Speeding

By Michael-John J. Davis

Illegal Alien Monitoring and Interception Bureau Agent Thomas Garfield


When I saw the flashing lights turn on in my rear view mirror, I realized the shit could very well hit the fan. Although I had made it through almost all of the US highway 2 corridor without trouble. I was traveling in a federal vehicle that all police departments between the site in New York and the facility in Southern Nevada had been given. Further, everyone was under strict notice not to interfere with my vehicle. They were informed more than twenty-four hours in advance. However, here at the western edge of Glacier National Park, it was apparent that a Montana Highway Patrol Man had not got the memo.

I gestured to my partner, and he picked up our radio. Into it he said, "Attention Montana State Trooper currently attempting a traffic stop on the western edge of Glacier Park. This is Agent Scott Beaufort of the Department of Homeland Security, Badge Number 451985215001. The vehicle you are attempting to stop is currently transporting a dangerous federal prisoner and has received authorization from the Department of Homeland Security and the State of Montana to violate any necessary traffic laws in the transportation of this prisoner. Please break off pursuit immediately!"

We listened to the crackle of the radio as we waited for him to verify this by running our plate and Scott's badge number. It was something he probably would do from now on before he attempted to pull over federal vehicles. This was because when he got back to his station he was going to get ripped a new one for this stunt. It is true; our strings are that good.

A few seconds later the patrol car's lights went off and Scott's head turned into a bloody mist. The thing with illegals is that they're really good at hiding weapons on their person. Further, they're really good at escaping from any restraints you put on them. That's why we sedate them during travel. This one must not have got enough of the night-night drug. He was awake and he was angry.

I slammed on my brakes and rolled out of the car. I knew the illegal would attempt to take the car to make it's escape. Further, I knew it didn't know how to drive and would give up on that plan quickly. I grabbed my hand held radio and flipped it to the state troopers channel. I needed help now and the closest backup available was a chase car about ten minutes behind. By the time they got here, this would be finished.

The state trooper was already out of his car with his service pistol pointed at my car, which was now sitting sideways in the middle of the road. I hit the transmit button.

"Trooper, you will not believe what I am about to tell you. Nonetheless, I expect you to do exactly as I say because any second now your worst nightmare is about to explode out of that car. He's eight feet tall, walks on four legs and has armored skin like an armadillo. He's faster and stronger than you or I could ever hope to be. He's armed with a disintegration gun capable of turning any square foot of your body into nothing more than a bloody mist. If you have one, you are going to want to trade that pistol for an AR-15 rifle."

I took my eye off the car long enough to glance over at the trooper but he still had his pistol trained on the car. My radio cackled with his reply "If this is some kind of joke or it's just some Joe in that car, I'm hauling you in and drug testing you federal agent or not!"

I moved deeper in the trees, waiting for the Alpha-centenarian to make his move. It took fifteen seconds. Bursting out of the car door he surprised me by jumping on the roof of my explorer. From there he somersaulted backwards off of it, and fired not at me but the trees I was hiding in.

He knew where I was and that his chance of hitting me in the dark night was slim but he had a different plan. Cursing my stupidity, I broke into a run firing randomly in the direction of the explorer as I tried to get out of the trees falling around me. However, it was too late; as I dove out of the way of a tree heading to crush me, a second tree did just that. It hit my legs and pinned them to the ground. The pain told me they were broken. At least they were still there. Frantic I tried to bring my own disintegrator up to aim at the illegal; only to realize that it wasn't in my hand anymore. I looked up to see the illegal within five feet. He was bearing down on me and I braced myself for the end.

* * * * *

I woke up at the Hospital in Kalispell with both my legs in casts. The agents from the chase car, Murphy and Rodriguez; were sitting at the side of my bed. I was Drowsy from whatever was in the IV drip, which was currently in my arm. I asked "Am I dead?"

Rodriguez took the lead in answering. "No, but you came damn close. Both of your legs are shattered and the Doctors thought about Medivacing you to Missoula. But, they decided they could piece em back together here."

I didn't fully follow. I was alive and I didn't understand how, so I asked "But how? The uh" I remembered I was in a civilian facility and continued "The prisoner had me dead to rights. So how am I alive?"

This time Murphy answered "That State Trooper is insane man! When he realized that you were trapped, he charged the prisoner. Shot him dead right through his eye socket as the alien turned his head. The prisoner didn't even have time to get a shot off. Guess you can take them down with a .45 -- not that I'd want to try. Crazy fool saved your life though. He's being held by containment while the boss decides what to do with him."

* * * * *

Montana State Trooper Daniel Madison


After what I thought was a routine traffic stop, it turned into the craziest night of my life. I had apparently shot and killed an ET, and I figured I was in trouble. When more and more agents starting showing up and none of them was talking to me, I started to think that if I could make it to my patrol car and radio HQ I'd have a chance of not disappearing. However, as I approached my car one of the Agents finally approached me.

"Trooper Madison? If your going to radio in we've already taken care that for you. My name is Carter Fallon. I'm the special agent in charge of the Illegal Alien Monitoring and Interception Bureau. I'm afraid that until we get this mess a little clearer you are temporarily going to have to consider yourself under federal custody. If you'll step over to my car I can explain what is going on here for you."

We walked over to his car and he began "The EBE you shot and killed earlier was violating intergalactic law by visiting earth. Section 1,033,569,168,240,987 Paragraph A - Y of the treaty on interstellar relations forbids Civilian visitation of Planets where the general populace is still unaware of Extra-terrestrial existence. We at the IA-MIB hunt down the visitors and then remand them into the custody of the Interstellar Marshall's Force or IMF at a predetermined location. Based on what I've seen here tonight if you want a job with us you've got it."

I'm unmarried so it was a no brainer. Three months later I graduated and was assigned no other than Agent Thomas Garfield as my partner. We still joke to this day about the most exciting speeding ticket I ever tried to write.

| 2 Comments

2 Comments

This explains why so many hikers and tourists go missing in Glacier Park each year and are never heard from again. I had no idea there had been alien activity reported in the Glacier Park area.

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This page contains a single entry by Douglas Gogerty published on March 19, 2010 5:00 PM.

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