September 01, 2008
It's a ...
GIRL! Whoo hoo! It's definitely a girl, according to the ultrasound! Family members are quite happy, as there tends to be more boys than girls on both sides of the family. The only person who was a little disappointed was J, who is worried that she'll like Barbies. But, he thinks a sister might pick on him a little less. We'll see about that.
If you want to see J's reaction to finding out about the baby's sex, check out his video.
I will confess: as much as I'm all for gender-neutral and all that (I let my 4 year old boy wear pink tropical fruit pants, after all), I am excited because now we're gonna get the pink and brown cherry blossom baby bed for sure! Whoo hoo!
Posted by chri1010 at 11:03 PM | Comments (0) | Family Matters
August 27, 2008
Doing a bad job of creating suspense....
So, today was the day to have the second trimester ultrasound, and everything seems to be checking out okay.
We also found out if I'll be doing more knitting with blue yarn or with pink yarn, so to speak. I could reveal that answer now, but instead, we're going to tell J first. Then, he'll be making an announcement, so stay tuned....You won't have to wait long, I promise!
Posted by chri1010 at 02:31 PM | Comments (1) | Family Matters
August 22, 2008
No VP News is Good News
Obama is about to announce his choice for VP, and with all the speculation, I find myself completely unenthusiastic about most, if not all, of his potential running mates. I listen to the Sunday talk shows ramble on about this, and I've come to realize that the VP is not there to make me happy. The VP is supposed to provide some balance on the ticket, and that likely means I won't be happy at all because I am already happy with Barack Obama as a candidate (in spite of the fact that I wanted Hillary Clinton to be the nominee).
Back in '04, I was NOT at all excited about John Kerry, but I liked Edwards (sex scandal aside). Edwards got me excited about voting for the democratic nominee. So, he provided balance to the ticket. I think Obama's nominee will do the same. Back in 2000, I wasn't wild about Al Gore either, although I've warmed up to him a bit since then. And, I was completely put off by his choice of Lieberman. Here, I think it was a bad move--a centrist choosing another centrist. Not enough balance there, even though Lieberman may had some influence. It's hard to say.
I'm not sure who I would get excited about: maybe Hillary Clinton, Bill Richardson, or Janet Napolitano. Unlikely choices, the pundits say. Although ot perfect choices by any means, each of these speaks to some part of me and my demographic. But, I am already planning to vote for Barack Obama.
I'm totally NOT excited about Joe Biden, Evan Bigh, or Sam Nunn (who may be a longshot at best, even though he is continued to be named). But someone like these will likely be the choice. Someone completely uninspiring to me, but someone who might persuade a centrist grandmother to vote for Obama after all. I suspect plenty of people are going to be a little surprised, even disappointed, with his choice. I'm probably not the only one who'd like the VP to be a shot in the arm, a burst of energy to give us all Obama mania all over again.
I don't think that's going to happen. I think Obama's hopes are on his supporters staying energized no matter who he picks. The VP choice will be all about giving potential naysayers the chance to feel a little Obama fever. I hope it works. Because I for one am not ready to start down the long road to yet another disappointment....
Posted by chri1010 at 04:43 PM | Comments (0) | Politics in the Cities
August 16, 2008
This Time Last Year....
Around this time last year, I woke up one morning, took a pregnancy test, and was a little surprised to find two pink lines. Pregnant. Something we'd been waiting for for so long! I got dressed, drove to St. Paul and got on a riverboat to do an intercultural training event. The boat rocking added to my nausea, but I was so happy I didn't care.
A week later, we went to the state fair, an annual tradition. It was hot, and sticky. I probably didn't drink enough water. I got home, and soon after, found blood in my underwear. Some cramping. We called the nurse, who told us to go to the hospital. The doctor was really reassuring--lots of women bleed when they are pregnant, she said. Try not to worry about it. Yeah, easy for her to say. They did an ultrasound, and couldn't find the baby. They sent me home with a plan for more blood tests and another ultrasound. A few days later, the bleeding seems to stop, or at least slow down.
Drawing blood to measure hCG levels, every 3 days or so. Go to the lab in the lab in the morning, and maybe you can have the results by afternoon. Go in the afternoon--get the results the next day. The waiting is the hardest part. I call the doctor's office for the results and get put through to voicemail. I leave a message. I call back 4 hours later, after sitting by my phone at work all day. My office mate knows something's up, and he agrees to watch my phone for me while I step out to pee. Nothing. I call back and yell at the nurse who tells me it's too late now for someone to call me today--do you know how hard this is to wait? Do you know I called this morning? She feels bad and goes to track down my results: hCG up. Good news.
Good news doesn't last long. The bleeding starts again, slow and red. The ultrasound still can't find a baby. The hormone levels seem to rise, and the doctor doesn't know what to say. She keeps thinking maybe the problem is that we don't know the right date of my last period. Maybe that's it. Be patient, she says. Wait.
In the meantime, J starts kindergarten. I wish I have more energy to be excited for him, but I don't. I feel confused, and worried. We've been trying for this baby for so long--why does this seem to be happening. J comes home from school having met a new friend, and he wants to go over for a playdate.
The day of the playdate arrives, and I feel like crap. The bleeding is still going on and the doctor is still cautiously optimistic. The numbers seem to be rising, and she's hoping in another few weeks we'll be able to see the baby on the ultrasound. I feel rundown, and not up to the playdate. Not wanting to meet new people. My sister tells me maybe it'll be a good distraction.
We drive across town to J's new friend's house. B's family welcome us enthusiastically, and invite us onto the back porch for some organic apple juice, imported cheese, and some other little treats designed to impress us. They want to talk politics, but I don't. They criticize us for not letting J play with weapons, telling us that "it's actually more liberal to let your kid play with them because kids will turn anything into a weapon." I feel worse, but can't tell why.
After some time outside, the kids want to go in to play legos. We are invited to sit in the livingroom. I stand up to go inside, and suddenly a rush of blood exits my body. I rush to the bathroom. Blood everywhere. Bloody matter clotted in my underwear. I look at it, wondering what to do next. Wondering if this is my baby that no one can find in the ultrasound. Am I supposed to keep it? Flush it? I don't want to leave it here, in some unwelcoming stranger's house. I wrap in gently in toilet paper, and put it in my purse. I try to clean things up a bit. Washing my hands, I notice my face is white as a sheet. I want to go home.
I go into the livingroom, and am encouraged to take a seat on the white floral couch. I sit gingerly, hoping I won't stain it. I say to C, we should go soon. He doesn't seem to get the message, and so we stay. We all continue to blather on about the weather, the homework policy at the school, and other forgetables. The dog seems to be curious about my purse, and can barely be pulled away from it. The woman apologizes---she doesn't know what's gotten into the dog. Thinking of the contents of my purse, I smile wryly, just wanting to get out of there, and finally C gets the message and we depart.
The next day, the hormone levels are way down, the waiting over. No baby this time. Just healing to begin. The baby comes to me in a dream, to say thanks for being a safe place to rest on her way to her forever family. The doctor tells me the little mass of tissue I saved didn't yield any information about what happened. But there'd be no reason not to try again, when we're ready.
This time, this year...
J is still friends with B, although there have been no more playdates, and I don't foresee any to come.
The ultrasounds reveal there iS a baby in there, and pretty soon, we'll maybe even know if the baby is a boy or girl.
The fair is coming up. I'll bring water with me this time.
What a difference a year makes.
Posted by chri1010 at 10:19 PM | Comments (1) | Family Matters
August 08, 2008
Second Wind, Maybe
Finally into the second trimester, and hoping things will ease up a bit. I can tell how well I feel by how much I'm able to knit, and so far, it has been not much. But, I'm making some progress on a new knit item, and maybe will have pictures soon. In the mean time, it's been too long since I've posted pictures, so I'll share some of J, who has recently returned from a wonderful family trip to the Oregon coast.
Chasing the seagulls!
Wading in the tidepools!
Checking out the seagull poop! (That's what he told me!)
J has been adventuring with my family and without us ever since he was born. Sometimes, it's been out of necessity, and sometimes it's just because the opportunity is there for him. I think it's been good for him to spend time with my family, and since they don't live close by, I'm glad he can have some extended breaks to go visit them, even if we can't come along. One thing I notice is that he always learns some new skill while he's gone. It's like the change of environment gives him enough of a break from the routine to discover something. This time, he learned to whistle, and he's been whistling nonstop since he's been back!
At any rate, it's been good to have him back, although I'm thankful he was gone while I was so sick. I was throwing up the other day, and he was pretty concerned about me. He's also taking good care of me, too, and it's fun to see him learning those things from his papa. I know he's going to be a good big brother!
Posted by chri1010 at 03:24 PM | Comments (1) | Family Matters
July 13, 2008
Big, Proud Mama
I have mentioned before the fact that I could stand to lose a little weight. It's something I struggle with off and on, and in general, my doctor believes I have a pretty healthy attitude toward the whole thing, and even though I don't seem to make much progress, she's very encouraging. And, although I DO struggle with my weight, I have been, over the last several years, eating healthy and healthier foods, and in general, I really like myself.
My sister once told me she was surprised I didn't try to lose weight before having a baby. I asked, who says I didn't try? She certainly has struggled with things herself in that department, and I was a little surprised she wasn't more understanding. But the truth is, I'm not waiting around to live my life AFTER I lose weight. I'm living it now. And, sure, it might be better to have a baby with a few less pounds on now, but I'm not getting any younger. And J's growing up too fast.
I was a plus-sized mama the first time around, too, and things have changed. Back then, seven years ago, it was pretty hard to find plus-sized maternity clothes. In fact, I even thought that maybe I couldn't get pregnant because there weren't any clothes that would fit me! Thankfully, JCPenney to the rescue! The clothes weren't that attractive, but they fit! These days, there's a lot more choice out there. In fact, I'm pretty convinced that us big mamas are having lots of babies because sizes are often sold out.
One thing that seems to have changed for the worse is random comments I hear from people. The first time around, I only heard positive things. This time, I get a fair amount of weird comments. Like, "I know a great doctor who specializes in high risk pregnancies." Huh? That's funny because my own doctor doesn't seem to think I'm high risk, and I'd know because we have a very good relationship. (and if I were, she could handle it, for that matter) I don't have high blood pressure. I'm not diabetic. Yeah, I've got a little fluff where there probably shouldn't be any, but hey, we've all got our issues. The biggest issue I probably face is a low-birth weight baby, and the first one was 9 lbs 3oz, so we beat that statistic once already.
Last week, we had an ultrasound--the first trimester screening. It turned out the baby was in the wrong position to see what they needed to see, but we did get to see the little one, and there's a baby in there! With my first, I had a number of ultrasounds, due to some concern about possible birth anomalies (it turned out there WAS an anomaly, but not anything that could be seen on an ultraound). Remember, I was a plus-sized mama back then, too. In the interim, I had a couple of ultrasounds, most recently due to my miscarriage last fall. So, this time, we got a bit of a surprise with the ultrasound when the tech (a very well put-together, physically fit, former military woman) told me that "sometimes it's hard to see things on women with substantial maternal layers." It's such a vulnerable position, lying there with your abdomen exposed, wondering how that little one is doing in there. I didn't say anything to her, but I am curious why she said that. It certainly didn't build my trust with her. In fact, it goes down as the most unpleasant ultrasound I've ever had (for other reasons).
There's a lot of potentially well-meaning insensitivity out there. So far, I've been pretty nice about it. But, all that's gonna change. Pregnant women should only think happy thoughts (so my mother tells me), and if you get in the way of my happy thoughts, I'm gonna let you know about it.
Posted by chri1010 at 05:23 PM | Comments (0) | Family Matters
July 02, 2008
Disser-dating
C and I have taken to disser-dating--that's going out to a restaurant or coffee-shop that has free WiFi and working on our dissertations. We treat ourselves to dinner as part of the motivation, and then work as long as we can, even if only an hour or so at a time. I think we're gonna get there if we keep things up.
Right now, though, the motivation is lacking. I'm feeling overwhelmed by my data, and overwhelmed by the amount of writing I need to do. I just want to get to read for awhile, but frankly, I'm past the point of luxuriating in one more book. It's time to write!
I've written a few words tonight, and tinkered with a few previously written sentences, so the disser-date is not all for lost, but I sure hope I get some motivation soon. Gotta get this thing done before the baby is here!
Posted by chri1010 at 06:36 PM | Comments (0) | That Thing Called a Dissertation
June 23, 2008
Some things I like about Orlando, and some things I don't
So, I was in Orlando for about 9 days. At the end of 6 days, I was TOTALLY ready to come home. Of course, it probably had more to do with the fact that I was constantly nauseated, and the food choices were not all that great (although not horrible, either). I felt way too busy, given my current situation. But anyway, I took in a few things other than work, and even though I offer no pictures (yet again--by now you're probably used to it), I'll share my thoughts on Orlando.
I LOVED the Peabody ducks! If you ever get to Orlando (or Memphis, where there's also a Peabody), I recommend staying at the Peabody, and watching the duck parade every day at 11am and 5pm. Duckmaster Dave certainly loves those ducks, and they are very well-taken care of--they spend most of their time in a duck palace with a rather elaborate marble fountain. C and I got to be honorary duckmasters--it was the highlight of the trip!
I also thought the little lizards that live in the grass and the landscaping were pretty cute. Of course, Minnesota is not a climate that supports those little creatures, so it was more about the novelty than anything else.
It was interesting to learn that Florida is the lightning capital of the United States. It makes sense, what with fronts blowing in from both directions. The intense thunderstorms nearly every afternoon were pretty fun.
Everything I didn't like about Florida was pretty much theme-park related. Way too overgrown with theme parks and theme-park related things. We went to Epcot, and it was okay, but not great. I'm just not really into the whole idea of the rides that purport to teach you something, but all you do is ride by some mechanical, moving animals that make noise in the midst of a bunch of dry ice. The only thing good about it is that it's a few minutes out of the Florida sun.
Someone else told me they went to SeaWorld and saw a show called Shamu Rocks. She also said she felt really bad for Shamu. I'm still trying to understand the educational value of a whale jumping out of the water in time to rock music.
Florida is a serious driving place. The roads were HUGE, the traffic jams long. I was glad I didn't have to drive anywhere while I was there. The whole time I was there, I never, ever, saw any residential housing. None. The commercial areas I was in had loads of employees, so that means either a long bus ride or a big gas bill.
Maybe my feelings of Florida were partly shaped by my shuttle ride in. After having to wait an incredibly long time for the shuttle, I finally ended up on one that wasn't very full. A dad and his pre-teen son were sitting behind me, and it was pretty clear that this was part of summer visitation. The dad was trying so hard to win his son's affection, with promises of buffet lunches, trips to Universal Studios, and maybe dinner at Denny's. I don't even know what to say about that except that I feel sad when I think about that moment on the shuttle. I'm sure they had a good time. I just don't ever want my relationship with my child to come down to a promise of a buffet lunch and an afternoon at Seaworld.
Posted by chri1010 at 03:53 PM | Comments (0) | Other cities
June 10, 2008
In which feeling like crap has never felt so good
I''ve been putting off this entry for awhile, in part because I've been so exhausted lately, it's been all I can do to get up and go to work. So exhausted in fact, my dissertation train has slowed down a bit (but it has not been stalled on the tracks....just slowing down, perhaps even to a more reasonable pace). I did NOT have my prospectus meeting last week, as I'd hoped to. I'll have to change my October defense date, although hopefully not by too much.
I haven't done much knitting lately. Can't stay awake to make it happen. I've become so absent-minded these last few weeks. Case in point: last night I set out yarn and needles to take with me on my trip. They didn't make it with me out of the house. Still sitting on the table! Hopefully C will bring them with him when he joins me here in Orlando later this week.
But, when I do pick up the needles again, I'm knitting two general types of things, and two types of things only: socks and baby knits. Yep, that's right. Baby knits. We're having a baby!
I've been a little hesitant to post the good news, since we have been having some difficulties with this "project." It's taken a long time to get pregnant, and late last summer, I had a miscarriage. I'm almost 8 weeks along this time, and still holding my breath some, in spite of all of the positive signs: the fatigue, the nausea, the moodiness (don't even get me started), the little baby bump that's already appeared! We'll have an ultra-sound the end of this month. I can probably exhale then.
Posted by chri1010 at 07:24 PM | Comments (0) | Family Matters
May 27, 2008
Sock Wars III
So, awhile back, I heard about Sock Wars III, and thought it might be fun. After all, what could be more fun than knitters trying to "assassinate" each other by making such a deadly weapon as a pair of socks, right? I had to sign up!
So, the pattern comes out as promised, and it turns out to be a wee bit harder than I had anticipated. Not really difficult, mind you, but a little more thinking required than the mindless knitting it turned out that I've been up to these last few weeks.
Fortunately for me, my "death socks" arrived the other day, and my weapons in progress have been turned over to Princess Knitter in Seattle, WA, who is carrying on the good fight.
Posted by chri1010 at 10:24 AM | Comments (0) | Because knitting rocks my socks! | Random Distractions