Well, I almost felt kind of silly about it, but last night I was up the whole live long night, writing a paper for a class. To be honest, no one in gradschool coursework-land had ever asked me to write a paper before, and resurrecting that finely mastered skill of bullsh*ting that I haven't had to use since Macalester proved to be a bit more time consuming and awkward of a process than I thought. So, yeah, I haven't been asleep since Wednesday morning.
Now you think I could just go home and fall asleep, but it doesn't really work that way. First, I had no groceries and I was hungry, since I had the upcoming-paper-deadline lunch special of Pop Tarts from the fourth floor vending machine. So, I'm home from the grocery store and satiated but now I really can't sleep until I've digested a bit.
Though I can feel myself fuzzing in and out here. I can't always remember what kind of clothing I'm wearing, I keep thinking I have a wool sweater on but it's really a fleece shirt.
I mean, as negatively as it will affect me to have taken this one night of sleeplessness, I still appreciate the trippy-ness of sleepwalking through a day. Such a fascinating process of the body and mind. The only bad thing is that my face gets really really pale, such that I look like Death Who Hath Come to Take Your Soul.
So many things you think about, when you haven't slept. I think of people who I've forgotten, which I consider rightful forgetfulness given that they forgot me first. I also get along with people I normally want to suffocate--something about the half-delirium makes everyone just lovely.
And funny how most of the day I was neither hungry nor thirsty nor particularly sensitive to hot or cold--though at some point throughout the day I was vulnerable to all of these states. It's like I cut off all sensation. Which is weird because usually when I'm sleep-deprived, I feel hyper-sensitive to the environment.
I went to the grocery store, as I said, and I don't know how long I looked at the toothpaste. I thought, my god, when did they come up with so many different kinds of toothpaste? Have I been living in a hole? (answer: yes) And, what is up with the pricing scheme on toothpaste? Why do some cost more than others? Why would I want my toothpaste to be fruity-flavored? Who would pay for a $6 tube of rembrandt?
Yeah, I'm fading, I feel like a dark background occasionally settles in behind my laptop screen. How long will I be asleep? What crazy dreams will I have? Have I, in my half-numb state, blocked out things that will return to harrass me in the morning?
So what happened this week, Johnny Carson died? Who next? Are you with me, fellow 23-year-olds, or 21, 22, 24 -year-olds, whatever, do you feel on the threshold of watching all the icons fall? Reagan, the man who dominated our birth decade, he is gone, who is next? What scares me--tell me if I'm wrong--is that I bet if I stopped a random Pitt undergrad on the street, especially a first year, they may have never seen the Johnny Carson show, and even worse, might not even be aware who he was.
ok...before I have a keyboard imprint on my forehead...good night.