My Lucky Star
The Geminid Meteor Shower- December 13th, 2009 from National Geographic
I woke up this morning and as usual stared up at the stars from my dining room picture window. From this window I can see half of the entire night sky and what seems like a pretty good portion of the world. I thought I had imagined the first couple of falling stars that streaked through the sky. Then they kept coming- dropping into the horizon, some big flashy stars falling right towards me. I quit counting at a dozen. I stood there awed and said to myself "well... thank you Milly."
When our middle daughter Milly was born it was by C-section. She was stubbornly sideways and wouldn't be turned around. I was really frightened being in the surgical ward, my arms strapped down, and then the spinal made me feel like I was going to quit breathing. The woman anesthesiologist looked down in my face and said comforting words. I looked up at her face and the powdered sugar around her mouth-- she said "had to grab a donut- low blood sugar."
Then I started to sing. Just the day before I'd heard "You are my Lucky Star" on MPR's Morning Show. So I started singing:
You are my lucky star
I'm lucky in your arms
You opened heaven's portal
Here on earth
For this poor mortal
You are my lucky star
I sang it over and over and over again. And then at last I had my beautiful baby girl. Amelia Rose-- our Milly Rose-- our Millsy. And she is my lucky star- though lost to my arms. As you may know we lost Our Mils unexpectedly before her first birthday. But her legacy in our family is a blessing. Mike set the tone the legacy that our much loved, much adored and adorable child will not be a tragedy, but a blessing. It's taken time for that to really sink into a grieving mother's heart.
And then this morning-- the anniversary of Milly's death-- the portals of heaven opened for me and the stars poured out. I smiled at those star with a quietly contented heart.
Comments
Thanks for sharing, I know it is tough. I feel so very blessed to have had Milly even though it was for such a short time. I have 2 pictures of her one in my bedroom and one in the tv room so every single day I talk to her. When I see a shooting star My thoughts are of her and wishing we had her once again. I love you, and miss you My Sweet Milly. Love your aunt Kelley.
Posted by: kelley | December 13, 2009 1:09 PM
God's Peace.
Posted by: Dale Torgerson | December 14, 2009 9:23 AM
Working as a family doctor - I've seen the loss of a child close up. Yet as a parent of 2 young children now - I know that I cannot imagine what that loss really feels like.
Thanks for sharing this Kathy. Your strength and wisdom inspires. It brought to mind this quote from John Muir:
"Let children walk with Nature, let them see the beautiful blendings and communions of death and life, their joyous inseparable unity, as taught in woods and meadows, plains and mountains and streams of our blessed star, and they will learn that death is stingless indeed, and as beautiful as life."
Posted by: Joe Pullara | December 15, 2009 12:51 AM
Thanks Joe for the beautiful quote- I hadn't seen that one before.
Kel- thanks for being a great aunt and Dale we've appreciate your support through the years.
Posted by: Kathy | December 15, 2009 4:09 AM
(((HUGS))) I knew Millys day was close, I feel it in my heart whenever our lovies days are close. I'm always a touch more sensitive. Mike is so right, Milly is a wonderful blessing. (((HUGS)))
Posted by: kathy springer | December 15, 2009 9:24 PM
Nikki and I also had some happy thoughts of Milly this week. A friend with a new baby, Juniper brought our conversation to Milly. She will always be remembered in our hearts. Can't wait to see if the tulips I planted for her in the fall are as pure white as the picture in the book.
Posted by: Becky Zimmerman | December 15, 2009 10:38 PM
What a beautiful way to commemorate the life of sweet Milly. She is such a blessing and touched her/our family in so many ways. So often when I look at the stars, I think of the photo you have of the night sky the night Milly was born. I always feel a closeness to her at that moment. What a little sweetie-pie. Sure do miss her!
Posted by: Kathy Jorgenon | December 16, 2009 3:49 PM
Becky! No Way! You have a friend who named their baby Juniper??? Milly definately was the right name for my babe- but if Mike hadn't objected so much, I probably would have named her Juniper.
Thanks Kathy for remembering that pic of the night sky over St. Paul the night Milly was born. I had the words to "You are my Luck Star" printed under the picture. She was the sweetest, chunkiest babe-- and a happy babbling girl. Yup- sure miss that cutie.
Posted by: Kathy | December 16, 2009 5:43 PM
Kath - I completely remember you telling me that you wanted to name milly juniper..wow...you really don't hear that name often.
Posted by: kathy springer | December 17, 2009 9:11 PM
Kathy,
Thank you for sharing your love with Milly. We know your blessing. Thank you for leading our journey.
Tony
Posted by: tony salls | December 24, 2009 1:43 AM
nice article, thank you
Posted by: DIAJENG PERMATA I J | January 29, 2010 5:36 AM
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Posted by: ben wales | June 27, 2010 5:04 PM