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Is the government getting ready to give us all space stations? // Landrew Kentmore

Here's a story: a guy is looking for a place to sit down and hang out. There are a bunch of empty chairs all over the place, but they're not peaceful enough because there are loud people sitting in other chairs nearby.

He's getting ready to give up but then he sees the chair he wants--it's floating way out in space! So he goes to sit down in it but then NASA is like, "Oh wait, sir, that chairs reserved for astronauts."


There's a lot of super-complicated symbolism in this story. The guy who's looking for a chair symbolizes guys who want to find a cool new place to live. The loud people in chairs symbolize loud people in general who may or may not be sitting in chairs. And the chair in space stands for space stations, which normal, non-astronaut people are not allowed in.

But that might be about to change! I think that the government might be getting ready to give us all space stations! Here's my proof:

1. A lot of devices with screens: In all sci fi movies, what do all of the space ships have in common? There are a ton of complicated screens! If you took a guy from the fifties and put him in front of all of those screens, he would probably start crying and say, "Ah jeez, fellas! This is too much! I gotta go back to the malt shop before my head melts!" But now, people have a million screens around them every day, from TVs to cell phones to electronic book things, we might as well be astronauts. Maybe the government planned it that way so we're ready when they start giving away space stations!

2. Glow stars: Glow stars are fake stars that you glue to the ceiling. But who would make the fake version of a real thing that is right outside? Maybe the government paid the person who invented glow stars because they wanted people getting used to the idea of being really close to stars!


3. Pot Holes: Maybe bad pot holes are caused by bad weather... or maybe the government is secretly going out and making them so that we can be ready for the bumpy space ride to our new space stations!

4. Normal houses are getting really cheap: Last week, my roommate, Greg, and his girlfriend were looking in the real estate section of the paper. They kept saying "it's a buyer's market." At first, I thought, "Oh god! First, they wouldn't shut up about the 'farmer's market.' Now it's going to be 'the buyer's market.'" But it turns out that they were actually talking about how houses were cheap. Now, think about gaming consoles - what happens when a new system comes out? They start selling the old ones for cheap!


I don't know when the government is going to give us all space stations. It could take a while. It might never happen and I might be just imagining that all of this stuff is a government conspiracy (like that time I thought bouncier shoes meant they would start finally manufacturing rocket sneakers, which they still might do eventually...). But even though you never know, you should keep space stations in mind. Like, if you're shopping for furniture, consider, "how would that furniture look... in space?"