Following into the Dark - Take 2
Last August I did a post on the song I Will Follow You Into the Dark by Death Cab for Cutie and as you can see from the comments, the post has really stuck a chord with people who have faced end of life issues with family members. I am actually quite humbled that people have sought out this site and commented in their time of sorrow and loss. Now my family is going through the painful process of saying goodbye to someone who is in a coma. What is especially difficult is that on the 4th of July we are all together having blast, talking about fireworks, boats, and kids. A few hours later a heart attack leaves my brother-in-law in what is described as a “permanent vegetative state.�
Modern medicine is amazing these days, as is our medical profession. The EMT’s found my brother-in-law without a pulse and were able to re-start his heart. Unfortunately the body needs oxygen and his body shut down all functions except for the bare minimum to survive: breathing and a beating heart.
When to end a life is an extremely painful decision. In one sense you want to hold out hope, but on the other, no brain activity is not really living. In the end it comes down to what you and your loved ones believe is quality of life. What makes it harder is that there are different levels of removing life support: Do you hydrate? How much pain medication should be administered? Given these questions, and the ultimate decision that must be made, it’s actually comforting to think that you would follow your loved one into the dark. The wish that you could tell them that very fact lies heavy in the room.
So talk to your loved one about end of life issues, get a will, write up a health directive. Tell them you if you could, you would follow them into the dark. Remember it will be difficult for your family members if they find themselves in the situation where they have to make end of life decisions, but it will be easier if they know that the decisions they have to make are ones that you have allowed them to make. In other words, allow your loved ones to follow you into the dark.
Comments
First of all, I am equally amazed by how many people are commenting on your original post on I Will Follow You Into the Dark. Some of the comments are pretty touching.
Secondly, I'm very sorry to hear about your brother-in-law. Your advice on end of life issues is good to consider. It is scary to think about how quickly life can change for all of us. Take care.
Posted by: Shane | July 10, 2007 09:59 AM
I hope people will especially take away from this the message to talk to your loved ones. My mom spent the bulk of her life as a diabetic and the last few years of it in kidney failure. Ultimately, there were complications that developed that left her the choice of being bedridden for her remaining life or stopping dialysis to let nature take its course. Technically, it as my decision as her caregiver to stop dialysis, but I was only able to make that decision because I knew it was what she wanted.
Posted by: Snyder | July 10, 2007 01:26 PM
I, too, am sorry to hear about your brother in law. Whenever I hear news like this, I realize how much I take for granted every day.
Death, unfortunately, is something that I was forced to face relatively early in my life when I lost my dad, uncle and grandfather in a two year span in the early '80's. Then, ten years later, my mom passed away from breast cancer. Speaking of music, R.E.M's "Automatic For The People" helped me out through that time.
I've often looked for "life's meaning" in music, although I have not heard the DCFC song that you mentioned in your post. I'll have to check it out.
Best wishes to you and your family.
Posted by: Jeff T. | July 10, 2007 05:15 PM