August 27, 2008
Doing a bad job of creating suspense....
So, today was the day to have the second trimester ultrasound, and everything seems to be checking out okay.
We also found out if I'll be doing more knitting with blue yarn or with pink yarn, so to speak. I could reveal that answer now, but instead, we're going to tell J first. Then, he'll be making an announcement, so stay tuned....You won't have to wait long, I promise!
August 22, 2008
No VP News is Good News
Obama is about to announce his choice for VP, and with all the speculation, I find myself completely unenthusiastic about most, if not all, of his potential running mates. I listen to the Sunday talk shows ramble on about this, and I've come to realize that the VP is not there to make me happy. The VP is supposed to provide some balance on the ticket, and that likely means I won't be happy at all because I am already happy with Barack Obama as a candidate (in spite of the fact that I wanted Hillary Clinton to be the nominee).
Back in '04, I was NOT at all excited about John Kerry, but I liked Edwards (sex scandal aside). Edwards got me excited about voting for the democratic nominee. So, he provided balance to the ticket. I think Obama's nominee will do the same. Back in 2000, I wasn't wild about Al Gore either, although I've warmed up to him a bit since then. And, I was completely put off by his choice of Lieberman. Here, I think it was a bad move--a centrist choosing another centrist. Not enough balance there, even though Lieberman may had some influence. It's hard to say.
I'm not sure who I would get excited about: maybe Hillary Clinton, Bill Richardson, or Janet Napolitano. Unlikely choices, the pundits say. Although ot perfect choices by any means, each of these speaks to some part of me and my demographic. But, I am already planning to vote for Barack Obama.
I'm totally NOT excited about Joe Biden, Evan Bigh, or Sam Nunn (who may be a longshot at best, even though he is continued to be named). But someone like these will likely be the choice. Someone completely uninspiring to me, but someone who might persuade a centrist grandmother to vote for Obama after all. I suspect plenty of people are going to be a little surprised, even disappointed, with his choice. I'm probably not the only one who'd like the VP to be a shot in the arm, a burst of energy to give us all Obama mania all over again.
I don't think that's going to happen. I think Obama's hopes are on his supporters staying energized no matter who he picks. The VP choice will be all about giving potential naysayers the chance to feel a little Obama fever. I hope it works. Because I for one am not ready to start down the long road to yet another disappointment....
August 16, 2008
This Time Last Year....
Around this time last year, I woke up one morning, took a pregnancy test, and was a little surprised to find two pink lines. Pregnant. Something we'd been waiting for for so long! I got dressed, drove to St. Paul and got on a riverboat to do an intercultural training event. The boat rocking added to my nausea, but I was so happy I didn't care.
A week later, we went to the state fair, an annual tradition. It was hot, and sticky. I probably didn't drink enough water. I got home, and soon after, found blood in my underwear. Some cramping. We called the nurse, who told us to go to the hospital. The doctor was really reassuring--lots of women bleed when they are pregnant, she said. Try not to worry about it. Yeah, easy for her to say. They did an ultrasound, and couldn't find the baby. They sent me home with a plan for more blood tests and another ultrasound. A few days later, the bleeding seems to stop, or at least slow down.
Drawing blood to measure hCG levels, every 3 days or so. Go to the lab in the lab in the morning, and maybe you can have the results by afternoon. Go in the afternoon--get the results the next day. The waiting is the hardest part. I call the doctor's office for the results and get put through to voicemail. I leave a message. I call back 4 hours later, after sitting by my phone at work all day. My office mate knows something's up, and he agrees to watch my phone for me while I step out to pee. Nothing. I call back and yell at the nurse who tells me it's too late now for someone to call me today--do you know how hard this is to wait? Do you know I called this morning? She feels bad and goes to track down my results: hCG up. Good news.
Good news doesn't last long. The bleeding starts again, slow and red. The ultrasound still can't find a baby. The hormone levels seem to rise, and the doctor doesn't know what to say. She keeps thinking maybe the problem is that we don't know the right date of my last period. Maybe that's it. Be patient, she says. Wait.
In the meantime, J starts kindergarten. I wish I have more energy to be excited for him, but I don't. I feel confused, and worried. We've been trying for this baby for so long--why does this seem to be happening. J comes home from school having met a new friend, and he wants to go over for a playdate.
The day of the playdate arrives, and I feel like crap. The bleeding is still going on and the doctor is still cautiously optimistic. The numbers seem to be rising, and she's hoping in another few weeks we'll be able to see the baby on the ultrasound. I feel rundown, and not up to the playdate. Not wanting to meet new people. My sister tells me maybe it'll be a good distraction.
We drive across town to J's new friend's house. B's family welcome us enthusiastically, and invite us onto the back porch for some organic apple juice, imported cheese, and some other little treats designed to impress us. They want to talk politics, but I don't. They criticize us for not letting J play with weapons, telling us that "it's actually more liberal to let your kid play with them because kids will turn anything into a weapon." I feel worse, but can't tell why.
After some time outside, the kids want to go in to play legos. We are invited to sit in the livingroom. I stand up to go inside, and suddenly a rush of blood exits my body. I rush to the bathroom. Blood everywhere. Bloody matter clotted in my underwear. I look at it, wondering what to do next. Wondering if this is my baby that no one can find in the ultrasound. Am I supposed to keep it? Flush it? I don't want to leave it here, in some unwelcoming stranger's house. I wrap in gently in toilet paper, and put it in my purse. I try to clean things up a bit. Washing my hands, I notice my face is white as a sheet. I want to go home.
I go into the livingroom, and am encouraged to take a seat on the white floral couch. I sit gingerly, hoping I won't stain it. I say to C, we should go soon. He doesn't seem to get the message, and so we stay. We all continue to blather on about the weather, the homework policy at the school, and other forgetables. The dog seems to be curious about my purse, and can barely be pulled away from it. The woman apologizes---she doesn't know what's gotten into the dog. Thinking of the contents of my purse, I smile wryly, just wanting to get out of there, and finally C gets the message and we depart.
The next day, the hormone levels are way down, the waiting over. No baby this time. Just healing to begin. The baby comes to me in a dream, to say thanks for being a safe place to rest on her way to her forever family. The doctor tells me the little mass of tissue I saved didn't yield any information about what happened. But there'd be no reason not to try again, when we're ready.
This time, this year...
J is still friends with B, although there have been no more playdates, and I don't foresee any to come.
The ultrasounds reveal there iS a baby in there, and pretty soon, we'll maybe even know if the baby is a boy or girl.
The fair is coming up. I'll bring water with me this time.
What a difference a year makes.
August 8, 2008
Second Wind, Maybe
Finally into the second trimester, and hoping things will ease up a bit. I can tell how well I feel by how much I'm able to knit, and so far, it has been not much. But, I'm making some progress on a new knit item, and maybe will have pictures soon. In the mean time, it's been too long since I've posted pictures, so I'll share some of J, who has recently returned from a wonderful family trip to the Oregon coast.
Chasing the seagulls!
Wading in the tidepools!
Checking out the seagull poop! (That's what he told me!)
J has been adventuring with my family and without us ever since he was born. Sometimes, it's been out of necessity, and sometimes it's just because the opportunity is there for him. I think it's been good for him to spend time with my family, and since they don't live close by, I'm glad he can have some extended breaks to go visit them, even if we can't come along. One thing I notice is that he always learns some new skill while he's gone. It's like the change of environment gives him enough of a break from the routine to discover something. This time, he learned to whistle, and he's been whistling nonstop since he's been back!
At any rate, it's been good to have him back, although I'm thankful he was gone while I was so sick. I was throwing up the other day, and he was pretty concerned about me. He's also taking good care of me, too, and it's fun to see him learning those things from his papa. I know he's going to be a good big brother!