May 29, 1994
Mom is gone; sitting out in the front yard, such beauty here, the birds sing with depth, the trees robustfully exhibit their green beauty. Contentment is embodied by the arrivals that inhabit this place. A family of woodpeckers remain as reminders of the few years i've been away, their inhabitance went noticed somewhere around 1990. This home, such beauty, the trees, the trees. A neighborhood, a long time a grown, long time a livin. Mamma walked these steps, locked these doors, breathed this air so many times. She absorbed so much. It could be argued that she remained secluded, but if you were one of the few that could break through, then acceptance and participation was, could be, on the order of overwhelming, or at least intense. She could be content w/ seclusion & privacy because of her contentment w/ her self and because of her extreme participation w/ the & emotional when she did choose participation.
Joan talked last night, about how mother could go only three months w/out seeing me. They were at the Derby parade. Joan asked if David was coming in. I always like to schedule my trip and keep it to myself until the last minute. That, I'd believed, would conjure all sorts of emotion. I loved that call on Tuesday or Wednesday before the Derby, to report to Mother, "Well of course i'm coming, i arrive @9:00 on Thursday night." Such contentment, such warmth, such love was stirred in both our hearts. I'd always wanted mother to know, and she did, that absolutely I was there; she lives in my heart, always did, "I'd believe that nearly every breath i'd take, that she was on my mind." Sunday mornings, just as today were ideally spent with her. I'd sit on this grey bench, she'd peer out of the window screen, warmly acknowledge my presence, and go on her way. She so elegantly allowed us to continue from the foundations she laid. And we do, And we did, and we will.
Hers was such wisdom, such discipline, such denial of self to allow for our freedom. It were many times that'd we do something irresponsible, stay out late in different pacifying circumstances. Mother was tuned to this. There were times, there are times, that we'd [break the rules become I don't know, sir of guilty [or insecure], Audrey does it, i do it, sort of guilty or something; and we'd go off, but mother knew, she knew cause i believe she'd been caught in similar situations; but she remained, sometimes grumbled, but allowed us to make the choice. She so freely allowed us to choose.
I Love you -
And will miss you
more than anybody -
8 am 8/9/89 & 5/29/94
1:20 May 29, 94
Seeing Mom was surprisingly spectacular
She had been dying for some time.
Her peaceful presence has allowed
all of her children to deal with it.
Denna has done a fine, very fine
job with her : Mother Beauty remains.