INT. WILSON LIBRARY BASEMENT - WED. NIGHT
MATT sitting with good, open posture, clearly reflective of having received just as good, if not better, training as his predecessor. His smiles and air of brilliance hide his distraction due to being repeatedly interrupted at attempts trying to make progress on the Patron Address Cleanup project. In an all too familiar interruption a patron approaches.
MATT
Can I help you find something sir?
PATRON
Why yes you can, I have this slip of paper here with call number on it. Could you help me locate these materials?
MATT
It's why I'm here Mr.....
PATRON
Stan, Stan Patron. My friends say I'm a pretty dastardly fellow, or Dard for short. Yes I suppose StanDard Patron will work for this.
MATT
Any relation to GeneRic Patron?
STANDARD PATRON
Why yes he's my older brother.
MATT
You know what this means don't you!?
STANDARD PATRON
Um...noo...
MATT interupting Stan
We're in a sequel!
**COLLECTIVE GASP**
MATT
But no matter we shall not be doomed to tank. Let's see... Oh yes, these items are Microfiche in the Government Publications.
STANDARD PATRON
But how do I look at these "Microfiche"?
MATT
It's simple let me show you.
MATT helps Stan locate the materials he's looking for and leads him to the microfilm readers. Giving a quick tutorial seems to only confuse Stan further so a more hands on demonstration is required, taking up the better portion of an hour.
--CAMERA: Screen Fade out to Black--
--CAMERA: Fuzzy into focus--
MATT returing to his desk sets about the Patron Address Cleanup project. Quickly interrupted by GeneRic Patron.
GENERIC PATRON
My, you look busy.
MATT looking up from his work
MATT
Why yes it has been a very...YOU!
GENERIC PATRON
HAHAHA, yes it is me, come to ensure you do not escape with our student and taxpayers money without a fight!
MATT
You shall not defeat me. If my predecessor could handle you then so can I!
GENERIC PATRON
Then what would you say if I asked about Scanning onto a flash drive? Locating the restrooms? Holding this microfilm for me? Pointing me to a recepticle of snacks and sodas? ...
MATT is frantically handling all these questions when Stan approaches.
STANDARD PATRON
Hey um... what do I do with this?
MATT had earlier helped Stan with a type 3 lens. Unfortunately the patron did not come ask for help, but took it upon himself to return the type 3 lens himself!! After a shocked look, Matt informs Stan of his error, yet contemplates what would have happened if he needed to use it past 9 when he closed the basement.
STANDARD PATRON continues
What about where I can get headphones? Is there a water fountain nearby? Have you seen my wallet, or other various lost and found items? What is this Uniprint and how can I use it?
MATT continues to answer all questions as the music crescendos into a high point when...
MATT
And let me guess...you want me to make change?
---MUSIC CRASH---
STANDARD PATRON
No actually. That is the one thing I haven't needed all night. You have held your ground well tonight. But do not think this is over. Surely your supervisors will ask questions about the events that have transpired, and I pity you for you must explain it to them in a way that makes sense MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
STANDARD PATRON exits stage basement exit.
--CAMERA Fade to White, Roll Credits--
this is all going into your file.
: D
"STANDARD PATRON" cracked me up to no end. Well played, sir.
This was a triumph. I'm making a note here: huge success.