probably in violation of copyright laws
So, you can tell I'm procrastinating, because I'm treating you all with a big chunk that I cut-and-paste out of the Annie Hall script.
And yes, Satyricon is a terribly indulgent film. Silly Fellini.
INT. THEATER LOBBY.
A lined-up crowd of ticket holders waiting to get into the theater, Alvy and
Annie among them. A bum of indistinct chatter can be heard through the ensuing
scene.
MAN IN LINE
(Loudly to his companion right
behind Alvy and Annie)
We saw the Fellini film last Tuesday.
It is not one of his best. It lacks a
cohesive structure. You know, you get
the feeling that he's not absolutely sure
what it is he wants to say. 'Course, I've
always felt he was essentially a-a technical
film maker. Granted, La Strada was a great
film. Great in its use of negative energy
more than anything else. But that simple
cohesive core ...
Alvy, reacting to the man's loud monologue, starts to get annoyed, while Annie
begins to read her newspaper.
ALVY
(Overlapping the man's speech)
I'm-I'm-I'm gonna have a stroke.
ANNIE
(Reading)
Well, stop listening to him.
MAN IN LINE
(Overlapping Alvy and Annie)
You know, it must need to have had its
leading from one thought to another.
You know what I'm talking about?
ALVY
(Sighing)
He's screaming his opinions in my ear.
MAN IN LINE
Like all that Juliet of the Spirits or
Satyricon, I found it incredibly ...
indulgent. You know, he really is. He's
one of the most indulgent film makers. He
really is-
ALVY
(Overlapping)
Key word here is "indulgent."
MAN IN LINE
(Overlapping)
-without getting ... well, let's put it
this way ...
ALVY
(To Annie, who is still reading,
overlapping the man in line who is
still talking)
What are you depressed about?
ANNIE
I missed my therapy. I overslept.
ALVY
How can you possibly oversleep?
ANNIE
The alarm clock.
ALVY
(Gasping)
You know what a hostile gesture that is
to me?
ANNIE
I know-because of our sexual problem,
right?
ALVY
Hey, you ... everybody in line at the
New Yorker has to know our rate of
intercourse?
MAN IN LINE
- It's like Samuel Beckett, you know-
I admire the technique but he doesn't ...
he doesn't hit me on a gut level.
ALVY
(To Annie)
I'd like to hit this guy on a gut level.
The man in line continues his speech all the while Alvy and Annie talk.
ANNIE
Stop it, Alvy!
ALVY
(Wringing his hands)
Well, he's spitting on my neck! You know,
he's spitting on my neck when he talks.
MAN IN LINE
And then, the most important thing of all
is a comedian's vision.
ANNIE
And you know something else? You know,
you're so egocentric that if I miss my
therapy you can think of it in terms of
how it affects you!
MAN IN LINE
(Lighting a cigarette while he talks)
Gal gun-shy is what it is.
ALVY
(Reacting again to the man in line)
Probably on their first date, right?
MAN IN LINE
(Still going on)
It's a narrow view.
ALVY
Probably met by answering an ad in the
New York Review of Books. "Thirtyish
academic wishes to meet woman who's
interested in Mozart, James Joyce and
sodomy."
(He sighs; then to Annie)
Whatta you mean, our sexual problem?
ANNIE
Oh!
ALVY
I-I-I mean, I'm comparatively normal
for a guy raised in Brooklyn.
ANNIE
Okay, I'm very sorry. My sexual problem!
Okay, my sexual problem! Huh?
The man in front of them turns to look at them, then looks away.
ALVY
I never read that. That was-that was
Henry James, right? Novel, uh, the
sequel to Turn of the Screw? My Sexual ...
MAN IN LINE
(Even louder now)
It's the influence of television. Yeah,
now Marshall McLuhan deals with it in terms
of it being a-a high, uh, high intensity,
you understand? A hot medium ... as opposed
to a ...
ALVY
(More and more aggravated)
What I wouldn't give for a large sock o'
horse manure.
MAN IN LINE
... as opposed to a print ...
Alvy steps forward, waving his hands in frustration, and stands facing the
camera.
ALVY
(Sighing and addressing the audience)
What do you do when you get stuck in a movie
line with a guy like this behind you? I mean,
it's just maddening!
The man in line moves toward Alvy. Both address the audience now.
MAN IN LINE
Wait a minute, why can't I give my opinion?
It's a free country!
ALVY
I mean, d- He can give you- Do you hafta
give it so loud? I mean, aren't you ashamed
to pontificate like that? And-and the funny
part of it is, M-Marshall McLuhan, you don't
know anything about Marshall McLuhan's...work!
MAN IN LINE
(Overlapping)
Wait a minute! Really? Really? I happen to
teach a class at Columbia called "TV Media
and Culture"! So I think that my insights
into Mr. McLuhan-well, have a great deal of
validity.
ALVY
Oh, do yuh?
MAN IN LINE
Yes.
ALVY
Well, that's funny, because I happen to
have Mr. McLuhan right here. So ... so,
here, just let me-I mean, all right. Come
over here ... a second.
Alvy gestures to the camera which follows him and the man in line to the back
of the crowded lobby. He moves over to a large stand-up movie poster and
pulls Marshall McLuban from behind the poster.
MAN IN LINE
Oh.
ALVY
(To McLuban)
Tell him.
MCLUHAN
(To the man in line)
I hear-I heard what you were saying.
You-you know nothing of my work. You
mean my whole fallacy is wrong. How you
ever got to teach a course in anything is
totally amazing.
ALVY
(To the camera)
Boy, if life were only like this!