Blog 3 Repost: Tiger Mother vs. Permissive Parenting

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The three distinct parenting styles described by Diana Baumrind resonate within all of us--we're all aware of how restrictive or lenient our own parents were, but we have also witnessed friends' parenting styles and even strangers on the street or in restaurants. And as much as we would like to impose our own beliefs on a parent with a screaming child in the aisles of a grocery store, we cannot understand their specific parent/child dynamic and should try not to pass any judgment on their parenting style. My own parents were authoritative when I was younger, but have become more permissive as I have grown. I am extremely grateful to have had structure when I needed it but also the space to become the person I want to be instead of who they want me to be. Over the years, I've experienced my friends' parents authoritarian styles and while structure is beneficial to growing minds, it seems to me that the tighter their grip on the child, the faster they'll run in the opposite direction. Just ask the most popular authoritarian parent, "Tiger Mother" Amy Chua, about her extreme confidence and vigor in restricting her daughters' behavior. She is proud to have called her girls awful names like "garbage" and "pathetic", which is considered borderline verbal abuse in the US, but is commonplace in Asian households. So, even though we may not agree with her methods of parenting, we must accept that all families are different and only they can decide how to best mold their children.

Here's a link to an article about the Tiger Mother, it's fascinating and unnerving at the same time: http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704111504576059713528698754.html

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I feel you bring up an excellent point in acknowledging that parenting styles and expectations are not universal. What is done in one culture may seem harsh in another cultures practices but many cultural practices persist because it is what is thought to mold their children into proper adults in that area.

I suppose I agree with this post. You make a good point that we are in no place to pass judgement on other peoples' parenting styles (unless it's clearly defined as abusive of course), even though we may strongly disagree with such parenting. Sometimes I watch The View and Dr. Phil that call into question some extreme parenting styles and criticize them. In a way I'm always shocked with what I see. In another, I question what right the likes of Dr. Phil and Barbara Walters have in judging these parents. Do you think it would be acceptable to criticize such parenting if there were studies that showed such parenting styles were destructive to childhood development?

I think it is very important to acknowledge that parenting styles vary in different cultures, and that does not necessarily mean outside the U.S. There are clearly many different cultures in the U.S. and the way children are raised can be seen in a variety of different ways.

My mom is tiger mom... Certainly...

My parents were also authoritative when I was younger and as I've grown older have grown more permissive. I've also seen in my friends that if their parents are more authoritarian, they tend to try to not spend time at home and rebel in small ways.

Have you read the Tiger Mom book? I like that you brought that topic into your post on parenting styles!

Thank you for this post! I agree with you about not passing judgement on the parent with the screaming child in the supermarket. Sometimes, it's hard not to criticize the parenting techniques of others. I find this to be true especially with my friends' parents. I think it's important to keep in mind that the "Public Mom/Dad" that I see, as a guest, may not be the real deal.

I too agree that parenting decisions ultimately fall upon the individual parents who are raising the kids. I have to admit that it is hard not to feel biased about certain approaches but keeping an open mind is definitely important.

I do agree that every culture has different parenting styles. I think I couldn't be able to criticize someone's parenting until I have my own children.
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This page contains a single entry by adam0678 published on May 9, 2012 8:49 AM.

Still Amazed repost (was not graded the first time) was the previous entry in this blog.

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