March 27, 2005
Just got home from the midnight movie at the Uptown Theatre: Taxi Driver. Walked home very slowly, definitely effected by the movie. In a strange, dual state. On the one hand very emotionally in tune with, and obviously having been controlled by or influenced by the movie. On the other hand, I was very objective about it. Could have stopped acting "odd" and just walked home normally. Decided at every step not to do so, seemed somehow right to be as I was... cathartic perhaps... started singing / moaning / chanting on the way home... by the time I got to my door, after hedging as to whether to take a long detour into the night, under the stars, collecting moonbeams... by the time I got to my door, I was singing Stasis, or something like it.
It's a poem I wrote at Vanderbilt in 1998... I sang it, accompanying myself on piano at the McGill Coffeehouse (Holy Cow, a picture of me performing on flute!!!)... it was at a very hard time in my life... The performance was quiet, haunting, and powerful, but was taken the wrong way by many people... thinking the song was about them, rather than simply an expression of myself...
I came inside tonight, and very quietly (it's almost 3am) performed it (I don't remember all the words, but the intention was the same) on the piano, singing... It occurred that I could do such a thing at a Salon3136 event... I don't know if that would be right... No one exposes themselves so emotionally here... it would shock people... and be... well... painful for me... in a strange sort of way... it would greatly change people's opinions of me... I guess I have to decide if I want that.
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