs if she runs into any further problems. I used to look at these issues as a matter of 'not caring' by those doing the work. But now I'm thinking it's a matter of 'not knowing' how to fix a bike so it's really fixed and not admitting to 'not knowing'
Because A person really would not send a bike out in this condition knowing it's not fixed properly would they? I don't think this is the case because these people do feel good about the work they do. So this is my failure. I have not implemented a good education program or quality checking program for volunteers work, for everyone's work. Everyone's skill levels should be brought up and checks have to be made. I want to buy a bike that actually works and is safe, so this has to be my focus this year.
Has it really been nine months since I discovered a quality control problem? It's alarming to me that I knew a problem existed and yet could do nothing to resolve it in an area that is potentially the most valuable part of our program. My attention was focused on so many other things that I lost sight of this. Now I realize that fixing this bike for the customer only solved the issue once and that it's an ongoing process that will need the most dedicated focus by many people, all the time.
May 13, 2006
Scrapping a Bike
Today I scrapped an old Huffy 3-speed and salvaged the Shimano hub. The rest went into the steel scrap bin to be recycled. It's an interesting experience to know each piece taken off will be smelted down and reused in sheet metal or something.
May 12, 2006
Taught by a bike...
Haha, today I took off from work early to go hang out at the bike shop. I continued working on the Rollfast single-speed bike and it took me about 5 hours, minus lunch and a few other breaks. It's done though. Well, it rides nice, but I did not rebuild the headset like I was planning because I was sick of working on it. There was a LOT of rust on this thing and a LOT of caked-on grease which I had to remove. So I think the majority of Bike restoration is really bike cleaning. But man it feels great to have a clean bike! I did not do as well of a job on this bike as I did on my three speed. Mainly because I lost patience on this one and because I was running out of time. I had to get it rideable again. It's in very good shape right now, but if it's still sitting there unsold next week, I'm going to clean and rebuild the headset and scrub more rust off the handlebars and stem. But for all real purposes, I'm done with it. I'm glad I decided to clean and regrease the bottom bracket because it needed it. I spent most of the time today though on the front wheel which was seriously bent. It's nearly straight now.
Oh, speaking of wheels, this bike had a cross-three spoke pattern, but it was laced over-over-over, not over-over-under. If you've built wheels you know what I mean. I guess on the fat tire wheels they could get away with that because these bikes were never meant to be racing around corners at high speeds. Then again, maybe that's why this front wheel was so bent out of shape. It's solid steel for crying out loud! It would take a serious hit to bend it like I found it.
What is the value of this exercise? There are several lessons in this for me. I'm grateful for the opportunity to be taught by a bike.
May 11, 2006
Rolfast rolling fast
Tonight I saw one of the bikes and thought it looked cool. It was an old Light Blue Ladies Rolfast single speed that had already once been restored and painted. It was in pretty rough condition though. I started scrubbing the rust off the chrome fenders and it was difficult. Cheap fenders mean chrome is rubbing off down to the metal. It's better than rust though. As I got into it, I found it much more work to do it right than I anticipated. Haha, at one point there were four of us working on one bike. Then they left and I was working on it for an hour by myself. It's still not done. Cleaning congealed grease is tough though. It was really caked on.
I have discovered that doing one thing leads to another. First I tried cleaning the rust and grease off the cranks and chainring. Then I noticed that the bottom bracket was loose. Even though it was moving freely, there was a lot of caked grease around there. I tried to tighten it but then it felt gritty. So, I took the whole thing apart and cleaned it. There was a LOT of caked grease in there. The fenders were the worst though. I still have more work on those to do. Then come the wheels.
Why am I putting this much work into a bike that will probably only sell for 50-60 bucks? Because it's a cool bike and could last another 50 years once rebuilt, providing that the new owner takes better care of it. It rides nice and looks cool. Tomorrow night I have to finish it. But I'm close. So in my opinion these are some things that differentiate restoration from simply making it work...Thorough cleaning, breaking down all the parts and removing all the rust, cleaning and replacing bearings if necessary, relubing everything, replacing broken parts with similar vintage parts and putting it all back together like new. It's very rewarding to take something destined for the scrap heap and make it like new. So it's worth it to me to spend some time making it good. Someone will love riding this bike!
May 10, 2006
Going Blind and Knowing it
If I were going blind and knew that it was coming. I think I would try to see what I could, to draw what I have in my mind, to try to remember those faces I have come to know. In this sense, oh how I wish to be going blind as I live each day. To really see with intention of knowing and remembering each sight, each color, each person so we never forget. I do not think I am there yet. My sight is not yet that clear. I may still be blind. I know it. Oh how I wish to gain that sight! Knowing this I think I will try harder to see what I can, to draw what I can, to remember what I can each day.
May 9, 2006
I started to do some basic research on "Time Management." And one article I read really hit home. The author said something like, 'forget about time management! We cannot manage time. Time is the great equalizer. We all have the same amount of time in a 24 hour period.' We cannot manage or control time, because it is what it is. But we can manage our actions within our allotted time. So she said that we should instead focus on 'Task Management.'
I don't think I've ever been real good about managing time, but one reason I've been so successful at many things I've done is because I have been very task driven. When I have goals, I break them down into tasks that have to be done and I do them. I'm flexible about my time, but also have been known to diligently plan and execute tasks toward my goals. I make lists and I check things off.
I think when you plan your life around time, you are going to lose out, or miss out on something important. Tonight is a great example. My wife and my sister-in-law were having dinner together and when I called to see what was going on, they asked if I'd join them, so I dropped my plans and raced up there on my bike. I joined them for some great food at a secret little garden restaurant in St. Paul that was fantasic! The food was great and the company was even better. So, yes, I had things to do tonight. I had something planned for the time tonight, but I was not time driven. I will still get these things done, not on my original schedule, but they will get done. To me though, it's better to be task driven but be time flexible. It allows me to take advantage of special opportunities like this when they come up. The idea of 'Task Management' instead of 'Time Management' seem so simple to me. Mainly because tasks are something we can control. We cannot control time. Task management focuses on the tasks that need to be done. Time management says, 'do this now, do that tonight, do such and such tomorrow morning. That's why so many people fail at managing their time. We cannot manage time. Things come up that throw our schedules way out of order. I know I still have things that need to be done, but I'm doing them now because they have to be done. Now I'm off to bed to get some sleep. Task Management seems like something we CAN do in life, whereas 'Time Management' always seems elusive. There never seems to be enough time to do everything we want to do. But we control what we do. So Task Management is do-able.
May 8, 2006
Daily Spirit Unplugged
I unplugged from the internet and email for a few days while I traveled to New Mexico for a wedding. My brother's daughter got married in a beautiful ceremony at a winery. You know, it was just a very pleasant time with great people and the weather was also beautiful. I had several opportunities to get onto the internet while there, but I just had no burning need to do so. Blog or no blog, I didn't really have much to talk about, but had a lot to think about. So I thought about things for a weekend and didn't write about them as I was thinking. For my quiet time, I studied Korean and read some short stories from one of my new books. But I did not log-on even once. Nor did I write in my notebook. I guess I was unplugged for a reason. I guess sometimes I need a break from blogging too. So, I went with the flow and it felt good to not think about it for a weekend. It helped me clean out my mind and rethink and refocus what I'm doing in many aspects of my life.
May 3, 2006
I'm watching a Korean Drama right now on AZN TV called Winter Sonata. It's very interesting. One of the main characters was in a tragic accident, presumed dead by all of his friends, but was really alive but had amnesia. After the accident his mother took the opportunity to change his name and take him to the U.S. He came back to Korea and met his old girlfriend but was living as a different person, and did not remember her. Then he was in an accident again and started regaining his old memories. This would have been more intersting I think if she would have lost her memory also and they still ended up together.
It brings up a good question. How much do our memories make us who we are?
May 2, 2006
Time does not move or march on
What if Time doesn't really move as we think? We say things like "Time marches on," "Time waits for no-one," and "Time flies when you're having fun" to describe our view of time. But more and more I've been thinking about these shooting stars flying through life. A shooting star wishes to stop moving just once to be able to savor time in one spot. But instead we march on as time beats a drum for us. Time stands still and observes us keeping track of our movements and achievements and creations. Time always was, is and always will be the same Time. There is no change in time, just changes in those who experience time. We move through it as if we were the ones standing still and time is the one moving. Time waits for everyone because time has all the time in the world. It is we who move on and cannot wait for time. Time doesn't ever catch up to us, because we move faster. Time is not lost but we lose sight of time because of our speed. If we could only slow down and savor time in one spot. Oh Time where did I lose sight of you? Was it this morning when I rolled out of bed to an alarm I set to get more of you, as if grasping at air? There is no more or less Time allotted to anyone. There is only more or less awareness of Time, more or less savoring of time, more or less movement through time. It is a Time that doesn't keep track of itself. Time doesn't mark the seasons or months or hours. We run through changing our form, our minds, our hearts. When will I slow down and savor the moment? Tomorrow morning I think as I stop my movements long enough to see Time in it's natural, unchanging form. In that moment I have all the time in the world.