M.O.P.S. in Space

Chapter Seven

By Douglas E. Gogerty

"Jesus! Say something!" exclaimed Angus as the crowd pushed tighter and tighter around them.

"I'm a Kern," responded Kelly. "I'm dressed as a Sixteenth Century Irish foot soldier."

"Right," apologized Angus. "That is why you have that fake Irish accent."

"Guys," whimpered Victor.

"Anyway, I was talking about the Jesus Tommy," explained Angus. "He should say something to his flock."

"What should I say?" asked Tommy.

"What difference does it make?" replied Angus. "It isn't like they understand English."

Tommy thought for a few moments. He struggled with what he was going to say, and then he began, "Yub nub, eee chop yub nub ah toe meet toe peechee keene, g'noop dock fling oh ah."

"Oh! We're dead," exclaimed Kelly.

"Yahwah, eee chop yahwah ah toe meet toe peechee keene, g'noop dock fling oh ah," continued Tommy gesticulating to the crowd like a master thespian.

"What?" asked Angus.

"Coatee chah tu yub nub -- coatee chah tu yahwah -- coatee chah tu glowah. Allay loo ta nuv," Tommy continued, ignoring the other MOPS member's conversation.

With a deep sigh Kelly responded, "He's speaking in Ewok..."

"Glowah, eee chop glowah ya glowah pee chu nee foam, ah toot dee awe goon daa," Tommy continued with great expression coming from years as an over-actor.

"Ewok?"

"It's from Return of the Jedi," explained Kelly. "It's Ewok Celebration -- we did it in high school."

"Coatee cha tu goo..." stated Tommy assertively

"Yub nub!" replied the crowd to everyone's surprise

"Coatee cha tu doo..." replied Tommy

"Yahwah!" returned the crowd.

"Coatee cha tu too..." added Tommy

"Ya chaa!" chanted the crowd and continued, "Allay loo ta nuv, allay loo ta nuv, allay loo ta nuv!"8

"I guess we should be glad he didn't break into Pinball Wizard or something," whispered Angus.9

The crowd began chanting "Larrimoe-Kerly" and "Cooklaa-Frannen-Olly" loudly. They closed in tightly upon the quartet and raised them into the air. With the loud chants, they carried the four men into the brightly lit building.

Tommy's church, as the MOPS members called it, had a giant alter on the far end. There were several steps leading up to the altar. Thus, all of the seats could get a good view of what was happening on it. Further, there were several monitors throughout the room to make sure no one missed any of the action.

Higher still, and behind the altar was a large glass window. On the other side of the window was a very white room. Even with the lights out in the room, it had a bright white glow to it. You could not get a whiter white than this room.

The crowd carrying the MOPS members went around to the side and dropped them into this extremely white room, and closed the door behind them. They continued their chant of "Larrimoe-Kerly" and "Cooklaa-Frannen-Olly," and left the men in the room alone.

"Ewok Celebration?" asked Kelly.

"I couldn't think of anything else," complained Tommy.

"The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want," began Angus. "He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. That would have been good." 10

"What would have been wrong with," began Victor "But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks? It is the east, and Juliet is the sun. What? I had to memorize it for English class."11

"At the very least you could have said," complained Angus. "Be excellent to each other and party on, dudes."12

"But you doom us all by that -- toe peachy-keen gnip gnop sis boom bah -- Ewok Celebration stuff," Kelly said. "You could have at least told them in Ewok if they didn't do as you wish, you'd become angry and use your magic."

"It's against my programming to impersonate a deity," joked Tommy.13

"Sure!" replied Kelly. "You can remember that line!"

"Well there is no pressure now," retorted Tommy.

"Anyway," interrupted Angus. "There are some couches in here, and it is getting late. I suggest we try to get some sleep."

"Sleep?" asked Victor. "Who can sleep?"

Victor sacked out on a couch with his bucket by his side, and was almost out before he finished that sentence. The rest followed his lead, and chose a couch to bed down for the night. Unfortunately for Kelly, the couches were too short for him to get comfortable, so he ended up sleeping on the floor.

Several hours later, Tommy woke up. "Is anyone else awake?" he whispered.

"No," replied Kelly in a whisper.

"We're all still sound asleep," added Angus.

Victor remained silent when Tommy added, "I have to -- er -- um -- see a man about a horse."

"But we're locked in," insisted Angus.

"I would hate to turn their nice white room -- uh -- less white," Tommy muttered.

"Has anyone *tried* the door?" asked Kelly.

"No," replied Tommy. "But if I don't go soon, I will have break it down."

Tommy got up and opened the door. It was not locked. There were two other closed doors in the connecting room. Tommy opened one, and it was a closet sized room with a hole in one corner. There was a ringed stand over the hole. Tommy took this for a primitive toilet and took care of his urgent business. All but Victor took turns using these primitive facilities.

The other door in this entryway was locked. Thus, they only had access to the two rooms. Thus, the MOPS members sat around in their semi-dark white room for several minutes wondering what was going to happen. They thought they heard someone or something enter the outer hall, but they ignored it. Whoever or whatever it was left shortly afterwards.

Eventually, the dark white room became a very light white room. The light seared through Victor's brain and he sat up screaming.

"It was bad enough that you guys have been screaming at each other for the last hour," complained Victor. "But now you turn on that ghastly bright light."

"Um," muttered Tommy. "We didn't turn on the lights."

"They did," admitted Kelly as he pointed to the large crowd gathering out in the main area.

"I need to," began Victor. "You know..."

"The -- restroom -- is out the door and too the right," asserted Tommy.

Victor stumbled out of the room and then stumbled back. "Where's the restroom?" he asked.

"It is right there," insisted Tommy as he pointed to the door.

"That is just a small room with a tree in the corner," remarked Victor.

"What?" the three members asked in unison.

They all peered into the room, and in the stand now stood a large tree. Its roots were in the hole, and the stand held up the trunk.

"It's a good thing no one went number 2," remarked Kelly.

"Um er," muttered Tommy.

"You didn't?" asked Angus.

"There is no holding back nature," replied Tommy.

"Speaking of which," whimpered Victor. "If you are through yelling at each other, what am I supposed to do?"

"It is a tree..." insisted Tommy.

"He's right," added Angus with a shrug.

The three members gave Victor some alone time with the tree and watched as the pews began to fill with all shapes and sizes of individuals. Many of them pointed with great excitement at the MOPS members in their white room. However, the room was apparently sound proof, as they did not hear a sound.

Eventually, Victor returned and crashed upon a couch. His recline was short lived as the couch evaporated beneath him. All of the furniture was gone only the slight fragrance of cinnamon remained. Slowly, the walls began to push in on them.

"Oh, we're dead," exclaimed Kelly.


NOTES:

8: Yes, we did do Ewok Celebration from Return of the Jedi in high school.

9: A cultural reference to The Who's Rock Opera Tommy

10: Psalms 23:1-2

11: William Shakespeare. Romeo and Juliet. Act II: Scene 2

12: Cultural reference to a some lines in Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure

13: Ibid Return of the Jedi.

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This page contains a single entry by Douglas Gogerty published on February 10, 2008 4:00 PM.

"The Scout" - Chapter 30 was the previous entry in this blog.

"The Scout" - Chapter 31 is the next entry in this blog.

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