UofM Feminist

Every once in a while, when you're tired and overworked, you seem to lose your grip. Today, I hit that point. Sometimes, it doesn't seem to matter how much you try, something always goes wrong. I recently moved into my new studio apartment which I am absolutely in love with. I have also worked every day for a while. Even though my job may seem frivolous or simple to most, those who have actually attempted being a receptionist for a realty understand the frustrations and exhaustion that comes with it. Anyways, I lost my grip somewhere between 7:00 and 10:30 this morning. I woke up at 7, has a glass of water and then sat back down on my bed preparing to get up and work today. The only problem was, I lay back down and fell asleep. I do not remember falling asleep, but I do remember waking up at 10:30 in a panic. I was supposed to be at work by 9. This is where you have lost your grip. I got no sleep, so my exhaustion takes over my brain and thought process and doesn't allow for rational "I have to work soon" processes. I think my boss is seriously peeved with me. On occasion this happens and I'm late for my life and whatever I had planned. It is silly times like these where you could get fired, that you start to reconsider the way you live and better ways to ensure stability. It is also times like these where everyone around you seems to be so perfect and have everything in line. I don't know if this is just the way I am, or if I need to change somehow and create some new habits. Perhaps some self-reflection? Doubt it, probably nap-deprived.

Posted by Jessica Englund at 12:27 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

This summer, I have neglected writing here for a couple reasons. I have been working - this is really a bullshit excuse because I don't really work that much, but in my defense, it does wear me out. The other reason is because every time I start to write something, I think it isn't worthy of reading and just delete it. Past my silly fears of unknown eyes, I haven't really been having anything other than a normal summer. I am really excited to start my summer class, though. I'm looking forward to making new friends and incorporating them into my very dull life. Having a summer class also gives something to look forward to. Without this class, I would probably be much more depressed than I already am.

I am also finding that this year has continued to surprise me over and over. And its only June. As I have been trying to find my own place here, so have my friends. The only thing that I wish, is that I wasn't necessary to their growth outside of coffeeshop antics. God[dess] bless Allison for always being there fore me. She is the rock in my life right now. The person that I can turn to, the person that will hear what I say and not repeat it, not even to me if I can't hear it. The threads that were keeping our small group together are loosening and I don't know what I can do to stop it. I don't think anything I do will be helpful anyways. To tell you the truth, I'm petrified of losing these girls. I have depended on their friendship and comfort this whole year and I don't know what to do without them. I hope we can all stay together. Except Emma, of course, who must leave us for France. I wish I were as bold as she is. I couldn't leave everyone and everything here even if I had wanted to. I admire her. Maybe someday we will all go together, anywhere. The prospect of this fall is scary.

Posted by Jessica Englund at 01:24 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)