Poems

so many people don't understand
why i stay
many who cannot imagine cannot comprehend
our love

he loves me
he took me to dinner
my favorite place
'see, aren't we great together'
'yes, dear'
and we get home
and he hugs me
and he pushes me away
and he grabs my hands
and i can feel the spit hitting my face from his harsh words
and i keep asking myself
'what did i do?'
and then its over
and he hugs me again
and, somehow, its okay
it was my fault, and yes, dear, i won't do that again
and his kiss sweeps me off my feet and makes my heart fly

everything is okay because he loves me

and i stay

Posted by Jessica Englund at 10:57 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

i can see it in his eyes,
the pain that overwhelmes him
he is falling apart
in his head and at his knees
he tries to reach out
but i keep pushing pushing away
tears in my eyes,
dripping down my shirt
suddenly my shoes seem to be the most interesting thing in the room and

i can't focus
i can't breathe
i can't feel
yet i feel the entire world bearing down on my shoulders

weighing me down until i am kneeling before a god that does not exist

and before you know it,
minutes, hours, days and weeks fly by and
you still can't face
your fear of that pain you see in him

every day

but i just kiss his eyes and
curl up within him and
hope that this unfeeling
will stop the world and
give me more time

before
he
leaves me
alone
and

feeling

pain

Posted by Jessica Englund at 10:25 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

he doesn't love me
but he cares
he doesn't want me
but he'll fuck me

to him i'm unpretty
but he'll tell me
to him i'm unworthy
but he'll take me

there is so much more to this life than him
please
give back my shirt
my right
my life
my sanity
my breath
give it all back
i want to live again

i have fought this fight three times over and i'm done done done
i will not be your hidden mediocrity
your 'friend'

take everything
go ahead
i won't stop you
it doesn't matter anymore

but please

leave the key

Posted by Jessica Englund at 10:21 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

love caught me off guard
surprised me with its passion
awakened me with a sense of urgency
the panic of an appointment forgotten
the beauty of fallen september colors
the comfort of old sheets as you curl your toes on sunday morning with the soft light from the window and only a book on your agenda

yes, its strange and new
completely foreign but so
good

i hear her say she's coming home
and suddenly, i feel
alive

Posted by Jessica Englund at 10:16 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)