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Freedom First and others have initiated the Fifth annual "Blog Against Theocracy" event. I am interupting Reunited... this week and next to participate in this blogswarm. I hope the story I wrote is very fitting for this weekend's event. For more information on other blogs participating click on the logo. Thanks and enjoy! (As always, comments welcome!)




Biblical Law And Ministerial Enforcement

Part One

By Douglas E. Gogerty

Perry Richards was sitting in his living room watching some TV when there was a knock on his door. When he looked out the window, he expected to see some kids there. They often came to his home raising money for the school, but was surprised to find a man in a suit standing on his porch. The man stood there patiently with a briefcase in his hand. It was rather late in the day for any type of business call.

"Hello? What can I do for you?" he asked after he opened the door.

"I am Minister Scott Walker," the man replied showing Perry some documentation. "Are you Perry Richards?"

"Why -- yes I am. What can I do for you?"

"May I come in?"

"Well..."

"This is rather serious business, and I would rather not do it out here."

"Yes. Of course. Please," Perry replied showing the man into his home.

Perry offered Mr. Walker a chair, and sat on the couch. Mr. Walker placed his brief case on Perry's coffee table and opened it up. He looked over a few documents he removed from the case. After writing some notes down on one of his pads, he spoke.

"Where is your wife?" Minister Walker asked.

"Anita is at a church event. She will be home later."

"That is a bit of an inconvenience, but no matter."

"What is this about?" Perry asked.

"As I stated before my name is Scott Walker. I am a mister with Biblical Law And Ministerial Enforcement."

"Is this about the atheist family down the street?"

"No sir. This is about your infractions."

"My infractions? What are you talking about?"

"It seems that we have quite a list here."

"There must be some sort of mistake. I have faithfully kept all 10 commandments."

"Is that right?"

"Yes. Absolutely."

"What did you do in Iraq?"

"I heard the call of my country."

"That is admirable, but what did you do?"

"What are you getting at?"

"How many people did you kill?"

"I don't know -- a couple perhaps?"

"You do know there are no exceptions for the 10 commandments."

"But..."

"They do not say, Thou shalt not kill, unless your country asks you to.."

"I was just doing my duty."

"You were not even enlisted in the military. You were a private contractor."

"But, I did go to help my country."

"For money."

"Well, they did pay me."

Minister Walker looked at his papers again, and said, "Did you buy a new car last year?"

"Why yes. Yes I did. Is that against the law?"

"Why did you purchase this vehicle?"

"The previous one was getting a bit shabby."

"Is it not true that your neighbors purchased a new car not 3 months prior."

"Well yes."

"Therefore, is it not true that you purchased your car in response to their purchase?"

"I suppose. I guess I was keeping up with the Joneses as they say."

"There you have it. Coveting thy neighbor's goods."

"I can explain..."

"How many times have you seen the movie Sophie's Choice?"

"I don't know. Lots."

"What about Doubt?"

"I have seen that one a bunch of times."

"Out of Africa?"

"Many times."

"Why have you repeatedly viewed these movies?"

"I love Meryl Streep..."

"You know she is married."

"Let me finish. I love Meryl Streep's movies."

"You can lie to yourself all you wish Mr. Perry. However, I know when a man is coveting another man's wife."

"But..."

"Mr. Perry, where do you spend the first week of August?"

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"Where do you spend the first week of August?"

"Since you know so much, you probably know full well that I spend that week camping with my brother."

"And, of those many camping trips, how many of them include a trip to church?"

"Well -- there isn't a church nearby..."

"Is that how you Observe the Sabbath day and keep it holy, as the Lord your God commanded you?"

"Come on!"

"I am sorry that these commandments pose such an inconvenience to you."

"God dammit! That isn't right."

"Using the Lord's name in vein -- I will add that to the list."

"Hey! that isn't fair. We are not working on those days in the woods. They are still days of rest."

"In the past 8 years, what have you done between Thanksgiving and Christmas?"

"Those have been brutal. Most of the time I work the entire time without -- a -- day off..."

"Is that how you observe the sabbath day and keep it holy, as the Lord your God commanded you?"

"But if I didn't I might lose my job!"

"I see. Your job is more important than your immortal soul."

"But...but..."

"When was the last time you called your parents?"

"Wwhat does that have to do with anything?"

"When?"

"I guess it has been a couple of months."

"Eight!"

"It could be 8."

"Is that how you honor your father and your mother, as the Lord your God commanded you?

"Now just a minute...."

"Mr. Perry, in a few short minutes I have demonstrated that you have broken 6 commandments."

"This isn't fair."

"You mentioned the atheist family down the block."

"Yes?"

"Sir, you know darn well that they are Episcopalian."

"That is the same thing."

"And so you are baring false witness against thy neighbor."

"I never..."

"Miss Jennifer Sandford," stated Mr. Walker looking at one of his notes.

"God Ddddd..."

"So, Mr. Perry. When you said you keep the ten commandments, which ones did you mean?"

"I have never stolen anything or ki -- never stolen anything."

"Shall I go on?"

"Now just a minute. I was just a kid when I stole that candy bar. That doesn't count right?"

"Mr. Perry, what is the most important thing in your life."

"Well -- God of course!"

"What have you tirelessly worked for? You even risked life and limb by going to Iraq to acquire it?"

"Uhhh..."

"Further, what have you tirelessly fought to keep?"

"Are you talking about money here?"

"Sir, our records show that you have done everything in your power to keep as much of your income as possible."

"Darn right! I work hard for a living. The money I make is mine!"

"You see sir, in our interpretation, money has become your false idol."

"What? No, I do not put money above God!"

"Do I need to remind you about the days between Thanksgiving and Christmas?"

"That is crazy?"

"Not according to the council at Biblical Law And Ministerial Enforcement."

"Well -- but... Why are you singling me out?"

"Matthew 7:1-2"

"Pardon me?"

"Judge not, that ye be not judged. For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again."

"It is about the atheist -- er -- Episcopalians down the street isn't it?"

"Because of the judgment you passed upon them, you are being judged."

| 3 Comments

3 Comments

Nice...BLAME.

Sweet!

I was waiting for the punchline where the man had unwittingly committed adultery!

Cheers

Thanks! The fantastic finish will be on Sunday!

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About this Entry

This page contains a single entry by Douglas Gogerty published on April 17, 2011 8:57 PM.

"Reunited..." - Chapter Sixty-Three was the previous entry in this blog.

"Biblical Law And Ministerial Enforcement" - Part Two is the next entry in this blog.

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