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David DeMuth, Jr.
The UMN is no longer supporting the Movable Type system.
This site has moved to daviddemuth.net as a Wordpress blog.
David DeMuth, Jr.
Softly lips glance, silence, coy invitation, repeat, mild and uncertain jubilance, longing
If mine pursue yours it is not diabolically rather southern, how two hearts separate
I am in a trance anxious to revisit the tone that we last resonated
If merely my thoughts invoke in you an energy of positivity, lighting bolts ought to be striking from your walking body because of that frequency
Aside, we stretch erect, fluttering, shaking the mites and dust, in advance of flight
Being: is often surreal.
Wake up, laughter, cussing, what happened?
She is just pissed at me - why are you tripping out on me, I asked?
Hanging friends started at the Bismarck, then snuck off to the Empire...
Nice, be nice, hug be hugged, imagined sun and warmth.
South they went on to Dempsey's...
Gad they are making out, right in front of us - fuck!?
Fuck it - I am getting a smoke, Raz just fucking does not believe me...
activity a daily blessing.
a young lad ventures inside,
allows for a pillow case recovery.
wings a buzzing,
gaggle of four a chasing.
Mom is gone; sitting out in the front yard, such beauty here, the birds sing with depth, the trees robustfully exhibit their green beauty. Contentment is embodied by the arrivals that inhabit this place. A family of woodpeckers remain as reminders of the few years i've been away, their inhabitance went noticed somewhere around 1990. This home, such beauty, the trees, the trees. A neighborhood, a long time a grown, long time a livin. Mamma walked these steps, locked these doors, breathed this air so many times. She absorbed so much. It could be argued that she remained secluded, but if you were one of the few that could break through, then acceptance and participation was, could be, on the order of overwhelming, or at least intense. She could be content w/ seclusion & privacy because of her contentment w/ her self and because of her extreme participation w/ the & emotional when she did choose participation.
Joan talked last night, about how mother could go only three months w/out seeing me. They were at the Derby parade. Joan asked if David was coming in. I always like to schedule my trip and keep it to myself until the last minute. That, I'd believed, would conjure all sorts of emotion. I loved that call on Tuesday or Wednesday before the Derby, to report to Mother, "Well of course i'm coming, i arrive @9:00 on Thursday night." Such contentment, such warmth, such love was stirred in both our hearts. I'd always wanted mother to know, and she did, that absolutely I was there; she lives in my heart, always did, "I'd believe that nearly every breath i'd take, that she was on my mind." Sunday mornings, just as today were ideally spent with her. I'd sit on this grey bench, she'd peer out of the window screen, warmly acknowledge my presence, and go on her way. She so elegantly allowed us to continue from the foundations she laid. And we do, And we did, and we will.
Hers was such wisdom, such discipline, such denial of self to allow for our freedom. It were many times that'd we do something irresponsible, stay out late in different pacifying circumstances. Mother was tuned to this. There were times, there are times, that we'd [break the rules become I don't know, sir of guilty [or insecure], Audrey does it, i do it, sort of guilty or something; and we'd go off, but mother knew, she knew cause i believe she'd been caught in similar situations; but she remained, sometimes grumbled, but allowed us to make the choice. She so freely allowed us to choose.
I Love you -
And will miss you
more than anybody -
8 am 8/9/89 & 5/29/94
1:20 May 29, 94
Seeing Mom was surprisingly spectacular
She had been dying for some time.
Her peaceful presence has allowed
all of her children to deal with it.
Denna has done a fine, very fine
job with her : Mother Beauty remains.
What is man worth if he has lost all his earthly goods?
He is freed from his nature to curate those goods, but what has he, heat, water, food? Are these essentials available to him?
A gaggle of men line up, none of which have anything, except a hunger, a thirst, if theirs is a willingness to exchange effort to satisfy innate needs, their beings will progress.
The obligation to live is supplied by a beating heart, that rhythm that insists breath and embrace.
A feature of worth is in the exchange one can earn for these life sustaining essentials, self worth as motivation to share utility.
Without the essentials we may loose a health necessary to proceed.
Earthly goods include clothing, rare is the location that does not require protective linings for heat or cooling.
Assumes then, earthly goods are the tertiary and non fundamental.
What is the worth of a man who has no earthly goods beyond the fundamental?
His goal might be monastic, to study the dynamics and anthropologists of man, to find pattern, to smooth their own breath.
A man without the burden of managing the non fundamental goods may have greater worth if there is an intent to assist another.
A man without goods may be limited in his ability to contribute to others who need.
A man with many goods may be limited in his ability to contribute to others who need through selfishness and fear.
No man is an island, we are community, unless you are the rare self sufficient hermit who is fortunate to have a healthy functioning body.
Eventually the old girl shows her teeth, wobbles in her walk, loosing appetite, burbles a last breath and leaves, this is the cycle.
What worth is there in a man who has no earthly goods?
His worth is great as is his capacities if his acumen is to live.
From: "David DeMuth, Jr." |
Date: May 10, 2012, 10:08:03 AM CDT
To: David DeMuth
Cc: Anita Stevens
Subject: Re: Derby
Fun does not describe it, extraordinary more like it.
I arrived Dennis' house on Thursday night near 11 pm, then we woke at 7 am to go in the direction of the track, when to my great amazement, and appreciation, Bruce Thompson calls declaring he is just 5 minutes away from the house.
After errand running, and establishing that the Oaks Day Infield was really open, we set off on foot packing on a two wheel luggage cart, the (heavy) canopy, a cooler, and four chairs. Dennis' declares, "Stop, they will pick us up, watch...", sure enough two golf carts furling down the road stops and says, get in.
The three of us arrived at the track near 9:15 am, We appreciated that security did not find our stashes, and made it through the check-in line time to score a fence-side camp site, setting up and enjoying your canopy system from a previous year.
The weather cooperated nicely, and on several occasions were gifted by the presence of beautiful, happy woman to share in a conversation, two of which ended up camping in a reserve space that we later realized was brilliant as we established our initial footprint, marking our territory with borrowed cord from another new neighbor.
I seem to be able to win in the early races on a given day, then I go bust, hard to pick out the best from the best.
Steve landed at Standiford near 1 pm, and arrived at the track shortly there-after, his first infield experience, but had been in Louisville for Dennis' wedding. He was beside himself! Secretly, he and I enjoy our large scale people parties, traveling great distances (e.g. Sturgis) just to see a rare act (e.g Guns & Roses).
As the day progressed, my attitude on betting, and therefore winning waned with no doubt the effects of a first relaxing day, being with three of my brothers Dennis, Bruce, and Steve. Another, Tom, enjoying last minute tickets from the office, made a cameo visit to the Infield near race 10, retreating quickly thereafter to enjoy his box for the big race #11.
In a bizarre twist, as clouds threatened, we were told that we were to evacuate, "Evacuate, Really, Humbug!!", as a flood threatened veteran would indeed say, "Evacuate on my own terms..."
Let's just say our exit was slow, as molasses, we did dismantle, we packed, and started out, but really, we were not going anywhere, as the storm seemed to be going both south and north of us.
As the infield tunnel was steeped with exiters, the jumbotron sign, flashed, "Racing will commence shortly..." when we returned to the fence line and scored an even better location, setting up our camp, canopy and all, again.
We stayed through the last race, Bruce and Dennis had some nice wins throughout, not real sure how Steve did, I burned through the $100 I budgeted for the day.
Food was a priority, as we did not do so well with preparations for the day, Dennis picking an excellent (we all agreed afterwards) Mexican restaurant which was both close to home and affordable.
Despite near exhaustion (end of semester, Lawrence KS interview, and 6 days at Ash River...) Steve and I elected to take a tour of the area, as we did, stopping only once at a place Dennis' recommended we not go, without him...
Sleep, then wake, 7 am again, I leave Steve behind at his hotel (enjoying a second bed, the first night on Dennis' couch), arrive to discover Bruce is still hanging, and we more directly pointed our scope to the track.
Today's line was massive despite showing up at least an hour earlier, we making it through the line, but today, clipped of one of the two elixirs (Woodford), them not spotting the Vodka poured among the water identical water bottles in the ice-laden cooler.
NOTE TO SELF, PUT BOOZE ON BODY NOT IN COOLER OR CHAIR - SECOND NOTE TO SELF, SEND LEAD AGENT AT 7 AM TO GRAB SPACE, PACKING ONLY TWO OR THREE CHAIRS AND SOME CORD, ALLOWING A DELAYED ARRIVAL FOR THE BALANCE OF THE PARTY.
We still had fence, but this time, opposite of the "jail" from yesterday, and previous year. This jail allows for the police a place to stage from in case of a massive threat, or to stash drunks, or the occasional Santa Claus who was caught doing who knows what. Something about a jail experience that sobers one up quickly, so as we watch the busted, its hard to imagine what they did...
The day even more blessed, the sun penetrating, the people exciting - they say, the Oaks are for the locals, and the Derby is for everyone else, okay, that made sense.
Hurting from the day previous, alcohol was not by beverage of choice, Bruce and I sitting, enjoying a morning coffee. The Infield is really a lot about conversation, sort of like how it is with golf (and the cart). I had not seen Bruce for nearly 20 years, he being the same, telling story after story about his International experiences, triggering Steve's interest, having has similar focus in his life.
We wondered if we'd be gifted by another prolonged conversation with the two teachers from Georgia, the one, in the poked dotted dress, but sadly not. Other joined our party however, almost all a delight.
Near Race 5, a young brother and sister sit on the grass nearby, broasting under the sun, awaiting the short glimpse of the running horses. Naturally we invited them to sit under the canopy, where they shared with us through the eleventh race; east coast sorts, he working in international business, her a fresh graduate, in a year holding pattern before entering medical school, both of which delightful, their first Derby weekend, driving from PA.
Betting was getting becoming challenging, lines long, and it was dumb not to bet two even three races at a time. Finally the derby came and went, another long shot taking first.
Derby 138 now behind us, we stayed for another race, then began the pack out, and departure during the last race.
The march out through the tunnel was long, and a lot of hooplas, amazing day!!
That about gets it, Steve and I took a longer tour of the city on Saturday, Dennis and Bruce opting for sleep...
On Sunday, Steve and I talked about a Directors position he has at his campus, something that I will apply, and then parted, then driving to the Sleepy Hollow Golf Course near Prospect (evidently adjacent to your niece's farmstead).
Tom was there first, then I, Dennis joining, then Bruce, the foursome complete. Another blue-sky day, we golfed, Dennis and I, Tom and Bruce pairing in the carts, I sharing the golf bag with Brother.
We lasted 15 holes before being scorched out, really, and that Tom had a birthday party to go to, we packed it in, then went our separate ways.
My direction afterwards uncertain, committing only to being at Fermilab at 10 am the next morning, something I honored, after, let's just say, an interesting encounter on the northern bank of the Ohio...
How about Derby 139?
You learned from your fathers greatness, his innate shared loved, wisdom
He seemed to always buzz and resonate
Proud of his family
That I was at snowbank, experiencing what was built there and elsewhere, on the peripheral, listening
And at Ash, he smiled
Certain were his days left
The longest day his transformation
Storms and rain quenching life
Rest Bill Sr. rest
Upon thy coast
Protect thyne Inhabitants
Search I will for any Enemies
Understand who my Allies are
Realize when to leave
Panning out, I will not destruct
Allies are Safe
Friends are Allies
Are Allies Friends.
Est. May, 1988
At first I was to send another
This will do
As I think
What did I mean by that.
It was your sister
Reminded me of mine/
and I'm her Brother
I was thinking
in the back seat
of a very dark car.
8/2/87 3:45 AM
Complicated by the obtuse most elect to trust their instincts
Those same human behaviors that catalyze fear and insanities
To imagine a time when action at a distance was deemed sorcery
Invisible forces are now understood, yet we refuse to indulge reality
Mother Earth could care less about the human species
She could easily shake us fleas from her back in one vigorous episode
As a host approaches it's exponential limits, as a cancer spreads without remission, our obesities will consume us beyond repair
Ruled by greed that ridicules the impoverished, that hoards resources beyond any one person could eliminate, or could their designee, or corporate partners, or tribe of confidants, that feeds insecurities into righteous power
My concept of fair share is not the percentage rules we impose as an averaging technique used well before globalizations influence, instead a more rationale use base that can be documented, calculated, and modeled in any techno centric data driven society
Centralized power results in self effacing decisions that run its course, as the Mayans before, as the dinosaur lost access to the food needed to survive, we die.
Mother Earth could care less about us, we perish, this rock will remain.
The end is near | whatever
I see way back,
men who are proud,
with decorated chests, standing piously,
and claiming territories proven by dominance.
Gazing into the eyes of the repressed,
I see fear,
Why can't there be Love?
Men can be so proud,
or so they think.
More competition it seems...
I Must Be Better, I Must.
It's a suicide mission,
Enemies are made,
and Brotherhood is Our Only Cure
I thought my garden would be growing full
but I'm just gathering soil.
--- gathering soil ---
I scrape it from my wandering boots,
gather the dust from the streets,
sieve the filth from the air
--- gather it together ---
Then breath my dreams into it,
lightly whisper my spells upon it,
cleanse it worthy of my garden.
--- and ---
Here it is my life one third gone,
but I'm still gathering soil.
--- gathering soil ---
For the garden I thought
would be strongly growing,
brilliantly flowering by now.
--- ... 2011 ---
At twice twenty five with one third ahead,
the wandering remains,
even as my garden bears fruit,
--- still gathering soil, gathering soil ---
With Tina James for Bart James, Louisville