UN Chief Administrator Jared Siegel
My fellow citizens of the world,
Greetings from New York City! My name is Jared Siegel and I am the newly-elected/self-elected/all powerful Chief Administrator of the United Nations. You may be asking, "What is the Chief Administrator?" To be frank, my position was created after much consideration regarding the actual impact of UN decisions. The nations in power decided a higher, authoritarian head would be the proper solution to motivate debate and results. Though Secretary-General Kofi Annan gets all of the glory and TV time, his puppet strings lead to my office. He also brings me coffee when I am thirsty, and grilled cheese sandwiches when I am hungry...only in four triangular, bite-sized pieces.
I was born in the Soviet Union and spent my childhood along the River Volga on the outskirts of Stalingrad (now Volgagrad). My English is perfect because I am awesome like that, and because I moved to the United States at a very young age to escape Communist oppression. I studied culinary arts at Finlandia University and soon rose to Assistant Manager at White Castle of Kenosha. I felt my wages were inadequate, so I started a crusade against the upper and upper-middle classes, one without violence, and became a renowned model of peaceful revolution, and became very wealthy by becoming an advertising icon for the likes of Air Jordan, Windex, and the George Foreman Grill. I received the UN request for employment/duty/international service while cutting the grass at my tropical estate (how ironic) in Romania, and since then have devoted my life to worldwide service.
As Chief Administrator of the United Nations, I hope to uphold the original intentions of the organization (international law, security, economic development, yadda yadda yadda), as well as rule all 192 member states with an iron fist...at least when the time is right. However, it is my hope to keep all nations in check with global standards, and prevention of unecessary violence ranks high on my list of stuff to speak about. I like podiums. The end.
Happy times!
Comments
UN Chief Administrator Jared Siegel,
I would like to inform you that there is high probability and high risk that the United States will have to resort to its armed forces to get North Korea to comply with the UN Security Counsel's orders of non-proliferation. Of the five permanent members of the UN Security Counsel, Russia, Britain fully support our terms and will resort to war if when it is necessary. I would like you to address the other member nations of the UN immediately on our decision. We are also in the midst of persuading China, Denmark, and France for their support as well.
Secretary of State Mark Dille
Posted by: Secretary of State Mark Dille | November 17, 2006 09:19 AM
UN Chief Administrator Jared Siegel,
I am a senator from the United States of America and due to the recent situation with North Korea, I suggest that a vote be taken on what actions to take against North Korea regarding the event of them holding nuclear weapons. I also suggest that a good line of action to take would be by a majority vote in the UN, you go into North Korea and search for nuclear weapons and what exactly is going on. These actions are not only to benefit the United States, but to protect the whole world community from a nuclear attack from North Korea. It is not ok for North Korea to threaten other countries. Action must be taken now. If the United States' attempt to work with the UN and use diplomacy fail, we will be prepared and forced to deal with the issue with other countries or on our own for the sake of the safety of the American people. I strongly urge you to inspect North Korea's nuclear claims and take a stance on the issue.
Thank you
Senator Austin
Posted by: Nick Smith | November 19, 2006 11:06 PM
UN Chief Administrator Jared Siegel,
As the US Ambassdor of China, I would like to make it aware to you how China feels about your supported ban of trade goods to North Korea as well as a ban of funds. Chinese Foreign Ministry spokesman Liu Jianchao had this to say,
"We don't really think that sanctions are the purpose, rather it is the means. The UN Security
(Council) resolution should not be randomly interpreted and should not be expanded"
~Monday, November 20, 2006 - ©2005 IranMania.com~
The US needs more pressure from the UN to be put on the other five parties inorder for the complete denuclearization of North Korea.
Ambassador Bell (China)
Posted by: Dustin Bell | November 21, 2006 08:24 PM
You ask where the threat is, Mr. Siegel? The United States certainly found a way to make Iraq a threat, did it not? How many nuclear weapons have they found there Mr. Administrator? We have plenty to fear, Mr. Siegel, this I can assure you. If the United States can simply decide when and under what circumstances it conducts a war, then it must be in the best interests of the Democratic Republic of North Korea that we do all in our power to make sure we are not next in the list of "Rouge States" that the United States plans to conquer and then abandon. If we do not develop the weapons to protect our land, then we are most certainly next. President Bush has in fact issued a pseudo declaration of war in his previous speech, outlining the "Axis of Evil" that needs to be dealt with. In fact, Mr. Administrator, we have much to fear.
Posted by: Kim Jong-Il | November 25, 2006 09:58 PM
Good Evening Chief Administrator Siegel,
Since you have scrutinized the past actions of the European Union, I could only believe that it would be in the best interest of the UN to form its own resolution to the problem before criticizing other attempts at peace. This needs to be a global effort and what is a better source for global cooperation? The United Nations seems to be a good bet. If North Korea feels threatened by the West why would the UN decide to back the United States, shouldn't the UN form a resolution that is highly supported by America. On the behalf of the European Union, it seems wise to keep this issue international and therefore solved through international cooperation. This is not only America's problem, it is the world's problem. The UN needs to take firm action and develop a strong resolution with a plan of action.
Thank you,
Diane Galatowitsch, The Chief Administrator of the European Union
Posted by: Diane Galatowitsch | November 26, 2006 11:47 PM
The Democratic Republic of North Korea is shocked at the results now comming in from the United Nations.
Mr. Siegel, your pessimistic tone in regards to this proposition, especially of a man in your position, are nothing short of astounding. North Korea has proposed a proposition that would create an effort to eliminate the threat that has created tension and outright bloodshed for the last 70 some years.
It cannot be in the best interests of member nations not to look into this proposal. You, sir, could not be more wrong in one of your arguments. The money SAVED from this endevour would reach untold billions. The United States, as I'm sure you are well aware, spends hundreds of billions of dollars a year maintaining its missile fields in the Dakotas and the 7 billion dollar ballistic missle submarines it has prowling around our waters.
The money saved, just in the United States alone, could fund this project, and it is YOUR job, not mine, to make the international community see the value in this project.
Sadly, your stance, and that of member nations, reveals something shocking: The refusal to relinquish absolute power over the world.
Posted by: Kim Jong-Il | November 30, 2006 12:15 AM
Administer J-Sieg.
China is ready to push for a military advancements on North Korea. They suggest that its a now or never situation and it can't be delayed any longer. If the situation continues to be put off we will only watch North Korea reach its goal behind close curtians. So I say to you Mr. UN, the time is now. Its do or die, go time, the party has started. Lets take care of business.
Ambassador Bell (CHINA)
Posted by: Dustin Bell | November 30, 2006 11:50 PM