M.O.P.S. in Space
By Douglas E. Gogerty
With Kelly and an interviewer already in the room, another member of the local police brought in the three other MOPS members. This new interviewer remained, likely to take advantage of a popular interview technique.
The MOPS members took seats around a table in the secure interview room. Hello Kitty™ girl looked at a clipboard and translated, "Your gang is charged with breaking and entering, breach of promise, dangerous disposal of deadly chemicals, impersonating a deity, kidnapping, and fishing for tuna in a non-dolphin safe manner. A few other charges are pending -- including stalking a young co-ed."
Naturally, the MOPS member denied everything. They were not even sure what the whole fishing for tuna charge was referencing; although, they had ideas about the other ones. Nonetheless, they did not want to complicate matters, so they kept quiet.
The local officials grilled the members of MOPS for a few hours, but did not get anywhere. Well, the MOPS members received a grilling as much as Hello Kitty™ girl could translate it. The effectiveness of the good-cop -- bad-cop interrogation attempted by the local constabulary was lessened with the young Hello Kitty™ girl attempting both parts.
Eventually, they came to an impasse. In other words, they gave up. Thus, the officials left the room to discuss what would happen next.
"Thanks a bunch -- Sammy 'The Bull' Gravano!" whispered Tommy.32
"What?" asked Kelly.
"Yeah, thanks for ratting us out Joe Valachi!" responded Angus.33
"Huh?" inquired Kelly.
"Yeah -- you squealed like Paul Lynde," added Victor.
"Okay, now I'm really confused," replied Kelly.
Angus looked inquisitively at Victor and asked, "Paul Lynde?"
"He was the voice of Templeton -- the pig -- in Charlotte's Web - the movie..." explained Victor.34
"Oh!" exclaimed Tommy. "Yes, very funny -- and pertinent."
"I guess I'll be the ass and point out that Templeton was the rat and Wilbur was the pig," interrupted Angus.
"I just didn't want to be left out," explained Victor. "And you guys took the obvious ones..."
"But -- Paul Lynde?" asked Angus. "The joke might have worked better if you gave the pig's or rat's name. No might about it -- it would have. Even if you had the wrong character name, either rat or squealer would have worked in this instance."
"Let's get back to Porky here," Tommy insisted as he pointed towards Kelly.
"See how he did that," began Angus. "He took the pig theme and went with it."
However, before they could berate Kelly any further, the officials entered.
"Okay" said the official who acted as the good-cop.
He then said a bunch of other things that none of the MOPS members understood. They just stood there and shrugged. The "good-cop" used what could be called a hand to smack what could be called a forehead. He made some motion, and Hello Kitty™ girl entered.
"They are taking you downtown," she translated.
The "good-cop" pulled Kelly up from his chair and shackled him. Once Kelly was secured, the official pushed Kelly towards the door. One by one, the MOPS members were ushered out the door.
The bad-cop was waiting, and he pushed the members into a waiting vehicle. There were no windows in the strange alien vehicle, but there was plenty of room for each prisoner.
The MOPS members experienced some vertigo-type feeling, and then back to normal. After several minutes, they had the feeling again. They were ushered out of the vehicle into another cube of a building. From the outside, it looked like the previous building, but the inside told a different story. Well, it was a similar theme, but the story was different. Actually, it was a familiar story, but arranged differently. In any event, they were now in another governmental building of some sort.
The MOPS members were placed in a holding cell. After waiting a few moments, another navy blue individual entered and grabbed Victor. This official removed the shackles and placed Victor on some sort of stool-like pedestal.
"Okay say 'cheese'," stated the official with their strange alien accent.
He, she, or it began motioning for Victor to look at him or her or it. A flash startled Victor and he blinked. After a few seconds, the official looked at the image and mumbled, "Sassa rassa frassen ricken racken blinken blanken."35
The official reset the device he, she, or it was working, and pointed as sternly as was possible at Victor. "Okay say 'cheese'," he, she, or it insisted again with the strange accent.
This time, however, an indicated of a sort of countdown was given so Victor would not be surprised. Hence, Victor managed not to blink in this photo.
Thus, he went on to the next station. For some reason, they took elbow prints, and returned Victor to the holding cell. One by one, the MOPS members were photographed and elbow printed. Oddly, the officials never took any of the MOPS member's belongings. Each of them still had their weapons, and Victor still had his bucket.
Once they were finished with the photographs and prints, they went into a very secure room. They were glad to be free of the uncomfortable shackles. They were about to have more harsh words with Kelly when a very beige individual entered their cell.
"Gentlemen," he, she, or it began. "The charges against you are quite serious. You could potentially incur a very hefty fine. Since you have no money, this could require you to spend a quite a lot of jail time."
"Who says we don't have any money?" enquired Angus.
"Well I just assumed by the way you were dressed," replied the official.
Angus took out a handful of paper, and showed it to the official whose eyes lit up and he, she, or it turned a much more formal shade of brown. He took the stack of paper, and added it up in his head.
"Well, that changes everything," he, she, or it replied while signaling for another official. "I'll have you out of here in a matter of hours."
The official took the stack and handed three sheets back to Victor. The mood of the group changed dramatically. They forgot all about giving Kelly a hard time. Instead, they just rested silently and waited for the officials to release them. Despite the pleasant surprise of the impending release, they all managed to nap.
The sound of a somewhat subdued navy blue official opening the door awakened the sleeping MOPS members. They all scrambled from their resting spots, and anxiously awaited the news.
"Okay," he, she, or it said in a dejected voice pointing towards the way out. He may have uttered some other non-comprehended words, but they were too excited about leaving custody to enquire about the meaning of those words.
It was dark as they left the standard cube-looking government building. The building's door locked as they exited, and the MOPS members gave a few cries of joy as they walked away from the building.
It had been a full day, but they were fully rested and ready to go. The only problem was that they did not know where they were. They were free, but they were completely lost once again. This time, they had no point of reference to find their way back. Further, the government building was locked so they could not ask anyone there for directions.
35: A cultural reference to how Muttley used to express his displeasure.
- "The Amnesiac" - Forth Entry
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- "Smith and Wesson" - Chapter Four: The Life of Zephenia Smith
- "Smith and Wesson" - Chapter Three: The Escape Continues
- Doug: I was thinking of just changing the pig references to read more
- Dwayne: By the way your 'revised' story is actually funnier than read more
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- Doug: Rat -- pig -- what's the difference? Eeeeew! You made read more
- Dwayne: I guess I'll be the ass and point out that read more
About this Entry
This page contains a single entry by Douglas Gogerty published on April 6, 2008 5:19 PM.
"Commander Joe: Chapter Two" - Part 5 was the previous entry in this blog.
"A Friend to Die For" - Part One is the next entry in this blog.
This blog is licensed under a Creative Commons License.
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