July 13, 2008
Big, Proud Mama
I have mentioned before the fact that I could stand to lose a little weight. It's something I struggle with off and on, and in general, my doctor believes I have a pretty healthy attitude toward the whole thing, and even though I don't seem to make much progress, she's very encouraging. And, although I DO struggle with my weight, I have been, over the last several years, eating healthy and healthier foods, and in general, I really like myself.
My sister once told me she was surprised I didn't try to lose weight before having a baby. I asked, who says I didn't try? She certainly has struggled with things herself in that department, and I was a little surprised she wasn't more understanding. But the truth is, I'm not waiting around to live my life AFTER I lose weight. I'm living it now. And, sure, it might be better to have a baby with a few less pounds on now, but I'm not getting any younger. And J's growing up too fast.
I was a plus-sized mama the first time around, too, and things have changed. Back then, seven years ago, it was pretty hard to find plus-sized maternity clothes. In fact, I even thought that maybe I couldn't get pregnant because there weren't any clothes that would fit me! Thankfully, JCPenney to the rescue! The clothes weren't that attractive, but they fit! These days, there's a lot more choice out there. In fact, I'm pretty convinced that us big mamas are having lots of babies because sizes are often sold out.
One thing that seems to have changed for the worse is random comments I hear from people. The first time around, I only heard positive things. This time, I get a fair amount of weird comments. Like, "I know a great doctor who specializes in high risk pregnancies." Huh? That's funny because my own doctor doesn't seem to think I'm high risk, and I'd know because we have a very good relationship. (and if I were, she could handle it, for that matter) I don't have high blood pressure. I'm not diabetic. Yeah, I've got a little fluff where there probably shouldn't be any, but hey, we've all got our issues. The biggest issue I probably face is a low-birth weight baby, and the first one was 9 lbs 3oz, so we beat that statistic once already.
Last week, we had an ultrasound--the first trimester screening. It turned out the baby was in the wrong position to see what they needed to see, but we did get to see the little one, and there's a baby in there! With my first, I had a number of ultrasounds, due to some concern about possible birth anomalies (it turned out there WAS an anomaly, but not anything that could be seen on an ultraound). Remember, I was a plus-sized mama back then, too. In the interim, I had a couple of ultrasounds, most recently due to my miscarriage last fall. So, this time, we got a bit of a surprise with the ultrasound when the tech (a very well put-together, physically fit, former military woman) told me that "sometimes it's hard to see things on women with substantial maternal layers." It's such a vulnerable position, lying there with your abdomen exposed, wondering how that little one is doing in there. I didn't say anything to her, but I am curious why she said that. It certainly didn't build my trust with her. In fact, it goes down as the most unpleasant ultrasound I've ever had (for other reasons).
There's a lot of potentially well-meaning insensitivity out there. So far, I've been pretty nice about it. But, all that's gonna change. Pregnant women should only think happy thoughts (so my mother tells me), and if you get in the way of my happy thoughts, I'm gonna let you know about it.
July 2, 2008
C and I have taken to disser-dating--that's going out to a restaurant or coffee-shop that has free WiFi and working on our dissertations. We treat ourselves to dinner as part of the motivation, and then work as long as we can, even if only an hour or so at a time. I think we're gonna get there if we keep things up.
Right now, though, the motivation is lacking. I'm feeling overwhelmed by my data, and overwhelmed by the amount of writing I need to do. I just want to get to read for awhile, but frankly, I'm past the point of luxuriating in one more book. It's time to write!
I've written a few words tonight, and tinkered with a few previously written sentences, so the disser-date is not all for lost, but I sure hope I get some motivation soon. Gotta get this thing done before the baby is here!