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February 6, 2005

Loneliness, Acuteness

Sometimes I think I want to hide in a hole here, and not spend time with any of my friends. Being around them, sometimes, makes me lonely. Most specifically, being around them in romantic couples, or being around them as they talk about their relationship issues... these things make me miss Solange.


She is coming for Valentine's weekend which will be wonderful, but I know some part of me expects too much. I want to show her everything, take her everywhere, share my life with her completely, as I imagine she wishes she could do too, where she is. Being apart is difficult; we know this. Knowing it is difficult, knowing it will continue to be difficult, these things do not lessen the difficulty. Thirty-six hours together will be great, but it's obviously not the same as knowing she'll be in my arms every night.

I'm missing you Angel.

Posted by crock038 at February 6, 2005 2:08 AM | Rambling


i sure know about this. my now-husband and i did the distance thing for a year and a half, and it's tough. its strange how even when you're surrounded by friends, you can be very lonely. the way i looked at it was that the time we were apart was my time in life to be able to concentrate on other things - friends, work, the geographic place i was at that time. that helped.

plus, after it's all over and you're finally together you'll have a rare appreciation for every second you get to spend together - you treasure every single moment. i don't think people who haven't had to be in a relationship apart can understand that as well.

for me that made the time apart easier. i guess life is all about patience and making the most of where you are now. sorry for the rambling - but i remember being where you are. hang in there!

ps - music always helped me immeasurably.
pps - i'm glad you liked my blog picture. :)

Posted by: liz at February 6, 2005 4:55 PM

Thanks Liz, good to be reminded of the silver lining... we, of course, think of our time apart in almost exactly the same way that you describe... and it's true that both of us are getting *A LOT* done for our careers which (keehee) just doesn't quite happen when we can come home at the "end" of a day and make dinner together and lie in each other's arms talking and kissing the hours away...

I also think you're absolutely right about the awareness of each other's preciousness, "the appreciation for every second you get to spend together" ... I can feel this transformation happening every day... and I'm sure it's still easy enough to lose that white-hot appreciation once you're back together, but something is different, something remains... there is something about this time that I'll never be able to forget. Solange will always be just that much more special to me because I'll remember how hard it was...

PS - haha, I'm a composer, so music is pain and pleasure, joy-filled leisure and work for me, sometimes it helps immensely, and others, hahaha, :) ... at other times the half-empty pages look at me, feebly holding my pen, staring at them, and they mock me, screaming until they're hoarse and my ears hurt!

Posted by: Zac at February 7, 2005 11:42 PM

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