I believe in second chances
I believe that no matter how much a person screws up, they should always deserve a second chance; a way to make up for what they did wrong. Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone does things that they wish they could take back. Everyone should be forgiven... at least once.
About two months ago, I began speaking to my mother for the first time in two years. For some, this may not be that big of a deal, but for me, this was huge. Throughout my life, my mother and I had always been very close. She was the one I went to with all my issues (hair, boys, a headache, etc.). But this shouldn't surprise anyone; she's my mother.
It all started about four years ago with just casual drinking, which led to heavy drinking, and in the end, she was drunk almost every waking moment of the day. I remember getting woken up five days out of the week to my dad yelling at my mother because she was throwing up in bed again. My mother had a sickness; she was an alcoholic.
Alcoholism is a disease that takes over people's lives and it almost ended hers. It is a very difficult disease to cure and my family and I did all that we could to try to help her escape this sickness. She went to treatment over four times, we went to family counseling, and we tried to do our best to support her. It became a lost cause. After two years of trying to help her, we began to give up on her. We had done everything we could, and saw no change. If she wanted to get better, she needed to do it for herself, by herself. She had lost her job, her friends, her husband of 25 years, and most of her family.
For two years, I did not speak with her. Eventhough she had a disease that was hard to control, I could not get myself to talk to her anymore. She had hurt me too much. I would get phone calls from my grandma telling me stories about my mother. "Your mother just got another DUI" or "Your mother is in jail again" or "Your mother went to the gastrologist and she only has 10 percent of her liver left". Everytime she would tell me something like this, my heart would sink. I wanted to help her but I knew that I couldn't.
My mom has not had a drop of alcohol for 82 days now. She is a recovered alcoholic. She is now working, has her own place, and is making mends in her life. She has turned her life around and I am so proud of her. Although it took time for me to finally forgive her, I have my mom back. She may have screwed up and made terrible decisions, but I gave her a second chance because I believe in second chances.
Kyleen Udermann
Comments
I really enjoyed reading your essay on giving second chances. I also really believe in second chances. I guess in my life I’m come upon many people and situations that lead me to giving up. For one reason or another I usually always gave a second chance. I find this especially true with my dad. He and I always had a hard time getting along and living together after my parents got a divorce. But no matter what happened or what fight we got in I always came back. I always realized how much more important they are to me and how important I am to them to just give up. Besides just learning to do that with family, I’ve realized how important it is to do with others, in almost all situations. People make mistakes and I would want a second chance if it was me.
Posted by: Camille Anderson | September 26, 2007 09:23 PM
This is a very powerful essay and I totally agree with the author that her mom deserved a second chance. Alcoholism is something that people get sucked into very quickly and sometimes never get out of. I have had a similar experience with my own family members and no matter how much we tried to help it never worked. Just like Kyleen we gave up. One of the key points in Kyleen’s essay is that the person has to want it themselves and do it for their own well being:” If she wanted to get better, she needed to do it for herself, by herself”. Forcing someone into treatment will do not good. Sometime it could make it worse. When it comes to second chance I believe that people like Kyleen’s mom deserve them. However not everyone and every circumstance deserves a second chance. When it comes to murder, abuse and other cases I don’t believe that people deserve a second chance. That’s just beyond my forgiveness. When it comes to second chance I believe that people like Kyleen’s mom deserve them. However not everyone and every circumstance deserves a second chance. When it comes to murder, abuse and other cases I don’t believe that people deserve a second chance. That’s just beyond my forgiveness.
Posted by: Stanislav Fayngold | September 27, 2007 01:35 PM
I was touched by this essay. Not because I can relate to it personally but because you can, through all that hardship, forgive and forget. I agree with giving everyone a second chance, and a third, and a fourth......I think people everyone should be given a second chance. If they are trying to get better, you can give them another chance still. I know it would be much harder given a second chance to someone who shows no effort in the cause or if they would have done something bad without remorse. But I hope that if I did something bad, I would too be given a second chance, and more chances if I needed them. Great job on your essay. cya in class.
Posted by: Eric | September 27, 2007 02:27 PM
This essay really stuck out to me in so many ways. My mom also had to go into treatment because she was an alcoholic. It only took her a couple of times to become clean but I did go through the same things you did. I went almost a year without even being in the same home at the same time she was even though I would go home usually. It just got old seeing her not being able to walk and not able to do her daily routines. She called me one time and asked why I have been avoiding her and me and my brothers told her we would help her try to be clean again. It is always good to give them a second chance and people will turn things around once they realize what they lose because of their selfish acts. She does have a drink every now and again but it is nothing to fuss over because a glass of wine at a family gathering doesn't hurt anybody. This was a good essay and I know it is a hard thing to talk about.
Posted by: Matt Ihrke | September 27, 2007 04:38 PM
I am impressed that the author of this essay was able to put their words to paper, and even post it online. Personal and family issues have never been things I could easily talk about.
I believe this essay communicates more of a message then the one explicitly stated by the author. The author describes how even though all of her family was trying to help her mother they failed to stop her from drinking. It was not love and support that helped her mother through alcoholism, the author’s mother had to hit rock bottom before she could see what alcohol was doing to her life. So many people think they can change the way people are, but they rarely can, especially when drugs and alcohol are involved. People have to learn for themselves that what they are doing is wrong. Sometimes it takes a long time and the loss of your job, family and friends to see what you have become and remember who you really are.
Posted by: Dan Engstrom | September 27, 2007 05:42 PM
This essay was one that immediately caught my attention. Recently my aunt was sent by judge's orders to a treatment program for alcoholism. My cousin, her only daughter, is my age and I have felt sort of responsible for making sure she has someone there to help her get through this. It seems as though this concept is one that seems to be particularly difficult for my cousin to deal with, since she and her mother weren't that close in the first place. I have always believed that people deserve second chances to either make changes or to show that they are not who people might think they are. This essay is just one example that shows second chances are sometimes just what people need.
Posted by: Jill Francour | September 28, 2007 12:09 AM