The Case of the Anniversary Present
After a morning of signing documents and making calls, the mayor had a late lunch. It was a busy day with plenty of complaints about cars being ruined by some unseen entity. After a relaxing lunch and some more city business the mayor asked his assistant, "Is there any more information about these balloons being dropped on cars?"
"Several of the city's superheroes have claimed that it is the work of an Evil Ninja Cyborg, but no definite word on the perpetrator."
"Have you heard from The Dugman? He'll be able to tell us what has happened."
"No sir. Do you want me to put out the Dugman signal?"
"Yes, you had better."
"I'll get right on it," replied The Assistant as he rushed out of the mayor's office.
The Assistant walked to the superhero signal board and searched through the list of 'D' named superheroes until he found the one marked 'Dugman and his sidekick Hyper Hank'. He pressed the corresponding button. This activated the search light mechanism with the proper overlay indicating the correct signal.
Simultaneously with the spotlight signal being sent, a phone dialed the Dugman's super advanced message receiving device he called a 'pager'. This informed the duo of superheroes that the Mayor wished to see them in his office as soon as possible.
Dugman and his Giant Green Iguana sidekick Hyper Hank were busy trying to clean the 'Barbie Pink' paint off the super advanced transportation device the Dugman called his car when they received the signal, or 'page', from the mayor. They dropped their meager attempts to remove the pink paint and drove to the Auditorium of Equitableness.
When the two superheroes arrived at the mayor's office, he was pacing back and forth in front of his desk concentrating deeply on something. "Mr. Mayor, you wanted to see us?" asked The Dugman.
"Yes yes! Thanks for coming," started the mayor. "You may have noticed that there are balloons filled with pink paint being dropped on cars all over town. Actually, this is happening all over the US. Do you have any idea of who did this?"
"Let me see," replied the Dugman.
Hyper Hank went into lookout mode as the Dugman went to his all seeing trance. The Dugman closed his eyes to concentrate and then suddenly began "Flash! The Mayorman and his Evil Ninja Cyborg wife are celebrating their wedding anniversary. The mayor's rival to the affections of his wife is going to attempt to break up the marriage. He realizes that with the election coming up, that the mayor needs his wife to gain some of the Evil Ninja Cyborg vote. If he can break them up, and get back the love of his life, he can accomplish two things with a single act. Flash, the former boyfriend, put his plan in action by deciding on the perfect gift to give Mrs. Mayor. He decides to give her a ... pink carnation??"
The Dugman slowly came out of his trance as the words fade from his mouth. "Of course!" exclaimed the mayor. "Now I remember! Her former boyfriend is the Evil Pun Master! Assistant, look in the city computer for the Pun Master's nemesis and signal that superhero! Dugman and Hank, you have provided a great service to the city of Supervania. We should have this vandalizing cyborg behind bars soon. Now, if you could do the city another great favor, I am stuck here at the office until this villain is apprehended. As you yourself stated Dugman, it is my anniversary, and I am in need of a present for my wife. Could you pick up something nice as a favor to me?"
Just then, a green streak is seen heading towards the mayor's door as Hyper Hank darts out of the room. "Sorry Mayor, Hank senses danger and we must be off. Happy Anniversary and farewell all!"
"Rats!" exclaimed the mayor as The Dugman rushed after the scurrying lizard.
"Sir," interrupted The Assistant. "Dirk Justice is here to see you."
"Send him in," replied the mayor as he walked around his desk to have a seat.
"Mr. Mayor," started Dirk Justice. "I'm sure you're aware that cars are being turned pink all over town. Luckily, the Cycle of Justice has been unaffected. I just thought I would inform you that I believe it is the work of the Evil Pun Master."
"Thank you Dirk," replied the mayor. "We here at the Auditorium of Equitableness have just concluded the same thing. We are waiting for ..."
"Slang Man and his gnarly homey Idiom Boy," interrupted Slang Man.
"Zounds!" added Idiom Boy.
"Thanks for coming on such short notice Slang Man," the mayor said. "Here is the situation ... umm ... 'Dude'. Your nemesis the Evil Pun Master is on the loose again. We believe he is dropping balloons filled with pink paint all over the US. It is our belief that this ... urr ... 'bidness' is an attempt to influence the next election. We need you to get the ... uh ... 'lowdown' on him and if possible bring him to justice."
"Gadzooks!" exclaimed Idiom Boy.
"A single minizzle before I cop a mope. Dis mooley, the Evil Pun Master, got a rep with some serious street cred. He could be hangin' at his crib and have his glommers do the nasty and he doesn't even bounce the pad. Can you M.O. this action?"
"Well put," replied the mayor. "I got nothing... Anybody have any idea what he just said?"
"My dear departed mother tried to teach me this stuff," replied Dirk Justice.
"They departed for Florida didn't they?" asked the mayor.
"Yes," answered Dirk. "However I couldn't get the hang of it her all-inclusive language conversion."
"Assistant," called the mayor. "Has the Dugman left the building?"
"I'll get him back sir," answered The Assistant as he pushed the Dugman's signal button.
"Is the Dugman a translator?" inquired Dirk Justice.
"I think it is one of Hyper Hanks abilities. He can escape any enclosure and he can understand anything," responded the mayor. "Of course, we need Dugman to tell us what his side kick is saying. While we wait for the Dugman, could one of you run out and get something for my wife for our anniversary?"
"Kerfuffle!" Idiom Boy exclaimed.
"Chill Daddy," added Slang Man. "Ain't no reason to get crunk wit yer ole lady. A gnarled map'll do a kablam on the sitch. A little sweet sauce and some bling-bling and you'd be styling like a Garfunkle."
"Uh, thanks ... 'homey'," replied the mayor. "It looks like a time for ..."
"The Dugman and his trusty companion Hyper Hank!" exclaimed the superhero.
"S'up G?" asked Slang Man.
"Can you dig it?" responded The Dugman.
"It's Dug ... Man," finished Slang Man.
"I was just splainin' to the Mayah and his peeps that they can't give a thumper to the Pun Master without some reasonage."
"Fo Sho!" replied Dugman.
"Okay," interrupted the mayor. "Enough with your ... uh 'rapping', and tell us what he's saying."
"You can't go after the Pun Master without proof that he is the culprit," answered The Dugman.
"Oh!" exclaimed the mayor. "Why didn't he say so in the first place?"
"The man no want no help, he no get no help," mumbled Slang Man.
"Well," continued the mayor. "Dugman, you said yourself that he wanted to give my wife a 'Pink Carnation' for our anniversary."
"I did?" asked Dugman.
"Yes," continued the mayor. "He has masterminded an effort to drop balloons filled with pink paint on the cars of the US. Thus, he would be making the US a 'Pink Car Nation'!"
"The fiend!" exclaimed The Dugman.
"It reminds me of the time he tried to get Hong Kong violinist Sing Yin Huang to marry Tour De France winner Miguel Indurain so she would become Sing Yin Indurain."
"That Monster!" interjected Dugman.
"Zowie!" added Idiom Boy.
"Natch!" agreed Slang Man. "That's all gravy noodles. Are the 5-0 gonna play ball?"
"He asks are the police going to believe you?" translated the Dugman.
"I have my own phone recorded, and his phone call to my wife will be available to the courts," replied the mayor.
"Shazam," started Slang Man. "Sorry I zooted you cats up and down. I'll bag the head banger and pokify him before you can oscillate with your yummy mummy."
"He's sorry for the confusion and he'll have him arrested before your dinner tonight."
"He'd better hurry," replied the mayor. "It is getting late."
"Solid," responded Slang Man as he and Idiom Boy headed for the door. "Dirk made a quick outie."
"Ghostville!" replied Idiom Boy.
"Thanks again for your help Dugman," the mayor said while shaking The Dugman's hand. "You sure helped a great deal with this situation."
"I'm always at your service Mr. Mayor," replied the superhero.
"Oh no!" shouted the mayor. "What time is it?"
"It is 7:15 PM," replied The Assistant.
"That isn't enough time to pick out something nice for my wife!" bemoaned the mayor.
"Sir," interrupted the mayor assistant. "Errand Boy is here to see you."
"He's a little late," cried the mayor.
The young man quietly entered the mayor's office with a bouquet of carnations and ornate wooden box. "Sir," he stated meekly. "The fifth year is the 'Wooden Anniversary'. So, I took the liberty of purchasing this small antique box and this bouquet of your wife's favorite flowers. That'll be $36.47."
"Errand Boy!" exclaimed the mayor. "Here is $50. Keep the change. You once again have saved the city. All is right again here in..."
Where life is rarely mundane-ia
And anniversaries have plenty of champaign-ia
It's Super Supervania.
"Looking Good!" added Fashionista
About this Entry
This page contains a single entry by Douglas Gogerty published on September 18, 2005 7:09 PM.
"The Highest Court" was the previous entry in this blog.
"Terra Mortis II: The Gathering" - Chapter 1 is the next entry in this blog.
This blog is licensed under a Creative Commons License.
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