ANOTHER MINNESOTA SOLDIER KILLED IN IRAQ
Star Tribune reported another death of Minnesota soldier in Iraq. According to the Star Tribune, Sgt. Greg Riewer died when a roadside bomb struck his vehicle. Three members of Riewer were hurt. Their names and conditions of injuries were not released. http://www.startribune.com/462/story/1077920.html
This story is an obituary.The writer could have written a better lead. One without victim's nickname, where he was killed and where his family lives now. These pieces of information could come in the body of the obituary.
There was little use for the time the bomb struck Riewer's car since the writer did not specify whether it was Bagdad time or Minnesota time. Besides, what is the news value? Also, instead of the vague and redondent "previously served", Riewer served in Bosnia in (state the year). "a roadside explosive device" could be reduced to roadside bomb.
The same AP story by WCCO was excellent in clarity, brevity and simplicity. The writer even provided the number ofsoldiers with strong Minnesota ties that have died in Iraq. "Fifty-four people with strong Minnesota ties have died in connection with the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan," the writer concluded the report.
Proper attributions and quotes gave this story the attention it deserve. A good example of professionalism.