October 07, 2008
Of ninjas and raccoons: lessons learned from the trenches
There are certain challenges in raising a boy. One of them is how to raise a boy to be a non-violent peace-lover when boys, to some degree, seem to gravitate toward weapons and violence and all that. J went to a preschool that had a pretty strong perspective on this. No weapons. No legos made to seem like weapons. No superhero play. Etc.
After all this time, I'm not sure just saying no to a boy's instinct is sucha good idea. And furthermore, I think there are problems with messages girls get about fairies and princesses and all that, but yet these images are much more socially acceptable. Sigh.
On a general basis, we have encouraged J to play with toys that don't have weapons. We let him buy toys that have small weapons, but then he doesn't play with the weapon part. He seems to be fine with this. Over time, the line has gotten a little more blurred as he's gotten into video game play, but we've worked it out.
Then something comes along to run you over like a mack truck. To throw all of this out the window. This something is Halloween and J's school's accompanying "storybook costume parade." Last year, J, who decided to be a bird for Halloween, decided not to participate in the costume parade. He was the only non-participant, and he threw the principal of his small school for a loop. But, I think it was a symptom of this pressure on boys to be on some non-violent track.
So this year, J has been worried about the costume parade since before school started. He has not wanted to participate at all. He has said that he feels like it's "strutting" and he doesn't like to strut. But, I could tell there was something else under there.
For weeks now, I've been asking J about costumes. For awhile, he wanted to be Scooby Doo. I was relieved when he changed his mind on that because the costume was almost $50. Then, he decided he wanted to be an owl trainer. That is, he wanted to wear normal clothes and carry around a stuffed owl. Okay?
We decided to make sure J knew he didn't have to wear the same thing for both the costume parade and Halloween. He seemed to like that, but still very noncommittal on either event.
Then, he got back into playing Over the Hedge, and got pretty enthusiastic about RJ, the raccoon in the movie. He decided for sure that he wanted to be RJ. We found a costume online, and after a week's worth of checking and double checking on his preference, J said, "yes, that's what I want to be!" So, we ordered the costume.
It arrived yesterday, and as soon as he saw it, his face fell. When he tried it on, he looked unhappy, but willing. He took it off immediately, and that was that. He made a comment about feeling like a baby. Hmmm....
We decided it was time for a little chat, and we discovered that he had not been telling us he wanted to be something scary for Halloween. He was thinking maybe a ninja. In fact, he was thinking a specific ninja costume he'd seen recently. He thought he could leave the weapons at home and just wear the costume to school for the costume parade. He knew what book he would share to go with the costume. He was confident. Decided.
Today, we bought a ninja costume, and tossed the RJ costu me aside. J has been wearing it all night--he just asked to sleep in his ninja costume. He can't wait to show it off to his friends. He told his friends all about it, and they all think he's cool. Why am I so certain they had not even heard of the RJ costume?
So, how did we make the shift to a more violent costume and still keep something of our peace-lovin' values? Papa suggested to J that Halloween is about taking a day to be something you aren't, and since J is usually such a peace-loving kid, it would make sense to pick something scary as a costume, since it's not what J is usually. A simple answer, and maybe a bit of a stretch. But, at least my kid is going to wear this costume for more than one hour on October 31. He's happy, having fun, and excited about Halloween, and that's what it's all about.
Posted by chri1010 at 09:37 PM | Comments (0) | Family Matters
September 22, 2008
Finished Object Report
Yay! Baby has a new sweater!
Specifications worth mentioning:
Yarn: Sundara Yarn Princess Pink
Pattern: Nope, didn't have one. I just cast on and cast off when I figured a sweater was in there somewhere. Yeah, the arms might've gotten a wee bit long, but I think baby won't mind. And besides, the yarn stretches a little, so maybe it'll last a little longer than I might think now.
I'm pleased with how it turned out. I'm already on to the next little sweater for baby. It's a good thing she's gonna be born in the winter because she's going to have lots of knit snugglies to keep her warm!
Posted by chri1010 at 08:15 PM | Comments (0) | Because knitting rocks my socks!
September 21, 2008
Whoo hoo!
So it seems that baby is securely "in there" so to speak, and no more hanging out in bed for me! What a relief to be past that little scare! On the downside, I have been strongly advised not to travel, and I'm disappointed in that. I was going to be going to San Diego next month, but that looks out of the picture, and I'm wishing I could go, but not enough to risk having a preterm baby halfway across the country in a city where I no know one. So that's that. I'm here in the cities for the duration.
On a brighter note, I think I'm feeling a little better, pelvic pain excluded. I finished knitting the first sweater for baby, and will have pictures of that posted soon. Whoo hoo!
Posted by chri1010 at 04:33 PM | Comments (1) | Family Matters
September 16, 2008
Dispatch from my bed, part 1
So it seems I've been feeling a bit of pressure "down there" and decided to call the OB resident on call this weekend to see if this is normal for someone who is 5 months pregnant. I'm thinking not, especially since when I told my mother about it--I said I feel like I've been riding a horse bareback for about a thousand miles--her response was, "When do you see your doctor next?" A pretty direct response for my rather indirect, antialarmist mother.
When I called the OB on call, she was pretty reassuring. It seems I only have a few of the symptoms of preterm labor, although I also have a few of the risk factors: over 35, previous miscarriage, and an unfortunate bout of an infection early on in this pregnancy.
She recommended I "take it easy" until I can see my doctor on Wednesday. This means staying in bed as much as possible, and my sister admonished me not to vacuum. Does she know me? I wouldn't vacuum anyway! At any rate, hanging out in bed feels SO MUCH BETTER than sitting and walking. It seems like this would be a time when my mother's axiom makes sense: if it hurts when you do X, then don't do X.
She also recommended I increase my fluid intake, and this has proven to be something of a challenge. While I'm generally opposed to bottled water, I've been drinking it that way the last few days, partly just to measure how much I'm drinking. And I'm drinking a LOT, but I can tell that I still should be drinking more. I'm a little puzzled by all of this.
At any rate, I see the doctor tomorrow, and I'm hoping she says something like, "I'm sorry it hurts, but it seems that there's really nothing to be concerned with. Just go about your business...baby in a few months. End of story. See you in four weeks!" We'll see.
Posted by chri1010 at 11:47 AM | Comments (0) | Family Matters
September 01, 2008
It's a ...
GIRL! Whoo hoo! It's definitely a girl, according to the ultrasound! Family members are quite happy, as there tends to be more boys than girls on both sides of the family. The only person who was a little disappointed was J, who is worried that she'll like Barbies. But, he thinks a sister might pick on him a little less. We'll see about that.
If you want to see J's reaction to finding out about the baby's sex, check out his video.
I will confess: as much as I'm all for gender-neutral and all that (I let my 4 year old boy wear pink tropical fruit pants, after all), I am excited because now we're gonna get the pink and brown cherry blossom baby bed for sure! Whoo hoo!
Posted by chri1010 at 11:03 PM | Comments (0) | Family Matters
August 27, 2008
Doing a bad job of creating suspense....
So, today was the day to have the second trimester ultrasound, and everything seems to be checking out okay.
We also found out if I'll be doing more knitting with blue yarn or with pink yarn, so to speak. I could reveal that answer now, but instead, we're going to tell J first. Then, he'll be making an announcement, so stay tuned....You won't have to wait long, I promise!
Posted by chri1010 at 02:31 PM | Comments (1) | Family Matters
August 22, 2008
No VP News is Good News
Obama is about to announce his choice for VP, and with all the speculation, I find myself completely unenthusiastic about most, if not all, of his potential running mates. I listen to the Sunday talk shows ramble on about this, and I've come to realize that the VP is not there to make me happy. The VP is supposed to provide some balance on the ticket, and that likely means I won't be happy at all because I am already happy with Barack Obama as a candidate (in spite of the fact that I wanted Hillary Clinton to be the nominee).
Back in '04, I was NOT at all excited about John Kerry, but I liked Edwards (sex scandal aside). Edwards got me excited about voting for the democratic nominee. So, he provided balance to the ticket. I think Obama's nominee will do the same. Back in 2000, I wasn't wild about Al Gore either, although I've warmed up to him a bit since then. And, I was completely put off by his choice of Lieberman. Here, I think it was a bad move--a centrist choosing another centrist. Not enough balance there, even though Lieberman may had some influence. It's hard to say.
I'm not sure who I would get excited about: maybe Hillary Clinton, Bill Richardson, or Janet Napolitano. Unlikely choices, the pundits say. Although ot perfect choices by any means, each of these speaks to some part of me and my demographic. But, I am already planning to vote for Barack Obama.
I'm totally NOT excited about Joe Biden, Evan Bigh, or Sam Nunn (who may be a longshot at best, even though he is continued to be named). But someone like these will likely be the choice. Someone completely uninspiring to me, but someone who might persuade a centrist grandmother to vote for Obama after all. I suspect plenty of people are going to be a little surprised, even disappointed, with his choice. I'm probably not the only one who'd like the VP to be a shot in the arm, a burst of energy to give us all Obama mania all over again.
I don't think that's going to happen. I think Obama's hopes are on his supporters staying energized no matter who he picks. The VP choice will be all about giving potential naysayers the chance to feel a little Obama fever. I hope it works. Because I for one am not ready to start down the long road to yet another disappointment....
Posted by chri1010 at 04:43 PM | Comments (0) | Politics in the Cities
August 16, 2008
This Time Last Year....
Around this time last year, I woke up one morning, took a pregnancy test, and was a little surprised to find two pink lines. Pregnant. Something we'd been waiting for for so long! I got dressed, drove to St. Paul and got on a riverboat to do an intercultural training event. The boat rocking added to my nausea, but I was so happy I didn't care.
A week later, we went to the state fair, an annual tradition. It was hot, and sticky. I probably didn't drink enough water. I got home, and soon after, found blood in my underwear. Some cramping. We called the nurse, who told us to go to the hospital. The doctor was really reassuring--lots of women bleed when they are pregnant, she said. Try not to worry about it. Yeah, easy for her to say. They did an ultrasound, and couldn't find the baby. They sent me home with a plan for more blood tests and another ultrasound. A few days later, the bleeding seems to stop, or at least slow down.
Drawing blood to measure hCG levels, every 3 days or so. Go to the lab in the lab in the morning, and maybe you can have the results by afternoon. Go in the afternoon--get the results the next day. The waiting is the hardest part. I call the doctor's office for the results and get put through to voicemail. I leave a message. I call back 4 hours later, after sitting by my phone at work all day. My office mate knows something's up, and he agrees to watch my phone for me while I step out to pee. Nothing. I call back and yell at the nurse who tells me it's too late now for someone to call me today--do you know how hard this is to wait? Do you know I called this morning? She feels bad and goes to track down my results: hCG up. Good news.
Good news doesn't last long. The bleeding starts again, slow and red. The ultrasound still can't find a baby. The hormone levels seem to rise, and the doctor doesn't know what to say. She keeps thinking maybe the problem is that we don't know the right date of my last period. Maybe that's it. Be patient, she says. Wait.
In the meantime, J starts kindergarten. I wish I have more energy to be excited for him, but I don't. I feel confused, and worried. We've been trying for this baby for so long--why does this seem to be happening. J comes home from school having met a new friend, and he wants to go over for a playdate.
The day of the playdate arrives, and I feel like crap. The bleeding is still going on and the doctor is still cautiously optimistic. The numbers seem to be rising, and she's hoping in another few weeks we'll be able to see the baby on the ultrasound. I feel rundown, and not up to the playdate. Not wanting to meet new people. My sister tells me maybe it'll be a good distraction.
We drive across town to J's new friend's house. B's family welcome us enthusiastically, and invite us onto the back porch for some organic apple juice, imported cheese, and some other little treats designed to impress us. They want to talk politics, but I don't. They criticize us for not letting J play with weapons, telling us that "it's actually more liberal to let your kid play with them because kids will turn anything into a weapon." I feel worse, but can't tell why.
After some time outside, the kids want to go in to play legos. We are invited to sit in the livingroom. I stand up to go inside, and suddenly a rush of blood exits my body. I rush to the bathroom. Blood everywhere. Bloody matter clotted in my underwear. I look at it, wondering what to do next. Wondering if this is my baby that no one can find in the ultrasound. Am I supposed to keep it? Flush it? I don't want to leave it here, in some unwelcoming stranger's house. I wrap in gently in toilet paper, and put it in my purse. I try to clean things up a bit. Washing my hands, I notice my face is white as a sheet. I want to go home.
I go into the livingroom, and am encouraged to take a seat on the white floral couch. I sit gingerly, hoping I won't stain it. I say to C, we should go soon. He doesn't seem to get the message, and so we stay. We all continue to blather on about the weather, the homework policy at the school, and other forgetables. The dog seems to be curious about my purse, and can barely be pulled away from it. The woman apologizes---she doesn't know what's gotten into the dog. Thinking of the contents of my purse, I smile wryly, just wanting to get out of there, and finally C gets the message and we depart.
The next day, the hormone levels are way down, the waiting over. No baby this time. Just healing to begin. The baby comes to me in a dream, to say thanks for being a safe place to rest on her way to her forever family. The doctor tells me the little mass of tissue I saved didn't yield any information about what happened. But there'd be no reason not to try again, when we're ready.
This time, this year...
J is still friends with B, although there have been no more playdates, and I don't foresee any to come.
The ultrasounds reveal there iS a baby in there, and pretty soon, we'll maybe even know if the baby is a boy or girl.
The fair is coming up. I'll bring water with me this time.
What a difference a year makes.
Posted by chri1010 at 10:19 PM | Comments (1) | Family Matters
August 08, 2008
Second Wind, Maybe
Finally into the second trimester, and hoping things will ease up a bit. I can tell how well I feel by how much I'm able to knit, and so far, it has been not much. But, I'm making some progress on a new knit item, and maybe will have pictures soon. In the mean time, it's been too long since I've posted pictures, so I'll share some of J, who has recently returned from a wonderful family trip to the Oregon coast.
Chasing the seagulls!
Wading in the tidepools!
Checking out the seagull poop! (That's what he told me!)
J has been adventuring with my family and without us ever since he was born. Sometimes, it's been out of necessity, and sometimes it's just because the opportunity is there for him. I think it's been good for him to spend time with my family, and since they don't live close by, I'm glad he can have some extended breaks to go visit them, even if we can't come along. One thing I notice is that he always learns some new skill while he's gone. It's like the change of environment gives him enough of a break from the routine to discover something. This time, he learned to whistle, and he's been whistling nonstop since he's been back!
At any rate, it's been good to have him back, although I'm thankful he was gone while I was so sick. I was throwing up the other day, and he was pretty concerned about me. He's also taking good care of me, too, and it's fun to see him learning those things from his papa. I know he's going to be a good big brother!
Posted by chri1010 at 03:24 PM | Comments (1) | Family Matters
July 13, 2008
Big, Proud Mama
I have mentioned before the fact that I could stand to lose a little weight. It's something I struggle with off and on, and in general, my doctor believes I have a pretty healthy attitude toward the whole thing, and even though I don't seem to make much progress, she's very encouraging. And, although I DO struggle with my weight, I have been, over the last several years, eating healthy and healthier foods, and in general, I really like myself.
My sister once told me she was surprised I didn't try to lose weight before having a baby. I asked, who says I didn't try? She certainly has struggled with things herself in that department, and I was a little surprised she wasn't more understanding. But the truth is, I'm not waiting around to live my life AFTER I lose weight. I'm living it now. And, sure, it might be better to have a baby with a few less pounds on now, but I'm not getting any younger. And J's growing up too fast.
I was a plus-sized mama the first time around, too, and things have changed. Back then, seven years ago, it was pretty hard to find plus-sized maternity clothes. In fact, I even thought that maybe I couldn't get pregnant because there weren't any clothes that would fit me! Thankfully, JCPenney to the rescue! The clothes weren't that attractive, but they fit! These days, there's a lot more choice out there. In fact, I'm pretty convinced that us big mamas are having lots of babies because sizes are often sold out.
One thing that seems to have changed for the worse is random comments I hear from people. The first time around, I only heard positive things. This time, I get a fair amount of weird comments. Like, "I know a great doctor who specializes in high risk pregnancies." Huh? That's funny because my own doctor doesn't seem to think I'm high risk, and I'd know because we have a very good relationship. (and if I were, she could handle it, for that matter) I don't have high blood pressure. I'm not diabetic. Yeah, I've got a little fluff where there probably shouldn't be any, but hey, we've all got our issues. The biggest issue I probably face is a low-birth weight baby, and the first one was 9 lbs 3oz, so we beat that statistic once already.
Last week, we had an ultrasound--the first trimester screening. It turned out the baby was in the wrong position to see what they needed to see, but we did get to see the little one, and there's a baby in there! With my first, I had a number of ultrasounds, due to some concern about possible birth anomalies (it turned out there WAS an anomaly, but not anything that could be seen on an ultraound). Remember, I was a plus-sized mama back then, too. In the interim, I had a couple of ultrasounds, most recently due to my miscarriage last fall. So, this time, we got a bit of a surprise with the ultrasound when the tech (a very well put-together, physically fit, former military woman) told me that "sometimes it's hard to see things on women with substantial maternal layers." It's such a vulnerable position, lying there with your abdomen exposed, wondering how that little one is doing in there. I didn't say anything to her, but I am curious why she said that. It certainly didn't build my trust with her. In fact, it goes down as the most unpleasant ultrasound I've ever had (for other reasons).
There's a lot of potentially well-meaning insensitivity out there. So far, I've been pretty nice about it. But, all that's gonna change. Pregnant women should only think happy thoughts (so my mother tells me), and if you get in the way of my happy thoughts, I'm gonna let you know about it.
Posted by chri1010 at 05:23 PM | Comments (0) | Family Matters