Biblical Law And Ministerial Enforcement

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Freedom First and others have initiated the Fifth annual "Blog Against Theocracy" event. I am interupting Reunited... this week and next to participate in this blogswarm. I hope the story I wrote is very fitting for this weekend's event. For more information on other blogs participating click on the logo. Thanks and enjoy! (As always, comments welcome!)




Biblical Law And Ministerial Enforcement

Part One

By Douglas E. Gogerty

Perry Richards was sitting in his living room watching some TV when there was a knock on his door. When he looked out the window, he expected to see some kids there. They often came to his home raising money for the school, but was surprised to find a man in a suit standing on his porch. The man stood there patiently with a briefcase in his hand. It was rather late in the day for any type of business call.

"Hello? What can I do for you?" he asked after he opened the door.

"I am Minister Scott Walker," the man replied showing Perry some documentation. "Are you Perry Richards?"

"Why -- yes I am. What can I do for you?"

"May I come in?"

"Well..."

"This is rather serious business, and I would rather not do it out here."

"Yes. Of course. Please," Perry replied showing the man into his home.

Perry offered Mr. Walker a chair, and sat on the couch. Mr. Walker placed his brief case on Perry's coffee table and opened it up. He looked over a few documents he removed from the case. After writing some notes down on one of his pads, he spoke.

"Where is your wife?" Minister Walker asked.

"Anita is at a church event. She will be home later."

"That is a bit of an inconvenience, but no matter."

"What is this about?" Perry asked.

"As I stated before my name is Scott Walker. I am a mister with Biblical Law And Ministerial Enforcement."

"Is this about the atheist family down the street?"

"No sir. This is about your infractions."

"My infractions? What are you talking about?"

"It seems that we have quite a list here."

"There must be some sort of mistake. I have faithfully kept all 10 commandments."

"Is that right?"

"Yes. Absolutely."

"What did you do in Iraq?"

"I heard the call of my country."

"That is admirable, but what did you do?"

"What are you getting at?"

"How many people did you kill?"

"I don't know -- a couple perhaps?"

"You do know there are no exceptions for the 10 commandments."

"But..."

"They do not say, Thou shalt not kill, unless your country asks you to.."

"I was just doing my duty."

"You were not even enlisted in the military. You were a private contractor."

"But, I did go to help my country."

"For money."

"Well, they did pay me."

Minister Walker looked at his papers again, and said, "Did you buy a new car last year?"

"Why yes. Yes I did. Is that against the law?"

"Why did you purchase this vehicle?"

"The previous one was getting a bit shabby."

"Is it not true that your neighbors purchased a new car not 3 months prior."

"Well yes."

"Therefore, is it not true that you purchased your car in response to their purchase?"

"I suppose. I guess I was keeping up with the Joneses as they say."

"There you have it. Coveting thy neighbor's goods."

"I can explain..."

"How many times have you seen the movie Sophie's Choice?"

"I don't know. Lots."

"What about Doubt?"

"I have seen that one a bunch of times."

"Out of Africa?"

"Many times."

"Why have you repeatedly viewed these movies?"

"I love Meryl Streep..."

"You know she is married."

"Let me finish. I love Meryl Streep's movies."

"You can lie to yourself all you wish Mr. Perry. However, I know when a man is coveting another man's wife."

"But..."

"Mr. Perry, where do you spend the first week of August?"

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"Where do you spend the first week of August?"

"Since you know so much, you probably know full well that I spend that week camping with my brother."

"And, of those many camping trips, how many of them include a trip to church?"

"Well -- there isn't a church nearby..."

"Is that how you Observe the Sabbath day and keep it holy, as the Lord your God commanded you?"

"Come on!"

"I am sorry that these commandments pose such an inconvenience to you."

"God dammit! That isn't right."

"Using the Lord's name in vein -- I will add that to the list."

"Hey! that isn't fair. We are not working on those days in the woods. They are still days of rest."

"In the past 8 years, what have you done between Thanksgiving and Christmas?"

"Those have been brutal. Most of the time I work the entire time without -- a -- day off..."

"Is that how you observe the sabbath day and keep it holy, as the Lord your God commanded you?"

"But if I didn't I might lose my job!"

"I see. Your job is more important than your immortal soul."

"But...but..."

"When was the last time you called your parents?"

"Wwhat does that have to do with anything?"

"When?"

"I guess it has been a couple of months."

"Eight!"

"It could be 8."

"Is that how you honor your father and your mother, as the Lord your God commanded you?

"Now just a minute...."

"Mr. Perry, in a few short minutes I have demonstrated that you have broken 6 commandments."

"This isn't fair."

"You mentioned the atheist family down the block."

"Yes?"

"Sir, you know darn well that they are Episcopalian."

"That is the same thing."

"And so you are baring false witness against thy neighbor."

"I never..."

"Miss Jennifer Sandford," stated Mr. Walker looking at one of his notes.

"God Ddddd..."

"So, Mr. Perry. When you said you keep the ten commandments, which ones did you mean?"

"I have never stolen anything or ki -- never stolen anything."

"Shall I go on?"

"Now just a minute. I was just a kid when I stole that candy bar. That doesn't count right?"

"Mr. Perry, what is the most important thing in your life."

"Well -- God of course!"

"What have you tirelessly worked for? You even risked life and limb by going to Iraq to acquire it?"

"Uhhh..."

"Further, what have you tirelessly fought to keep?"

"Are you talking about money here?"

"Sir, our records show that you have done everything in your power to keep as much of your income as possible."

"Darn right! I work hard for a living. The money I make is mine!"

"You see sir, in our interpretation, money has become your false idol."

"What? No, I do not put money above God!"

"Do I need to remind you about the days between Thanksgiving and Christmas?"

"That is crazy?"

"Not according to the council at Biblical Law And Ministerial Enforcement."

"Well -- but... Why are you singling me out?"

"Matthew 7:1-2"

"Pardon me?"

"Judge not, that ye be not judged. For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again."

"It is about the atheist -- er -- Episcopalians down the street isn't it?"

"Because of the judgment you passed upon them, you are being judged."

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Blog Against Theocracy Logo

Freedom First and others have initiated the Fifth annual "Blog Against Theocracy" event. I am interupting Reunited... this week and next to participate in this blogswarm. I hope the story I wrote is very fitting for this weekend's event. For more information on other blogs participating click on the logo. Thanks and enjoy! (As always, comments welcome!)




Biblical Law And Ministerial Enforcement

Part Two

By Douglas E. Gogerty

The evidence was stacking up against Perry. There were records of him breaking every one of the 10 Commandments. He did not know what to do.

"To err is human, to forgive divine," Perry stated.

"That is Alexander Pope. It is not in the Bible."

"So what do I have to do?"

"According to our records, you have broken all 10 of the commandments."

"That is bad."

"Have you taken a kid of the goats, a female without blemish, to your priest?"

"What? No! Why?"

"Have you not read your Bible?"

"Of course! We read it regularly."

"Then you should be familiar with Leviticus 4:27-35"

"Oh yes, I am, but I am not too good with numbers. Refresh my memory."

"And if any one of the common people sin through ignorance, while he doeth somewhat against any of the commandments of the LORD concerning things which ought not to be done, and be guilty; Or if his sin, which he hath sinned, come to his knowledge: then he shall bring his offering, a kid of the goats, a female without blemish, for his sin which he hath sinned. And he shall lay his hand upon the head of the sin offering, and slay the sin offering in the place of the burnt offering. And the priest shall take of the blood thereof with his finger, and put it upon the horns of the altar of burnt offering, and shall pour out all the blood thereof at the bottom of the altar. And he shall take away all the fat thereof, as the fat is taken away from off the sacrifice of peace offerings; and the priest shall burn it upon the altar for a sweet savour unto the LORD; and the priest shall make an atonement for him, and it shall be forgiven him. And if he bring a lamb for a sin offering, he shall bring it a female without blemish. And he shall lay his hand upon the head of the sin offering, and slay it for a sin offering in the place where they kill the burnt offering. And the priest shall take of the blood of the sin offering with his finger, and put it upon the horns of the altar of burnt offering, and shall pour out all the blood thereof at the bottom of the altar: And he shall take away all the fat thereof, as the fat of the lamb is taken away from the sacrifice of the peace offerings; and the priest shall burn them upon the altar, according to the offerings made by fire unto the LORD: and the priest shall make an atonement for his sin that he hath committed, and it shall be forgiven him."

"Oh!" replied Perry. "That sounds like a Jewish thing. I am a Christian."

"So, what have you done for your forgiveness?"

"I have prayed to our Lord Jesus Christ and ask for his forgiveness."

"And you believe that is enough?"

"Of course."

"Are you sure you have read your Bible?"

"Sir, that is an insult!"

"Among other verses there is Matthew 6:14-15. I will state it: For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses."

"The people down the block."

"Among others."

"They did turn our Johnny onto the homosexual lifestyle with their gay agenda!"

"We are well aware of the situation. What is your point?"

"If a man lies with a man as one lies with a woman, both of them have done what is detestable. They must be put to death; their blood will be on their own heads."

"Go on..."

"What?"

"Did you put your son to death?"

"No. Of course not."

"But you firmly believe that this Bible verse is important."

"Naturally."

"You are sitting there in a wool shirt and denim jeans, and you find this Bible verse important."

"Why does what I am wearing have any bearing?"

"Leviticus 19:19?"

"Ummmm..."

"Ye shall keep my statutes. Thou shalt not let thy cattle gender with a diverse kind: thou shalt not sow thy field with mingled seed: neither shall a garment mingled of linen and woolen come upon thee."

"Goooo -- That is crazy!"

"Where did you go on your anniversary?"

"My wife and I love Red Lobster."

"Leviticus 11 -- And all that have not fins and scales in the seas, and in the rivers, of all that move in the waters, and of any living thing which is in the waters, they shall be an abomination unto you."

"No lobster?"

"And the swine, though he divide the hoof, and be cloven-footed, yet he cheweth not the cud; he is unclean to you.

"Which means?"

"You are to find pork unclean and are forbidden from eating it."

"Again, you are getting into all of this Jewish stuff."

"This is the book of Leviticus."

"So?"

"Do you not know that your quote is also from Leviticus."

"It is? Oh yes. I knew that."

"Why do you ignore all of the other commands in that book, but one?"

"I don't eat ravens? That's in there right?"

"Leviticus 11:15"

"I knew it!"

"I stand corrected. Why do you ignore most of the prohibitions in Leviticus but find chapter 20 verse 13 to be very important?"

"Is that the man lying with another man thing?"

"Yes."

"I hate knowing that Johnny -- my son -- is an abomination unto God."

"But you do not think twice about lobster or pork being likewise revolting to God -- according to Leviticus."

"No."

"Or wearing two different types of fabrics."

"No, I am strictly against the gay agenda, and their recruitment of my son."

"What has happened to John that is so terrible? You stated that you did not kill him as the verse instructs."

"He is living with some man in Canada."

"And you have not forgiven him or your neighbors?"

"It is Canada man! With their socialized medicine..."

"Once again, we come to Matthew 7:1-2"

"I beg your pardon?"

"Judge not, that ye be not judged..."

"Right! Right!" Perry interupted. "So, because I judged people like my son and the people down the block based upon Leviticus..."

"That is how you were judged."

"So, not only my transgressions against the 10 Commandments are going to be held against me, but also the laws in Leviticus."

"Exactly."

"So, what are you going to do with me?"

"Stoning."

"For real?"

"It is the prescribed punishment for your trespasses."

"Isn't there constitutional prohibitions against cruel and unusual punishment?"

"Like you ignoring certain passages of certain sections of the Bible, our office is allowed to ignore sections of the Constitution."

"That is not fair!"

"We were not the ones that did away with the separation of church and state."

"That separation of church and state thing is not anywhere in the constitution."

"Like I said, if you wish to ignore certain sections of important documents, so can we."

"All of this is so unfair. Just because I turned in the people who corrupted my Johnny."

"It is true. We would have never investigated you had you not born witness against your neighbor."

"So, you are blaming me for this situation."

"Galations 6:7."

"I am sure."

"Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap."

"I find no comfort in that. Will this stoning hurt?"

"Perhaps a little, but we have developed technology to ease the pain," Mr. Walker said as he pulled an item out of his briefcase.

"What is it?"

"It is the latest in stoning technology."

"It looks like a bullet."

"It is," replied Minister Walker with a little pride. "It is a stone bullet."

"Um -- er -- isn't there anything I can do?"

"I am afraid not. The council has already made its findings."

"Hey!" shouted Perry as an idea came to his head. "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone! That is in the Bible somewhere isn't it? It isn't Alexander Pope again I hope."

"John 8:7. Thank you for reminding me. I almost forgot."

"Forgot? Forgot what?"

"My assistant is waiting in the car."

"Assistant?"

"We bring sinless children on these trips. They get to cast the first stones. We have to follow the rules of the Bible."

--- The End ---

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This page is an archive of recent entries in the Biblical Law And Ministerial Enforcement category.

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