Yesterday (8/20) was the 20-year anniversary of my brother Brad killing himself Download file. It was the typical concoction of depression and drug use. After 20 years the pain has subsided but the sadness will always remain. Probably the weirdest thing is that I walk by the site nearly everyday. Some days I don’t even notice, other times it weighs heavily on my mind -- although to be fair I am sure he didn’t know that I would one day be working at the University.
As a person of faith I feel quite confident that Brad is in a better place and his writings also show that he thought he was going to a better place. I have never held the belief that death means a person misses out what we experience on earth. They of course don’t experience it the same way we do, but by becoming part of the Holy Spirit, people who have died “know� that, for example, their kids graduated and had a good life, had children etc.
So I’m not sad that my brother died and he didn’t get to experience the things I have. I am sad because we can’t share those experiences together. He knows that Twins won the World Series in 1987, but we weren’t able to talk about it and share that joy. That is why we I think we grieve for the dead, we are actually grieving for ourselves.
In that vein, here is a list of things that I wish I could have shared with my brother over the last 20 years. It’s not an exhaustive list, and it obviously reflects where he was at 20 years ago, but it’s not a bad list. (also in no particular order)
Twins World Series victories in 1987 and 1991
The U2 concerts I attended in 1987 and 2002
My wedding
The adoption and birth of my children
The election and death of Paul Wellstone
Star Wars – Revenge of the Sith (last 45 minutes)
The death of Kirby Puckett
Timmy the Freak
The 3 New England Patriots Super Bowl victories in 4 years
Randy Moss “mooning� the Packer faithful
September 11, 2001
The new millennium
The Lord of the Rings Movies
Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky
Donnie Darko
Who do you miss and what events do you wish you could have shared with them?
Dean that was beautiful. I too have things I wished I could have shared with our brother over the years. Being an alcoholic, I now understand some of the pain he must have been experiencing. But with my newfound faith, I do not grieve, but rejoice in the fact that he is with our creator, in heaven and is at peace.
Some of the things I would have liked to share with Brad is:
The U2 concert I went to with Dean
My wedding
The birth of my 2 girls
My divorce
My daughters playing soccer
My recovery from Alcoholism
And much more.
The Bradman will always live on in my heart and I look forward to being with him one day.
I'm sorry about your brother,Dean. Thank you for sharing that with us. I miss my dad...and I miss the way his aftershave smelled....how he'd call me "Shawn,dear"(nobody else has ever called me that)....and I miss him calling me in the middle of the morning for no particular reason ....except to say "I Love You."....I feel like you do....that they're really watching everything from above...we'll have a lot to talk about someday.
Beautiful Dean. I had no idea you had lost someone so close, and in such a tragic way. I immediately thought of my grandpa who died of cancer when I was 13. I remember him listening to Twins games on his transistor radio at the dinner table, telling everyone to be quiet when something good was happening. He would have really loved 1987 and 1991, and I would have loved to have spent that time with him.
Thanks for the thought provoking post. I hope to see my grandpa again.
dino. i get it. it's hard to not be able to say i have 4 sisters and 4 brothers some days. i get to say there are 9 of us, 8 living. and then i am reminded of the confusion of that day in june as seen thru the eyes of an 8 year old. i miss her. the only true blond haired, brown eyed one in the family. but she is there with every giant set of thunderhead clouds i see - watching. i believe that someday it will all make sense. all of this.
It is November 3rd and I have just gotten around to reading Brad's blog.
Tomorrow night I'll be fulfilling my monthly volunteer service work at the Mission Detox in Plymouth...I wish Brad could come.
In July I celebrated nineteen years of sobriety...Brad's death got me into treatment.
I still listen to The Flock of Seagulls, OMD and New Order...music you introduced me to.
And before I go, Jeff Paine is a firefighter in Alaska somewhere
Todd C.
Todd:
Congrats on the sobriety, I myself will have 10 months tomorrow! WOO HOO.