The Case of the Incredible Sulk

Part Three

At the superhero assisted living condominiums, Clappinator sat in his bathrobe reading his mail. After finishing his AARP newsletter, he looked up and noticed a rainbow and a flash of sparkles outside his window. He got up to investigate when there was a knock on his door. He tightened his robe around his waist and shuffled over to the door.

"Who is it?" he asked through the door.

"We're here to help!" responded a voice.

"I didn't ask what you wanted," complained the aging superhero. "I asked who you were."

"The mayor thent uth," the voice replied.

"That still doesn't answer my question..."

"How can we make our entrance if he doesn't open the door?" whispered one of the superheroes to the group leader.

"I don't know," the leader responded.

"Tell him we're Avon™" whispered another.

"Avon? I'd rather die."

"Tell him something..."

"Uhhh - Candy-gram," said the leader.

"Candy-gram?" replied the Clappinator. "Well then, come on in!"

The retired superhero swung open his door and the gust from the door slightly separated his robe revealing his ragged boxer shorts. With another rainbow and a flash of sparkles and several squelched sounds of disgust, the Thenthational Theven arrived at the assisted living condo of the Clappinator.

"We are the Thenthational Theven!" started the group's leader after the nausea left. "Time for the Theven Roll Call! On hair..."

"I am The Caped Coiffeur!" shouted the superhero with a flourish from her cape.

"On etiquette..."

"I am Mrs. Manners," stated the superhero politely. "It is nice to meet you."

"On style..."

"I am the Chic Magnet!" declared the superhero.

"On fashion..."

"I'm Fashionista," the superhero proudly declared. "We'll talk about your clothes."

"On design..."

"It is I," began the superhero. "The Fabulous Feng Shui and my trusty sidekick..."

"Slip Cover Girl," finished the sidekick.

"I of course am Thuper Model!" finished the group's leader.

"Where is my candy-gram?" asked the Clappinator.

"Never you mind about that," replied Super Model. "The mayor athked uth to help you out with your trouble. Thenthational Theven -- to work!"

The seven superheroes spread out to begin the grand tasks of fixing up the Clappinator's assisted living condominium. As the group investigated the condo the Clappinator heard many groans of disgust coming from the superheroes. He was still standing at the front door looking for his candy-gram.

After a few minutes of unsuccessful searching for his candy-gram, the Clappinator closed his front door. Super Model approached the bewildered elderly superhero shaking his head.

"We have a lot of work to do," complained the leader of the seven superheroes. "Thith plathe ith a methth. An awful methth."

"Meth?" inquired the Clappinator.

"You know -- thloppy -- old fathioned -- not thylith -- you know -- a methth."

"I got nothing," said the bewildered superhero.

"Don't worry," replied Super Model. "We'll take care of everything."

Super Model led the Clappinator into the living room to where The Fabulous Feng Shui was standing with her hands on her hips and a look of utter disgust on her face.

"Where on Earth did you get this gaudy couch?" she asked.

"It was a gift from former President..."

"Well it has to go," interrupted Feng Shui. "It is blocking the flow of Chi and the color is all wrong for your skin tones."

A flash comes from Slip Color Girls eyes and the couch disappears into a cloud of cinnamon-apple scented potpourri.

"The coffee table too," ordered Feng Shui.

"But that was hand made by..."

"Face it," interrupted Feng Shui again. "It all has to go."

Suddenly, all of the Clappinator's furnishings vanished and the room smelled like Mom's apple pie. The retired superhero lost all ability to speak as all of his treasures vanished. He just stood there with his mouth open.

"Slip Cover Girl," ordered the Fabulous Feng Shui. "To the bedroom!"

In the empty room the Clappinator stood there dumbfounded with his mouth agape. Mrs. Manners entered the room and said, "Standing there with your mouth open is quite rude."

The retired superhero immediately closed his mouth. He tried to respond, but words could not form in his brain. Meanwhile, the paintings from his walls were flying from the places they have hung for several years. They are attracted in a swirl around the Chic Magnet.

"I'm Sorry Mr. Clappinator," the superhero bemoaned. "But, this art has to go. It is so 2238. I mean really!"

"Don't move!" shouted the Caped Coiffeur.

The retired superhero was in too much shock to move. His once full living room was now completely empty. All the mementoes he had obtained throughout the years were now gone.

He felt a tingling in his scalp. It began to bring him out of his shock. However, once he began to move, the tingle turned to a burn. He vaguely remembers someone telling him to not move, but he had no recollection of who or why.

"It is because I haven't told you why," stated the Caped Coiffeur.

"What?" asked the Clappinator to himself.

"I haven't told you why you shouldn't move," replied the hair stylist.

"Are you in my mind?" asked the old superhero.

"If I wasn't you would move your mouth, but I told you to not move."

"That's a good trick," he thought.

"I am a superhero."

"Oh right..."

"That was quite unthinking of you," interrupted Mrs. Manners. "Insulting her in your thoughts like that!"

"You too?" thought the Clappinator.

"We are all superheroes Herbert L. Clappinator. May I call you Herb?"

"Herb? Yes. I'm Herb."

Herb Clappinator's head began to spin again. The tingle and burn was now alternating quite frequently.

Suddenly, it stopped. Herb was stunned by its sudden absence. The Caped Coiffeur produced a mirror and Herb looked at his reflection. After seeing himself, everything went black and he fell to the floor in a heap.

"Excellent!" exclaimed the hair stylist. "He was so happy with his new style that he fainted. Nothing could be more gratifying than that!"

"It lookth fabulouth! Well done Coiffeur!" added Super Model.

The Clappinator was out for quite a long time. He awoke to find himself on three slightly cushioned pink wooden boxes. He looked around and there were several of these modular wooden boxes of various colors scattered around his living room. In the center of this room was a pile of his clothes. Before he could say a word, the clothes were gone. This time the scent was lemon.

The retired superhero looked around his once cluttered comfortable room. It was now sleek and modern. There were padded boxes that could be arranged in any way. His 56 inch plasma TV was gone to be replaced with a 72 inch 3-D hologram projector.

"That's nice," he mumbled to himself.

"I knew you'd like it," replied the Fabulous Feng Shui.

"That's not what I meant, I..."

"Our job is done!" interrupted Feng Shui. "The Fabulous Feng Shui and Slip Cover Girl away!"

"You were very gracious," added Mrs. Manners. "I shall be going as well. Your hair is quite lovely. Have a good day."

"My hair!" Herb recalled.

"You're welcome," replied the Caped Coiffeur as she also left.

"My goodness look at those paintings on my wall," sighed the aged superhero.

"They are great! I agree," responded the Chic Magnet. "You have excellent taste."


"I will take my leave of you."

"Now we are three," stated Super Model. "It ith you -- me..."

"And Fashionista makes three!" chuckled the fashion expert.

"We need to get you out of here and get you thome new clotheth," Super Model stated frankly.

"I'm under houth -- I mean -- house arrest. I cannot leave. I only have the clothes on my back."

"That robe must go!" stated Fashionista firmly. "I will call the fashion police, but first, you must answer your door!"

As she finished her sentence, a knock came to the door. This startled the Clappinator, but he managed to hobble over to answer the door.

"Errand Boy!" exclaimed the retired superhero.

"Hello Mr. Clappinator Sir. I have picked up your dry cleaning for you. That will be $12.34 including tax."

"Here's $12.50," responded the Clappinator.

"Thanks! Nice hair," Errand Boy said as he was trying to stifle his laugh.

"You can keep the change," Herb replied not noticing the chuckle.

Errand Boy took the money from Herb. He stood there blinking for a couple of seconds doing the math in his head but then shrugged his shoulders and left. Before Errand Boy reached his bicycle, Herb had his super suit on. Fashionista was on the phone freeing the Clappinator from his house arrest.

"Energy wasters!" Herb shouted with authority. "You will be clapped off by the mighty Clappinator! To action!"

The Clappinator restored power to Supervania as the evil ninja cyborg Energy Drainer's plans were thwarted. Normalcy was returned to...

Super Supervania
Now freed from the energy drain-ia
Herb will never speak to the mayor again-ia
It’s Super Supervania.

"I'm here to help," added Errand Boy.

The End.



This is classic. Sounds a lot like some of the feng shui consultations I do haha.

Thanks for visiting Jackie! I'm glad you enjoyed the story.

Good story, but the italics and font were hard to read. Any more Feng Shui stories?

Thanks for visiting. More stories? Only the Fabulous Feng Shui would know for sure...

I have not done anything to the font, and I am particularly picky on those aspects. You may want to adjust your browser if you have trouble reading this particular font and/or italics.

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This page contains a single entry by Douglas Gogerty published on January 29, 2006 12:13 PM.

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