Growing up in an extremely suburban community, full of middle to upper-class Caucasian families, I get to see, witness and even experience all three of the parenting styles: permissive (lenient), authoritarian (strict), and authoritative (in the middle). My sister and I grew up in a pretty authoritative family. My parents showed lots of support at soccer games, basketball games, golf matches and other events, but they also ran the household in a fairly strict manner. We had set curfews, had to get good grades, had to learn to be polite, have manners and be respectful. We also had to be responsible for all of our things as well as chores around the house. My sister and I were fortunate but not spoiled; we never had the top brands unless we paid for them with our own money. I would say so far my sister and I have matured nicely and have turned out well. I also have friends that live in both an authoritarian family and a permissive family. One of my friends grows up in an extremely permissive family. She could get away with anything she wanted and never get into trouble even when caught. She has all the top brands and hasn't learned responsibility yet. As she grew up she experimented with many things and never had any consequences, therefore she is still intrigued and interested in these behaviors. Not to say she hasn't matured nicely, but going into the real world will be a struggle for people growing up in these types of families. The real world does have consequences and they are harsher than many parent consequences. I also have a friend who grew up in an authoritarian family. She always got good grades but she was socially awkward in many settings because of how sheltered she was from the real world; she never had the chance to learn or experience anything. I feel like people from all three of these types of family styles do grow up fine, they just all have different paths to travel; some are just longer than others.
Source: Lilienfeld, Scott O. "Emotions and Motivation." Psychology: From Inquiry to Understanding. Boston: Pearson/Allyn Bacon, 2009. 436-37. Print.
I really enjoyed reading your post about parenting styles and the outcomes you've personally noticed. I too grew up in an environment that the parenting style was authoritative and have found that this balance has really helped me in my own growth and responsibility as a young adult. Reading about your observations on those who grew up with permissive and authoritarian parenting styles, made me wonder about the recent book that came out entitled, The Tiger Mom. The following article debates if authoritarian parenting is really healthy for children growing up.
http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,2043477,00.html
I found it very interesting and would like to learn more about research done on the different types of parenting. Amy Chua's daughters are both extremely smart and very musically inclined; however, does authoritarian lead to anti-social or socially awkward individuals?
Again, very nicely done!
I really enjoyed reading this post because it is so similar to how I grew up. I grew up in a similar community and I saw kids get spoiled rotten and no sense of responsibility, only entitlement. My parents were authoritative, they were lenient when needed but were strict when instilling values such as manners and education. It is very interesting to see how different kids will react to life's obstacles and to how their childhood environment contributed to that. Again with the Amy Chua parenting style, there is no certain way to measure how the kids turn out but I have read about it and they seem to appreciate how they were raised. It is interesting to see how different people feel how their parents have influenced how they live their lives.
Nice post!
I can definitely relate to your post as I grew up in a predominately rich suburb. It is very interesting to watch some of the kids, who were spoiled as children, grow up to expect to get exactly what they want, when the want it. They soon will have to realize that life doesn't work like that, and being a responsible, independent adult will take some getting used to. As I said, I grew up in a rather rich suburb, but my parent's differed from the others as they raised us authoritatively as well. We were always taught that if we wanted to have sleepovers, stay out late, or hang out with friends, we needed to show our parents that we were responsible and mature enough to handle it on our own. My parent's strictness, when appropriate, eventually gave way to their leniance when we had become responsible enough to become independent and mature adults. Looking back I'm very appreciative of how my parents raised me and my siblings. We all are extremely responsible young men and women and have bright futures ahead of us! It may have been tough, at times, to understand their strict rules, but looking back on it I'm glad they were strict when needed.
I also read the Amy Chua article and I would say that this parenting style is quite interesting and frightening! It obviously results in strong academics and extra-curriculars, but it doesn't allow the children to express who they are, but rather who their parents want them to be.
Thanks for the post!
Your story reminds me of my life that filled with a lot of jealousy toward kids who have relatively permissive parents. I still think my parents were absolutely strict. Furthermore, my family believes in Christianity so the religious expectations were highly regulated such as attending Sunday service at a church. These life-long experiences in a family built several rules in my life. It’s not a stated law or socially expected, but more like the commitment to myself.
Although, my parents have been changed in their styles of caring when I got into the college. They became more liberal than before. I guess, family style is indirectly important because we do not learn not only from the school but also from social experiences.
I enjoyed your post, thanks.