my mind... my poor mind
My mind's been quite busy lately thinking about many things. I've been physically busy too, trying to keep up with homework and other engagements. A big thing that's been on my mind lately is my faith. The one big thing i want to share is the experience I had with God this past Sunday. Now, i see God as a lover, someone who desires my attention, my affection and who's given his all to get that. Somehow, i've been having problems being satisfied with God in that respect. On Sunday, there was a guest speaker at the church I go to which is an Assembly of God church here in town. He spoke about surrendering to God and i was stumped by this. I thought, " how do i surrender?" "how do i know i've done that completely in my heart?" I mulled this over and mulled it over searching myself for obstacles keeping me from surrendering to God. I realized many things. I realised that i was scared to surrender because i knew God's not a comfortable God. He doesn't make it all better when you start following him, that's why there's so many verses in the New Testament about going through trials and hard times. I worried that i'd lose my faith, at first through the intensity of the trials i might be put through, then i worried i'd become spiritually stagnant, thinking i was in touch with God, thinking i was alright when really, i'd be in spiritual danger. I remembered though that God won't ever put me through something i can't handle and that i couldn't possibly stop believing in God, i'm just not capable of that any more. I was still stuck though until I thought, "i don't like people hiding things from me, why would i hide things from God? Why would i keep secrets from someone who would know the secrets i'd try to keep anyway?" Now here's the really cool part. I was walking down a main street when i hit upon this and i wanted to pray right away. There was a deck-like place across the street with some bushes and benches so i decided to sit there. When i walked up the steps and turned to the left to sit on a bench, right in front of me on a bench was a white rose, complete with plastic water vial. How cool is that?!! Two things taken care of in one shot. Not only did God give me a physical sign of his love in the rose, it also took away any reservations I had about trusting God, surrendering to Him.