AGHHHHHHHH!! Writing about why this project is important to me, and theorizing what I'm do is so hard. I like action, and to create, and I revel in the spontanious moments, feelings, and inspirations that are bubble up in the creative process. That is to say, I'm a little abstract. When ever I do a creative project it's really hard for me to articulate what it means to me or why it's important, because typically it means EVERYTHING to me.
I'm an anxious neurotic little creature, and the chaos of my thought process is somewhat elusive to the structure of the writing process right now. This class though has opened up space for me to see writing as a creative outlet that I just haven't really tapped into yet. We've done a lot to trouble the formality of the written product too, and to acknowledge the importance of documenting our important feminist work in a way the has longevity. Feeling that this work matters makes it easier to create for me.
Another frustration is that while I'm working on these solid deadlines, my all volunteer staff is not. So I feel like I'm trying to strike a balance between understanding that we're all very busy, and staying on everybody's case because I want to see results. While both my meetings went really well, and we have a great flow of creative energy, things aren't getting done as quickly as I would like. So, I just breath and put out positive intentions. I'm putting a lot of trust into other people, and the universe to help me realize this dream. Because this project is difficult, and it's testing the limits of my abilities, I know that it's worth doing. The hardest thing with collaborating on art is that there is so much emotional investment, I'm feeling very vulnerable and exposed through this process. Which is not a bad feeling necessarily.
Andi I like your reference to your creative process.. it makes me think of you saying that you scribble things down on all sorts of pieces of paper and then gather them all up to create a paper, which honestly sounds way better than my writing process of sitting and staring at my computer for like ten minutes without writing a word... But also I can see the stress of trying to work with other people on a project that has very real deadlines for you when it doesn't for them. And also with your project being an emotional investment. I've been feeling pretty emotionally invested in my project too and it makes it all the more uncomfortable to put out there and receive feedback on it, maybe thats how you feel with collaborating on it. I dunno, either way I think its better to be working on something really important to you.
Wow! That is exactly my writing process, a beautiful disaster
Oh Andi -
Again, you have another beautiful title for your project with "a beautiful disaster" can you title some things for me? You're so great and creative in this way! You know, I feel you so much about almost feeling that because you are so invested in the project it becomes difficult to articulate the WHY it is so important. But, this is the most important aspect of your project so it's good to think through - perhaps visit what Rachel says in her blog post about finding something good in the difficult writing process - even though it's really difficult work if it wasn't perhaps something would be wrong right? See what I did there? I think we should all have a deep conversation about the emotional investment in our work and how we can deal with this in our next class - because you (and others) bring up great points about this.
Hang in there, I can't wait to see what does end up as the final project (both for the class and for the first issue of your fabulous magazine)!