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November 16, 2009
Redux
I've had this idea for a post for awhile now, and now I actually have time to post, and I can't remember what I wanted to say!! Isn't that how life goes?
We went to a wedding recently--my nephew got married. I actually told him a story at the wedding of a time when he was a toddler. I'm so old, I can do those things now! For the most part, the wedding was quite lovely, and overall, very beautiful.
Some of my relatives didn't go, and I think that we sort of surprised ourselves by going. The wedding was in California, and it ended up being a pretty expensive trip, although we took J to Chinatown in San Francisco and also to the King Tut exhibit. He's been interested in that lately, so it was a nice coincidence it was on exhibit there. These things added to the cost of the trip, for sure, but it also felt good to know we were contributing to J's education by doing these things.
I think it ended up being a good thing that we went to the wedding because it was a nice set of reminders about why people get married in the first place. C has been doing both better and in some ways worse lately. Overall, I think his pain management is a little better, but in some ways, he's been very needy. At times it feels to me like he is checked out of life, and then there are other times where he's much more his normal self. During the checked out times, though, I feel overwhelmed and angry. I can sort of deal with not having time to get everything done that I want to do, but often it feels like nothing is getting done. Add to that an 8 year old who drops his legos on the floor and leaves his toys on the table and...and...and...and yes, I should teach J to pick up after himself and all that. What do you (ok, not "you" because "you" understand these things) think I've been trying to do all these years? Not to mention that it takes TIME to stay on top of J and his toys. And time is something in short supply....no hostility here, I promise.
So the wedding. The wedding reminded me that of course there are rough patches in every relationship. There are supposed to be rough patches. And at some point in the future, we'll come away from this rough patch and hopefully things will be better. And love is about seeing the imperfections in your mate and loving them anyway. I'm holding on to these things right now because this is definitely a rough patch.
And then there's the saying on the fridge magnet at my friend K's house: the universe will unveil things in its own time. Or something like that. K--if you're reading, feel free to leave the corrected version in the comments. I'm sure not sure what the universe if unveiling to me, but I'm trying to listen.
Posted by chri1010 at November 16, 2009 11:25 PM | Family Matters
Comments
There's also a cartoon on our fridge that we hold near and dear to our hearts, especially when we struggle. It's a man saying to his wife, "Remember, if you leave me I'm coming with you."
Posted by: Kate Sage at December 2, 2009 1:25 PM
My students recently wrote some sweet thoughts about family and commitment. Remember Raymond Carver's "Distance" or "Everything Stuck to Him"? The "boy" and "girl" are 19 and 18 with a new baby. They live in a basement apartment beneath a dentist's office and clean the office at night in exchange for rent. They're young, broke, and with big responsibilities. One student summarized the story and rather than focusing on all the challenges the couple faced, he said they would make anyone jealous. All he saw was the couple with a beautiful baby, not the tension between them, the fatigue, or the daily grind. His view was a nice reminder for me...I guess to see it from a distance and pull away from the stuff that can drag me down each day. It's nothing the same as what you guys are dealing with, but I thought the story might cheer you a bit.
Posted by: TRISTA at December 12, 2009 11:24 PM
Could have cleaned from the engine for one.6mil:)
Posted by: Trista Leasher at October 20, 2012 6:30 PM
John L. Smith.
Posted by: Gaston Gennette at February 19, 2013 2:34 AM