Fitting in

Ever since I have been back to the U.S.A. from Iraq I have not felt like I have been able to fit in.  It seems as though everything that I touch turns into a big pile of garbage.  Not one relationship has worked, even though I have tried to.  I never even feel comfortable in my own skin.  I planned on going to an in patient thing for 45 days this summer or to come to China.  I have to get my PTSD under control or I will fail at everything.  I decided to come to China and take my chances and see what happened.  My first few days in Beijing were fun and the sightseeing was great.  I really made some changes over the last two weeks in Tianjin.  I never expected to make such a good and amazing connections with so many people so fast.  It seems like I could honestly for the first time in my life be simply myself and everyone was okay with it.  I cannot really explain it at the moment.  I know that my life has now been changed and I am going to look at things much differently at home.  The people here are just so happy and carefree it seems.  The life that they live is my envy.  I made such a deep connection with one person in particular, her and I spent many hours sitting and talking and hanging out.  This was a stricktly platonic thing.  She is quite possibly the most amazing person that I have ever met.  She opened my eyes to the culture and the life that people live here.  I miss that city already, I made so many actual friends so fast, not the kind of fake friends that we have in america, these are real friends that I know for a fact I will have for my entire life.  I cannot say that about a single person from the states.  I am still sorting through my memories and my mindset, but I know that I have never been as sad as I was yesterday when our bus was leaving.