Sex like a man
"Sleeping with a lot of women is empowering for many men, but many women who have tried to 'behave like men' discovered the same 'magic' did not work for them, as they usually did not feel good about themselves."
- Amit Uran Markman -
My Feminist Thought and Theory class has brought up some very interesting discussions and some people in the class have quite intriguing opinions. Every thursday, I have lecture for FTT and two of my classmates presented their discussion notes from tuesday. Amit was one of them. This is one of the topics that was discussed.
This claim bothers me a lot. Not only is the statement a poor generalization of all women, but it isn't true for some. For instance, another girl in class pointed out that one of her friends is able to have sex with random men without feeling bad about herself. Samantha Jones, from Sex and the City, is quite similar. She lives for one night stands and good sex.
What also bothers me about this statement is that it depicts women as inferior because they cannot 'behave like men.' And since when is the ability to have sex without emotion 'magic'? Furthermore, not all men have sex in this way. Some women and men have sex without emotion and are okay with that. Many of us do not have this capability, (and I include myself in this group) but that doesn't make us weak or 'woman.'
Identity is much more than how one has or does not have sex.
The article we read was Simone de Beauvoir's introduction to The Second Sex
www.marxists.org/reference/subject/ethics/de-beauvoir/2nd-sex/index.htm
Comments
I have to admit I do not quite remmber expressing the words Jessica Englund wrote I have said, but I assume her memory is better than mine (I am not using irony here, I do believe her I said this things, but just want to clarify what I probably meant when I said them).
I have carefully mentioned that "many women" did not found sleeping with many men empowering, but acknowledge, of course, some women may enjoy sleeping with many diffrent men and feel empowered by such an experience.
I have used both "behaving like men" and "magic" in quotes in the original because I have to admit I do not understand what is so magical (or empowering) about sleeping with many diffrent people, and I know there are men out there that do not sleep with many women- I refer to the general sterotype that "real men" (whatever that means) must have a lot of sexual activity as part of his way to empowerment.
I did not and do not see the difficulties in having "emotionless sex" as a weakness-I think "emotionless sex" is a weakness and disabilty.
An emotional involvment of two (or more) human beings (whether or not it includes sexual relations) is somthing to praise and encourage, not ridicul.
Being a man, I had a few friends that were hetrosexual men and women, and also of the GLBT community. In my little experience talking with them, men (including gay men) felt generally empowered after having sex with multiple partners, while the women I know (some of which had sex with multiple partners) genrally felt dispowered or even used when they had sexual relations with multiple men.
To sum up the long claryfication: I think people should do whatever feel good and empowering for them (as long as they do not hurt other people, or themselves), but sleeping with multiple partners in the age of AIDS, men's violence against women and other health risks may not be a good idea for both men and women, whether they may feel empowered by such experience or not.
I would like to thank Jessica Englund for calling me on my comment, and for requiring explanation for my not-so-well-thought-of comment.
Posted by: Amit Uran Markman | March 19, 2007 06:54 PM
I appreciate you reading this! I had no idea that you would ever find this silly little blog of mine. Thank you for your explanation! :)
Posted by: Jessica Englund | March 19, 2007 10:22 PM
I kind of get the feeling that you're going to make me regret this but...
Could it not be because it's a lot harder for the average male to get laid than it is for the average female, so that empowering feeling that a man gets comes from the sense of accomplishment and not from the actual sex it self.
While for a female, that sense of accomplishment is not as easily acquired since, generally, women are the sexual "providers". If a woman wants to, she can go home with a different man each night.
Most men can't. I can, but most men, can't. ;)
Posted by: S | January 14, 2008 09:32 AM
I must admit, I am intrigued by the way you portray the differences between men and women and the empowerment (or lack thereof) after having a one night stand. To tell you the truth, I had not approached this question of mine from this perspective. I find it interesting that you place the sexual agency in the woman's hands. In most feminist analyses of the
"dilemma" of the one-night-stand, one most always comes across the idea of agency. However, the power is certainly flipped. I would agree with you that it appears as if women have the agency and choice when deciding whether or not to have a one night stand, however I wonder why you suggest that men have to try harder than women to "get laid." I suggest that the individuals willing to have one night stands from both sides have an equal chance of achieving that goal. To clarify: if I were to go out with the intention or possibility of having a one night stand, there are men out there who will indulge me. However, if I go out not wanting to have sex, the men are not missing out because there are other individuals out and about that will. It is simply a matter of finding those who are willing and/or wanting. Similar to trying to find a date. There are a set of individuals who want to date and are available as opposed to those who are already taken or are not interested. To sum up, I take issue with your statement that men have to work harder to have a one night stand, but I agree with you that it appears that women may have more choice or agency. That, however, may just be an optical illusion.
Posted by: Jessica Englund | January 14, 2008 05:54 PM