Setting the Example
If I had read this chapter in 1988, I would have been inspired and seen it as a pattern to put into action to help me be, not only a leader at work, but a better Mom. Now that I had lived through the teen years with three boys and have been married for 26 years, I am alot more realistic. My children have been wonderful teachers and have given me alot of feedback on who I am and the example I thought I was setting. My first born told my husband and I recently, we had not been very good parents, because we had not prepared him for his job downtown Minneapolis as a security guard and he knew nothing about street life. I guess I forgot to mention all these years that was not one of the values I had for my family. While Kouzes and Posner make a good case for how to personify your values and teach them to others, I would suggest that all of this is in the eyes of the beholder. The perception of the people you are modeling for and trying to teach is the most important thing to consider when you are a leader.
The authors discuss four signals, leaders send to their followers by their actions that personify values. 1. Spend your time wisely. 2. Watch your language. 3. Ask purposeful questions. 4. Seek feedback about how your behavior affects others.
In each of these sections there will be different perceptions by different people. For example, the story about the CEO not attending the convention, to me makes some sense. I would not have felt like I was getting the cold shoulder, but instead, would give him the benefit of the doubt. His taking the time to make a video tells me he cares about me and I would rather he be using this time to making the business grow. I am not big on conventions anyway. I would rather get a card in the mail thanking me and let it go at that. ( Can you see I am a driver?...Efficiency is what counts to me) Besides, it might be more fun at the convention without him and the brass!
Secondly, watch your language. Every parent knows the importance of language. What you say is taken literally by children and creates a picture in their mind. I remember well the day I was teaching my son to catch a ball and I told him to keep his eye on the ball. He took the ball and put it up to his eye! Our words as leaders are powerful and I think need to be chosen carefully. The words we use can make us look authentic or phony depending on perception. Today it is popular to speak of the team...to me it is still the employee, the manager, the boss etc. While seeing the big picture is very important to me, it is equally as important to recognize each individual working part and see their contribution to the whole. The heart is nothing without the brain, liver, glands etc. Calling the heart the organ of love doesn't change the fact that it is a pump. I am always amused when I am called a guest at Macy's. If I were a really a guest, shouldn't you be giving me my purchase? It is all in the perception of the person. Leaders that recognize the differences in people, have a better potential to tailor what they say to reach all who are listening to them in an authentic way.
Asking questions to me, brings back memories of my youth. Where are you going? Who are you going with? How long will you be there? Is there a chaperone? And so on..... This area, once you know the leader will be beneficial, but there is always the memory in my cells of the judgment I felt when being questioned by my parents. Once you recognize the questions are to stimulate your own thoughts for solutions, the memory of judgment will fade.
The most important of these actions as a leader, I believe, is seeking feedback. A good leader is always aware of how their behavior is affecting others. The authors talk about the performance feedback by the employees. While this can be beneficial, you cannot make all the changes each individual may think you need to. Because what one person perceives as a problem in the leaders behavior is not a problem for another, it is impossible to please. Granted, just having some say in the process is helpful. How many of you have had the experience of giving feedback and nothing is done? Most of us have. I would have like to have seen the authors talk about body language here as an important feedback technique. Then the leader can recognize the nuances of each individual personality to meet them where they are at in their thinking.
In the last part of the chapter the authors discuss teaching others to model the values...Confronting critical incidents, telling stories and reininforcing behavior you want repeated...Of these three, I believe that story telling is the most powerful and well received by people. Stories help teach values and are enjoyable to listen to. As well, they help us remember the values. Don't we all remember the moral of the "Little boy who cried wolf?" All religions have passed on their shared values through stories. Critical incidents and reinforced behavior was taught to us through stories from Sunday School or in other religious ways. Sometimes I think story telling is discounted as for children, but a good story will remain in our minds and hearts, if it is told with authenticity. I still use Thumper from "Bambi" ( If you can't say something nice, don't say nothin at all) and Eore from Whinnie the Pooh ( I won't say no, I won't say can't) on my grown sons. They roll their eyes, but they get the message!
In closing, setting the example is an exhausting job if you are leading many, because they all have a unique perspective. Recognizing how their individual perception will help achieve the goals and vision of the organization will empower both the leader and the follower.
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